Am I Wrong?
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It started in November when my bf asked me to help him check his email when I saw he emailed a transvestite saying "Hi Pretty...etc.etc.etc" and basically asked if she was available to "have fun" with him before he enlisted. I asked but he said he knew nothing of it...
Then recently, his brother showed me two chat logs with that same person...we were already together for 7 months...then I saw that he had started sexual talk and gave out his number and wanted an "experience" with her.
Judging from how he treats me which is well, I'm extremely confused now. On msn, from wat I know, even with remote assistance..you cannot have a conversation with your friend and a hacker supposedly using your account to talk to someone in your contact list at the same time. I'm really hoping I'm wrong. His comp has no firewall (I think). He claims he didn't do it...but logically its quite impossible.
Someone help me.
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uhh.. most hackers do not use accounts in order to bait for sex or anything like that.. they either hack for profit, or to looksee...
if they could hack other people's accounts, you think they'll do such lame things like find out his mobile and go chat up people?
think about it...
but what you do after, only your decision to make...
p.s.: what the heck is his brother doing, showing you stuff like that? instead of advising and protecting his brother, he's attempting to break you guys up by planting seeds of suspicion... it's as if his family is kinda screwed up... something is wrong...
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Actually my bf looks like a girl. Alot of people have made gay jokes about him and he was confused a long time ago. He says he doesn't remember doing this at all whichmakes this even more confusing.
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is he still confused?
have a heart to heart talk with him... because if he is inclined that way, both of you are wasting your time and setting up for a world of hurt...
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I really need some sound advice. I know its up to me in the end. But its just scary to know the person you share your life with has such a secret. I hope its not him but logically it doesn't seem to be anyone else.
Now I'm scared, but I can't cry or react because its sort of shocking, and also he might feel destroyed etc. and I know its impossible to be sincere and not hurtful. I can deal with this side fetish I suppose but its damn scary and I have no idea what to do right now. I'm trying to be positive and believe him that he won't do such a thing.
In the past he really did look like a girl, some say prettier than other girls. I know a few guys do look like that, my cousin has a bandmate that looks just like a girl even I got fooled. He's my second bf. The first hurt me very very very very badly, and it did take me a long while to trust someone else.
My bf has always showered me with love and respect, which explains why this could not be his doing, but I've called a few people in I.T, and they've confirmed that its impossible for the conversation to happen anywhere else but from his computer. He was at the same time also, when the conversation with her happened, talking to his best friend. Exactly the same time. His brother got worried and showed me those conversations. I'm not sure what to think though.
The vital stats, even what sort of boxers he wears, was all revealed and if he was pranking around he would never give out his number. He received gay jokes forever and even though he's now in ns it hasn't stopped. But his friends really don't mean anything. Now I'm scared as to who he really is.
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Originally posted by the Bear:
is he still confused?
have a heart to heart talk with him... because if he is inclined that way, both of you are wasting your time and setting up for a world of hurt...
I did. Actually he said he may have a mental problem. Which I know about. Its okay with me, because each person has their own psychological issues. I'm just feeling quite cornered because I don't want to say things too hurtful to him. I'm sorry I really can't explain what this feeling is. -
you've been hurt before.. doesn't mean it'll happen again, doesn't mean it'll not happen again.. but that's moot..
i guess you're in a bad situation and hoping for the best...
i don't know what else i can say except i wish you good luck and that everything works out...
still, the heart to heart talk is most vital...
for what it is worth, hearts ripped apart, can be put together again and happiness and love can be found again.. i know.. i'm a happy man now...
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Thats great you know. I'm really glad for all those people and you. :)
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I'm scared.
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I would say the emails and MSN chatlogs must be sent by your bf and that can't be denied.
I don't know why you bother to mention about his looks etc being girly but i feel that its most important how he treats you. He might just be interested in having some sexual experience and does not wan to do it with you maybe out of respect or because he does not want any 'accidents'.
Are you more upset over the fact that hes talking to some1 else about sex or the fact that the person is a transexual thats bothering you?
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for the moment, if you can, close this window, take a few deep breaths, then go take a walk around for about half an hour, don't think of anything, just look and enjoy the surroundings...
one step at a time..
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Don't be scared.. Have a good talk with your bf if you really wanna know the truth instead of speculating..
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Originally posted by dkcx:
I would say the emails and MSN chatlogs must be sent by your bf and that can't be denied.
I don't know why you bother to mention about his looks etc being girly but i feel that its most important how he treats you. He might just be interested in having some sexual experience and does not wan to do it with you maybe out of respect or because he does not want any 'accidents'.
Are you more upset over the fact that hes talking to some1 else about sex or the fact that the person is a transexual thats bothering you?
I only mention it because in his conversations he mentioned he was interested in being the girl generally. Doing what girls do in sex.
He treats me very well. I have no issues with transsexuals. Its probably the contradiction between the him that is always with me and the him in those conversations. Its remarkably explicit. Those happened behind my back.
I don't think I'm a victim or anything. I'm just extremely confused because he doesn't even know if he wrote it according to him. There's two sides, one I'd rather believe but no solid proof, the other side I dread but proven. I admit I'm pretty devastated. My ex left me for some girl for aesthetic purposes. Its always physical beauty. Its okay with me, I'm willing to be open about this, but can there be ANY good intentions while someone has told you they love you only an hour before the conversation, and then become someone totally different the next hour.
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just dont think too much.... it's not good for u. And dont snoop around him to observe him, if he caught u doing that then he may feel uncomfortable and the "trust" feeling slowly fades away
Just talk to him slowly
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Originally posted by Kimosabe:
I only mention it because in his conversations he mentioned he was interested in being the girl generally. Doing what girls do in sex.
He treats me very well. I have no issues with transsexuals. Its probably the contradiction between the him that is always with me and the him in those conversations. Its remarkably explicit. Those happened behind my back.
I don't think I'm a victim or anything. I'm just extremely confused because he doesn't even know if he wrote it according to him. There's two sides, one I'd rather believe but no solid proof, the other side I dread but proven. I admit I'm pretty devastated. My ex left me for some girl for aesthetic purposes. Its always physical beauty. Its okay with me, I'm willing to be open about this, but can there be ANY good intentions while someone has told you they love you only an hour before the conversation, and then become someone totally different the next hour.
your ex is an idiot..
remember this: pretty fades.. beauty, the kind from the inside, lasts forever
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Originally posted by Kimosabe:
I only mention it because in his conversations he mentioned he was interested in being the girl generally. Doing what girls do in sex.
He treats me very well. I have no issues with transsexuals. Its probably the contradiction between the him that is always with me and the him in those conversations. Its remarkably explicit. Those happened behind my back.
I don't think I'm a victim or anything. I'm just extremely confused because he doesn't even know if he wrote it according to him. There's two sides, one I'd rather believe but no solid proof, the other side I dread but proven. I admit I'm pretty devastated. My ex left me for some girl for aesthetic purposes. Its always physical beauty. Its okay with me, I'm willing to be open about this, but can there be ANY good intentions while someone has told you they love you only an hour before the conversation, and then become someone totally different the next hour.
Thats some wierd behavior from a guy to want experience what girls feel during sex...
Maybe you should have a good talk with him. You mention he has mental problems, what sort of mental problems if you don't mind sharing?
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I'm not sure the SAF sent him to a therapist...he's going today actually. He doesn't like society because of you know, the people because he had alot of shit from people since he was young. He lost his mother too at a very young age so he pretty much had to grow up on his own, his father dotes him though but he's busy trying to make ends meet.
He had an ex who was terrifying and did it with him out of guilt because she was cheating on him. He values sex as a sacred thing so in the end though there was intercourse he didn't do anything, and I suppose a few minutes after she realized he wasn't interested, she just got off and went home. For about 3-4 years he lived his life with her thinking he's useless. She used to make fun of him and her mother and her both called him useless etc.
Then he had alot of accummulated anger or some enlightnened sense...and decided to hate. Him falling for me is a miracle. He thinks I'm perfect etc. Which I guess provides too much of a contradiction to the person who was talking dirty to the transvestite. Initially I assumed that...he needed someone to talk to about him getting gay jokes or if perhaps he has a guy-girl problem. I'm only taking comfort to that.
I mean no disrespect to anyone. I just don't know how to put this in a better way. He really went through alot but he said the moment I came into his life everything is complete.
I told him two nights ago, I said not to clip his own wings, just keep flying. One moment of folly should not determine how he lives the rest of his life. Deep down, I'm just pretty shit scared.
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you obviously care for him a lot..
and from the way you write, you are a kind soul...
go give him a hug, then talk to him...
even if things do not work out, you've got a friend in him for life... and i'm sure there are multitudes of guys out there who would give their right arms to have a caring woman like you beside them...
but first things first.. we're not you but from the outside, the best thing is still that talk.. it may take a long time.. even a few days of stop-start conversation.. do not lead, just talk and listen.. and allow him to sort things out during the conversation...
hopefully at the end of things, he'll find that he's got a treasure in you
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Originally posted by Kimosabe:
I'm not sure the SAF sent him to a therapist...he's going today actually. He doesn't like society because of you know, the people because he had alot of shit from people since he was young. He lost his mother too at a very young age so he pretty much had to grow up on his own, his father dotes him though but he's busy trying to make ends meet.
He had an ex who was terrifying and did it with him out of guilt because she was cheating on him. He values sex as a sacred thing so in the end though there was intercourse he didn't do anything, and I suppose a few minutes after she realized he wasn't interested, she just got off and went home. For about 3-4 years he lived his life with her thinking he's useless. She used to make fun of him and her mother and her both called him useless etc.
Then he had alot of accummulated anger or some enlightnened sense...and decided to hate. Him falling for me is a miracle. He thinks I'm perfect etc. Which I guess provides too much of a contradiction to the person who was talking dirty to the transvestite. Initially I assumed that...he needed someone to talk to about him getting gay jokes or if perhaps he has a guy-girl problem. I'm only taking comfort to that.
I mean no disrespect to anyone. I just don't know how to put this in a better way. He really went through alot but he said the moment I came into his life everything is complete.
I told him two nights ago, I said not to clip his own wings, just keep flying. One moment of folly should not determine how he lives the rest of his life. Deep down, I'm just pretty shit scared.
Just do your best to help him since you are 1 of the best person to. Just stay by this side and help him tide over his problems to the best of your ability. Sometimes just the presence of someone who cares works alot more than any counsellor can advice.
Problems during the childhood so sometimes lead to some problems later in life but your bf will need to be able to get over the feminist comments and think of himself as a guy doing things the guy way and not girl.
If sex is really sacred to him, i don't think he would do anything unfaithful to you since theres no reason for him to do it and ruin things with you.
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that gotta be the worst thing. your bf leaving you for a trans.
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Originally posted by yourmotherrr:
that gotta be the worst thing. your bf leaving you for a trans.
TSK. .
don so bad la. . .
TS, all the best to you -
TS
yr bf needs 2 doses
1 for conselling, 1 for courage to stand up n face e world.
1 more thing
he needs yr support.
in any way, he will c it eventually
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Perhaps, the question that you might want to answer - not here- do you love out of fear, love out of need, or love out of love - it presupposes that you are aware that all emanates from you. Love shares , love appreciates . When it is logic, when it is reasons - its not love but something else UNCONSCIOUSLY disguised as love. To think that one knows another is very, erroneous. How can you know another? How can you know the man/woman? They are processes, they are not things. The woman/man that you knew yesterday is not there today. So much water has gone down the River; he/she is somebody else, totally different. And the man that you slept with or ... last night, look at his face again in the morning. He is no more the same person, so much has changed. So much, incalculably much has changed. That is the difference between a thing and a person. The furniture in the room is the same, but the man and the woman, they are no more the same. Can one relate to the furniture? One relates to a human being!
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The mind is confusion - cos it cannot handle uncertainty: the heart knows no fear, no confusion - the heart is vulnerable, uncertain and love is an endearing heart that transcends logic, reason!
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HIS BROTHER showed you the chat logs? Sounds suspicious. If your bf really didnt do it, then i think it must be his brother behind all these. Maybe his brother likes you? Maybe his brother hates you? Maybe he hates his brother. Tons of possibilities.