I need help and advice desperately.
On 8 May 2009, my husband was seen holding hands and hugging waist with another woman by my sister. On 9 and 10 May, he still can be with the family and acted as if nothing had happened. Since 11 May 2009, he had deserted the family till now.
My husband had an affair in 2006 when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. I saw his mushy msg from the other woman during my confinement period. I confronted him and he admitted the affair. He left home for 4 days and returned to beg for forgiveness. He was accepted back.
This time round, he admitted the affair with the same woman again. It started in dec 2008. I talked to him after being the last person being informed, I asked him to turn back but he said that it was too late. He wanted a divorce.
He left home and did not reply my call or smses after sometime. I started to claim maintenance from him and he started to pester me to bring the children out without me. I was desparate. I engaged a lawyer. However, my husband kept terrorising me with his smses and it hurt me a lot. He had not apologised for his mistakes but added that all was my fault. Even his family sided him.
I need advice desparately on how to fight my custody of my 3 young children (eldest 4, 2nd 2yrs+ and youngest 1). I want to stop him from terrorising and causing me more heartache. Since he left, he had not given his monthly allowance.
Engage a good lawyer.
I'm not sure if my lawyer is good or not but he always reponsed to my calls and queries.
I am also concerned that coz I have yet obtained any court order and I am not allowing him to see the children yet for the fear that he will take them away from me, will he be using it against me. I had tried once, just yesterday, to let him see the children under my supervision but he insisted on bringing them out. I did not agree and he did not appear.
How to get to him the legal way so that I won't have to continue to go through these tormenting behaviour of his?
Originally posted by painfulcat:I'm not sure if my lawyer is good or not but he always reponsed to my calls and queries.
I am also concerned that coz I have yet obtained any court order and I am not allowing him to see the children yet for the fear that he will take them away from me, will he be using it against me. I had tried once, just yesterday, to let him see the children under my supervision but he insisted on bringing them out. I did not agree and he did not appear.
How to get to him the legal way so that I won't have to continue to go through these tormenting behaviour of his?
Best you get advice from an honest lawyer, not those that are out to make a quick buck from you.
If there are SMSes of him admitting to the affair, keep them, can be used against him. Try to talk to him about his affairs and record it with a hidden tape recorder, make sure the recording is audible.
Evidences of adultery is sufficient for you to sue him for divorce. As for the custody of children, it is dependable on your financial capability to feed them.
Best of luck.
this will be a tuff period for u.
be strong and
"jia Yew" åŠ æ²¹
off or change ur hp.
Thank you deepak.c. I do not have any recording but I spoke to him and he admitted it. I had eye witness though but she is my own sister. I'm not sure if it can be used in court. I am thinking for worse case, I'll pull the woman into court.
I had an apology letter I made him wrote for the 1st affair. Not sure if that will be sufficient.
He had 5k salary. he gave 2k normally bef e problem now only agree to give 1398 coz 602 is for his motor vehicle paid thru my bank.
yr sister cannot be witness due to her relationship with u .
the court might not be 100% acceptable to her statement.
it would be best if u can have some good record
to show to the judge.
Ya, agree with Hwaimeng, gather evidences of his adultery with a PI.
Adultery is very traumatic for the victim. It can be very distressing as you feel betrayed. You have to let him go, receive healing and confidence in yourself. There is this coaching company, loveagain.sg, which focus heartbreak therapy, got to know about them in newpaper sometime ago. Do talk to them if you need professional help emotionally. Hope this helps you move on with your life. Take care!
Thank you everyone for your kind advices.
2 things to do: 1) be alert, observe carefully (esp. evidence)
2) think, calmly
One thing not to do: be soft-hearted.
That said, I think you're past that though. =\
hi gal, dun give up.
jia you!!
this kind of guy rot in volcano.
Originally posted by Cool-gal:hi gal, dun give up.
jia you!!
this kind of guy rot in volcano.
Eh, if in volcano no chance rot liao. Zhi jie combusted liao. Not cool. =P
your husband 畜牲，人渣，败类
you should seek help for home affair.
100% u win. IF YOU GOT EDVIDENCE that he have affair. witness, many many witness, third party.
if u lose I chop off the HEAD
of sgnoob.!
Painfulcat,
I think this link is rather useful, unless your lawyer had already provided similar info.
Click this Custody and Maintenance
Keep yourself well informed about your rights so that you may make an informed decision.
Have you already tried family counseling ?
Originally posted by painfulcat:I'm not sure if my lawyer is good or not but he always reponsed to my calls and queries.
I am also concerned that coz I have yet obtained any court order and I am not allowing him to see the children yet for the fear that he will take them away from me, will he be using it against me. I had tried once, just yesterday, to let him see the children under my supervision but he insisted on bringing them out. I did not agree and he did not appear.
How to get to him the legal way so that I won't have to continue to go through these tormenting behaviour of his?
This is not a high profile murder case so any lawyer should be able to do a reasonable job for you.If you engage a 'good' lawyer from a well known law firm you spend more,that's about it.Do what you need to do in your divorce but do consider what is best for your Children.Good Luck
Originally posted by painfulcat:I'm not sure if my lawyer is good or not but he always reponsed to my calls and queries.
I am also concerned that coz I have yet obtained any court order and I am not allowing him to see the children yet for the fear that he will take them away from me, will he be using it against me. I had tried once, just yesterday, to let him see the children under my supervision but he insisted on bringing them out. I did not agree and he did not appear.
How to get to him the legal way so that I won't have to continue to go through these tormenting behaviour of his?
Your lawyer is obligated to return your calls and reply your queries. But is your lawyer telling you what you need to do to protect your interests ?
I know you are badly hurt by his betrayal. But no matter what, he is still the children's father. You should at least allow supervised children visits .
If you are emotionally unable to handle it in person, perhaps it would be best you rope in your other family members , like your parents or your siblings to supervise the visits for now.
I'm sure you do not want your children to grow up hating their own father starting at such a young age. Letting it so will emotionally and psychologically scar them for life.
Your lawyer is obligated to return your calls and reply your queries. But is your lawyer telling you what you need to do to protect your interests ?
I know you are badly hurt by his betrayal. But no matter what, he is still the children's father. You should at least allow supervised children visits .
If you are emotionally unable to handle it in person, perhaps it would be best you rope in your other family members , like your parents or your siblings to supervise the visits for now.
I'm sure you do not want your children to grow up hating their own father starting at such a young age. Letting it so will emotionally and psychologically scar them for life.
Good advice
Originally posted by painfulcat:
How to get to him the legal way so that I won't have to continue to go through these tormenting behaviour of his?
my take is that the Kids have the right to have both Parent. So I don't think it would be justified for you to keep your kids away from your Ex. (it is your relationship that fail not the kids)
an informal way is to have a moderator whom both of you can respect. Sit down and come up with an agreeable understanding how to raise the kids together but maintain seperate relationship and come with a procedure of visitation, CNY, christmas, school holidays, discipline. spending time.
So that your children grew up knowing that they still have both parents but living seperately. This also help to reduce future resentment from the children towards both parents.
It would be a mistake for either both of you to assume that Joint parental responsibilities disappear once you get divorce.
Originally posted by Short Ninja:Good advice
and yours is rubbish.
short ass ninja freak
Thank you so much for all your advice.
I am in the midst of filing the divorce. I had gone to family court to locked in minimum sum of maintenance for the time being. He usually provides me $2K for allowance; I used it to pay for all bills as well as his car installment. Now that I had taken up the maintenance, he said that since I'm using the car, I should pay myslef he will not support so he only give $1,398.00 for monthly maintenance. He is such a petty person.
Somtimes before my eldest daughter's birthday, I suggested for him to see the children but for a short while. It was already a step back from me despite how he had treated me but he asked for more and demanded more. I had to go through pain for his infidelity and yet to accept his demands... I did not give in.
There was even a time that he threatened to cut off our matrimonal house's utility. He is someone who takes home 5K every month yet he only give $1,398. He claimed that he loves his children but he never once think for his children's wellbeing during the time he abandoned us. Now that I asked for allowance, he insisted to see the children. He's obviously trying to use the children in this warfare to cover his guilt in his infidelity.
It really disgust me...
I doubt very much that u would be allowed sole custody of the children - unless u can offer irrefutable evidence in court to prove that he has been an unfit FATHER to your chidren. Its an uphill climb so its better tthat u relent and accept it as the court deems so.
As for his infidelity - i do emphatize with u but its better to let go and reconcile to what is available to you now and see what can be worked out amicably lar.