Girls, pls. read this. How wrong am I?
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Normally i am a very private person... i dun post things on public forums... but here i am very deep in love and rather confused. i also have somme misgivings about my ability which is to be explained..
well in my whole life, i have never made friends with a girl directly. its basically because i know immediate rejection is in the air. i am actually hearing impaired. but don't get me wrong... i am like everyone of you... my activities are not too restricted because of that... i actually wear a thingie called a cochlear implant which offers better hearing than conventional hearing aids. i am like a friendly harmless normal human being with friends. i am not mute...
but i am rendered almost mute by this girl in my school... we aren't classmates in the strictest sense. recently i tried to upgrade my image just because of her, i started to shave, putting on cologne and so on.. well noting that i wasn't that appearance conscious then knowing that my disability put off girls usually(?) on first impressions. though my platonic girl-friends say after they got to know me better, i wasn't bad after all.
not meaning to boast lah but i am not that bad looking and my hearing problem poses not much problems to my lifestyle but i feel that she might not accept me. ok more about her... she's beautiful. her smile is charming guaranteed to make anyone smile back.
sometime back. i introed myself to her when she was waiting at the bus stop. fortunately, it didn't go too badly and we are now acquainted to each other. but hey, i didn't have a good conversation with her... she's immensely popular with the hunks in school. well our personalities are quite different too... she enjoys the outdoors, wears very sporty and ahem sexy outfits to school. for me,
i overdress to school, enjoy the indoors, the high life like restaurants and so on... but that's the wonder of love making 2 personalities co-exist (?)
i was wondering if girls out there would care to comment? as well as... figuring out hints that she may not mind my presence. i was thinking erm.. when i say hi or see her. is it natural for a girl to force a smile if she doesn't like u? i have this sinking feeling she doesn't think highly of me. well if only i could make each of us know each other better.
i think i am in love but in this situation... as they say in Vietnam, the wind sucks. -
Originally posted by ntu slacker:
Have you experienced immediate rejection many many times before? If you haven't, you should have more confidence instead of being sure that you will be rejected whenever you try to make friends with a girl. Girls are not as superficial as you think. You said yourself that you are a "friendly harmless normal human being." Which normal human being has never been rejected before? You KNOW you are friendly, at least
Normally i am a very private person... i dun post things on public forums... but here i am very deep in love and rather confused. i also have somme misgivings about my ability which is to be explained..
well in my whole life, i have never made friends with a girl directly. its basically because i know immediate rejection is in the air. i am actually hearing impaired. but don't get me wrong... i am like everyone of you... my activities are not too restricted because of that... i actually wear a thingie called a cochlear implant which offers better hearing than conventional hearing aids. i am like a friendly harmless normal human being with friends. i am not mute...
but i am rendered almost mute by this girl in my school... we aren't classmates in the strictest sense. recently i tried to upgrade my image just because of her, i started to shave, putting on cologne and so on.. well noting that i wasn't that appearance conscious then knowing that my disability put off girls usually(?) on first impressions. though my platonic girl-friends say after they got to know me better, i wasn't bad after all.
not meaning to boast lah but i am not that bad looking and my hearing problem poses not much problems to my lifestyle but i feel that she might not accept me. ok more about her... she's beautiful. her smile is charming guaranteed to make anyone smile back.
sometime back. i introed myself to her when she was waiting at the bus stop. fortunately, it didn't go too badly and we are now acquainted to each other. but hey, i didn't have a good conversation with her... she's immensely popular with the hunks in school. well our personalities are quite different too... she enjoys the outdoors, wears very sporty and ahem sexy outfits to school. for me, i overdress to school, enjoy the indoors, the high life like restaurants and so on... but that's the wonder of love making 2 personalities co-exist (?)
i was wondering if girls out there would care to comment? as well as... figuring out hints that she may not mind my presence. i was thinking erm.. when i say hi or see her. is it natural for a girl to force a smile if she doesn't like u? i have this sinking feeling she doesn't think highly of me. well if only i could make each of us know each other better.
i think i am in love but in this situation... as they say in Vietnam, the wind sucks.
Give yourself more confidence! Don't let those hurting remarks or rejections get you down. The people who once rejected you are only a very small minute population of the world.
Ah. Opposites do attract, you know.
Like how the North and South poles of magnets do. 
Not all couples who are made up of similar individuals get along well... because life may be dull. 
Hints that she might not mind your presence hmm.. When you speak to her, do you get the feeling that she is trying to keep the conversation short and also trying to avoid speaking to you? Do you say 'hi' to her whenever you see her, only to see her trying to look away? [Actually I'm not really good at this... But the above two, keeping the conversation short and trying to not look at the guy are things I do when I try to avoid them... ]
Erm. NATURAL for a girl to force a smile if she doesn't like you? I don't think that's necessary. Some girls don't even bother to smile at the guy. They simply look away as if that guy was transparent. Smiling would be what I consider a kind of politeness.
Ah if you wanna get to know the girl better, I'm sure there are alot of guys HERE who can help you. Right?
You've GOT TO have more confidence in yourself! It's just being a little hearing impaired. It's not like you have horns or grow mushrooms on your head. Confidence is the one of the most basic things a person needs in life. But of course, not to go overboard and become erm, narcissistic/egoistic/self-centred etc.
I'm not sure if what I've just said helped... But I sure hope so.
I wish you all the best!
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your sincerity will touch her...else com here... and go for outings... the ger ger here would like to know u too
_____________
i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here -
maybe if sgboy2004 knows some good ways of getting into girls' good books (SERIOUSLY), you could give the ntu er, slacker some pointers.Originally posted by sgboy2004:your sincerity will touch her...else com here... and go for outings... the ger ger here would like to know u too
_____________
i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here -
was rejected once.Originally posted by MooKu:Have you experienced immediate rejection many many times before? If you haven't, you should have more confidence instead of being sure that you will be rejected whenever you try to make friends with a girl. Girls are not as superficial as you think. You said yourself that you are a "friendly harmless normal human being." Which normal human being has never been rejected before? You KNOW you are friendly, at least Give yourself more confidence! Don't let those hurting remarks or rejections get you down. The people who once rejected you are only a very small minute population of the world.
Ah. Opposites do attract, you know. Like how the North and South poles of magnets do. Not all couples who are made up of similar individuals get along well... because life may be dull.
Hints that she might not mind your presence hmm.. When you speak to her, do you get the feeling that she is trying to keep the conversation short and also trying to avoid speaking to you? Do you say 'hi' to her whenever you see her, only to see her trying to look away? [Actually I'm not really good at this... But the above two, keeping the conversation short and trying to not look at the guy are things I do when I try to avoid them... ]
Erm. NATURAL for a girl to force a smile if she doesn't like you? I don't think that's necessary. Some girls don't even bother to smile at the guy. They simply look away as if that guy was transparent. Smiling would be what I consider a kind of politeness.
Ah if you wanna get to know the girl better, I'm sure there are alot of guys HERE who can help you. Right?
You've GOT TO have more confidence in yourself! It's just being a little hearing impaired. It's not like you have horns or grow mushrooms on your head. Confidence is the one of the most basic things a person needs in life. But of course, not to go overboard and become erm, narcissistic/egoistic/self-centred etc.
I'm not sure if what I've just said helped... But I sure hope so.
I wish you all the best! 
a bad start to 19 years of relationship-less life...
i don't really talk to her much...
well i was thinking... erm its strange for some1 hearing impaired to go out witth someone considered one of, if not, the prettiest gal in the school? maybe's she's just trying to be nice. but her smile is genuine... i can kind of see... but our conversation don't last long since i can't think off what to say to her... or she's trying to keep the conversation short by avoiding boomeranging the questions back and forth?
i have confidence in everything. except matters of love. well not meaning to boast but i can make frends withguys easily, speak up for myself, etc in that conventional sense of confidence...
mooku... thanks! -
C'mon buddy! You were only rejected ONCE. A bad start to a journey doesn't mean the rest of your journey will be a bumpy rollercoaster ride.Originally posted by ntu slacker:was rejected once. a bad start to 19 years of relationship-less life...
i don't really talk to her much...
well i was thinking... erm its strange for some1 hearing impaired to go out witth someone considered one of, if not, the prettiest gal in the school? maybe's she's just trying to be nice. but her smile is genuine... i can kind of see... but our conversation don't last long since i can't think off what to say to her... or she's trying to keep the conversation short by avoiding boomeranging the questions back and forth?
i have confidence in everything. except matters of love. well not meaning to boast but i can make frends withguys easily, speak up for myself, etc in that conventional sense of confidence...
mooku... thanks! A brand new day starts off dark and gloomy too, but the sun rises and ta-da! you have a beautiful, warm and sunny day!
It's not strange for you to go out with one of the belles of the school. After all, as I said, it's not like mushrooms grow on your head. You can hear mah, so I'd say you're perfectly normal. I've got a girl in my school who's hearing impaired too. She wears those hearing aids that are obvious and somemore she ties her hair into a ponytail so everyone can see her ears. But she's darn popular in her school. It's not how you look like that determines your ren2 yuan2 but it's the kind of person that you are.
it's nice to know her smile's genuine. Perhaps to find conversation with her... you could ask her what she normally does as leisure or something.. then who knows, you might find something in common and there you are, a topic for conversation! That might not be the best way but actually I'm like you, I have trouble finding topics for conversation with people I just got to know. erm, what boomeranging the questions back and forth.. I don't quite understand. -scratches head-
I'm not sure, but maybe you shouldn't rush. Let nature take its course... Or get some pointers from your guy friends about how to please girls/get to know them better etc... I'd love to type more but the pesty brother at home wants the computer for a while.
meanwhile... don't worry too much. -
hey thks alot mooku and sgboy2004!
sighz
mooku: by boomeranging e questions means like she's actively involved in asking me questions,,, for instance, i ask her how's work... she say blah blah then "what about you?"
something like that.
make the conversation continue... me not the one to keep asking qn
or its normal behavior for a girl?
well the main issue here is to be friends with her first... beauty is skin deep. i want to know her better till i make the move of trying to hint to her i want her to be my girlfriend
wah a hearing impaured student in ur class. so i think u sort of know how we behave? hope itys convincing that we are perfectly normal -
btw whats ren2 yuan2?
i cannot read chinese but i remain chinese
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maybe u hav just a crush on her onli
to love a person takes time... to know her, and to find someone that fits u...tat fits your character ... tat is abt to live wif u for the rest of your life ...
mi do hav crushes every now and then ... but mi know lor ... when u love someone, u will feel veri comfortable wif her... able to converse anything wif her, to share your inner most thoughts ...
friend, it takes time...look around u, maybe she is just around u onli ... it may be her, or it may be some body just around it.
Do study hard... all these will come 1 day.. it will ...
Luv
_____________
i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here -
i'm impressed...Originally posted by sgboy2004:maybe u hav just a crush on her onli
to love a person takes time... to know her, and to find someone that fits u...tat fits your character ... tat is abt to live wif u for the rest of your life ...
mi do hav crushes every now and then ... but mi know lor ... when u love someone, u will feel veri comfortable wif her... able to converse anything wif her, to share your inner most thoughts ...
friend, it takes time...look around u, maybe she is just around u onli ... it may be her, or it may be some body just around it.
Do study hard... all these will come 1 day.. it will ...
Luv
_____________
i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here -
amen to that...Originally posted by audlenelee:i'm impressed...
sgboy2004 u attached rite? u erm v philosophical n pragmatic liaoz -
Well i think at the end of the day what disabilities you may have have really no effect on your relationship i sure what matters most to couples is how well you all get along
wish you luck -
hey ntu slacker, frankly this battle of urs is going to be tough. First of all, you have a hearing disability. Not that i have anything against that, but pple may find it harder and weirder to come into contact with you. I think the best you can be with her is good Friends. Not that i am trying to discourage you from trying harder, you should in fact! But i advise you to be pragmatic in affairs of the heart. I suppose you now are in that state of 'high' feeling where your emotions are running high, but you gotta use your logical thinking to think the matter through.
First: If your hearing disability is ok other than the fact that you are wearing a hearing aid, then all should be fine for appearance once. But pple with hearing disabilities even when they have ear devices to assist them in hearing tend to have speech problem. So do you talk smoothly? She might actually find this cute in fact!
2nd: you said she is real popular with the hunks. So you gotta ask yourself, what is it that you have or is interesting which makes you stand out from the hunks grp? We are all humans and prefer at first sight to go for good-looking pple. If u dun have the looks, do u have the money, power, influence which is an equal babe magnet? Dun get me wrong here, i am not saying that you can substitute money for love. But history has shown that the ugly but rich/influencial/powerful men get the best babes usually cause in the end u need money to eat, not love!
Well, maybe you might be juz so lucky that she has an unknown attraction for you, the so called 'unexplained attraction' which is almost a fantasy thingy with the chance of that happening 1% in relationships. Remember, u need that X-factor which makes u attractive to her. Be it looks/popularity/money/power/influence. But pple our age usually dun have the last 3 so u gotta work on the first 2.
3rd: I would strongly advise you to approach her as a fren first. Dun be too overbearing and wanting to attack her juz to have her as your gf. Go for the slow back-door approach as a fren, and basically be there for her. Give her good vibes, be different from the rest of the hunks who try to impress her with their good looks, body. U impress her with your in-depth conversation u can have with her. So that even if u can't have her as a gf, u can have her as a buddy. And its good to know more girls, cause they alwaz come in packages( u can get to know their frens!). I also advise u not to do the 'confess-my-feelings' method which would result in terrible aftermath if she is immature in handling such matters( where most girls your age still are). In short, approach her as a fren and keep things there! If she likes u and wants more, she will drop hints, girls of our age and culture drop hints mostly, they mostly dun make the first move to confess. When u are sure about the hints she is dropping which would be damn obvious, u can then try to take the friendship to a higher level.
When she sees that you value her as a fren and not be a superficial hunk who only sees what is on the surface, she may feel differently for u. And u nvr know, things could happen... but juz dun harp on it. Continue living ur life and at the same time, try to build up a solid friendship with her. See how things goes and tell us all of the outcome!
Rgds -
good! this is really realisticOriginally posted by MetalGear:hey ntu slacker, frankly this battle of urs is going to be tough. First of all, you have a hearing disability. Not that i have anything against that, but pple may find it harder and weirder to come into contact with you. I think the best you can be with her is good Friends. Not that i am trying to discourage you from trying harder, you should in fact! But i advise you to be pragmatic in affairs of the heart. I suppose you now are in that state of 'high' feeling where your emotions are running high, but you gotta use your logical thinking to think the matter through.
First: If your hearing disability is ok other than the fact that you are wearing a hearing aid, then all should be fine for appearance once. But pple with hearing disabilities even when they have ear devices to assist them in hearing tend to have speech problem. So do you talk smoothly? She might actually find this cute in fact!
2nd: you said she is real popular with the hunks. So you gotta ask yourself, what is it that you have or is interesting which makes you stand out from the hunks grp? We are all humans and prefer at first sight to go for good-looking pple. If u dun have the looks, do u have the money, power, influence which is an equal babe magnet? Dun get me wrong here, i am not saying that you can substitute money for love. But history has shown that the ugly but rich/influencial/powerful men get the best babes usually cause in the end u need money to eat, not love!
Well, maybe you might be juz so lucky that she has an unknown attraction for you, the so called 'unexplained attraction' which is almost a fantasy thingy with the chance of that happening 1% in relationships. Remember, u need that X-factor which makes u attractive to her. Be it looks/popularity/money/power/influence. But pple our age usually dun have the last 3 so u gotta work on the first 2.
3rd: I would strongly advise you to approach her as a fren first. Dun be too overbearing and wanting to attack her juz to have her as your gf. Go for the slow back-door approach as a fren, and basically be there for her. Give her good vibes, be different from the rest of the hunks who try to impress her with their good looks, body. U impress her with your in-depth conversation u can have with her. So that even if u can't have her as a gf, u can have her as a buddy. And its good to know more girls, cause they alwaz come in packages( u can get to know their frens!). I also advise u not to do the 'confess-my-feelings' method which would result in terrible aftermath if she is immature in handling such matters( where most girls your age still are). In short, approach her as a fren and keep things there! If she likes u and wants more, she will drop hints, girls of our age and culture drop hints mostly, they mostly dun make the first move to confess. When u are sure about the hints she is dropping which would be damn obvious, u can then try to take the friendship to a higher level.
When she sees that you value her as a fren and not be a superficial hunk who only sees what is on the surface, she may feel differently for u. And u nvr know, things could happen... but juz dun harp on it. Continue living ur life and at the same time, try to build up a solid friendship with her. See how things goes and tell us all of the outcome!
Rgds
well i admit that the hearing disability is a major cause for bias! my frds all said that when they first met me they thought i was arrogant and proud... then after 3 mths, we already like brothers. share alot of comments, do work together, meet each other's girlfriends and so on i always fail the 'first impression' test
my looks is of that of a Mr. John Doe. just i am not hunky as in tall and muscular. as i explained i am a indoor person content to live in a glass jar. money, power, influence? i am not working yet but i think its not a serious matter here. popularity is not too bad lah... as i explained i am a friendly guy.
yes agreed i just want to know her better but i need to impress her to stand above her friends then perhaps if i find i really like her then only i can stand a chance. if i am just content to be her friend and to only find out i like her, it will be too late and less subtle to impress.
and useful comments! thank you!
sighz... -
People who are born impaired physically in certain ways often have this deep wanting to keep to themselves, not because they want to, but because the confidence to make friends by being themselves isn't there. If I were to tell them that disability doesn't really matter when it comes to making friends, I think at least more than 75% would still remain the same.Originally posted by ntu slacker:Normally i am a very private person... i dun post things on public forums... but here i am very deep in love and rather confused. i also have somme misgivings about my ability which is to be explained..
well in my whole life, i have never made friends with a girl directly. its basically because i know immediate rejection is in the air. i am actually hearing impaired. but don't get me wrong... i am like everyone of you... my activities are not too restricted because of that... i actually wear a thingie called a cochlear implant which offers better hearing than conventional hearing aids. i am like a friendly harmless normal human being with friends. i am not mute...
but i am rendered almost mute by this girl in my school... we aren't classmates in the strictest sense. recently i tried to upgrade my image just because of her, i started to shave, putting on cologne and so on.. well noting that i wasn't that appearance conscious then knowing that my disability put off girls usually(?) on first impressions. though my platonic girl-friends say after they got to know me better, i wasn't bad after all.
not meaning to boast lah but i am not that bad looking and my hearing problem poses not much problems to my lifestyle but i feel that she might not accept me. ok more about her... she's beautiful. her smile is charming guaranteed to make anyone smile back.
sometime back. i introed myself to her when she was waiting at the bus stop. fortunately, it didn't go too badly and we are now acquainted to each other. but hey, i didn't have a good conversation with her... she's immensely popular with the hunks in school. well our personalities are quite different too... she enjoys the outdoors, wears very sporty and ahem sexy outfits to school. for me, i overdress to school, enjoy the indoors, the high life like restaurants and so on... but that's the wonder of love making 2 personalities co-exist (?)
i was wondering if girls out there would care to comment? as well as... figuring out hints that she may not mind my presence. i was thinking erm.. when i say hi or see her. is it natural for a girl to force a smile if she doesn't like u? i have this sinking feeling she doesn't think highly of me. well if only i could make each of us know each other better.
i think i am in love but in this situation... as they say in Vietnam, the wind sucks.
Ok, back to your present situations. This girl, who is popular with guys and is very socially active - seriously speaking, in my view - it would be rather difficult for her to take the time and effort in going to know someone, unless she is really interested in that guy. It has nothing to do with your disability - even if a normal guy comes along, he will face the same problem. Her time is fully allocated and since she is so socially active, I doubt it does matter to her whether she has one less suitor, one less guy, etc.
The wonder of love can make 2 different personality come together and work - HOWEVER (I stress on the this word), this is only applicable only if *she* wanted it to. If not, everything will fail.
By the way, when you say hi to someone - it is natural that she would smile, nod or at least to reply you verbally or non-verbally. It has nothing to do with liking you, etc. You thoughts and feeling tells you that she doesn't think highly of you because she doesn't know you - even still, do not place your hope too high due to the reasons I have mention above.
To a girl of that standard - she would only be willing to know you as a person, unless you attract her interest. If not, its difficult.
Cheers. -
hi yun!
yes i agree disabled people usually are socially withdrawn because they have weak social circles. actually i am not in the 75% of the group. i am quite popular among my friends and have no problems getting various friends for company despite them having to repeat what they said sumtimes in conversations. the only downside i never have the confidence to approach the girls i liked. only now, i had the confidence to walk up to her and introduce myself.
the confidence has to be built over sometime. physically disabled people usually feel that they lack influence and popularity. it is because they feel that being disabled lowers their abilties. actually not so. i mean true friendship comes from the heart, not from the ears, the eyes and so on. for example helping friends require one to be humble and helpful but it doesn't require the eyes, the ears or whatsoever. but i can never be myself and act wierdly when i am with the girls i like. usually these girls are extremely cute or extremely pretty. yes i am talking about exteemes here but perhaps my standard is low?
actually, that girl, though being extremely pretty, she seems to keep to a specific clique of friends. yes i have been observing her rather clandestinely. she's a nice girl. well popular with guys? not so when outside her own clique... but i wouldn't be suprised if she's attached. well as for me i am happy that we were friends after erm i irritated the hell out of her unknowingly. but i think i do not wish to elaborate on that. i have already apologised to her yet she doesn't seem to be petty at all.
"The wonder of love can make 2 different personality come together and work - HOWEVER (I stress on the this word), this is only applicable only if *she* wanted it to. If not, everything will fail."
totally agree... but i do not wish to be marginalised merely because i have a hearing problem. fair enough, about other aspects involving a clashing of personality and so on gives truth to the statement. some people who are disabled may take offense at what i am going to say later but i can tell you that its the truth.
some disabled people they just beaer with their disability and go on with life. they do not make the effort to improve on other aspects which may overshadow their disabilty. for example, popularity? intelligence? wealth? influence?
in my case, i had to work much more than a normal person. i needed to do academically well throughout childhood to leave my so-called special school to go to a mainstream school admist insults, doubts and malicious people. even when i made it.. it still wasn't over
but the issue here is that its quite unfair to say "hey this guy is hearing impaired..." etc etc and all those preconceived notions that we are inferior. no we are not actually! do you note that disabled people are steadily climbing into the higher echelons of society. is it so wrong that we want a partner to love? i mean i would consider myself on the same overall footing as her "suitors" in the uni except when intense hunkiness or yan-daoness comes into the picture or she has the typical singaporean biased view of disabled people.
she always smiles. she's beautiful when she does that. that's one of the things why i am so hopelessly infatuated with her. agree its courtesy unless that person totally despises or hates your guts. she doesn't think highly of me yet... my friends comment that i was too humble in her presence. i have this tendency to playdown my strengths whenever i am in the company of pretty girls. it kind of makes them think twice about getting to know me better when she finds that i am a nobody. how to overcome this without appearing to be pretentious and proud?
attracting her interest? i am thinking of many topics to talk to her about.
but is being quite wealthy helps? showering her with treats and gifts may play down my disability but i never had done it in my life and i feel its a very cheap thing to do. but i feel so erm desperate to have a girlfriend.
dont get me wrong. she's not for male ego... i am tired of being lonely and carrying my feelings around without anyone to share them. of course i have friends but no matter how close i am with them, we only talk about current affairs, gossip, politics and work.
and u said it was difficult to make her fall in love with me given my attributes. you havent seen her yet.
"Its not Mission Difficult. Its Mission Impossible"
-Anthony Hopkins in M:i-2
anyway thanks again for ur comments
and i hope i am speaking up for the hearing impaiured community in general. do consider their other worthy attributes as we are human as well.[/i] -
double post
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my frens call me an idiot partly because i am too sincere. i actually was on v good terms with a girl long time ago... but when we graduated, we lost contact and i found out she had a boyfriend. she contacted me. i waited for her for 4 years until i decided to move on only when i met that girl otherwise i would still be waiting. not meaning to be cliched but the first girl shes the only person to make me the more appealing person i am now. she drew me out of my shell, and made me want to be a better man. i know this is called love albeit one sidedOriginally posted by sgboy2004:your sincerity will touch her...else com here... and go for outings... the ger ger here would like to know u too
_____________
i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here -
Originally posted by ntu slacker:my frens call me an idiot partly because i am too sincere. i actually was on v good terms with a girl long time ago... but when we graduated, we lost contact and i found out she had a boyfriend. she contacted me. i waited for her for 4 years until i decided to move on only when i met that girl otherwise i would still be waiting. not meaning to be cliched but the first girl shes the only person to make me the more appealing person i am now. she drew me out of my shell, and made me want to be a better man. i know this is called love albeit one sided
btw haha, maybe i'll join for the outings... but u better consider carefully before asking me along hor... -
I am not saying you are at an disadvantage; it is mostly the way how self esteem is shift around. Most of the time, when something turns out to be sh|t, Imparied people would think it is because of their disability that indirectly causes it - which is a major blow to self esteem and render them inferior. As long as one could cope with this self esteem problem by constantly encouraging yourself - you are no way lower than any average humans. Keep it up, I like the way you state - have to work more than average human, etc. Its good for you psychologically. Trust me, even if there is no sparks now - I am sure there would be one in the future (other ladies) if you persist in this positive thinking.Originally posted by ntu slacker:hi yun!
yes i agree disabled people usually are socially withdrawn because they have weak social circles. actually i am not in the 75% of the group. i am quite popular among my friends and have no problems getting various friends for company despite them having to repeat what they said sumtimes in conversations. the only downside i never have the confidence to approach the girls i liked. only now, i had the confidence to walk up to her and introduce myself.
the confidence has to be built over sometime. physically disabled people usually feel that they lack influence and popularity. it is because they feel that being disabled lowers their abilties. actually not so. i mean true friendship comes from the heart, not from the ears, the eyes and so on. for example helping friends require one to be humble and helpful but it doesn't require the eyes, the ears or whatsoever. but i can never be myself and act wierdly when i am with the girls i like. usually these girls are extremely cute or extremely pretty. yes i am talking about exteemes here but perhaps my standard is low?
actually, that girl, though being extremely pretty, she seems to keep to a specific clique of friends. yes i have been observing her rather clandestinely. she's a nice girl. well popular with guys? not so when outside her own clique... but i wouldn't be suprised if she's attached. well as for me i am happy that we were friends after erm i irritated the hell out of her unknowingly. but i think i do not wish to elaborate on that. i have already apologised to her yet she doesn't seem to be petty at all.
"The wonder of love can make 2 different personality come together and work - HOWEVER (I stress on the this word), this is only applicable only if *she* wanted it to. If not, everything will fail."
totally agree... but i do not wish to be marginalised merely because i have a hearing problem. fair enough, about other aspects involving a clashing of personality and so on gives truth to the statement. some people who are disabled may take offense at what i am going to say later but i can tell you that its the truth.
some disabled people they just beaer with their disability and go on with life. they do not make the effort to improve on other aspects which may overshadow their disabilty. for example, popularity? intelligence? wealth? influence?
in my case, i had to work much more than a normal person. i needed to do academically well throughout childhood to leave my so-called special school to go to a mainstream school admist insults, doubts and malicious people. even when i made it.. it still wasn't over but the issue here is that its quite unfair to say "hey this guy is hearing impaired..." etc etc and all those preconceived notions that we are inferior. no we are not actually! do you note that disabled people are steadily climbing into the higher echelons of society. is it so wrong that we want a partner to love? i mean i would consider myself on the same overall footing as her "suitors" in the uni except when intense hunkiness or yan-daoness comes into the picture or she has the typical singaporean biased view of disabled people.
she always smiles. she's beautiful when she does that. that's one of the things why i am so hopelessly infatuated with her. agree its courtesy unless that person totally despises or hates your guts. she doesn't think highly of me yet... my friends comment that i was too humble in her presence. i have this tendency to playdown my strengths whenever i am in the company of pretty girls. it kind of makes them think twice about getting to know me better when she finds that i am a nobody. how to overcome this without appearing to be pretentious and proud?
attracting her interest? i am thinking of many topics to talk to her about.
but is being quite wealthy helps? showering her with treats and gifts may play down my disability but i never had done it in my life and i feel its a very cheap thing to do. but i feel so erm desperate to have a girlfriend.
dont get me wrong. she's not for male ego... i am tired of being lonely and carrying my feelings around without anyone to share them. of course i have friends but no matter how close i am with them, we only talk about current affairs, gossip, politics and work.
and u said it was difficult to make her fall in love with me given my attributes. you havent seen her yet.
"Its not Mission Difficult. Its Mission Impossible"
-Anthony Hopkins in M:i-2
anyway thanks again for ur comments
and i hope i am speaking up for the hearing impaiured community in general. do consider their other worthy attributes as we are human as well.[/i]
How to make her think twice about you? Well, every people has they own special methods in doing that. Some people are more effective than others - but you must remember: Not every charm one exude will affect that lady. Some woman are immune to that kind of charm some guys tried to exude.
One thing is you realise when you communicate with her, is mostly work or superficial topics. And yes, you are right - topic must change to something less serious. Add a hint of humor in the conversation makes the talk much more enjoyable. And remember *do not* appear to be so desperate to speak with her. its a real *turn off*, act and appear as in she is just like another girl, instead of a your goddess. If you put her the same level as any other ordinary girl - your nervousness will cease gradually and you wouldn't stammer, etc.
The *LAST* way of method you would attempt is to play wealthy. Let me tell you, from my experience, this will never work. Unless you are looking for a cheap fling and the lady you are targeting isn't passing score on its character. Find someone who is *appreciative* of you and NOT what you have for her. Come on - if you doesn't even interest her in terms of chemistry, etc - *NO MATTER* (Let me stress again... NO MATTER) What you buy for her - Handphone, Play Station, Diamonds, etc - she still won't move a single bit.
WHY?
Such material content doesn't even spark love message across - instead it signal - 'Hey, this is what I could give you when you are with me.' Trust me, most woman may just accept, a word of thanks, and nothing else. A waste of money, time, effort and a deep destruction of impression (A sucker, thats what the layman calls it). Never resort to wealth.
Cheers -
Unfortunately, a relationship between a boy and a girl is not about staring lovingly into each otherÂ’s eyes. That is only on TV!!
What is most important is communication. If you can overcome that shortcoming of yours, you will be halfway there!! Without which, the relationship (if it ever starts) will fail eventually!
Small talk is good. If she is unwilling to talk about herself, tell her about yourself. Insert questions asking for her opinion every now and then so that she can join in the conversation. This way, you will also get to know her better. From there, the more you talk, the more it will create new topics. Sometimes we tread too carefully, afraid that we would reveal too much of the silly side of ourselves. But if sheÂ’s a friend, she will admire you for your frankness which will in turn helps to lower her guard.
And in any case, itÂ’s so much easier to communicate these days. We have email and SMS which r so informal and convenient and we can make full use of them by dropping small notes to each other. You will probably know you fate/chance by the number of replies u get in return.
Good Luck, Slacker!! -
Hmm... A grain of rice...?
YUMMY
" -
wat you mean?Originally posted by Devil1976:Hmm... A grain of rice...?
YUMMY " -
well it will be wierd to bombard her with sms and i normally avoid smsing people since its a lousy way of conveying information as it is devoid of emotion. i think i'll try to ask her out for lunch one day. wish me luck...Originally posted by Promiscuitee:Unfortunately, a relationship between a boy and a girl is not about staring lovingly into each otherÂ’s eyes. That is only on TV!!
What is most important is communication. If you can overcome that shortcoming of yours, you will be halfway there!! Without which, the relationship (if it ever starts) will fail eventually!
Small talk is good. If she is unwilling to talk about herself, tell her about yourself. Insert questions asking for her opinion every now and then so that she can join in the conversation. This way, you will also get to know her better. From there, the more you talk, the more it will create new topics. Sometimes we tread too carefully, afraid that we would reveal too much of the silly side of ourselves. But if sheÂ’s a friend, she will admire you for your frankness which will in turn helps to lower her guard.
And in any case, itÂ’s so much easier to communicate these days. We have email and SMS which r so informal and convenient and we can make full use of them by dropping small notes to each other. You will probably know you fate/chance by the number of replies u get in return.
Good Luck, Slacker!!
about the issue of frankness, that's a good point. i'd have to work on that! -
not bombard!! if sent once, twice no reply, then better get the que lah!
Since SMS/email not very personal, u can use it to test water...easier to type 'I miss u' than to say it aloud, right?Originally posted by ntu slacker:well it will be wierd to bombard her with sms and i normally avoid smsing people since its a lousy way of conveying information as it is devoid of emotion. i think i'll try to ask her out for lunch one day. wish me luck...
about the issue of frankness, that's a good point. i'd have to work on that!