Need help desperately. Depressed about marriage life
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Originally posted by mistyblue:
perhaps ts needs to talk it out to help him destress
but that is all a forum can do. tak in comments, give personal opinions.
the rest is still up to TS.
Thing is I truly hope by posting, this helps him gets some things off his chest.
I highly doubt he got anything off his chest.In fact, he is now still wondering what is the next step when it is pretty clear to him what to do next.
In the end, it all go around in a circle once again.
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Originally posted by Forbiddensinner:
I highly doubt he got anything off his chest.In fact, he is now still wondering what is the next step when it is pretty clear to him what to do next.
In the end, it all go around in a circle once again.
yes, it's always 'pretty clear' from a person not in the situation.presently, what i can do is to be more firm and strong against her temper and fix my emotional/depression issues.
after 7 yrs of living in this situation, nothing is 'pretty clear'...so appreciate if you tell me what is 'pretty clear' to you. thanks.
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Originally posted by GreyMeow:
after 7 yrs of living in this situation, nothing is 'pretty clear'...so appreciate if you tell me what is 'pretty clear' to you. thanks.
It is pretty clear whatever we tell you goes in from one ear and goes out the other.
After 10 pages of good and bad advice, you are still stuck at square one.
It is pretty clear you still can't make up your mind.
After all this "counselling" you are still not taking action.
It is pretty clear that you should divorce her.
Yet you are still sitting in front of your com and complaining to us.
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Why should that be pretty clear?
I dont think he should divorce, in fact.
I think the pretty clear one is like this:
Firstly, improve his depression.
Secondly, go out more and get more friends.
Thirdly, try to save his marriage by taking a trip together with the wife.
Fourthly, consider moving to another home (change environment)
Lastly, always try to save marriage and exhaust all avenues and think of new paths, before giving it up.
I disagree with a divorce being put in such a prominent, front row option.
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Stopped fighting with your partner and just go with the flow can ar not?."You can never win the battle of the sexes because there is too much fraternising with the enemy" (Henry Kissinger)
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Originally posted by Meat Pao:
I disagree with a divorce being put in such a prominent, front row option.
If your wife treat you like a slave, refuses to do her part to patch up the marriage, will you try to patch up with her by going lower than being a slave?
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As a person who just completed my Divorce, let me tell you it's painful but necessary.
Why ?
1. Unless you decide to really restart the relationship, someone is always going to bring up the past.
2. Better to kill it now or end up living in regret.
3. Kill the whole relationship forever, don't even look her up or anything, treat her as a real stranger.
4. Don't make the life of your future kid miserable.
Why because when you have kids, you have a responsibility to them.
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An astrologer was walking at nite, studying the stars and on the road there was a hole by the side and fell into it.
The sound of his falling n crying awoke an old woman who lived nearby. She helped him and n he was very pleased.
After thanking her, he told her that he was a royal astrologer - that his fees was high, that even kings/ queens had to wait for months to see him n conluded by adding that he would predict her future for no fee.
The old woman laughed n said - You cannot see even two feet ahead - how you can see my future?
This is the madness of today's living, what cannot appreciate what is in front, onc cannot see what is - on is trapped in 'should be ... and ought to ...
when it perocolates into our daily living - in marriages, in relationship(s) - the endless conflict - love completely relegated to the bottomless pit
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Originally posted by Meat Pao:
Why should that be pretty clear?
I dont think he should divorce, in fact.
I think the pretty clear one is like this:
Firstly, improve his depression.
Secondly, go out more and get more friends.
Thirdly, try to save his marriage by taking a trip together with the wife.
Fourthly, consider moving to another home (change environment)
Lastly, always try to save marriage and exhaust all avenues and think of new paths, before giving it up.
I disagree with a divorce being put in such a prominent, front row option.
Yes, the first 2 steps are what I'm doing now...trying to improve my depression and then get back to knowing some friends....
At the same time, I'm also trying to be more strong and firm with her. If I still can't stand her or she still treat me badly....then I'll give up.
Hope everyone give me your support and prayers. Thanks.
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ä¸�管世界å�˜å¾—ä»€ä¹ˆæ ·ï¼Œæˆ‘ä»�自我。连山倒海枯，我的心ä»�然平é�™ã€‚就算是世界末日ã€�é‚ç ´çƒŸç�，我一定把路走到底。这是我的人生哲å¦ã€‚
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Hi grey.
Short term pain is better than long term pain. You yourself have found the answer to all these problems. You dont love her. Short and sweet. From what it seems, divorce is inevitable.
Just be mentally prepared for the problems that will hit you, dont fall down. Stay strong. Remember, its your happiness that your fighting for, your living your life and it should not be dictated by your current situation. I guess, slow steps to head towards divorce is a neccesity, it is important as she wouldnt get a shock or what. Everyone deserves happiness in a marriage. When a marriage has failed and cannot be salvaged due to external factors or long term of trying, you know what to do.
Ultimately, its your life, as long as you feel you did the right thing, screw what other people think. Be strong mentally.
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i think that having a baby could prolly save the marraige if not ruin it...
both parties could prolly pay more attention and raise their child together...maybe this could make them learn appreciate one another...
there is a chance if there is will
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Marriage is an institution - persons are not. It is the lack of friendliness, not love that spoils, destroys ..... Marriages dont fail, people fail, love does not hurt, its something else that is parading as love n when it is not reciprocated - one hurts.
Love knows no fear, knows no reasons, knows no boundaries- its beyond the mind, beyond reasons.
You say: 'At the same time, I'm also trying to be more strong and firm with her. If I still can't stand her or she still treat me badly....then I'll give up.'
No one can change another with words - changes comes about thru your behaviour - if u can be a catalyst for change that is sufficient.
As to whether you want to stay or leave, to me, its makes no difference - I say that cos what is unresolved, not reconciled within oneself is always there, it would surface in a situation/circumstance.
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GreyMeow,
I do recommend Wayne Dyer's - Pulling Your Own Strings !
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Grey Meow.
I must say something.
I must tell you about DIVORCE
1) 3 years of separation with her concerns.
2) 4 years of separation without her concerns.
3) House will return to HDB
4) She can Claim maintenance.
5) Both You and Her live in REGRETS.
UNLESS YOU FOUND NEW LOVE.
YOUR BRIAN REMEMBER THINGS. you will constantly remember her.
you once loved her. unless someone win your heart.
BUT DIVORCE IS NOT A JOKING MANNER.
YOUR CASE CAN STILL BE SOLVED, without divorce.
the farker marriage consultant only mess up. you are not young any more. you are 38.
from reading what you type up. i summarize something. something which many people will not see.
1) you like playing video game, she nag you. ok. believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you won't even want to touch the game pad.
2) you read comics, she nag you. believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you won't even want to touch the papers.
3) you are messy, she nag you, believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you will be extremely neat. for no reason.
4) you are depressed now, because you afraid she nag you,believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you will feel even more depressed.
5) you will live in regrets. you will one day wake up saying you will want her back even if it take your life.
HUMAN always regrets. regrets of many things. so take my advice. don't do it man.
yeah you might see others saying divorce is good, it put an end to one problem. but loneliness at old age is a problem.
for me, from a certain angle, i can see that you just didn't treasure her enough., thus she become your burden. losing her over some games/books/dirtiness/messiness/ other female friends are rubbish!!
UNLESS she have another guy and you can't take it, you let her go. UNLESS you have another girl and you considered. found the other lady is better, you let her go.
for your case. you must seriously reconsider.
Seems like i am the one of the few who tell you to reconsider.
but still, you must take our advice. Don't do it man. Don't do it. if you bother to post here, that mean you still want to seek advice, seek her, that mean you are still unsure, that's mean she's still a part in your mind. that's mean in a certain corner of the vast universe of your heart, she still there. you just have to find her back.
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How to find another one is utterly lost himself(herself) in the roles and personalities?
The fact that he is out of sorts with himself and grappling with issues in the marriage is self-evident of his predicament.
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Originally posted by Forbiddensinner:
If your wife treat you like a slave, refuses to do her part to patch up the marriage, will you try to patch up with her by going lower than being a slave?
Not unless her first name is Cleopatra her middle and last name is Angelina Jolie.
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Originally posted by Fire Cracker:
Grey Meow.
I must say something.
I must tell you about DIVORCE
1) 3 years of separation with her concerns.
2) 4 years of separation without her concerns.
3) House will return to HDB
4) She can Claim maintenance.
5) Both You and Her live in REGRETS.
UNLESS YOU FOUND NEW LOVE.
YOUR BRIAN REMEMBER THINGS. you will constantly remember her.
you once loved her. unless someone win your heart.
BUT DIVORCE IS NOT A JOKING MANNER.
YOUR CASE CAN STILL BE SOLVED, without divorce.
the farker marriage consultant only mess up. you are not young any more. you are 38.
from reading what you type up. i summarize something. something which many people will not see.
1) you like playing video game, she nag you. ok. believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you won't even want to touch the game pad.
2) you read comics, she nag you. believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you won't even want to touch the papers.
3) you are messy, she nag you, believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you will be extremely neat. for no reason.
4) you are depressed now, because you afraid she nag you,believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you will feel even more depressed.
5) you will live in regrets. you will one day wake up saying you will want her back even if it take your life.
HUMAN always regrets. regrets of many things. so take my advice. don't do it man.
yeah you might see others saying divorce is good, it put an end to one problem. but loneliness at old age is a problem.
for me, from a certain angle, i can see that you just didn't treasure her enough., thus she become your burden. losing her over some games/books/dirtiness/messiness/ other female friends are rubbish!!
UNLESS she have another guy and you can't take it, you let her go. UNLESS you have another girl and you considered. found the other lady is better, you let her go.
for your case. you must seriously reconsider.
Seems like i am the one of the few who tell you to reconsider.
but still, you must take our advice. Don't do it man. Don't do it. if you bother to post here, that mean you still want to seek advice, seek her, that mean you are still unsure, that's mean she's still a part in your mind. that's mean in a certain corner of the vast universe of your heart, she still there. you just have to find her back.
Dear Mr Firecracker, follow these few steps carefully before giving the next advice and you can never go wrong.
1) Hold a live hand grenade to your crotch
2)Remove the safety clip and pull the safety pin.
3) Count to 100 as fast as you can even though this is not really necessary
4) Forget about step 4 (cuz you don't need ear plugs)
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Originally posted by Short Ninja:
Dear Mr Firecracker, follow these few steps carefully before giving the next advice and you can never go wrong.
1) Hold a live hand grenade to your crotch
2)Remove the safety clip and pull the safety pin.
3) Count to 100 as fast as you can even though this is not really necessary
4) Forget about step 4 (cuz you don't need ear plugs)
well. short ninja. if give you some steps too.1) Open the toilet bowl cover
2) put your head inside
3) Flush the toilet bowl
4) Drink the water and enjoy
5) Shit on the floor
6) bend down and eat the shit
forget about step 7, (share the shit with your mum)
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Originally posted by Fire Cracker:
well. short ninja. if give you some steps too.1) Open the toilet bowl cover
2) put your head inside
3) Flush the toilet bowl
4) Drink the water and enjoy
5) Shit on the floor
6) bend down and eat the shit
forget about step 7, (share the shit with your mum)
I willfully follow your steps but up to step 5 but because of my bad knees I cant possibly bend down and step 7 is totaly impossible cuz my mom was cremated some years ago....end up with step 8 (this is when you pick my shit up with two hands and use it as 'coppertone' in your nice hot tropical island.