School. Hatred. Help.
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From the title, I'm thinking y'all would assume that I hate school? No, I don't. It's just that... in school, people hate me. Is the title appropriate? But anyway, it's like this -- I'm a student who just got past a major exam in Singapore (PSLE, Os, As, guess!) and now am in a new school. Sad to say, but none of my good friends came with me here into this new school (there is one, but not same class). So yeah, alone with a bunch of strangers. Well, over this few months, I have come to the conclusion that people DO hate me in my class. And well, it's really because of I don't smile and I spoil their moods whenever I come close. (I'm a girl, majority who hates me are boys) And now, I really can't take it anymore (despite the small number of friends, who are always there for me), and I have to get a transfer of schools. And over here, I'm asking about two issues:
1) I need tips on how to solve the crisis between me and my classmates.
2) Is it possible to get a transfer of schools in Singapore without a proper reason (eg. residential address has changed)? Or rather, with a reason like "I can't fit in" or "people hate me".
I'm really having the kind of feeling like you want to cry, but you can't. And now, I'm being isolated from parties and cliques (I can live with it, though). Things are not going so well, and I'm being shun away.
Cheers, J. Thanks truckloads for your advise.
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then smile more la... u must had done something that made ppl hate u... or rather the boys in ur class are bastards who like to target ppl... u can make friends with ppl u like and suits u best.. rmb when making friends, dun make friend with one whole big group at a time.. one by one... unless u skilled la.. and is very very very sociable like me.. haha
to tell u the truth.. i hate everyone in my class except a few... they are hypocrites who think they are so high class.. betrayers, backstabbers, selfish nerds and ppl who leave u in lurch... well i am so sociable that everyone except a few like me.. but i hate them... u might envy me.. but i rather have a few close and trustworthy friends that i can hang out during holidays.. i have none..
it is either u continue being hate and get numb... which is highly possible... if not u smile more, make friends, try to be a hypocrite.. being a hypocrite can make u very sociable.. unless for my case that i crack jokes for the fun of it and very frequently that i do not need to be hypocrite...
try not to sweep their mood off.. maybe play along or just say u dun wanna play or wat in a very very politle manner...
i always believed that true friends can only be found when u are true to others.. good luck
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i guessed u just finished ur "O"s last year and ur currently schooling in a JC?
if u dont feel like smiling i think thats ok, dont smile then, but at least dont put on a sulking face, thats a big turn off for any people who actually wants to make friends with u. Watch ur body language, folding arms, always looking down etc actions makes u look unapproachable.
http://www.wikihow.com/Socialize%2C-Be-Funny-and-Make-Friends, << hope this helps.
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Originally posted by kuehtutu:
i guessed u just finished ur "O"s last year and ur currently schooling in a JC?
if u dont feel like smiling i think thats ok, dont smile then, but at least dont put on a sulking face, thats a big turn off for any people who actually wants to make friends with u. Watch ur body language, folding arms, always looking down etc actions makes u look unapproachable.
http://www.wikihow.com/Socialize%2C-Be-Funny-and-Make-Friends, << hope this helps.
agree!
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i don't see why they should hate you just because you appear "cold and aloof".is there another possible reason?
i face a similar problem in school.people say i am dao and cold but i don't really care because that's how i am(how i look,rather) and if they bother to get to know me at all,they'd have realised that i am not like that in character.like you,i got into a totally new school with NO other good friends.i got into a new class in which everyone knows each other.although i have managed to find a few(like two or three?) good friends,i still can't fit in properly and i always hang out with my friends from out of sch.
i thought about transferring school once too.i got really depressed and angsty because really,these people are just so hoity-toity and so full of themselves and i just cannot endure their mean and arrogant ways.they also have it in their heads that i don't deserve to be in this school because i look like a neighbourhood girl and they tell it straight to my face.but really,if you're in a jc,just endure.after all,it is only two years and this can be a test of your fortitude,and rmb that your ultimate aim is education!when you go to work next time,you can't possibly keep changing jobs because the people can't live with you not smiling.on the other hand,you should try smiling more and being friendly to them too.i learnt that through experience.just try smiling to them and making small talk first,gradually,they'll understand that having a poker face is just what makes you YOU,and if you're not a wicked person,they'll accept you.if they are still biased towards you and refuse to play their part in getting to know you,then it's not worth you being upset over them.
good luck.
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Thanks loads for all your suggestions.
By the way... I just finished PSLE and am in Secondary School now. Hah, not just two years, but four years. (I'm in Express.) Should've said that earlier.
Really, I've considered all your suggestions but it's another matter that it's too late. Because they have all cemented their first impressions down, it seems rather useless to try and change the impression they have. Because of the time thing, they have all formed cliques and within the various cliques, they all have the same mindset - to hate me.
And not to target people, but there's this guy who has super leadership in our class but he has a wrong attitude. And he wants to be a Student Leader, too. And he's the one of the many people who hates me.
My target used to be: 1, make new friends; 2, get good results after the transition to S1; But now, I find myself still hung on to my primary school friends (those that I can have hearttalks with and can play mindless jokes on :D).
I think because of the already-cemented first impression, they can't see that I'm willing to stay by them (not as lovers, but as friends). Now, I'm willing to be a spare tyre to people who have been ditched by their friends. I like to make people smile (but I can't make myself) and I like to better their feelings. But sadly, none of the people in my class need this kind of spare tyres.
Some of y'all find it horrible to be spare tyres for others but I find that it's a nice thing, being able to better others feelings-wise and making them smile once more - even if they ditch you in the end.
I made a few futile attempts in trying to socialize more by saying 'Good Morning' to them or asking them what's wrong when they don't seem themselves. But guess their reply? "No, nothing" and walks away.
I'm going to be in the same class with them until Sec3, maybe all the way till Sec4. And my PSLE results suffered (not so much) because of a friend crisis and I don't want my Os to suffer as well.
Cheers, J. Thanks loads again.
P.S. I do have a few friends, true to me, me true to them.
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Good friends as in ur ex-primary sch mates or secondary sch ones?
Life in secondary school is supposed to be fun! Dont let them ruin it just because they think that its fun to hate someone. What CCA are u in? Friends dont always have to be in the same class as u. U can make friends from different classes/levels.
Look on the bright side, at least ur not one of them who enjoys picking on others and hating them.
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chey
xmm only
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Just do it, there is always a first time... If you are waiting for the time to come, now is the time, no more waiting.
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Anything you do, just make sure your grades dun drop..lol
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Sure, I'll do all I can to socialize. And I do have friends from other classes (from CCA, mine's Bowling) but it's a lil' hard to interact with people from other levels.
Good friends as in ex-primary school classmates. I don't think I'll drift away from them even after Os.
Yeah, I'm glad I'm not one of those who pick on others and hate them -- yet, I'm not in the capacity to say that and guarantee chop 100%. Everyone has their negative points.
Meanwhile, they shun me like I'm Swine Flu.
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Originally posted by juni3:
So yeah, alone with a bunch of strangers. Well, over this few months, I have come to the conclusion that people DO hate me in my class. And well, it's really because of I don't smile and I spoil their moods whenever I come close. (I'm a girl, majority who hates me are boys)
sometimes it could be just that you're over sensitive. just be yourself, ppl will like you for what you truly are, no need to try very hard to ab any1 you're not. (not that i'm saying you act) And sometimes it takes a little getting used to, maybe u got thrown into a new place where you are not that close to the ppl there as the poeple in your prev school so you think that they don't like you. And boys don't usually carry hate with them, not me at least.
So just relax. -
I think it's because I write stories, I have a huge and "colourful" imagination, which causes me to be over-sensitive. But really, after so much, I think my real self is appalling.
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Originally posted by juni3:
From the title, I'm thinking y'all would assume that I hate school? No, I don't. It's just that... in school, people hate me. Is the title appropriate? But anyway, it's like this -- I'm a student who just got past a major exam in Singapore (PSLE, Os, As, guess!) and now am in a new school. Sad to say, but none of my good friends came with me here into this new school (there is one, but not same class). So yeah, alone with a bunch of strangers. Well, over this few months, I have come to the conclusion that people DO hate me in my class. And well, it's really because of I don't smile and I spoil their moods whenever I come close. (I'm a girl, majority who hates me are boys) And now, I really can't take it anymore (despite the small number of friends, who are always there for me), and I have to get a transfer of schools. And over here, I'm asking about two issues:
1) I need tips on how to solve the crisis between me and my classmates.
2) Is it possible to get a transfer of schools in Singapore without a proper reason (eg. residential address has changed)? Or rather, with a reason like "I can't fit in" or "people hate me".
I'm really having the kind of feeling like you want to cry, but you can't. And now, I'm being isolated from parties and cliques (I can live with it, though). Things are not going so well, and I'm being shun away.
Cheers, J. Thanks truckloads for your advise.
Maybe you just got bad luck and happened to bump into the class with all the classmates that are on the wrong frequency as you in the school.In life, you only need to have a few good friends to survive. And tell yourself that you're not alone.
By the way, you can always find new friends in here.
It's always good to dress up whenever you're going out. If you think your dress-sense is poor, then please seek the opinions of others and go shopping together with them and expand your wardrobe.
But I've to tell you if you want to make friends in here, there are plenty but you cannot be picky like me then.
All the best!
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Well, I'm surprised many of you replied. Kind peepos! But I cheered up a little - because a kind soul from one of the many cliques in my class stood up for me and told teacher. But luckily teacher didn't make it real serious. I can tell they don't hate me so much now.
I can tell that you don't need good friends to survive. But good friends make everything better for you when you don't feel as well. Y'know, sometimes, some matters (devilishly childish) can't be told to our parents. I know, that's sort of lying but you feel much better after talking to your friends. This way, you won't end up in that kind of awkward situation.
Cheers.
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haha thats nice to know, lets hope thats things will get even better for u in the near future.
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Originally posted by juni3:
Well, I'm surprised many of you replied. Kind peepos! But I cheered up a little - because a kind soul from one of the many cliques in my class stood up for me and told teacher. But luckily teacher didn't make it real serious. I can tell they don't hate me so much now.
I can tell that you don't need good friends to survive. But good friends make everything better for you when you don't feel as well. Y'know, sometimes, some matters (devilishly childish) can't be told to our parents. I know, that's sort of lying but you feel much better after talking to your friends. This way, you won't end up in that kind of awkward situation.
Cheers.
Woah...you already self-adviced yourself after two days.Next time hor, can you please hold onto your trouble for 2 days then you can self-advice yourself again ok?
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This trouble has been with me for several days (from the day we started school, 2 January). I think I self-adviced myself only after I voiced out.
But I think another storm is brewing, so...
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13 years old so much pobem ah? Relax la......life is a journey. There's much to be learned. Smile more often, fake it if u must and be genuine to people. I dunno how u spoil people's mood haha but if u know what's wrong, then dun continue it.
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who are the popular gals in class or school? observe what they do that makes them well liked and make it ur habit.
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Well, running certainly do not solve the problem... face it... find out what had you done to deserve the treatment and try to make amendments.
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Juni3 you do seem quite matured for your age ( and that might be the problem ) . you just dont fit in. Your classmates probably havent matured ( in thinking ) yet; and the trend is to outcast/stereotype the odd one out. but no worries! your personality seems likeable enough, u just have to wait out their childish period. it would probably get alot better when u get into sec 3 and have a new environment. the alternative would be to work really hard, and enter an Intergrated Programme ( IP) offered by a few of the leading junior colleges (:
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Wow, thanks for saying I'm mature :D Yes, I too feel that that is the root of the problem, but I cannot purposely immature (it's not even a verb, see) myself.
Currently, things are getting better but still, some boys show me the usual hostility. When I was in P6, I remembered me getting along very well with the guys (not in the flirty type, but just the usual classmates or friends type) but now, the boys can speak to other girls (even jokingly) but yet to me, they just walk away when they see me. Some of them, those nicer ones, will at least make an effort to give a brief smile or something. But those others, they walk away.
Because of this, I keep leaning towards my ex-classmates, those friends that were always there. And it really is a pity, how I actually socialize more with people not in my social circle that I see everyday but with those that I seldom see.
It increases the level of missing those ex-classmates, if you get what I mean.
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probably finished O levels, well. i dont know but its either looks or your attitude that makes a person dislike you in one way or another.
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in the big group of assholes, there must still be a small group of people whom you can connect with..
build on from there
