Originally posted by Fantagf:
Is there any proof that she is having an affair?
from the way she behave that is described by TS in his 1st post
Bro. Be yourself. Whats yours, is yours. Whats not meant to be, never shall be.
She's disturbed, ask her why. She's annoyed, ask her why. She's irritated, ask her why. And dun bother "solving" her problems, because she darn well can settle it herself. She just needs a listening ear.
Goodluck, and chill out. Sensitivity in guys are appreciated, but never cross the line. Where's the line? you decide it for yourself.
Main point. Strike a balance. Do whatever it takes to keep it balanced. Not too left nor right. As for the rest, go figure!
Manz.. im starving for KFC.. xD
You give her a car, and talk behind her back. You think she don't know.
You can give her $10mil and she will still hate you.
Ask yourself what is it that you want, by being "too loving".
You want recognition, appreciation, praise, respect.
So does she.
She does not want your things or money first, those are only secondary aspects.
@mancha: I didn't realize I am talking behind her back. At least I am not gossiping about her or is this already considered so? I am not so sure...
Anyway, thanks for everyone's time. The reason for her behaviour is far from what I have feared to be. I hope this very vague answer wouldn't be considered talking behind her back.
Why isn't there any edit button????!!! I was going to add to what I wanted to say.
To those who think I gave her too much love, the one with the chinese words... Nan ren bu huai that one. That's most unfortunate to be in that situation. I wouldn't know how to react if that's really the case. Who would?
I don't think the answer to that is to be a "Nan ren huai" guy. But to show her how lucky she is, if she doesn't appreciate it, marriage is over.
You go and tell your mother about your problem in your marriage.. that is not good. This will adversely affect the mother-dotter in law relationship. Minus 10 points.
You want to give.. don't give begrudgingly. Minus 20 points.
Add some zing with some creativity.. not boredom with your mundane sms everyday. Minus 5 points.
When you give .. you give what she ask for.. not what you think she needs. Minus 10 points.
You don't have to indoctrinate her about how she should appreciate you and how lucky she is to have married you. Minus 50 points.
And you must be a girl.
(found the edit thing)
Jojo, you are right. The part about give begrudgingly, I think you misunderstood though. I just sighed because she is clueless about the cars she had chosen and she is being headstrong about it. I am not sighing about the price.
So I still have 25 point left?
Originally posted by Pappygatmus:And you must be a girl.
I don't see a penis down there the last time I checked.
Originally posted by jojobeach:I don't see a penis down there the last time I checked.
HAHAHA!
Good day to you miss. Sorry I offended you like that.
Originally posted by Pappygatmus:And you must be a girl.
(found the edit thing)
Jojo, you are right. The part about give begrudgingly, I think you misunderstood though. I just sighed because she is clueless about the cars she had chosen and she is being headstrong about it. I am not sighing about the price.
So I still have 25 point left?
Did you inform her about the reasons why you sigh ? Or do you expect her to read your mind ? Minus 5 points.
If you are offering your "expert advise" about the selection of cars.. why is there a need to sigh ? Because she did not take your advise ?
Buying a car to her is like choosing a branded bag.. do you tell her which bag she should buy ?
Leave the decision to her.. your only job is to provide some technical knowledge... if she agrees .. that's great.. if she doesn't... there's really no need to sigh and show signs of disapproval. ( minus 20 points).
Women are more into the looks.. we don't care whats under the hood.
My god! 0 point left.
Sighing = "Who would buy that car? I am telling you, see if the salesman agree with me himself. All right all right, I give in. Maybe I am wrong and you are right."
Much more than sighing...
Yes I realized that jojo. Thanks for being so helpful.
Originally posted by Pappygatmus:My god! 0 point left.
Sighing = "Who would buy that car? I am telling you, see if the salesman agree with me himself. All right all right, I give in. Maybe I am wrong and you are right."
Much more than sighing...
Yes I realized that jojo. Thanks for being so helpful.
""Who would buy that car?"
You are just being condescending to her decision . Minus 20 points.
Try to deliver "emotionless" advise the next time.. it will be better accepted.
Do not do that " I tell you so" later when she starts complaining about her choice. Plus 1 point.
Offer her solution rather than criticism. Plus 1 point.
When you exhausted all points from her love bank.. she will cease to respect you no matter what you do for her in the future.
Prevention is better than damage control.
HAHAH!!
Condescending? No I am not! I can't outtalk her, that's why I backed out.
-18 point.
Let's see what more can you come up with.
Originally posted by Pappygatmus:HAHAH!!
Condescending? No I am not! I can't outtalk her, that's why I backed out.
-18 point.
Let's see what more can you come up with.
You can insist all you want. A woman don't think like a man.
You married a woman.. did you not ?
With that kind of logic, she married a man did she not.
A man don't think like a woman and you make it sound like I am the only who have to keep pleasing her and she don't have to do her part.
You you -50 point.
Originally posted by Pappygatmus:With that kind of logic, she married a man did she not.
A man don't think like a woman and you make it sound like I am the only who have to keep pleasing her and she don't have to do her part.
You you -50 point.
Well.. you did tell her she can get her own car.. did you not ?
If it's a family car shared between the both of you.. then it is logical for you to have your personal input and share the decision making process.
You don't have to keep pleasing her.. you just need to stop insulting her.
I'm just telling you how you can please a woman because I am a woman myself.
If accepting your personal input in the decision process for buying her car most pleases you.. then it is important you let her know of your needs too.
Perhaps you are unhappy because you have a dominating streak ?
Originally posted by jojobeach:Well.. you did tell her she can get her own car.. did you not ?
If it's a family car shared between the both of you.. then it is logical for you to have your personal input and share the decision making process.
You are illogical! I am not being condescending and you are the one insisting I am.
If I am being condescending I would go, " Oh nice car, Oh fits you, but but.. I was just gonna say you made the perfect choice."
Just like talking to a Japanese in English.
Originally posted by Pappygatmus:
You are illogical! I am not being condescending and you are the one insisting I am.If I am being condescending I would go, " Oh nice car, Oh fits you, but but.. I was just gonna say you made the perfect choice."
Just like talking to a Japanese in English.
What is illogical to you may not be illogical to someone else.
Is being supportive to your wife such a difficult thing to do ?
There's no need to lie to her about your feelings.
Being honest doesn't means you must be sarcastic.
You can always disagree but give your support for her end choice at the same time.
" Technically.. I wouldn't go with this.. but if that's what you really like.. I'm happy for you."
If my partner says such a thing instead .. I would most likely give it a second thought.
Now you are assuming things. Good! Don't tell me it's your women intuition, very handy!
I clearly made it known to her the car isn't worth it, she is being headstrong. Highlight headstrong please. If she doesn't want to listen, I just let her do what she wants and hope she sees why. But the reason why she chose the car is also mainly because it looks good and I already understood it, before you even made a point on it.
That's why I didn't go headstrong myself and keep insisting it. I give in to her.
Is that condescending to you?
Originally posted by Pappygatmus:Now you are assuming things. Good! Don't tell me it's your women intuition, very handy!
I clearly made it known to her the car isn't worth it, she is being headstrong. Highlight headstrong please. If she doesn't want to listen, I just let her do what she wants and hope she sees why. But the reason why she chose the car is also mainly because it looks good and I already understood it, before you even made a point on it.
That's why I didn't go headstrong myself and keep insisting it. I give in to her.
Is that condescending to you?
Well if that be the case. why are you complaining ?
Is her being headstrong a problem ?
Originally posted by jojobeach:What is illogical to you may not be illogical to someone else.
Is being supportive to your wife such a difficult thing to do ?
There's no need to lie to her about your feelings.
Being honest doesn't means you must be sarcastic.
You can always disagree but give your support for her end choice at the same time.
" Technically.. I wouldn't go with this.. but if that's what you really like.. I'm happy for you."
If my partner says such a thing instead .. I would most likely give it a second thought.
I didn't lie about my feeling. I made it to clear to her I disagree on her choice, but to support her on her choice I failed on that.
I see your point and I agree.
U gt problem is it?
I understand that men typically wants to have their say in family affairs.
But I gota warn you though.. there are some areas that a woman will perceive as more important to them. If you try to dominate every aspect of the family life.. you will be unceremoniously kicked out to sleep on the couch.
Identify which area is most important to you and ask that she respects your decision on these areas.
And likewise.. you must also let her dominate some part of your marriage/family which matters to her most.
She dominates the house and me.
Wow, love that dominates - in other words , its not love lar- sth else masquerading as love lor - that is the crux of all these 'problems' that u are faced with now.
It is more like mutual ego-gratification - at least that is what it has degenerated into.
To think that by stating what is rite for u and rite for her - (is divisive)one is caught in the game of rite/wrong.
At the end of it all - no-one would emerge a winner, at most a Phyrric victory. When one has to work on a marriage- know jolly well - that the downslide has inexorably begun - the march to oblivion or the journey to ...
Love – when it is a friendly fragrance (loving) in which no one is superior, in which no one decides ‘things’, in which both understand and are cognizant of the fact that they are different (personalities with individualities behind the social masks), that both their approach towards life is different, that they think differently, and still, with all these differences, they love each other and yet allow space to evolve without encroaching, without possessing .. without the need to behave or even extract promises for tomorrow – both would remain a mystery unto themselves, and when the journey and the goal is one – its an existential experience, subjective and yet never dull or certain. It is akin to a river flowing and yet everfresh!
Please, intuitively, this is what i feel - both of u are lacking within - and no matter what u do or say, or acquire - its window-dressing!