When Love became hatred...........

I am very digusted with so many of the forumers' third world thinking.

The same kind of thinking as the TALIBAN who only stone to death the WOMEN who got involved with married men.

Have you all forgotten that the man must also pay a price for his irresponsibility ?

That man must consent to UNPROTECTED SEX with Chipmuck (or TS)  to have a baby.

Now that he got her pregnant.. all he does is shrug his shoulders and say " Oh, I don't want this child.. just get rid of it." And the woman has to put herself through abortion to KILL a baby.

WHO HERE ACTUALLY BELIEVES that he had NO intention of making her PREGNANT ? If he dont' want a baby, why won't he use protection ?????

That fucker had been playing with life and death of TWO innocent CHILD.

Why are you people condemning TS for deciding NOT TO COMMIT MURDER and keep a life ?

Why couldn't we look at this case and say. YES THAT FUCKER NEEDS TO PAY FOR HIS DEED.

If getting his name on the birthcert pose no immediate problem, yet secure the best interest of the mother and child.. WHY NOT JUST SUPPORT IT ?

Besides, once the child is officially"legitimate"he/she will have legal rights to claim child support, and his assets (should that fucker dies early).

You want to talk about MORALS ? Then get that fucker to pay up , or go to JAIL.

Instead.. you people threw stones at the woman and innocent child and let that ass hole of a dick walk away like it's not his problem. WHY ? Just because he is "legally" married to a woman.. and yet he decided to shoot his sperm into other women ?

Since when did married men gained immunity to responsibilities outside his own wretched marriage ?

A man wants to fuck around outside with an unprotected dick, then he better be prepared to pay for it.

Wake up people. Singapore is NO LONGER a third world country. And we are also NOT TALIBAN.

 

 

 

Originally posted by chipmuck:

 had some advises on the forum to seek legal advise to have the married man's name on my son birth cert. I understand that beside putting his name on the birth cert via the help of the court. Is there anything else that I can do for this man to do something for my son? Had anyone came across this issue? I had came to the point that I rather him to hate me forever. I'm about to due in 2 mths time.

You cannot force that man to love your child, just as you cannot force him to love you.

Having this biological child of his may be the key to his wallet, but definitely not the string to his heart.

That man obviously has no conscience, and you should not give him any either.

There is no need to involve any HATE in a relationship. Even if he is unwilling to establish any meaningful relationship with you and your child. You should NOT disparage him infront of your child.

To instill a child with hatred is a sin.

Having his name listed on the baby's birth cert has it's pros and cons. I hope you had thought this through very carefully and in details, discussed it with your lawyer.

Having his name on the cert also means, your child will know who is his/her father, and can easily seek him out when they are older. A child growing up unloved or unwanted can cause depression and increase suicidal rate in their adulthood. You must be able to overcome this with more love and support, and learn how to cope with this possibility.  

Being a single mother is a difficult choice, but not impossible.

I hope you have enlisted sufficient support from your family to prepare the birth of this child.

Be strong. And do what you need to do as a mother to protect your child's interest.

Here is a good article click , for Single Mothers

 

 

Originally posted by chipmuck:

I don't know why. Actually we only started contacting again a week ago but did not had a pleasant conversations. He's now in KL for the MME 12hrs racing. On thursday night we spoken for 3 hrs and everything went well. But yesterday I called him, he told me that he's busy. So I msg him that I will wait for his call and I waited till this morning and he did called me but to scold me the sms I sent to him. (Which is the following : you lied again. you said will call me back and i waited till now) & (If is she the one who said wait for your call you will sure call. Liar!! You knew I'm waiting for your call.....) He told me that even I call his wife will not bother him and his wife is waiting to slap me. He also claimed that no matter what happen he will not say the child i'm carrying is his. So now I wanted him to do something for the child so I decided to take him to court. It is truth that it's going to 纠缠ä¸�清 if going to court but this is the only way for him to do something for the child and hate me for life. It is easlier for him to hate me than love me.

Chipmuck,

There's really no need for you to continue with the emotional communication between you and him.

His wife will eventually know about the extra marital affair and this child during the court proceedings.

Right now, you and your child are merely an inconvenience in his elitist life. A wart he wants to pry away with cruelty. Don't allow yourself to be treated this way any longer. Put yourself in a position where he is unable to hurt you with his emotional abuse.

To survive this ordeal, your emotions must be detatched from this heartless monster.

Let the law do it's job.Cut off personal communications with him, leave the talking to your lawyers.

 

 

Originally posted by Detached:

Wasn't this already being discussed in your previous thread?

And I remember you saying that you do not expect anything from him. Seriously, you amuse me - throughout the discussion in your previous thread, you did nothing but point your dirty li'l finger at him.

You knew it was wrong, yet chose to go along with it. You knew he didn't want the child, yet decided to keep it. I think people would respect you more, if you could bring the child up and just move on with your life.

To be crude, no one forced you to sleep with a married man, you made your own choice. Now you're caught up in this shit and you're crying victim when you're accomplice to the act.

Gosh, go seek legal advice elsewhere. We aren't your lawyers.

This is not about who said what or who did what. She did not ask for legal advise either.

Look at the bigger picture before you post such thoughtless crap.

when u sleep with a married man, tis the consequence u shd be prepared to face

but i did come across a few women who bring up the kid singly after the married man left them

my advice to you is be STRONG

maybe u'll met a new guy who's willing to bring up yr kid together  

before u do anything, lay it out first for urself. are u doing this out of spite, or u doing it because this is ur son's right?

ur health

first and foremost, please cut down on drinking. dilute ur liquor with water if u cannot quit cold turkey, lessen the amount u're taking by half. try it. 

1. it damages ur body.
2. affects the health of child u're carrying.
3. compromises ur emotional well being - alcohol are depressants.
4. erodes ur mental clarity.

u need to make good judgement every step of the way from now. and for that to happen, be in tip top condition, physically and mentally. u'll be surprised at how differently ur body will start to feel. go for short walks, breathe fresh air, elevate ur mood. surround urself with loved ones, family is important now.

i hope u're seeing someone about pre and post natal blues. any woman, no matter how strong, won't be able to brave this storm solo.

 

ur emotions

we all go through bad periods in our lives, it's part and parcel, cliche as it may sound, without problems and hurdles to overcome, life loses it's meaning. i believe rough episodes are not without reason. whether they're good or bad reasons, whether we sink or become stronger, depends on how we handle it.

pent up emotions need release somehow. u can keep a blog, let ur thoughts run. if u don't write, draw, paint with colors, grow a plant... u're down right now, but one day u'll be up and strong again.

why don't u take some time out, remove urself from this place of hurt? return 3 or 5 months later, by then the child would've been born, and u can proceed accordingly.

imo, it's important to regain ur health, gain a confident frame of mind if claiming child support is on ur cards.

 

going to court

avoid it at all cost. this will drain u financially and mentally. try a mediator first. come to agreeable terms with him, not via sms or phone calls, or coffee over star bucks.

but through professional bodies and certified personnels. document everything carefully. think it through wisely. for this u need to know the right numbers to call. sgforumers don't know these numbers. there is no chance in hell u can depend on aunt agony forum for the kind of logical answers ur situation demands. most of the forumers here have no relevant experience - therefore, our advice have good intentions, but serve no useful purpose. start here: 1800 774 5935 

1. establish his paternity first - through DNA if he refuses to accept parenthood
   
2. u need his paternity inorder to claim child support.
3. he's going to refuse having DNA test - what should u do then? file for it? from who? how? ask the right people these questions. very important. 
   
4. use soft method first, then hard method. if need be, papers need to start choking up his mail box. have it down on black and white.
   
5. whether his name appears on the birth certificate is secondary - for ming fen/ego/face value concerns imo, that's for u to measure.

this is real. it's not a mediacorp drama serial.

we can tear, cry, call names, shout, scream, walk memory lane with good solid whiskey, cling to hope, stare at drifting clouds, gaze at singapore flag flapping in the distant wind and reminisce, discuss love, talk philosophy, hug each other, send flowers, but what purpose will these wasted emotions serve? r

2 lives now.

ur're not the only one on the line here.

JerryYan,

U are being wise - hope it resonates with her

Legality arh.....

So here's how.

One.  Was the child conceived in Australia or any other country beside Singapore?

Two.  Is the biological parents Singaporeans or foreigners?

Three.  What court we are talking about?  Singapore or foreign courts?

And here's my answers which TS is obviously unable to engage a actual lawyer to find out herself:

As long as the father and mother was not married in the eyes of the law in Singapore, the child is illegitimate. 

The father is not liable to pay for anything for the child unless he wants to; which even if the mother of the child wants to sue him.  Its not sue-able.

And oh, chances are, the father wont even borther to hate the mother of his child.  And chances are, the wife of the father won't even borther to hate the mother of this bastard. 

Because it obvious, some pregnant single foolish female is going to humiliate herself more when she does indeed think she can achieve any hate or love out of anyone.

Society is very simple.  You make yourself out as a loser, you better learn to lose gracefully.  Otherwise, you are just another bit of trash trying to get attention by trying to act a victim.

And errr.....why will the court help to put a married man's name onto a birth certificate of a illegitimate child?

Was there a change in the law or courts that I never heard of?

And can someone point me to a precedent of such a occurance where the father is not agreeable to acknowledge the illigitimate child?

Originally posted by Fugazzi:

JerryYan,

U are being wise - hope it resonates with her

thanks for yr compliment  

but i think it's easy for us to say only cos we not caught in her situation

 

 

Well, I cannot find anything on statutes that mentioned about illegitimate children maintenance... but according to a law firm, it is covered in women's chapter.

http://www.lawhub.com.sg/articles/splitting-up-part-3-maintenance-of-wife-and-children.html

Maintenance Of The Children

It is the duty of a parent to maintain or contribute to the maintenance of his or her children, whether they are in his or her custody or the custody of any other person. Even if the children are illegitimate, the children must be provided with such accommodation, clothing, food and education as may be reasonable.

The Judge’s decision on how much maintenance to give to the children depends on the above mentioned factors as well as the parents’ means and station in life. The Court will also consider the manner in which the child was being and in which the parties to the marriage expected him/her to be, educated or trained when determining the amount of maintenance.

Under the law, a child must be maintained until he or she reaches the age of twenty-one (21). However, the Court may make an Order for the benefit of the child who has attained the age of 21 years or for a period that extends beyond the day on which the child attains that age because:

• Of a mental or physical disability of the child;
• The child is or will be serving full-time national service;
• The child is or will be or would be receiving instruction at an educational establishment or undergoing training for a trade, profession or vocation, whether or not while in gainful employment.

Originally posted by JerryYan:

thanks for yr compliment  

but i think it's easy for us to say only cos we not caught in her situation

 

 

Come to think of it you are right or else it could read something like ....Jerry Yan the father of the child>LOL

Originally posted by caleb_chiang:

Well, I cannot find anything on statutes that mentioned about illegitimate children maintenance... but according to a law firm, it is covered in women's chapter.

http://www.lawhub.com.sg/articles/splitting-up-part-3-maintenance-of-wife-and-children.html

Maintenance Of The Children

It is the duty of a parent to maintain or contribute to the maintenance of his or her children, whether they are in his or her custody or the custody of any other person. Even if the children are illegitimate, the children must be provided with such accommodation, clothing, food and education as may be reasonable.

The Judge’s decision on how much maintenance to give to the children depends on the above mentioned factors as well as the parents’ means and station in life. The Court will also consider the manner in which the child was being and in which the parties to the marriage expected him/her to be, educated or trained when determining the amount of maintenance.

Under the law, a child must be maintained until he or she reaches the age of twenty-one (21). However, the Court may make an Order for the benefit of the child who has attained the age of 21 years or for a period that extends beyond the day on which the child attains that age because:

• Of a mental or physical disability of the child;
• The child is or will be serving full-time national service;
• The child is or will be or would be receiving instruction at an educational establishment or undergoing training for a trade, profession or vocation, whether or not while in gainful employment.

I like this one.

This does not state that the father is supposed to be responsible.  It's wordplay is 'a parent'  which means the only linked parent, aka the mother on that birth cert of the child as the  basic parent.

In this situation.  Unless the biological father is willing to acknowledge the child as his.  The birth cert of the child has his name.  Then its counted that he can be 'a parent' that can be held liable to pay for the child.

And there is no mention how to establish paternity.  Unless the paternity party can be compelled to enter for a DNA testing.  Which, in this situation, is about as useful to the TS as lots of postings on this forum.