Originally posted by Spaceseries:I know..i apologise for my insensitive & mean remark...she has the right to get pissed..& i'll admit my mistake...I ask for nothing but a slight understanding of my state of mind when i said that..hope she can just give me a chance like how i gave her...but i guess that never going to happen. maybe its just not meant to be..
Sometimes the simplest things in life is the hardest to find.
if she's not meant to be
it's time u moved on.
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Originally posted by Spaceseries:Thanks for all the advices. She has replied my email. Saying she cannot be with me knowing my mentally that i'm thinking she came back to me becoz she couldnt find anyone else. & hope it's better we can be remains as friends. As much as i want her back i also respect her decision & knowing her the more i press her the more she will close up..anyway i knew i mess up.
During our last break up, she keep all the photos we had together posted online, statue she still put "attached"..This time if she also didnt remove it...(yet)...so can i presume i still stand a chance if i let her cool off n forget abt tis for another 6mths or so?..abt the same period we broke off previously..while during this period i'll just linger ard as "friend" to provide her with watever she needs.. or u guys thinks that i should forget about the whole thing n move on..
Whether you are to move on or not.. it all depends on how much you want her to be with you.
Obviously she is badly insulted by your remarks.
While you think you are the one taking a huge risk taking her back, you must understand that she is also taking a huge risk patching back with you.
All returner will fear being treated like a second class human being after going back to the original partner..unfortunately you had to go and actually treat her like one.
She has made it very clear to you that it is because of the way you think about the comeback relationship that made the return a difficult one.
Your actions and hurtful things you said proved that you are NOT into the relationship either. So why would a girl stick around a guy who is not going to put in 100% ?
So, if you want to have her back.. you must allay her fear, and give her tons of reassurance that you will not make the same mistake a second time.
Giving her 6 months is too long.. anything can change the playing field during this few months.
You should let her know NOW that you are willing to wait until she is emotionally ready to trust you again. And will do all you can to make it work this time.
Keep the line open.. and prod her once a while. Continue to woo her like the way you used to before both of you become a couple.
But if you don't want to continue .. then it's best to end it now lor. This part.. very easy lah.
Perhaps, the question that requires attention is - is it needs or love?
If its the former - jolly well know this lah - its bondage for u and for the other. It will eventually suffocate both of u.
Love - frees and soars all the time!
No one can tell u wat 2 do. But if u really love her, then u shouldn't just admit defeat! How can you give up so easily? U'll regret it!
On the other hand, if u think u don't hv feelings 4 her anymore, then..u know wat 2 do..
Originally posted by Spaceseries:Thanks for all the advices. She has replied my email. Saying she cannot be with me knowing my mentally that i'm thinking she came back to me becoz she couldnt find anyone else. & hope it's better we can be remains as friends. As much as i want her back i also respect her decision & knowing her the more i press her the more she will close up..anyway i knew i mess up.
During our last break up, she keep all the photos we had together posted online, statue she still put "attached"..This time if she also didnt remove it...(yet)...so can i presume i still stand a chance if i let her cool off n forget abt tis for another 6mths or so?..abt the same period we broke off previously..while during this period i'll just linger ard as "friend" to provide her with watever she needs.. or u guys thinks that i should forget about the whole thing n move on..
The way you put your question across is like you are asking us to make the decision for you. The decision is for you to make!
We can only give you advices, nothing more than that. Whether you still want to go after her again is your own choice, though we will advice you not to get your hopes up too high.
Think about it, if she were to come back to you again, odds are she got played around by another guy (again). To come back to you due to such a reason is...
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Originally posted by jojobeach:But he ain't complaining she had changed for the worst when he decided to take her back.
maybe he hadnt realized in the beginning..many things aint obvious when emotions is involved..
Originally posted by Forbiddensinner:There is no point in saying this, as most people won't realise that love is about how you can give to your other half, not how much they can give to you. The same goes for TS, though I won't blame him for that.
The main issue now is for TS's mind to settle down and decide whether he still want to continue this relationship or not.
well, if TS were to realize not to expect anything..he can take it...no expectations..no disappointment..i do agree with you that TS need to col and settle..but even if he wants to continue..he might not be able to..nothing is impossible unless someone gives you an opening..
his gal needs to work things out with him..need to know his side of the story..they both need to see from each other's view point if they love each other..
Originally posted by Spaceseries:Thanks for all the advices. She has replied my email. Saying she cannot be with me knowing my mentally that i'm thinking she came back to me becoz she couldnt find anyone else. & hope it's better we can be remains as friends. As much as i want her back i also respect her decision & knowing her the more i press her the more she will close up..anyway i knew i mess up.
During our last break up, she keep all the photos we had together posted online, statue she still put "attached"..This time if she also didnt remove it...(yet)...so can i presume i still stand a chance if i let her cool off n forget abt tis for another 6mths or so?..abt the same period we broke off previously..while during this period i'll just linger ard as "friend" to provide her with watever she needs.. or u guys thinks that i should forget about the whole thing n move on..
make up your own mind..just bear in mind some people can always shift blames to you to make themselves the innocent party..personal exp....she might/might not be insulted...but fact is if you love her...stand by her and protect her from the shadows..seeing her smile will make you happy too..if shes true..she will know how much you do for her without you telling her..
if she aint true...well..hide and cry like me lor...wat to do..
Originally posted by Spaceseries:I really appreciated all the advices. I've decided to take abreak myself also..i'll go on backpack trip alone...n spend sometime to reflect upon myself...y i'm such a jerk...n how to be a better person...thanks guys.
it may not be you who are in the wrong...girls aint always the innocent party..it takes 2 hands to clap..if she had been mindful of her behavior..it wont lead to you suspecting her..
Originally posted by Spaceseries:Thanks for all the advices. She has replied my email. Saying she cannot be with me knowing my mentally that i'm thinking she came back to me becoz she couldnt find anyone else. & hope it's better we can be remains as friends. As much as i want her back i also respect her decision & knowing her the more i press her the more she will close up..anyway i knew i mess up.
During our last break up, she keep all the photos we had together posted online, statue she still put "attached"..This time if she also didnt remove it...(yet)...so can i presume i still stand a chance if i let her cool off n forget abt tis for another 6mths or so?..abt the same period we broke off previously..while during this period i'll just linger ard as "friend" to provide her with watever she needs.. or u guys thinks that i should forget about the whole thing n move on..
she's trying to play innocent and trying to make you feel guilty.
given her track record, likely she'll just break up with you for some obscure reason later on too. Did you ever find out what shewas doing after breakup?
Originally posted by Spaceseries:I really appreciated all the advices. I've decided to take abreak myself also..i'll go on backpack trip alone...n spend sometime to reflect upon myself...y i'm such a jerk...n how to be a better person...thanks guys.
Stop calling yourself a jerk, you were just being a tad too direct when you questioned her.
When it comes to relationship, there is rarely such a thing as totally right or totally wrong. She has a right to be out with other guys after she broke up with you, she has the right to want you to settle down with her, but you also have the right to question why she came back to you again.
Try to keep all these to a side of your mind, otherwise you won't be able to truly enjoy your backpacking trip across other countries.
Enjoy and have fun on your trip.
Why don't u seem to get this - love is absent totally, all that is palpable is manipulation. Something was parading as love and u bought into that lie.
My suggestion - work on yourself - be self-fullilled - be complete from within and all u will be is in a position to give, to share and the wise would know and be attracted to u.
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Originally posted by Spaceseries:Thanks again...her best frd just msn me today...asking me y m i so mean to her....she said my ex definitely still have feelings for me just not confidence enough that i will be the same..basically she lecture me until i'm worthless. She suggested that if i wanna win her back, i need to do something out of the normal that usually i wont do...like bringing a bouquet of flowers/or her favourite cheesecake wait outside her office n give her a surprise. I'm not sure whether is that such a good idea....or will it put her off more since she is still angry with me i suppose....or i'm just being silly even thinking of doing that...?
Trust her best friend. There is a chance that both of them are scheming this together. Even if they are not, from the looks of matters, I can assure you her best friend knows her better than you know her.
Of course, the most important thing is that you must still have feelings for her too, and wishes to be together with her again. If you truly think so, than you must be prepared to be "tekkan" by her for awhile, especially if this is something which the two girls have came up with together.
If you want to forget about her, then get ready your fieldpacks for your backpacking trip.
Originally posted by Spaceseries:Thanks again...her best frd just msn me today...asking me y m i so mean to her....she said my ex definitely still have feelings for me just not confidence enough that i will be the same..basically she lecture me until i'm worthless. She suggested that if i wanna win her back, i need to do something out of the normal that usually i wont do...like bringing a bouquet of flowers/or her favourite cheesecake wait outside her office n give her a surprise. I'm not sure whether is that such a good idea....or will it put her off more since she is still angry with me i suppose....or i'm just being silly even thinking of doing that...?
What exactly is it you want ?
Do you want her back, or not ?
Giving her flowers or her favourite cheesecake is something you usually won't even do ? What kind of a bf are you ? U don't seem to give a hoot about pleasing your gf at all.
How sad.
No, I think you really should just leave her alone. I'm very sure she can find a guy who will treat her better elsewhere.
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Originally posted by Spaceseries:Yes i want her back. Giving her cheesecake all these I do before but not waiting outside her office with a flower. I'm just not sure if is a good idea to "surprise" her like tat, she might be irritated or even be put off becoz she may not want her office ppl to know abt her personal relationship issues. But I'm may wanna give it a last shot before i regret it forever.
So i need to ask...you u think itz such a good idea to do that? to wait outside her office? I'm just afraid it may put her off but some of my frds suggested i shld do it coz since i've already told her i'm okay to be just frds...so she may think i really wanna be just frds n move on..tatz y i need to action now..wat do u guys think? too soon? too cheezy tat will put her off even more?
Instead of trusting your buddies, you should seek help from her close friends instead. They will give you another earful again, but I believe that they will be able to understand and know what she will want, and what she would not mind.
If you want to take action, then go ahead. But do not take action only because you feel that you will regret it later if you do not do so. The reason for what you are going to do now, is to make her come back to your side, remember that.
And please try getting a bouquet instead of a single flower. If you have the courage to do so, then kneel down on one knee, and ask for her forgiveness. Nothing is too cheesy, if you are willing to try. But of course, you know her better than any of the forummers here, so you will be a better judge of your ownself and your actions.
If you do not want her to go look for another guy, then you better hurry up. This is all I can advise you for now.
Originally posted by Spaceseries:Yes i want her back. Giving her cheesecake all these I do before but not waiting outside her office with a flower. I'm just not sure if is a good idea to "surprise" her like tat, she might be irritated or even be put off becoz she may not want her office ppl to know abt her personal relationship issues. But I'm may wanna give it a last shot before i regret it forever.
So i need to ask...you u think itz such a good idea to do that? to wait outside her office? I'm just afraid it may put her off but some of my frds suggested i shld do it coz since i've already told her i'm okay to be just frds...so she may think i really wanna be just frds n move on..tatz y i need to action now..wat do u guys think? too soon? too cheezy tat will put her off even more?
Sending her flowers to her office is ok.
Standing outside her office is stalking her, so that's not good.
Besides, how long ago is the break up already ? She probably already found another guy by now. It will be awkward if you just show up and her new boyfriend is fetching her at the office.
Ofcors you need action now. Don't you even know how to woo/chase a woman ? Just treat her like you just know her and woo her from the beginning AGAIN !
The chase is better than the catch! Once the chase ends one is trapped or caged. The intelligent one would always keep it a chase even when one is into it.
You want to go backpacking.
You want her back. But ...
You want to know what to do. Cheese cake, bouquet, kneel down.
Stuff it all, and go backpacking lah!
There are lots of girls out there and many are suitable for you. You only need one, and that does not mean there is only one and only one that is good for you. And vice versa for her.
If one is suitable for oneself - one no longer seeks another - one is abundantly rich within - one shares!
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Originally posted by Spaceseries:i get abit lost when it comes to a relationship..i dun hav much experience in chasing woman...all my relationships comes naterally.. Anyway i just wanna try before i admit defeat...but of coz with proper planning...my thoughts r..send her flowers with a hand written card, then sent her an ecard with animations showing her taking a big hammer hitting my head n my character will yell sorry while she hits me...in the card i'll invite her for a coffee...if she dun response i'll sms her 4pm before she knock off n tell her i'll be waiting outside the cafe for her.. but if tat still dun work then i think she really dun wan to see me anymore...so good to go? or good to fail?
i'll still be going backpacking, just planning india or tibet..itz a pain trying to plan n assign ur work when u r not ard...boss make noise also...
invite her for a cup of coffee ? LOL.. dude.. you are udderly hopeless.....don't be so cheapskate can ?
Usually send flowers already.. you must give a follow up call to her and invite her out for a nice dinner. Let her know you want to bring her to this nice place you found and you would like to personally apologise and make it up to her for being such a jerk in the past.
Then cross your fingers lor.
Give her a call won't die one.... Cowardly behaviors are a turn off. Understand ?