Am I Wrong?
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Originally posted by Kimosabe:
It started in November when my bf asked me to help him check his email when I saw he emailed a transvestite saying "Hi Pretty...etc.etc.etc" and basically asked if she was available to "have fun" with him before he enlisted. I asked but he said he knew nothing of it...
Then recently, his brother showed me two chat logs with that same person...we were already together for 7 months...then I saw that he had started sexual talk and gave out his number and wanted an "experience" with her.
Judging from how he treats me which is well, I'm extremely confused now. On msn, from wat I know, even with remote assistance..you cannot have a conversation with your friend and a hacker supposedly using your account to talk to someone in your contact list at the same time. I'm really hoping I'm wrong. His comp has no firewall (I think). He claims he didn't do it...but logically its quite impossible.
Someone help me.
The dichotomy of gender only applies to our biological construct - in fact, our sexual orientation and our sexual preference (being our software) can be very much different from our biological gender. Gender is not merely man or woman - in fact, it's across a range of spectrum because no man is 100% masculine - same goes for females and femininity.Having established that: for those who lies within the grey areas (bisexual), their inner struggles often coerced them to formulate some kind of confirmation to decide if they are indeed gay. And one common methodology is to date the opposite gender, so as to see if there are attraction (both sexual and emotional) to validate this inconsistency between they should be feeling and what they are really feeling.
It is also equally possible for him to date someone of the opposite gender, serving as a shield towards his real identity - part of his defense mechanism - while having the certainity that he isn't straight already.
Deonotological perspective might suggest that he's blatantly cheating on you - regardless of who the online fellow is. However, that ultimately (I reckoned) would only leave you with the choice of leaving him.
I suggest you have a HTHT (heart-to-heart-talk) with him - but do not begin your focal point from questioning about the possibility of his gender crisis, for that would render you the same level as those teasing he received from his army mates. Use the standpoint of honesty/truthfulness and the desire to know your other half better.
Learn to understand first. I think there are many things about him that you don't really know. Seek them.
Cheers
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Thank you all for your sound advice.
Just to update...I did speak with him about it, he's still confused about whether he did it or not. His brother and him are perfectly okay, because my bf was using msn at the time the conversation happened and my friends have confirmed only hacking can be done when the comp is left unattended...logically the only person who could've done it was him.
I got confused because he claims he didn't and if his therapist can't find a reason to explain it, then he'll just admit it. His brother is a really nice guy who is going to get married soon, he loves his fiancee very much and waited for a few days before he decided to show me those conversations. He got worried because he wanted to compile his chat logs with his girlfriend into the wedding video or something, which is his business however strange it sounds.
My bf went to the therapist yesterday, and the therapist told him that it is very likely that my bf had typed the conversation unconsciously. The therapist confirmed almost all damage to him was caused by women in his life, with the crazy ex-girlfriend and all, his step mom, and the death of his mother...so I guess that's true. I'm not sure exactly how one can remain sub-conscious and conscious at the same time...its too darn heavy a thought to ponder at the moment..
I've decided I'm not going to be the one to judge anything, because I can understand that he's gone through alot. He told me that did not justify the conversation with the transvestite, and he's afraid that it is him that did it.
Its so dependant on the human mind that it scares me to hell. On the outside you can be someone who promises love and all that, but on the inside you can be someone totally worse than an opposite of what you manifest. I can deal with it...hell I'll even pay the you-know, to give him an experience. If it comes to that.
I guess it just hurts like hell.....
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
Perhaps, the question that you might want to answer – not here- do you love out of fear, love out of need, or love out of love – it presupposes that you are aware that all emanates from you.
Love shares , love appreciates .
When it is logic, when it is reasons – its not love but something else UNCONSCIOUSLY disguised as love. To think that one knows another is very, erroneous. How can you know another? How can you know the man/woman? They are processes, they are not things. The woman/man that you knew yesterday is not there today. So much water has gone down the River; he/she is somebody else, totally different.
And the man that you slept with or … last night, look at his face again in the morning. He is no more the same person, so much has changed. So much, incalculably much has changed. That is the difference between a thing and a person. The furniture in the room is the same, but the man and the woman, they are no more the same. Can one relate to the furniture? One relates to a human being!In the past, when I was cheated on, I felt some incredible surge of anger and all those crazy emotions that make me want to dig his eyeballs out with a spoon or something. But this time, even though I can safely say the situation is sort of alot worse than what I faced before..I feel pretty calm.
Initially when I found out I didn't react much, or cry much at all. He cried more than me actually.
I admit, I'm afraid to lose him, but I don't think I love out of fear or anything else but love.
Maybe.
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Originally posted by Kimosabe:
It started in November when my bf asked me to help him check his email when I saw he emailed a transvestite saying "Hi Pretty...etc.etc.etc" and basically asked if she was available to "have fun" with him before he enlisted. I asked but he said he knew nothing of it...
Then recently, his brother showed me two chat logs with that same person...we were already together for 7 months...then I saw that he had started sexual talk and gave out his number and wanted an "experience" with her.
Judging from how he treats me which is well, I'm extremely confused now. On msn, from wat I know, even with remote assistance..you cannot have a conversation with your friend and a hacker supposedly using your account to talk to someone in your contact list at the same time. I'm really hoping I'm wrong. His comp has no firewall (I think). He claims he didn't do it...but logically its quite impossible.
Someone help me.
aawww... it's ok .. some guys(not me) maybe bicurious ..
google it .. ;D
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LOL I know its okay if he is curious or confused.
What I hope though, is is that if someone knows that he is confused or curious...to attempt not to involve someone else in his life...in case they end up hurting the shit out of them. Its hard but I hope people do try. Because right now I can safely say its a real bitch trying to comprehend anything.
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I won't say its not impossible for a person to be concious yet don't know what he/she has done especially 1 with mental problems. I believe even normal people will occasionally do things and not realise they have done them when their minds are elsewhere and it just might be abit more severe for people with mental problems.
I don't believe hes lying to you or anything so just trust him and be by his side unless things start to show that he has really betrayed your trust.
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How do I tell? If he intentionally did it or not?
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When suspicion enters the room of love - the latter is dying a slow death! He is going to be what he is, to snoop around and ... is disrespectful - its better to speak out - if there is a need to - about how you feel about yourself, your feelings, your preferences, i mean yours, to ask him to fit your .... is impossible, he is an evolving person, not a thing. To trust in your love is being wise, to trust that someone can fulfil u is setting up yourself for misery.
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Originally posted by Kimosabe:
How do I tell? If he intentionally did it or not?
If you trust him, don't doubt him till there is more 'evidence' that starts to appear which makes things more complicated
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Originally posted by dibilo:
HIS BROTHER showed you the chat logs? Sounds suspicious. If your bf really didnt do it, then i think it must be his brother behind all these. Maybe his brother likes you? Maybe his brother hates you? Maybe he hates his brother. Tons of possibilities.
What you said...sounds the most plausible out of everything I seen here. -
Originally posted by dibilo:
HIS BROTHER showed you the chat logs? Sounds suspicious. If your bf really didnt do it, then i think it must be his brother behind all these. Maybe his brother likes you? Maybe his brother hates you? Maybe he hates his brother. Tons of possibilities.
i agree. why would his brother look through his chatlog?? o.0 even if its out of concern. i don't think its appropriate. intruding privacy.
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Originally posted by dkcx:
If you trust him, don't doubt him till there is more 'evidence' that starts to appear which makes things more complicated
i guess sometimes its hard to trust another 100% especially when the person have been hurt before. the slightest things can make people jump to conclusion...