How do u be friends with ur ex ?
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Originally posted by theme_and_guess:
eh chill la dude!! dont so kan chiong.... be close to her first. Be her good friend first, joke ard tease ard trust one another. Then after a few wks past, if u got the feeling that she's comfortable ard u....go for it
If only it was that easy man .When ever i text or even see her online It`s like there will be this heart wrenching feeling inside me . -
Originally posted by Save*>*ME:
If only it was that easy man .When ever i text or even see her online It`s like there will be this heart wrenching feeling inside me .
ahh the cowardness of the man!! most men feel that way la.... i also!! but with my hangout with a grp of friends boosts my confidence!! just text her then close yr eyes real tight and think for a moment that there's nth to lose and there....send!! -
if being fren with ex is so painful....
why dun just let it go?
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Originally posted by Save*>*ME:
Ok i just broke up . And i was wondering how do some people actually be friends with their ex ?
Isn`t it difficult being friends with ur ex when you see him or her and think then of the times you guys spent together ?
Am i not being to open about this ? But i really cant be friends with any of my ex. It`s hard after all that`s been said and done then in the end just ended up being friends .
So wise people out there pls tell me if there`s anyway i could change this thinking of mine ?
I find it hard... when I broke with her... Her world just collapse.No matter how I tried to calm her or explain to her... She just wouldn't accept the failed relationship.
Tried to be normal friends but everytime she broke down... Sianz... Didn't even do anything to her ( so dun go say i ****** her then throw her aside )...
Cos in the first place, it started with friendship and also dunno why I accept her... Perhaps just wanna try to be an item with another but then find that there isn't any feelings in me that was more than friends for her... So, I decided to break it off.
But in the end, time still is the best medicine for such wound... perhaps it would take time for you and your ex to heal and treat the past relationship as a pleasant memory...
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Originally posted by caleb_chiang:
I find it hard... when I broke with her... Her world just collapse.No matter how I tried to calm her or explain to her... She just wouldn't accept the failed relationship.
Tried to be normal friends but everytime she broke down... Sianz... Didn't even do anything to her ( so dun go say i ****** her then throw her aside )...
Cos in the first place, it started with friendship and also dunno why I accept her... Perhaps just wanna try to be an item with another but then find that there isn't any feelings in me that was more than friends for her... So, I decided to break it off.
But in the end, time still is the best medicine for such wound... perhaps it would take time for you and your ex to heal and treat the past relationship as a pleasant memory...
errrrr u
go ****** her then throw her aside ????
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Not trying to offend anyone but in my opinion, having someone break up with you and saying "we can still be friends" is like your dog dying and your mum saying "you can still keep it." Basically what i mean is that, it will hurt. And if someone says that they don't really care about your feelings anymore.
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I agree with Kane. I dun believe in friendship after relationship. I did contact after break ups. THEY DON"T WORK! Twice liao. One was afraid sparking off something again so she calls me but never wants to see me. She calls every year for 10 years now.... She married with 2 kids.
Second one keep contact. Then something did spark off. We had sex again, then concluded this friendship thing is never gonna work. So we lost touch...
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you can only be her friend when you truly let her go. when you dont see memories of the two of you tgt whenever u see her. Then will u be able to treat her like a friend. i'm friends with almost all my exs. we can still talk, have fun and all. Sometimes your ex can be your best friend cos you can tell him/her almost everything or any problems that you have because she once knew you very well.
so i guess it'll take quite a while, a few months to let her go completely i guess before you can truly be her friend again.
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Originally posted by Save*>*ME:
Ok i just broke up . And i was wondering how do some people actually be friends with their ex ?
Isn`t it difficult being friends with ur ex when you see him or her and think then of the times you guys spent together ?
Am i not being to open about this ? But i really cant be friends with any of my ex. It`s hard after all that`s been said and done then in the end just ended up being friends .
So wise people out there pls tell me if there`s anyway i could change this thinking of mine ?
You cannot be real friends again with your exes.
There must be a very good reason why both of you have to break up initially.
By forcefully holding onto a fractured relationship with 'friendship', you are only causing more harm to yourselves when the wounded relationship began to decay and eating away your so-called 'friendship' superglue.
It may seems 'cool' for people to know that you are still friends with your exes, but actually only such 'cool' people would know the deep regrets you constantly need to live with yourselves as the consequences of embracing such a 'cool' but naive decision.
Is there really no other better decisions you could have taken to provide you with better happiness and take care of your own happiness?
If you cannot even take care of your own unhappiness, why do you bother to make such 'cool' decision when you know it's not going to be healthy and helpful to your own happiness?
Recover from your own unhappiness first before you take on more unhappiness for the sake of looking 'cool'.
Cos if you can't recover from your current unhappiness, chances are you won't be able to recover from the greater unhappiness which your 'cool' decision is going to bring upon you.
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To be friends after a break up is possible.
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Originally posted by Save*>*ME:
Ok i just broke up . And i was wondering how do some people actually be friends with their ex ?
Isn`t it difficult being friends with ur ex when you see him or her and think then of the times you guys spent together ?
Am i not being to open about this ? But i really cant be friends with any of my ex. It`s hard after all that`s been said and done then in the end just ended up being friends .
So wise people out there pls tell me if there`s anyway i could change this thinking of mine ?
It depends on your personal belief on how you define 'friendship' and a 'relationship'. Of course, to most effective way to get along with life is to sever all means of contacts with the person. But the catch is that ultimately, such physical measures must be reinforced with other initiatives taken (reorganizing focus in life, getting to know new people, engage in new hobbies, etc), as well as a change in perspective - or it will result in sheer pointlessness akin to a breeze walk in a park.One very important concept is to be constantly 'aware' of your thoughts and emotions, instead of relying on your subconscious to provide grounds for your feelings. The problem with most people is that they often decide that 'we will still remain as friends' but they would unconsciously behave and think that their position are worth than just that of a friend. The discrepancy in reality will force you to become miserable, almost like me dangling a cheese burger in front of your eyes, while you being consumed by an innate hunger.
Your circumstances creates an inability for you to grab that wonderful burger and gorge it, without being subjected to some form of love transgression.
This creates immerse emotional frustration and suffering.
It's impossible for a downgrade to occur (from a relationship to a friendship), with all other factors remaining the same. Even the most amicable breakup will probably experience some sort of subtle shift in adjustment, as well as perceived rights and position.
And the truth is that not everyone is capable of being able to remain friends with their ex-lovers - you see, some people just can't do that and I just want to tell you that it's normal/natural because people are developed differently in love (Without natal chart analysis, it's usually more problematic for Taurus, Leo, Aquarius & Scorpio).
Your choice of action must be in sync with the understanding of yourself - if you know that you belong to the category of people that just cannot remain as friends, then constantly putting yourself in situation, in which you KNOW you can't handle will only result in greater paroxysm of pain. Seriously, it's more than just a change in thinking - it actually involves your own personal values and beliefs, which is something that might not be as readily subjected to changes.
P.S: We learn more about ourselves through both the birth and death of our relationship. It acts as a mirror that reflects the state of condition about ourselves - the blind spots that we are unaware of. As we engage in introspection, we will begin to realize that we learn more about ourselves, than that of our partner/s.
Cheers