How do u be friends with ur ex ?
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Ok i just broke up . And i was wondering how do some people actually be friends with their ex ?
Isn`t it difficult being friends with ur ex when you see him or her and think then of the times you guys spent together ?
Am i not being to open about this ? But i really cant be friends with any of my ex. It`s hard after all that`s been said and done then in the end just ended up being friends .
So wise people out there pls tell me if there`s anyway i could change this thinking of mine ?
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It takes time.
If you never ever have to cross paths with your exes again, then good for you.
Sounds like the breakups that you have are all pretty bad? There are people who break up mutually though. These are the peeps who tend to become friends after. Perhaps better and closer than before.
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yeah most of them are really bad . but well thats why it`s called a break up right ?
Some of them wanted to remain friends but i just cant . It`s like we said and done so much and just being friends after that seems weird to me
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Be first a friend to yourself, be love to yourself, be happiness , be kindness, be compassionate - then u are in a position to share and partake of another person. U have become a king, so rich within and overflowing u can share - u are abundant. Here, one shares, flows
However, if u lack within all that i enumerated (which is,of course expansive) - u may love, u may be a friend, u may be ... - u will feel fearful that it may not come back or be reciprocated in some form or ways. it is in the nature of existence that life is a flux, flowing and when things change and the person (or others) change - u are bound to feel anxious, unvalidated and so on so forth. Here, one seeks, chasing
The only difference is that one who has it within - will accept, the one that lacks within will suffer.
It is a myth - an erroneous assumption that we get what we want in life. The reality is we attract what we ARE.
( I am not talking about things, i m talking about people, a human being, which is not a thing. One can want a car, a house).
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Some people break up because they realise they will get nowhere. They then go their own way. These remain friends afterwards.
Some people break up because they are hurt. Their ego or their pride has been assaulted, and they hit back by breaking up, and remain hostile. These cannot be friends afterwards, naturally.
Just close the unpleasant chapter, and move on.
Don't revive the spite.
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Can be friends lah.
Just don't contact or see each other can liao.
But still remain as friends.
Really.
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can la..
make sure u're sure of urself tat ter is no leftover feelings.
most of my exs, stil my frenz..
aiyah, past is past lor..
everyone makes mistake.. forgive but no need to forget.
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
Now why is my nickname clickable?
Why?
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Simple and yet uplifting it was
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im wondering that too. haha (:
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Its better not to be friends lol if u still have feel for him/her. Just when u see her/him with another new bf/gf will make u feel damm bad.... really just try to forget. If u have a neutral feelings to that person then be friends by all means.
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can .. but you gotta cut all strings first and its prolly aint gotta work if your not attached(of having a new focus in life)..
after i broke off with my ex i tried to be friend with her.. but all the memories kept gushing back and before I realised I'm treating her like a girlfriend all over again..
but after im attached again i find it alot more easier to show concern as a friend as compared.. but one thing for sure even as friend they will not be those "typical friends" hehe like some sort of friend with a special place..
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Please do not confuse 'friendship' and 'courtship'. There are differences. In friendship, there are limitations that you DO NOT CROSS THE LINE and interfere with another's life, and the choices she makes. It's her decision to make and never yours, even though you MAY be asked for counsel.
Respect her for who she is and what she wants, give counsel only when she asks of it. Other than that, you must remain a respectful distance if you want to maintain that friendship.
I know it is difficult and tough, more so since she is ex, but that wall had already been built mutually, and it would be both's responsibility to maintain it if friendship is to be endured, unless both feel the wall should be torn down and exclusivity be renewed and enhanced.
Think carefully, about each other. None is perfect. What was the reason for the breakup? Is there a possibility for change and compromise? If so, the chance remains for love to grow. If not, then that wall must be maintained, at all times, and you will find 'friendship' is possible and enduring.
Good luck.
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Originally posted by Save*>*ME:
Ok i just broke up . And i was wondering how do some people actually be friends with their ex ?
Isn`t it difficult being friends with ur ex when you see him or her and think then of the times you guys spent together ?
it's possible.
and it shows that a bond exists beyond romantic love and failed expectations.
but...
depends on how it ended and what ur ex is like lah.
imo, it usually works only when a strong friendship existed, way before the romance began.
because...
most of the time, this proposal for friendship acts as a security blanket for both parties - so there's no need to deal with having a big part of ur life suddenly gone. that imo, is just an act for their own interests.
Originally posted by Save*>*ME:Am i not being to open about this ? But i really cant be friends with any of my ex. It`s hard after all that`s been said and done then in the end just ended up being friends .
So wise people out there pls tell me if there`s anyway i could change this thinking of mine ?
if breaking up was mutual (hardly ever) and there's a good level of honesty between the two, being friends is possible. in fact, it's an admirable but rare display of open heartedness.
today break up - tomorrow be friends, is definitely impossible de lah. human beings are not machines, time is necessary for the pain & sense of loss to subside.
know the difference between feigning friendship and sincere understanding, be honest with urself when it comes to this.
as long as either party is still bitter, the passion and longing still exists, and his / her lingering in ur life brings u unfathomable pain... trotting the friendship route serves no purpose & provides no room for growth. at least, not for now.
no need 2 change ur thinking lah.
can't possibly be cruel 2 urself and kind 2 ur ex right?
*pat pat*
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its actually depend on the both of u
i have 4 GF
the 1 im dating now is a vietnamnes right now at this moment (Picture)
1st GF - unable to be friends ( at age 15)
2nd GF - still greets each others when we meet each other (at age 22)
3rd - still mantian as friends and still can have meal with each other and she have married to another person. (at age 25)
so it actually depend on how matural 1 person is and how they look at all the things happen around each other
if u are quite young. the normal reaction is that u will be anger and angry at wat happen . thus right now at this point u will feel u are unable to became friends with yr ex again.
but things will cool down when time goes by.
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i have ex that when we break up badly and i got hurt badly. ended up after few years also become friends. not close just normal friends. random chats every now and then. and have ex that broke up cos we think remain as friends will be better.then we became quite good buddies. go out for supper and stuffs. also have ex that totally never met up or contact. heng is i also never meet them during shoppings! it all depends on how you gonna face it. it will hurt if you still love him/her and become friends. then when they found a new lover. more heartbroken. more hard to be friends.
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i know its difficult and puts u in an awkward position where u have to be friend with your ex but in a matter of friendship, to me no LOVE is going to ruin our friendship. My ex still hang around with me but we seldom talk due to our recent break up but as time goes by, we starting to fool around and now we're friends again as in we talk often now. Time heals all wounds
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So far, i only got one of my ex-gf remain as my friend, we are still on pretty good terms as in we talk, we joke, we tease each other.
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we still do talk. (: still hangout
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waah.. im goin thru the same thing.. and so far.. i think im doing it the wrong way -.-
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
Be first a friend to yourself, be love to yourself, be happiness , be kindness, be compassionate - then u are in a position to share and partake of another person. U have become a king, so rich within and overflowing u can share - u are abundant. Here, one shares, flows
However, if u lack within all that i enumerated (which is,of course expansive) - u may love, u may be a friend, u may be ... - u will feel fearful that it may not come back or be reciprocated in some form or ways. it is in the nature of existence that life is a flux, flowing and when things change and the person (or others) change - u are bound to feel anxious, unvalidated and so on so forth. Here, one seeks, chasing
The only difference is that one who has it within - will accept, the one that lacks within will suffer.
It is a myth - an erroneous assumption that we get what we want in life. The reality is we attract what we ARE.
( I am not talking about things, i m talking about people, a human being, which is not a thing. One can want a car, a house).
I dont know if i` m a friend to myself .
I think i treat myself quite well .After all it`s me right ?
But my ex used to say different things , cause she see`s my friends as loafers cause theie family are rich and have nothing better to do( which they really are ) . She keeps saying a person is who ur friend makes you .
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Oh and me and her wasnt friends to start of with . We met through friends and within days we got together . Maybe thats why we cant be friends now and i realised i still have some feelings for her that`s why it really pains me to even send a msg to her .
We tried being friends for a day and i actually wanted her back . So i guess i should cool off and forget her before being her friend.
Am i right ?
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there is close to 6million people in sg..... cant u choose one of the other 1million as your fren?
the rest of the 5 million are most likely CMI .... so dun bother..... just chuck ur ex into this group can liao....
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Originally posted by Save*>*ME:
Oh and me and her wasnt friends to start of with . We met through friends and within days we got together . Maybe thats why we cant be friends now and i realised i still have some feelings for her that`s why it really pains me to even send a msg to her .
We tried being friends for a day and i actually wanted her back . So i guess i should cool off and forget her before being her friend.
Am i right ?
eh chill la dude!! dont so kan chiong.... be close to her first. Be her good friend first, joke ard tease ard trust one another. Then after a few wks past, if u got the feeling that she's comfortable ard u....go for it