Ok...
first post here :)
I'm a 26 y old guy from India. I'm well educated and very well traveled. I hold a decent job and am a Singapore PR.
I recently met this beautiful 24 y old girl from China and have been on a few very enjoyable dates with her. She's well educated, smart and funny.We get along quite well as beside good looks she also has the ability to hold a meaningful conversation - a combination which I've had difficulty finding thus far.
I just wanted to know more about what to expect if we keep traveling down this road...
1) Expected Dating ettiquette for PRC Chinese women? - is it cool to date multiple people at the same time? how "slow" or "fast" is one expected to move in terms of physical relations?[ok that sounds like a question a 13 year old might ask .. lol]
2)Image of Indian people in the minds of the Chinese: this differs vastly across countries, depending on the local populations exposure to (what is usually) a single strata of Indian society. What is the image of indian people for a chinese? how would her family likely take it?
I understand that these are personal questions that differ by the family and are perhaps best directed at the girl herself. In due time I will do just that. For now, some general guidance would be helpful.
Thanks :)
Originally posted by Awesomeazing:Ok...
first post here :)
I'm a 26 y old guy from India. I'm well educated and very well traveled. I hold a decent job and am a Singapore PR.
I recently met this beautiful 24 y old girl from China and have been on a few very enjoyable dates with her. She's well educated, smart and funny.We get along quite well as beside good looks she also has the ability to hold a meaningful conversation - a combination which I've had difficulty finding thus far.
I just wanted to know more about what to expect if we keep traveling down this road...
1) Expected Dating ettiquette for PRC Chinese women? - is it cool to date multiple people at the same time? how "slow" or "fast" is one expected to move in terms of physical relations?[ok that sounds like a question a 13 year old might ask .. lol]
2)Image of Indian people in the minds of the Chinese: this differs vastly across countries, depending on the local populations exposure to (what is usually) a single strata of Indian society. What is the image of indian people for a chinese? how would her family likely take it?
I understand that these are personal questions that differ by the family and are perhaps best directed at the girl herself. In due time I will do just that. For now, some general guidance would be helpful.
Thanks :)
u can typically bed a PRC china girl within 3 dates.
but being a womaniser by seeing a few women in Singapore is a no-no in our local culture. u will end up poorer and if seen by other women while being with another, u will be dumped... because no security sense as seen by women's eyes.
2) interracial marriage is tolerance in our society, just like a local singaporean Sarong Party Girl (SPG) be with a white caucasian man at pubs and clubs...
Thanks for the response rednano :)
I look forward to our third date then .. lol J/K.
Just to clarify: I make a distinction between dating and a committed relationship. Dating is casual - you can date 3 women at once.. just meet for food\drinks and maybe some physical relations - but its not exclusive.
Committed relationship is more serious and exclusive.
I've heard many opinions about white-chinese relationships.. the cultural issues etc. But very few about Indian (not local indian.. yes there is a difference) - chinese relationships...
would be happy with more perspectives on the afroementioned and the above questions.
Originally posted by Awesomeazing:Ok...
first post here :)
I'm a 26 y old guy from India. I'm well educated and very well traveled. I hold a decent job and am a Singapore PR.
I recently met this beautiful 24 y old girl from China and have been on a few very enjoyable dates with her. She's well educated, smart and funny.We get along quite well as beside good looks she also has the ability to hold a meaningful conversation - a combination which I've had difficulty finding thus far.
I just wanted to know more about what to expect if we keep traveling down this road...
1) Expected Dating ettiquette for PRC Chinese women? - is it cool to date multiple people at the same time? how "slow" or "fast" is one expected to move in terms of physical relations?[ok that sounds like a question a 13 year old might ask .. lol]
2)Image of Indian people in the minds of the Chinese: this differs vastly across countries, depending on the local populations exposure to (what is usually) a single strata of Indian society. What is the image of indian people for a chinese? how would her family likely take it?
I understand that these are personal questions that differ by the family and are perhaps best directed at the girl herself. In due time I will do just that. For now, some general guidance would be helpful.
Thanks :)
1) Expected Dating ettiquette for PRC Chinese women?
While it is common enough overseas for a person to date casually, it is not generally accepted in Singapore. Then again you're talking about a PRC Chinese woman so I can't really answer them for that. However, if it is a casual date, I think it's best that you make your intentions clear. I don't think there is a real guide to how fast or slow you can proceed in terms of physical relations. It is really much dependent on the girl. Most PRC girls don't have a very good image here in Singapore but there are the decent ones out there. You just have to discern if she is decent or otherwise. No one can tell you that.
2)Image of Indian people in the minds of the Chinese
Ok, I'm speaking from a Singapore point of view. There is respect and tolorance between the local Indians and Chinese in Singapore. However, when it comes to inter-racial marriages (though it's really getting common between the 2 races), there is still this unacceptance from the chinese side of the family (I am not sure about the Indian side of the family though)
If this relationship is serious to you, I think you really need to consider 3 other aspects:-
Religion, Customs & Diet
Religion; I don't think I need to touch upon it as that is the usual sensitive topic for all relationships.
Customs; There are lots of differences between Indian & Chinese customs and practices. As long as there is understanding and mutual respect, I'm sure it will work out
Diet; I hope both of you are very cosmopolitian in tastes because I do know Indians like their spice and although as a local Chinese and I like spicy food, asking me to eat Indian food everyday is also too much for me to take. As the girl is PRC (depending on where is she from) she is likely to be even less used to traditional Indian food.
Originally posted by Awesomeazing:Thanks for the response rednano :)
I look forward to our third date then .. lol J/K.
Just to clarify: I make a distinction between dating and a committed relationship. Dating is casual - you can date 3 women at once.. just meet for food\drinks and maybe some physical relations - but its not exclusive.
Committed relationship is more serious and exclusive.
I've heard many opinions about white-chinese relationships.. the cultural issues etc. But very few about Indian (not local indian.. yes there is a difference) - chinese relationships...would be happy with more perspectives on the afroementioned and the above questions.
Whatever make you sleep at night.
Hi elindra - thanks for a thoughtful post :)
Re: reputation of Chinese girls in SG.. well.. I'm not rich (nowhere close) and this girl knows it. She's educated enough to be able to easily get a PR on her own merit. So perhaps she's one of the rare few?
Even though it is waaay too early to predict how things will go, if they do go well, I am open to a serious relationship with her.
My family is cool with me getting together with anyone who makes me happy - so no issues from my side.
The 3 aspects you point to should be less of an issue in this case (hopefully!)
religion - I'm not a religious person - and neither is she. Though I do enjoy celebrating festivals from all religions (food, fireworks and gifts!)
customs: are there any glaring differences that I shuold be aware of? as far as I understand there are a lot of similarities (close families.. respect your elders... etc.)
Diet: oh.. I eat *everything* (from bak kut teh to fried ants) and relish new food. Dont get me wrong - I love my Indian food ... but eating only one kind og cuisine every single day seems rather boring!
Originally posted by Awesomeazing:Hi elindra - thanks for a thoughtful post :)
Re: reputation of Chinese girls in SG.. well.. I'm not rich (nowhere close) and this girl knows it. She's educated enough to be able to easily get a PR on her own merit. So perhaps she's one of the rare few?
Even though it is waaay too early to predict how things will go, if they do go well, I am open to a serious relationship with her.
My family is cool with me getting together with anyone who makes me happy - so no issues from my side.
The 3 aspects you point to should be less of an issue in this case (hopefully!)
religion - I'm not a religious person - and neither is she. Though I do enjoy celebrating festivals from all religions (food, fireworks and gifts!)
customs: are there any glaring differences that I shuold be aware of? as far as I understand there are a lot of similarities (close families.. respect your elders... etc.)
Diet: oh.. I eat *everything* (from bak kut teh to fried ants) and relish new food. Dont get me wrong - I love my Indian food ... but eating only one kind og cuisine every single day seems rather boring!
Well then it should be less of an issue for you.
If you think she's the one than go for it.
I'm not sure about her family though as to put it bluntly, sometimes either race think that they belong to the more superior race.
However, I think the biggest obsticles are always religion, culture and food/living habits, so if you both don't have an issue with that, that's like half the battle won already.
Indian takes dowry from the bride side.
Chinese takes dowry from the groom side.
Other than tat, no difference.
Originally posted by jojobeach:Indian takes dowry from the bride side.
Chinese takes dowry from the groom side.
Other than tat, no difference.
so.. in this case.....
parents of both side take dowry from the couple?
Frankly, i feel that you are going to derail along the way cos first and foremost u are merely skimming the surface and u are in a poetic mood lar. U are relating to personalities - four people not two. Individuals are two - i.e. behind the persona (mask) is the real u and the real her.
If u think 'Indian' and she thinks 'Chinese' it is very difficult to relate. It remains only superficial. However, if u can put aside this aspect or be concious and relate as two human beings without imposing encroaching on each other - all is possible.
Love is a subjective existential expereince - it is the yearning of the heart for eternity. However, the mind(ego) interprets it as permanency.
Love abides ONLY when fear and reasons are absent! When fear (of losing the other) and reasons (to love the other) are there - know this - it is not love but something else. Ego and love cannot co-exist - one has to go.
Two wolves (being, INNER landscape) reside in each of us, the first is needs, fears, beliefs (eg, customs, traditons, religion), jealousy,comparing sympathy,possesivness, insecurity, fear of loss , anger, prejudice, always reacts ... the second is love, kindness, emphaty , gratitude,unlimiting beliefs always responds.
The one that is fed daily evolves - whom are u feeding, even as u are reading it now?
Both is love - but with a BIG difference:
the first is ego- based personality! - it eventually suffocates and kills the... (one remains accidental/ on the periphery) - the bird is always trying to take off but wings are always clipped - cos love has become bondage here - the giving here is to take back (lots of expectations) - what is one sharing is this : complaining, whining, .... Here it is fear-based love and the anxiety is there to quickly make it a relationship. One is insecure.
the second is soul-infused individuality! - it is everflowing abundance (essential/centre), it is a bird on a wing - one wing is love, and the other is freedom - love is freeing - the giving here is simply sharing what one is, appreciating what IS. Here it is love unto itself and one simply relates, one flows like the river and partakes of what the other is.One is abundantly rich within - hence one relates without fear and one has no reason(s) to love.
The predicament of many is that they search and desire answers on all four quarters ooutside of themselves when the answers are and have been all along within; what is missing is the essential, the accidental - aplenty!
The above is expansive - not confined to relationships or marriage but other areas of one's daily ... and what have you.
This is my experience observation and understanding, that's all
Superimposed on a circle - one can only understand and transcend, one cannot improve on a circle!
The first ripple .... watch and ....
This transcends psychology!
Lest its miscontrued, i m not against marriage or ... its the LACK WITHIN that i opine
umm...1st of all, i think u better make sure, she's treating u as a normal friend or potential bf, coz u guys only dated twice....if she really likes u, then the religion/race diff is not a very big prob i think.
I'm pretty sure she's not treating me as a "normal friend" ... and actually likes me ... but I'll try to make it 100% sure at our next date tomorrow - which is clearly romantic ;)
dowry and stuff is irrelevant and not applicable (atleast from my side).
So anything else I should be aware of?
I'm just trying to make sure I'm aware of what I'm walking into so things go more smoothly and none of us get hurt.
The course of true love never did run smooth!
Love never hurts - expectation(s) and needs masquerading as love surely hurts! Lovers hurt, love never.
The predicament is to become love or lover.
TS must be a loser with indian girls.. maybe reject... Sound fishy tome, why must u go for a PRC gal when u can find so many beautiful gal in yr own culture, also btw TS i think is not sincere, he wants the 3rd date sex.
U say - I'm just trying to make sure I'm aware of what I'm walking into so things ....
Perhaps this is what u need to be aware of - u are fearful of .... fill up what suits u.
Love (assuming it is there) cannot be compressed into a room. It will suffocate both of u and turn stale.
Love is the fragrance of your being. What are u being now?
Originally posted by EarlNeo:so.. in this case.....
parents of both side take dowry from the couple?
Uhhh.. nope.
Most likely the girl family will have their way.
Originally posted by Awesomeazing:Ok...
first post here :)
I'm a 26 y old guy from India. I'm well educated and very well traveled. I hold a decent job and am a Singapore PR.
I recently met this beautiful 24 y old girl from China and have been on a few very enjoyable dates with her. She's well educated, smart and funny.We get along quite well as beside good looks she also has the ability to hold a meaningful conversation - a combination which I've had difficulty finding thus far.
I just wanted to know more about what to expect if we keep traveling down this road...
1) Expected Dating ettiquette for PRC Chinese women? - is it cool to date multiple people at the same time? how "slow" or "fast" is one expected to move in terms of physical relations?[ok that sounds like a question a 13 year old might ask .. lol]
2)Image of Indian people in the minds of the Chinese: this differs vastly across countries, depending on the local populations exposure to (what is usually) a single strata of Indian society. What is the image of indian people for a chinese? how would her family likely take it?
I understand that these are personal questions that differ by the family and are perhaps best directed at the girl herself. In due time I will do just that. For now, some general guidance would be helpful.
Thanks :)
we are Chinese, SG not Chinese, China
TS can take all the PRC chicks he want......just leave local SG chicks alone.
"I recently met this beautiful 24 y old girl from China and have been on a few very enjoyable dates with her. She's well educated, smart and funny.We get along quite well as beside good looks she also has the ability to hold a meaningful conversation - a combination which I've had difficulty finding thus far."
Certainly looks like she's having no problems, but you are.
If you don't buck up, she'll find you below her standards.
See her as a person, not a PRC girl.
Find a common ground...
Like Jurong East Roti Prata done by Orang Cina... Yum!
It is nigh impossible for one to see another as a person or human being when one sees oneself as for eg, a chinese,indian, buddhist or even a teacher, student or what have you.
If one were to read TS's posting - ........ (and so many others) one is lost in roles and identities, & personalities. Without transcending these in oneself its not going to happen lar.
However, if one is cognizant that one is attached to or identifies with roles and personalities - there is hope lar.
The question that he (and many) may want to answer is this: Do i see my boss as a person, do i see my mother as a person, do i see the cleaner or the coffee shop assistant as a person?
When only sees a particular person or relates to this person or sees this person as a human being the motive cancels out his/her humanity. one is simply unconcious or one is being hypocritical. One is disconnected from oneself (Being) and the existential experience of living is by and large spasmodic.
"It is nigh impossible for one to see another as a person or human being when one sees oneself as ....."
The troubles in the world, between nations, between societies, and between individuals begins with labeling.
Infer that the other is of a sub-category it would then be easier to dismiss or annihilate that category. It begins with apartheid.
TS and the PRC has done well in they did socialise with each other, dispite their differences, and did not seek grounds for segregation.
FT love in SG. GO back to their country become like novel, movie, maybe Bollywood movie next story?
So... we had a nice long romantic date - and basically just talked for 7+ hours... (extremely unusual experience)
only thing is she doesn't seem willing to initiate stuff.. if i hold her hand, she responds.. if i ask her to dance, shes ok... if i mention future plans together, she agrees... but nothing from her side..
should i *again* be the one to ask for another date? isn't that kinda needy and weird... on the other hand, isnt it childish to play such mind games? <confused>