lost that feeling?
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I still clearly remember what happen everything from the encounter to when she agreed to be with me.. It was not very long ago (around 1 year), I still remember how lucky i am and touched that my effort on getting her have finally pay off( we are the kind whom proceeded from friend zone to lover which is actually harder in my sense)..
now only one year down the road I am confused.. I still have feeling for her and still wants to continue if not share my life with her in the future but something somehow hit me..
I realise I've lost that interest in her slowly.. (I still love my gf)
but Im jus confuse why is that so... even sexually(theres even once I got trouble getting errected and have to rely on my imagination to keep it going) I lost that interest is that because I no longer love her without knowing it?
or its just part of a long term serious relation deal? like a stage which i will eventually overcome?
or am i a bastard who cant stay committed? I am really confuse on it.. shes a great girlfriend(just abit clingy) and no doubt is someone you will not mind spending your life with but im worry that lost in interest will last and might cause me to stray..
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ARe you under any stress? Has relationship with her become mundane? ARe you having any interest in other gal?
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I cant say Im experiencing stress just moderate i guess..
relation with her is considered normal If we talking about normal couple(we go out together, she stay over, we argue sometimes).
I am jus as confuse if talking about interest in other gal. (shes get very uptight when my ex call(I tried not to contact them) and I am still in contact with a couple of my ex gfs.. they all hate whats happening now and always complaining that I am being controlled). to me they are just memories some sweet ones i wonder izzit wrong to have that kinda memories.. but nothing else..
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Originally posted by actualization~:
I cant say Im experiencing stress just moderate i guess..
relation with her is considered normal If we talking about normal couple(we go out together, she stay over, we argue sometimes).
I am jus as confuse if talking about interest in other gal. (shes get very uptight when my ex call(I tried not to contact them) and I am still in contact with a couple of my ex gfs.. they all hate whats happening now and always complaining that I am being controlled). to me they are just memories some sweet ones i wonder izzit wrong to have that kinda memories.. but nothing else..
memories with your ex-es are meant to be kept INSIDE your head. Not share it with your gf.
Let me ask you this.
Would you rather your EX-gf control you or your gf control you ?
EX gf are EX for good reason. They will be laughing and popping champagnes when you finally break off with your GF.
They keep in contact with you waiting for the day you finally screw yourself up again.
SO, Tell those ex bitches to shut the fark up, you now belong to your GF.
Since you have lost interest in your gf, then let her go. She's not gonna die without you.
Infact, now that you have become IMPOTENT.. she'd be happier with another MAN.
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lol dun be so mad jojo.. but i understand what your trying to say there.. hmm.. its true to some extent of what your saying haha but I am not impotent... I just somehow got problem doing it with her without imagination.. (shes not ugly either I just dun understand why I lost that interest).. and like i say I love her.. I posted here is because Im unsure of whats this feeling im having now.. Dun worry if its time to let her go for her own good i will.. just needa sort out whats that feeling first as its confusing me..
dun be mad ya ;p
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Originally posted by actualization~:
I still clearly remember what happen everything from the encounter to when she agreed to be with me.. It was not very long ago (around 1 year), I still remember how lucky i am and touched that my effort on getting her have finally pay off( we are the kind whom proceeded from friend zone to lover which is actually harder in my sense)..
now only one year down the road I am confused.. I still have feeling for her and still wants to continue if not share my life with her in the future but something somehow hit me..
I realise I've lost that interest in her slowly.. (I still love my gf)
but Im jus confuse why is that so... even sexually(theres even once I got trouble getting errected and have to rely on my imagination to keep it going) I lost that interest is that because I no longer love her without knowing it?
or its just part of a long term serious relation deal? like a stage which i will eventually overcome?
or am i a bastard who cant stay committed? I am really confuse on it.. shes a great girlfriend(just abit clingy) and no doubt is someone you will not mind spending your life with but im worry that lost in interest will last and might cause me to stray..
Think about all those couples that had their marriage arranged by their parents. Some of them stayed married till death, "loving each other", helping each other through life, taking care of each other.... after you are together for a long time, you will have to start to treat your gf / wife as family and be there for her through thick and thin.
As for the feelings of love and sexual feelings... you cannot expect it to last with the same intensity as when you first started.
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hi..actualization didnt actually actualize anything after all..
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Originally posted by actualization~:
lol dun be so mad jojo.. but i understand what your trying to say there.. hmm.. its true to some extent of what your saying haha but I am not impotent... I just somehow got problem doing it with her without imagination.. (shes not ugly either I just dun understand why I lost that interest).. and like i say I love her.. I posted here is because Im unsure of whats this feeling im having now.. Dun worry if its time to let her go for her own good i will.. just needa sort out whats that feeling first as its confusing me..
dun be mad ya ;p
She is not mad, she is just being direct to you.
A relationship is what they known as : "3 years of flame, a lifetime of commitment"
Most people failed to realise this though, and prefer jumping from 1 girl to another. If you are going to go after another girl and dump this gf just because you "feel" that the feeling is not there anymore, then I can assure you that you will repeat this cycle over again and again.
As for sexual matters wise, have you been having sex too often recently? This could be one of the reasons why it is getting harder and harder for you to erect.
If you were to be uncommitted to your relationship, it doesn't matter how much you love your gf now; you will still stray. I will leave it to your ownself to decide what to do now, but don't regret your choice.
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bad jojo call ppl impotent
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Commit to love yes, not to a person, no one gets hurt, of course, it presupposes that one is Being love!
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The confusion is cos u are relating to a relationship lah - a dead thing, liveless lar. When u go home - do u relate to your furniture or fan? One cannot relate to a thing! Now your gal friend (whatever she means to u) has been reduced to a thing also. A human being is an evolving living being - however, the dust of the past is so very much imprinted in the mind - one only reacts to the past or from memory. One's inner mirror is distorted - it reflects only the imprints of the mind not as things or people as they are.
Try relating without a relationship which u did when u first got to know her - eg, u were very freindly, very open to experimenting , a let-go stance- i m sure it was never boring, never dull, always exciting - well, now stale lah cos it has lost its flavour of uncertainty, thrill and newness. Relating is uncertain and many fear losing out - so quickly they rush into making into a relationship and after that wonder why the boredom, why the staleness , why the dead feeling!
One cannot see newness in another if one does not see newness in oneself. What do u see?
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u advertise your feeling?
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Hmm relationship don't mean you need to get hard everytime mah.
Something when work stress, money tension or working environment change will result have lost the urges feeling. Just take it easy.. got for a short breakway. Relax mind and body. Who know you might be another tiger again.
PS: you sound like a friend of mine who currently facing the same problem as you. Or maybe you are my friend "G"
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With love comes the responsibility of 'committment'. Some say love is not committment, for it has to be free or an ordered life will be an imposition to one, as not one thinks like the other, similar in every way.
However, committment is not a chain around one's neck. In truth, committment is as free as love should be, for in love will you find comfort and solace in another, despite the differences, flaws and all, thru the fond memories of better togetherness, and the chance that such feelings will recurr and occur, despite lulls in love's excitement. In love will good things come such as tolerance and patience.
And it will be intolerance, impatience and the feel of committment as a yoke of responsibility which you claim is still love, that will drive you apart.
In time, when the break occurs and the distance unbridgable...the fond memories of you and her will linger, haunt and make you seek her back...but only too late.....for she is gone...
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dun do for a month lor.
then confirm can liao.
confirm is u do too much !
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Originally posted by yiha093:
dun do for a month lor.
then confirm can liao.
confirm is u do too much !
U so expert ah, got alot of experience in overdoing izzit :p
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Well, you dun expect a relationship to be all passionate and sweet all the time... or do you?
In my opinion, there would be up and down, stray and back on the right track. When I say stray, it's not having an affair although sometimes it happens, but more like developing feelings for another.
What really matters is that whether you are interested in making this relationship works or not.
For the sex part... are you doing it so often that you had lost interest cos of the frequency? Well, different people got different level of sex drive. I mean your girl might want it all the time but you only want it once in a while. Try limiting it then. Although I dun really think it was a problem for most guys to get it up unless the guy is really low on sex drive.
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Talk to her. Stay if it's well, leave otherwise.
don't hate the player, hate the game.
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Originally posted by dkcx:
U so expert ah, got alot of experience in overdoing izzit :p
For that to come from an upper sec boy, I really have to shake my head.
Yi Hao, go and work on your humanities instead if you do not want a C5 or below again...
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wow thanks for all the feedback and stuff lol i cant help it but laugh over all the impotent talk thanks to jojo yea...
but well.. its not that I don't have that drive... its just.. yea maybe i dun feel as much thrill as compared to when we just started(my sex drive is relatively moderate i guess... once a day provided im not tied down by work?).. thats why i cant really classified myself as impotent or sick of sex(like i say i need to use my imagination to get hard while doing it).. I have no such problem with my previous gfs thats why Im always wondering whats so different between them.. (im not comparing them in terms of performance im as confuse as well why it happen this way)
maybe its a case of doing too much.. shall stop for awhile then..
(shes sensitive if we didt do every one or two days she will think i lost interest in her) lol I dun wan her to feel sad....
btw bubbly im 99.9% not G.
actually I am already sick of repeating the relation cycle, maybe Im at a stage to settled down pretty soon, therefore I actually am looking more at a stable relation rather than quick fix at this point of time..
maybe its up and down for any relationship (hopefully)
but sometimes I ask myself if shes the one that i really wanan be with for life? maybe you call me unfaithful or what but when it comes to this theres always a few names in my mind other than her.. hence causes my confusion.. I certainly did not cheat on her or anything but when it come to finding the suitable one for life shes not the only girl that is in my mind..
I hate this feeling of other girls in my mind while having a relationship.. i'm not prepared to lose her (in fact thats why I've not been contacting any FEMALE outside my family esp that few close friend, ex gf whom i think are great...)
well well.... PS: im not impotent......
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Originally posted by actualization~:
wow thanks for all the feedback and stuff lol i cant help it but laugh over all the impotent talk thanks to jojo yea...
but well.. its not that I don't have that drive... its just.. yea maybe i dun feel as much thrill as compared to when we just started(my sex drive is relatively moderate i guess... once a day provided im not tied down by work?).. thats why i cant really classified myself as impotent or sick of sex(like i say i need to use my imagination to get hard while doing it).. I have no such problem with my previous gfs thats why Im always wondering whats so different between them.. (im not comparing them in terms of performance im as confuse as well why it happen this way)
maybe its a case of doing too much.. shall stop for awhile then..
(shes sensitive if we didt do every one or two days she will think i lost interest in her) lol I dun wan her to feel sad....
btw bubbly im 99.9% not G.
actually I am already sick of repeating the relation cycle, maybe Im at a stage to settled down pretty soon, therefore I actually am looking more at a stable relation rather than quick fix at this point of time..
maybe its up and down for any relationship (hopefully)
but sometimes I ask myself if shes the one that i really wanan be with for life? maybe you call me unfaithful or what but when it comes to this theres always a few names in my mind other than her.. hence causes my confusion.. I certainly did not cheat on her or anything but when it come to finding the suitable one for life shes not the only girl that is in my mind..
I hate this feeling of other girls in my mind while having a relationship.. i'm not prepared to lose her (in fact thats why I've not been contacting any FEMALE outside my family esp that few close friend, ex gf whom i think are great...)
well well.... PS: im not impotent......
Dude, just be honest with yerself lah.
Your current gf is not the ONE.
Don't marry her just becors you cannot find a better replacement lah.
Your heart is still seeking for the one soul mate.
Let go, so the new one may come.
Be truthful to your current mate, don't hurt her with your lies.
A woman will understand that you are not ready for a lifetime with her. As she too wants to find someone who will be hers forever. Since that man not be you, then so let it be someone else.
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Originally posted by actualization~:
actually I am already sick of repeating the relation cycle, maybe Im at a stage to settled down pretty soon, therefore I actually am looking more at a stable relation rather than quick fix at this point of time..
but sometimes I ask myself if shes the one that i really wanan be with for life? maybe you call me unfaithful or what but when it comes to this theres always a few names in my mind other than her.. hence causes my confusion.. I certainly did not cheat on her or anything but when it come to finding the suitable one for life shes not the only girl that is in my mind..
I hate this feeling of other girls in my mind while having a relationship.. i'm not prepared to lose her (in fact thats why I've not been contacting any FEMALE outside my family esp that few close friend, ex gf whom i think are great...)
Are these few names you are thinking about those of your ex-gfs?
If that is the case, then there is nothing unusual with it. I won't say it is right to think of other girls when you already have one beside you, but that is what a lot of men do. They will keep reminiscing about the good times they have with their exs, and honestly speaking, it is impossible to totally forget about all these.
On to the topic of settling down, are you truly ready to settle down yet? From the looks of your current situation, I will say that you are not ready yet. Your mind hasn't settled down yet, and thus neither will your heart.
Give yourself some time to think it over, and ask yourself : "Am I ready to fully commit myself?" If you are not, then I suggest you stop thinking about settling down anytime soon.
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Aiyah.. fantasizing about another person other than your partner is very common.
Tell you a secret that's not really a secret lah. Females also fantasise about other hunks when they having sex with their gf/hubby de lah.
But, if that fantasizing is affecting PERFORMANCE with your partner .. then something is wrong already lah.
Now tat you know the secret, don't be so stupid to ask your partner who he/she fantasizing during sex hor.
The ex gf you think so great about.. unfortunately don't think so greatly about you leh. If not ah.. she won't be your ex already lah. So go back and guai guai be a good bf lah. OK ? Good.
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It seems to me that both of you have reservations about the relationship and need an evaluation of where things are going and to suss out each other's expectation. Have a good talk with her. If break-up is inevitable, there is nothing you can. A short "time-out" is probably helpful to find out what is missing. Good luck.
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What a misnomer and an anomaly lah - u - i m refering to your stance when your so-called relationship(s) are concerned.
My take is this lah- the exploitation of each other has peaked and there is nothing left to hold it except be torn asunder by all these rationalizations and apportioning blame on some many factors or the past.
Know this lah - love knows no reasons, knows no fears and love only then abides!
One who can relate to ONEself (one's being) is just one who will always seek out another. Seek out another - but acknowledg this weakness, this deficiit, this paucity - otherwise its doomed from the start and the wise would understand this (these) and RELATE!