Too loving?
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Read it with a pinch of salt. There is no clear line between what is hers and what is mine. At least to me.
I was joking to Jojo.
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I can read it with a pinch of salt, or i can take it seriously la, the predicament is not mine, i m just a breeze passing through here , my views n opinions are not cast in stone lor
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Correction: I meant the predicament is mine.
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Originally posted by Fantagf:
If you wanna talk about 男人��，女人�爱�start your own thread. Don't disrupt discussion here.
Don't instil wrong theory here. Stupid
Are u just plain thick or trying hard to be mentally challenge?
My comment on TS thread here is disruptive and instilling wrong theory? I am not even posting on ur thread, why budge with ur senseless bashing? who's the pot calling kettle black here?
Get a life!
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
Wow, love that dominates - in other words , its not love lar- sth else masquerading as love lor - that is the crux of all these 'problems' that u are faced with now.
It is more like mutual ego-gratification - at least that is what it has degenerated into.
To think that by stating what is rite for u and rite for her - (is divisive)one is caught in the game of rite/wrong.
At the end of it all - no-one would emerge a winner, at most a Phyrric victory. When one has to work on a marriage- know jolly well - that the downslide has inexorably begun - the march to oblivion or the journey to ...
Love – when it is a friendly fragrance (loving) in which no one is superior, in which no one decides ‘things’, in which both understand and are cognizant of the fact that they are different (personalities with individualities behind the social masks), that both their approach towards life is different, that they think differently, and still, with all these differences, they love each other and yet allow space to evolve without encroaching, without possessing .. without the need to behave or even extract promises for tomorrow – both would remain a mystery unto themselves, and when the journey and the goal is one – its an existential experience, subjective and yet never dull or certain. It is akin to a river flowing and yet everfresh!
Please, intuitively, this is what i feel - both of u are lacking within - and no matter what u do or say, or acquire - its window-dressing!
Well Fuggie, what you have here are just bout LOVE.
Now Marriage.. that's another set of balance sheet. Yo get wat I mean ?
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Well, i dont know what balance sheet u are ... when two people are loving and presupposing they are SELF-fulfilled and not 'other'-fulfillled - the question of rt/wrong or balancing is no longer relevant. One shares, cos one is overflowing, as opposed to ....... one seeks, one demands ...
However, when one is lacking within - my meaning here is self-love, self-respect, self-esteem - one is going to be a psychological/emotional burden (though not consciously).
Too many people have confused eg . self- love with other-love = love that emanates from within one's being is always a fountain, an everspring. however, other'love seeks out another and fills up one's void within and rationalizes that it is self-love.
Two individuals (not personalities (are social masks)) evolve and when one is cognizant of this aspect - it does not matter whether its in a marriage or relationship ----- one intuitively responds to the situation at hand.
Two beings can have a human experience in a marriage, relationship. It is the QUALITY OF relating that adds to ....
Two wolves (being, INNER landscape) reside in each of us, the first is needs, fears, beliefs, jealousy, sympathy,possesivness, insecurity, fear of loss , anger, prejudice, always reacts ... the second is love, kindness, emphaty , gratitude, always responds.
The one that is fed daily evolves - whom are u feeding, even as u are reading it now?
Both is love - but with a BIG difference:
the first is ego- based personality! - it eventually suffocates and kills (accidental/periphery) - the bird is always trying to take off, but wings are always clipped - cos love is bondage here - the giving here is to take back - what is one sharing- complaining, whining, ....
the second is soul-infused individuality! - it is everflowing abundance (essential/centre), it is a bird on a wing - one wing is love, and the other is freedom - love is freeing - the giving here is simply sharing what one is, appreciating what IS
The predicament of many is that they search and desire answers on all four quarters when the answers are within; what is missing is the essential, the accidental - aplenty!
The above is expansive - not confined to relationships or marriage but other areas of one's daily ... and what have you.
This is my experience observation and understanding, that's all
Superimposed on a circle - one can only understand and transcend, one cannot improve on a circle!
The first ripple .... watch and ....
This is BEYOND psychology!
Lest its miscontrued, i m not against marriage or .. its the LACK WITHIN that i opine
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PS :
One (who) begs for his happiness, his peace , his love ... only thing that he earns is food - a materialistic person
Then there is another one - he earns all within himself - only food he may beg - but its no big deal - he can earn it also - he is spiritual.
This inevitably affects his way of living - love and equanimity or love and anxiety.
It pemeates all aspects of our daily living - its only a question of acceptance or resistance to what IS
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Pappygatmus:
1) maybe ur not speaking her language of love?
lang of love: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, physical touch
Most people will have 1 or 2 dominant ones.
whats ur lang of love ? whats hers ?
2) some girls like their man to be 'stronger', take the lead and not give in to her all the time. Maybe it's a good idea to sit down with her and ask what does she really want from the relationship and tell her what you want. Settle in the middle ? Communication is key.
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Marriage is a noun; the full stop! - honeymoon is over. Now there is no joy, no enthusiasm, now all is finished. The honeymoon is always poetry lar, marriage is prose.
Love that is poetry in MOTION has no full stop; the honeymoon begins but never ends. Its unlike a novel that starts at a certain pt and ends at a certain pt. It is an ongoing present-moment, presence-oriented phenomenon. The lovers may end, but the love continues. It is a continuum. It is a verb - its a flowing river that never ends!
Its perfectly alrite to be married but to seek love in a marriage - anxiety attacks! Love is IN person(s) not in a thing!
The problem - is not marriage but two frozen Egos, having a porous Ego - heavenly
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Well the word love is often used so promiscuiously that there can be many interpretations i think if u love in the correct sense there shouldnt be anything wrong
Loving by giving Plenty of attention to the individual - there is no such thing as too much, that is, of course respecting boundaries
'Loving' by texting too often and infantisizing her (not respecting boundaries) will cause the relationship to be strained
Even though marriage is a union of 2 people i still think there should be clear boundaries. Maybe your 'loving' is invading into her personal space i dont know but it is worth looking at
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
Marriage is a noun; the full stop! - honeymoon is over. Now there is no joy, no enthusiasm, now all is finished. The honeymoon is always poetry lar, marriage is prose.
Love that is poetry in MOTION has no full stop; the honeymoon begins but never ends. Its unlike a novel that starts at a certain pt and ends at a certain pt. It is an ongoing present-moment, presence-oriented phenomenon. The lovers may end, but the love continues. It is a continuum. It is a verb - its a flowing river that never ends!
Its perfectly alrite to be married but to seek love in a marriage - anxiety attacks! Love is IN person(s) not in a thing!
The problem - is not marriage but two frozen Egos, having a porous Ego - heavenly
wooo wooo woooohhh... dude.. ye gettin all frisky eh ?
Marriage is not the end of Lurrrve...noo nooo...
Marriage is an environment when two individuals becomes one entity.
Having to live under one roof.. share resources.. roles that compliments each other.. living as one...
Departure from the courtship .. where two individuals living in each separate eco.
Ye can still have lurrve over flowing.. but in a different setting. gettit?
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Jojo,
Thanks for the insight, different and maybe 'rite. also.
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Originally posted by lemontea c(_):
Pappygatmus:
1) maybe ur not speaking her language of love?
lang of love: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, physical touch
Most people will have 1 or 2 dominant ones.
whats ur lang of love ? whats hers ?
2) some girls like their man to be 'stronger', take the lead and not give in to her all the time. Maybe it's a good idea to sit down with her and ask what does she really want from the relationship and tell her what you want. Settle in the middle ? Communication is key.
Lemontea, i c u have been reading that new book . Very interesting & informative.
Yep, Pappy, no harm in u taking a look at it..& ya, if u give in to her all the time, she might have no respect for u?
It's hard to have an equal partnership without respect-it'll just go downhill...& r u happy anyway always giving in to her wishes? U don't sound so actually..
No point trying to give to her if you feel resentful - u deserve to take too!!
Ya, TALK to her.
Do let us know the outcome, ya
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
wooo wooo woooohhh... dude.. ye gettin all frisky eh ?
Marriage is not the end of Lurrrve...noo nooo...
Marriage is an environment when two individuals becomes one entity.
Having to live under one roof.. share resources.. roles that compliments each other.. living as one...
Departure from the courtship .. where two individuals living in each separate eco.
Ye can still have lurrve over flowing.. but in a different setting. gettit?
u make it sound so simple that a 10yr old kid can understand.
but i wonder why itis so hard to follow it through...
Like most kids said, adlut like to complicate stuffs, making it confusing and often, we end up lossing focuse of the goals over trivial fights.
i guess going back to basic might help setting thing straight.
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Is friendship possible between a jailor and the imprisoned ?
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
Is friendship possible between a jailor and the imprisoned ?
In a jail without walls.. I say that's very possible.
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Well, when one is unfree within - one is in a jail lar - one is oblivious to that - so how can he/she free another? One cannot give/share what one lacks lar
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Matter was resolved two days ago and you guys. I did mention it in the last pages.
Well... I don't want anyone to judge me having no respect for my wife. So I won't mention anything more than what I already mention (thought my hand itches to =3).
Take care guys! And also very lively forum, I like it here especially the you know which section, although it doesn't have what I thought it has in there.