Originally posted by Mybluemoon:when girls are young, cute and pretty, guys treat them like treasure. twenty years down the road after marraige, the girl gets old and fugly. the guy will then ignore her go geylang and find chiobu. it works the same way doesnt it~?
Even the guy go geylang find chio bu it will just be a 1 night stand not a marriage or relationship
Originally posted by automator:It seems that nowadays relationship are all very shallow.
The boss treats you well when he knows you are useful. Once you become useless, he can't wait to kick you out of the company.
Your wife/gf treats you well you have a good job and you are giving her lots of money to enjoy life. Once you are broke she can't wait to get rid of you and find a new guy.
Even parents are also like that. When you are having a good job and giving them money every month, they treats you well. Once you are jobless and have no money to give them they everyday come and kao pei at you and threaten to sue you in court.
Seems nowadays relationships are built on very shallow basics
u have a very screw up perspective of life....
TS u r right.
Human is made to be selfish.
U r a boss, u wont want an employee who do nothing and get paid, despite he did save your company before.
U r a girl. your bf is broke. useless, another guy is rich, buy u nice clothing. useful. so u pick which one?
Your father condom leaked so u r out here. He paid everything for you so when he old. he want something back from u.
Relationships are shallow for a reason. Almost all relationships are based on love; self-love. If you have nothing to bring to the table, you are not welcome. It is true for colleagues, bosses, lovers, siblings, friends, medical staff, politicians etc. Basically everyone, and debatable parents. We can easily see this from the way we persuade people. More often than not, we are looking after our own interests but we will appeal to them by magnifying their advantages.
colleagues and bosses - self explanatory
siblings - only appears when your help is needed
friends - mutual interests
medical staff - they are not there to help you, but to help themselves, to further their careers.
politicians - "we are not a welfare state"
Parents - debatable but fundamentally an investment to guard against old age esp powerful tool when faced with "we are not a welfare state".
Lovers
While guys and girls especially girls, go on and on and on about "love". We can actually observe that the only "love" is self-love.
1) When you talk about "mei liang xin", it signifies a desire to obtain something in return, which translate to investment (own interest).
2) Typical indicators of love places the person at the receiving end of things. e.g. gifts, attention
3) While saying "love" is the most important part of a relationship is romantic and very sexy and appealing, we can observe that when it is time to crunch the numbers*, more emphasis is placed on rational factors like income, age, education, ability to earn, health etc.
In most cases, love is an rational decision likened to economics. i.e. How to grab the most out of this life before we drop dead.
"It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own self interest. We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own necessities but of their advantages." (Adam Smith)
* the numbers refer to a rating system in which the prospective partner is given a score on his/her characteristics. e.g. looks, money, behaviour etc. IMO, its impt to know what are you looking for in the r/s and which factor is the most impt.
Abraham Maslow was a great observer human behaviour. In 1943, he published his paper, known as the theory of human motivation.
In simple and brief comprehensible terms, life is shapened to a pyramid, which each and every human will ascend, from Basic Needs, then to Security and Stability, next towards Love and Belonging and finally Esteem level.
Every human may seem selfish, out only for his/her own needs, but it is only natural, for if one cannot take care of oneself, how then to care for others?
But when one reaches a comfortable level whereby he/she can take care of oneself, it is also only natural to open one's eyes to one's environment, and offer assistance where necessary.
Thus, the result of friendships, the helping of one another on the journey of life. Life is meant to be shared, bound and bonded by the trust built up over time to honour to committments.
We will still be selfish at times, for none is perfect, but it will be the trust bestowed upon by others to make us be more aware of our committments to each other, or our reputations destroyed and end up living lonely lives.
A boss set up his biz with only one thing in mind. To earn money on his investments. His employees' responsibilities to help such aspirations, and at the same time achieve their aims - to earn money as well. That relationship is nothing more than a mutually agreed upon committment.
Friendships that developed into marriages are based on love, whereby both would have rised upon Maslow's pyramid, where their basic needs would have been long met. There is no need to be selfish.
The only selfish aspect would not be basic needs, but more pyschological needs of emotional value, for each emotional's level is different and seldom the same. Thus the need for better communications at all times, or the relationship would break down.
In summary, at our basic level, we are only animals. What sets us apart from our cousin animals is our ability to think and act, and build upon our foundations to better ourselves, which resulted in something call civilisation.
If some prefers to suscribe to the belief that man is selfish and can only form shallow relationships based solely on economic needs of self, and not rise above it to contribute more, then mankind will be doom within this generation.
Just my 2 cts worth
Originally posted by ahbeo:Relationships are shallow for a reason. Almost all relationships are based on love; self-love. If you have nothing to bring to the table, you are not welcome. It is true for colleagues, bosses, lovers, siblings, friends, medical staff, politicians etc. Basically everyone, and debatable parents. We can easily see this from the way we persuade people. More often than not, we are looking after our own interests but we will appeal to them by magnifying their advantages.
colleagues and bosses - self explanatory
siblings - only appears when your help is needed
friends - mutual interests
medical staff - they are not there to help you, but to help themselves, to further their careers.
politicians - "we are not a welfare state"
Parents - debatable but fundamentally an investment to guard against old age esp powerful tool when faced with "we are not a welfare state".
Lovers
While guys and girls especially girls, go on and on and on about "love". We can actually observe that the only "love" is self-love.
1) When you talk about "mei liang xin", it signifies a desire to obtain something in return, which translate to investment (own interest).
2) Typical indicators of love places the person at the receiving end of things. e.g. gifts, attention
3) While saying "love" is the most important part of a relationship is romantic and very sexy and appealing, we can observe that when it is time to crunch the numbers*, more emphasis is placed on rational factors like income, age, education, ability to earn, health etc.
In most cases, love is an rational decision likened to economics. i.e. How to grab the most out of this life before we drop dead.
"It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own self interest. We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own necessities but of their advantages." (Adam Smith)
* the numbers refer to a rating system in which the prospective partner is given a score on his/her characteristics. e.g. looks, money, behaviour etc. IMO, its impt to know what are you looking for in the r/s and which factor is the most impt.
your list is very accurate..except for the parents/children one. there are indeed parents who gave birth so that they could be taken care of in their old age, but there are a minority, i think say 20 to 30 per cent who don't have this mentality. I personally spoke to some aunts and uncles, and asked them if they expect my cousins to support them financially in their old age, and if thats why they had kids. They said no..all in earnesty.
They say parenthood in itself is joy. to hear someone call you 'daddy', and interesting thing to me they said was that, to them having children is to leave "a legacy" in this world, before you leave the world as opposed to letting your possessions and what material achievements you accumulated eg career success, your house. I mean its quite a joke to expect that expensive designer chair or a BMW you bought to be your idea of your legacy in the world. What's a good legacy? Kids of course, your offspring.
Shallowness is not inherent in any one us lar. It is brought into the .... without knowing or understanding oneself.
Two wolves (being, INNER landscape) reside in each of us, the first is needs, fears, beliefs (eg, customs, traditons, religion), jealousy,comparing sympathy,possesivness, insecurity, fear of loss , anger, prejudice, always reacts ... the second is love, kindness, emphaty , gratitude,unlimiting beliefs always responds.
The one that is fed daily evolves - whom are u feeding, even as u are reading it now?
Both is love (relationship) - but with a BIG difference:
the first is ego- based personality! - it eventually suffocates and kills the... (one remains accidental/ on the periphery) - the bird is always trying to take off but wings are always clipped - cos love has become bondage here - the giving here is to take back (lots of expectations) - though one assumes that one is sharing in reality one is a burden on another. One is being selfiish here. Here it is fear-based love and the anxiety is there to quickly make it a relationship. One is insecure. One is or remains shallow. One is mired in a pond! One remains a seed, a mere potential.
the second is soul-infused individuality! - it is everflowing abundance (essential/centre), it is a bird on a wing - one wing is love, and the other is freedom - love is freeing - the giving here is simply sharing what one is, appreciating what IS. Here it is love unto itself and one simply relates - one is self-FULL here. One flows with existence like a river and partakes of what the other 'is'.One is abundantly rich within - hence one relates without fear(s) and one has no reason(s) to love. One has plunged to the very depths of one's being and the seed within has blossomed.
Relationship is tenuous, relating is beautiful. Relationship is one thing, interdependence totally another. Relationship means one is separate; one independent and so is the other, and one decides to relate. Relationship is not interdependence, it is a contract bet two independent persons. Hence most relationships are shallow, because basically independence is false or misinteprted. Nobody is independent -- and if one is not independent how can one relate? With whom can one relate?
The predicament of many is that they search and desire 'answers' on all four quarters outside of themselves and prop themselves up with whatever that resonates/validates them. However, they overlook this: it is a prop, when it is removed or gone ... one is bound to collapse. The 'answers' are and have been all along within; what is missing is the essential, the accidental - aplenty!
The above is expansive - not confined to relationships or marriage but other areas of one's daily ... and what- have -you.
Superimposed on a circle - one can only understand, accept n transcend, one cannot improve on a circle!
PS - two personalities can only relate when they are conscious of their personas and know that behind the curtain of .... are two throbbing individuals. Otherwise, it is at most superficial n shallow - one never penetrates to the core of the other's individuality.
Originally posted by Fugazzi:Relationship(s) are shallow cos there was no foundation from the start lar. All that was happening (or seems to be happening) - propping up with money, house, car, sadly even the gal/boy/spouse aslo reduced into things!
I agree with that point. Speaking from experience, I think one should draw a clear line between casual friends and true friends to protect yourself.
i dun think all relationships are like that. you just happened to stumble upon all of them.
i build deep relationships with chewren using lolipops