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ok. so u are facing the same problem as what i faced when my ex broke off with me. i also questioned her, is it because she cant find a bf, then she decided that she wants to come back to me. we didnt patch up afterall, but we still maintain contact.
why i asked her that, is because i know her character.
well TS, if u still like her, just apologise sincerely. or give her a few days to calm down then look for her again. but dont send emails or talk to her over msn. talk to her face to face, thats more sincere.
Haha, maybe you should find her out. Not as in calling her to meet her. But give her a surprise so she could not run away this time.
Oh yah common. Dont neglect the whole forest just because of one tree though.
But maybe the one tree worth much more than the whole forest at times.
So it's down to you but I think she is still having a good time without you.This kind of bitch which I had under-go once. Just dump her
Originally posted by Spaceseries:Hi All,
I’m v bother by wat has happen to me lately…n i desperately trying to find an ans n direction to it…i hope some of u ppl out there can give me ur opinions on it.
My ex-gf broke up with me 7-8 mths back..her reason was being unable to blend in with my circle of friends & not confident in herself…which i still dun really buy..we dated for 3 yrs back then.
I’ve learn to adjust my life back & was getting on good. then she came knocking begging if we could patch back together. I was happy, confuse & scared. Becoz i’m afraid she might just leave again like she did without much explanation. however i give her an opening to explain n worm her way back in….we went out acouple of times, hold hands n kiss. but i still wasnt sure i wanna her back in completely… becoz during our conversation she sometimes will joke about buying houses & getting married etc…which make me feel uneasy, she knew i always wanted to settle down with her back when we are together..but i wasnt sure this time round..i needed time to ease in.
One night when we were talking on the phone, she mention jokingly say about getting a hse etc..then i remember seeing some of her party pics she posted online right after we broke off with a group of frds…guys n gals…but i some of them r quite intimate..like lying on guys shoulder, hugging etc…then in a spur of the moment i said whether is it because she couldnt find other better guys tatz y she came n look for me..n ask her to go for those guys on the pics if she is just looking at me as just spare tyre..yes i know i’m been a jerk n mean by saying all these…but would anyone of you will feel same as me? or is it just me?.. Anyway i’ve apologies profusely straightaway after i said it, knowing it was very harsh.. she took it v badly…
ok now..i feel that i may have made a bad remarks…but i still wishes we can work things out if it’s not what i thought it is…so i said sorry & told her we can tried to make it work again…but she refused n got really really mad at me..saying if i really love her i shouldn’t have said all those…i admit i make a nasty comment but isn’t it natural for me to have these thoughts for wat had happen to me? plus when she wanna break off with she said lots of hurtful things to me too! n when she cant forgive me n when i actually gave her a chance?? I wrote her an email to explain n apologies…asking her to forgive me n start over…but she never reply me.. i ask her on msn whether have she read it she said she was busy so no time to read…i said if she felt that we really cannot work out it’s fine also…just tell me n i wont bother her anymore but she also never reply me….so what can do? do i take it as she couldn’t be bother by my email or she needed time to think about it….should i call her to press for an answer? or should i wait? or she not reading my email is an answer already? or should i just move on?
I’m deeply confuse…help….
& thanks for reading my long story…
The reason why she said she needed time to think about it is because she is as confused as you are.
She thought that you would not treat her like this because you have been together with her for so long in the past, and you have been so nice to her ( You did not mention that you are a nice guy, but I guess you are probably much better than the guys whom she meet after you ).
Odds are she got played by a guy outside, and realised that you are the one who is truely caring and loving to her, that is why she came back looking for you.
Putting that aside, lets get back to you. The main question now is whether are you able to accept her? There is no telling what she might had done outside.
If you are able to accept her, then let her cool down for a while before you go back and apologise to her again. If you go look for her now while she is in such a state of mind, things are going to get even more out of hand.
If you are not going to accept her, then forget it. Just take her as another stranger and cut off contact with her.
Confusion means to love or not love? - fence sitting gestures means lack of inner security . Fix it from within and whether one stays or not is irrelevant cos the journey and the goal(s) are already one!
As for the past, cancelled cheque lah, only has validity in the head - psychological hangover
...
Unlearn what u think u know and see things and people for what they are - ie, what u see is what is. The rest is all mired in the past or looking into the future, the less beliefs , the less attitudes the more freer u are.
I would add these - she is not rite/wrong nor are you. Love is uncertainty. It cannot be compressed into a room cos it is as nebulous as the blue sky!
Learn to relate to urself first - ie, fulfil love in you and u are abundant, overflowing - then u are an emperor cos u are always giving! Love gives, appreciates and shares.
Originally posted by Spaceseries:Thank u all for the advices...I've wanted to meet up with her but she refuses...dun reply sms, msn or call...tatz why i dun have a choice but just to email.. how long shld i wait before i make the next contact? or shld i?
I'm also confuse by how serious is she towards me...when she begged to patched back...she sms me sweet nothings everynight, say how sorry she was n she completely understand what she has been missing...n surprise me in my office by bringing chocolates, wait outside my events to pass me cakes..wana cook food for me, talk about marriages..lovey dovey everyday etc etc..so i was abit touch n gave her a chance...
but when i make a wrong comment (which i apologies repeatedly) she banished me to the 18 levels of hell...n shut me off without a thought.. to add on tat she did also mentioned equally hurtful things to me when we were breaking up... why can't she give me the same treatment as I've shown to her when she wanted back?
I kept asking myself every night is it really because of what i've said? becoz i did such a horrible thing which is along the same line as cheating, abusing, gambling watever etc.. like tat?? or it is something else that i fail to see? Is it all gals will think this way like her??
The thing I've said is it so damningly unforgivable??
What you have said is unforgivable if she really didn't do anything with those guys you seen in the photos, though I highly doubt that is the case here.
It seems that you are going to choose the route of chasing her back after all this though.
You have been with her for quite a while in the past, so you should know roughly how long it will take for her to "cool down" after a big argument ( though this is worse than an argument ). After that rough period of time, then should you go look for her.
If she still refuses to talk to you, then you will have to repeat what she did to make you forgive her :
Quoted from you : when she begged to patched back...she sms me sweet nothings everynight, say how sorry she was n she completely understand what she has been missing...n surprise me in my office by bringing chocolates, wait outside my events to pass me cakes..wana cook food for me, talk about marriages..lovey dovey everyday etc etc..
Just leave out the cooking and the marriage part unless she bring up the question of whether you will want to marry her or not.
After reading your post I got a few suggestion for you.
1) Are you seriously in love with your ex? Think carefully first before answering my question.
1a) If you cannot answer the above question, I can suggest a checklist for you.
i) Are you truely happy when she is around? Or do you always worry that she will betray you one day and run away again.
ii) Do you think that she will be your wife in the near future?
iii) If she countinues to flirt around with her guy friends will you be able to handle it?
If your answer for all the question above is no, You do not truly love her at all is just a feeling of responsiblity thats all.
My suggestion for you is to forget her and start anew, your current actions only shows that you are just sorry for your words thats all, Since you have too much worries about getting back with her, why not let go?
Bro.
She left you because she thought she could find someone better.
She came back because she realized you're the best to her.
My thoughts : be careful. no guy would want a girlfriend that 'goes with the wind'. if you get what i mean. if one fine day both of you already married, then suddenly you not doing well in life cos of financial problem or career problem or whatever, do you think she'd leave you or cheat on you again?
If your answer to my question is yes, then i recommend you don't take her too seriously.
good luck ar ... outside got many many girls la. dun get too hard up on just one of them.
One more thing,
what a girl says to you is not important. Look at her actions and you will know whether she really loves you anot. Can tell one.
She came back to you knowing in her heart you are the best, BASED on the past relationship she had with you.
But after you take her back, she realised you are no longer the same person who loved her the way you used to.
She doesn't like the NEW you, and realised you will never be the same guy she used to date.
In the end, she decided not to continue the relationship with you any longer.
Understand ?
...
Originally posted by Spaceseries:I understand that but can't she see after what she did to me..isn't it natural that I'll may think she left me for greener pasture & came back becoz she had no luck with which ever targets she has in mind. or is it just me that is feeling this way? I'm still me but i also need the kind of assurance she is serious... I'm not some kind of spare tyre. If this were to happen to the gals..when they think differently also? or they just kept quiet be happy their bf/gf came back not knowing the real reason...
She can see that, but that doesn't mean she will like you to ask such a question, regardless of whether it is true or not.
Not only you, most people in a similar situation as yours will probably also think this way, but most people will also be upset when their supposedly other half throw such a question at them.
The main thing now is whether you are going to really go after her again or not. Just like most of the forummers here who replied, I strongly suggest that you put a full-stop there.
"then in a spur of the moment i said whether is it because she couldnt find other better guys tatz y she came n look for me..n ask her to go for those guys on the pics if she is just looking at me as just spare tyre.."
In a spur of the moment, you insulted and humiliated her.
And so she hurt you before, NOW You had to PUNISH her for what she did.
Then you wonder why she ran away ?? LOL !!!!
You let your ego ruin it for ya dude.
...
Originally posted by Spaceseries:I know..i apologise for my insensitive & mean remark...she has the right to get pissed..& i'll admit my mistake...I ask for nothing but a slight understanding of my state of mind when i said that..hope she can just give me a chance like how i gave her...but i guess that never going to happen. maybe its just not meant to be..
Sometimes the simplest things in life is the hardest to find.
If ya had to beg , ya beg.
She already said she don't mind marrying you. What more are you waiting for ?
Go and get her a engagement ring, and beg for her forgiveness.
Tell her how sorry you are and that you really want to spend the rest of your life with her.
Stop being such a dork and do some romantic things to woo her back.
I can't believe you say this to her " i said if she felt that we really cannot work out it’s fine also", freakin ego melting your brain.
I think you are beyond repair.
Go find yerself a monastary and sign up for lifetime service.
Originally posted by Spaceseries:Hi All,
I’m v bother by wat has happen to me lately…n i desperately trying to find an ans n direction to it…i hope some of u ppl out there can give me ur opinions on it.
My ex-gf broke up with me 7-8 mths back..her reason was being unable to blend in with my circle of friends & not confident in herself…which i still dun really buy..we dated for 3 yrs back then.
I’ve learn to adjust my life back & was getting on good. then she came knocking begging if we could patch back together. I was happy, confuse & scared. Becoz i’m afraid she might just leave again like she did without much explanation. however i give her an opening to explain n worm her way back in….we went out acouple of times, hold hands n kiss. but i still wasnt sure i wanna her back in completely… becoz during our conversation she sometimes will joke about buying houses & getting married etc…which make me feel uneasy, she knew i always wanted to settle down with her back when we are together..but i wasnt sure this time round..i needed time to ease in.
One night when we were talking on the phone, she mention jokingly say about getting a hse etc..then i remember seeing some of her party pics she posted online right after we broke off with a group of frds…guys n gals…but i some of them r quite intimate..like lying on guys shoulder, hugging etc…then in a spur of the moment i said whether is it because she couldnt find other better guys tatz y she came n look for me..n ask her to go for those guys on the pics if she is just looking at me as just spare tyre..yes i know i’m been a jerk n mean by saying all these…but would anyone of you will feel same as me? or is it just me?.. Anyway i’ve apologies profusely straightaway after i said it, knowing it was very harsh.. she took it v badly…
ok now..i feel that i may have made a bad remarks…but i still wishes we can work things out if it’s not what i thought it is…so i said sorry & told her we can tried to make it work again…but she refused n got really really mad at me..saying if i really love her i shouldn’t have said all those…i admit i make a nasty comment but isn’t it natural for me to have these thoughts for wat had happen to me? plus when she wanna break off with she said lots of hurtful things to me too! n when she cant forgive me n when i actually gave her a chance?? I wrote her an email to explain n apologies…asking her to forgive me n start over…but she never reply me.. i ask her on msn whether have she read it she said she was busy so no time to read…i said if she felt that we really cannot work out it’s fine also…just tell me n i wont bother her anymore but she also never reply me….so what can do? do i take it as she couldn’t be bother by my email or she needed time to think about it….should i call her to press for an answer? or should i wait? or she not reading my email is an answer already? or should i just move on?
I’m deeply confuse…help….
& thanks for reading my long story…
if she get back to you..check if shes pregnant...with you child..or someone else..sorry to sound cold..there are gals who are like this..got knock up and shift the blame to the ex bf..trying to patch with them and gifth them a free baby..
if you are lucky such thing never happened...she may have realized she really loed you and you are the best..not that you are spare tire..gals nowadays can be quite open..hugging,lying on shoulders even pecks on cheeks mean nothing to gals..let time prove whose right..
Originally posted by Spaceseries:I know..i apologise for my insensitive & mean remark...she has the right to get pissed..& i'll admit my mistake...I ask for nothing but a slight understanding of my state of mind when i said that..hope she can just give me a chance like how i gave her...but i guess that never going to happen. maybe its just not meant to be..
Sometimes the simplest things in life is the hardest to find.
in love..dont expect the other party to give you what you gave..you may accept everything about her even when shes lying to you doesnt mean she can forgive you even when you had to lie to protect her..
its not sometimes..its always..simplest things in life are the hardest to achieve...personal exp..
Originally posted by jojobeach:She came back to you knowing in her heart you are the best, BASED on the past relationship she had with you.
But after you take her back, she realised you are no longer the same person who loved her the way you used to.
She doesn't like the NEW you, and realised you will never be the same guy she used to date.
In the end, she decided not to continue the relationship with you any longer.
Understand ?
ever thought that the new her didnt like the old him anymore..despite having the first thought of the old him being the best??
Originally posted by domonkassyu:ever thought that the new her didnt like the old him anymore..despite having the first thought of the old him being the best??
But he ain't complaining she had changed for the worst when he decided to take her back.
Originally posted by domonkassyu:in love..dont expect the other party to give you what you gave..you may accept everything about her even when shes lying to you doesnt mean she can forgive you even when you had to lie to protect her..
its not sometimes..its always..simplest things in life are the hardest to achieve...personal exp..
There is no point in saying this, as most people won't realise that love is about how you can give to your other half, not how much they can give to you. The same goes for TS, though I won't blame him for that.
The main issue now is for TS's mind to settle down and decide whether he still want to continue this relationship or not.
Originally posted by Spaceseries:Hi All,
I’m v bother by wat has happen to me lately…n i desperately trying to find an ans n direction to it…i hope some of u ppl out there can give me ur opinions on it.
My ex-gf broke up with me 7-8 mths back..her reason was being unable to blend in with my circle of friends & not confident in herself…which i still dun really buy..we dated for 3 yrs back then.
I’ve learn to adjust my life back & was getting on good. then she came knocking begging if we could patch back together. I was happy, confuse & scared. Becoz i’m afraid she might just leave again like she did without much explanation. however i give her an opening to explain n worm her way back in….we went out acouple of times, hold hands n kiss. but i still wasnt sure i wanna her back in completely… becoz during our conversation she sometimes will joke about buying houses & getting married etc…which make me feel uneasy, she knew i always wanted to settle down with her back when we are together..but i wasnt sure this time round..i needed time to ease in.
One night when we were talking on the phone, she mention jokingly say about getting a hse etc..then i remember seeing some of her party pics she posted online right after we broke off with a group of frds…guys n gals…but i some of them r quite intimate..like lying on guys shoulder, hugging etc…then in a spur of the moment i said whether is it because she couldnt find other better guys tatz y she came n look for me..n ask her to go for those guys on the pics if she is just looking at me as just spare tyre..yes i know i’m been a jerk n mean by saying all these…but would anyone of you will feel same as me? or is it just me?.. Anyway i’ve apologies profusely straightaway after i said it, knowing it was very harsh.. she took it v badly…
ok now..i feel that i may have made a bad remarks…but i still wishes we can work things out if it’s not what i thought it is…so i said sorry & told her we can tried to make it work again…but she refused n got really really mad at me..saying if i really love her i shouldn’t have said all those…i admit i make a nasty comment but isn’t it natural for me to have these thoughts for wat had happen to me? plus when she wanna break off with she said lots of hurtful things to me too! n when she cant forgive me n when i actually gave her a chance?? I wrote her an email to explain n apologies…asking her to forgive me n start over…but she never reply me.. i ask her on msn whether have she read it she said she was busy so no time to read…i said if she felt that we really cannot work out it’s fine also…just tell me n i wont bother her anymore but she also never reply me….so what can do? do i take it as she couldn’t be bother by my email or she needed time to think about it….should i call her to press for an answer? or should i wait? or she not reading my email is an answer already? or should i just move on?
I’m deeply confuse…help….
& thanks for reading my long story…
I do not know enough to say much, except that you have many ppl's sympathies. =)