Yes I am. The doctor said it and now I am on medication. I have no friend to pour my sorrow. I cannot talk to my wife like I used to talk to her. She is finding problem communicating with me too.. We now hardly talk. I have office work stress home stress, financial stress and family stress. I can't take it anymore. My sister cannot help me, my children cannot understand me. My wife do not love me anymore. We are married for 23 years now.
On my birthday this year, my wife told me she want to be a Chirstian,. I didn't opposed to that but this religion thingy get very touchy and I was very upset. Finally I broke down two days later and I am now depressed and I am on medication. I do not know why tear keep rolling down my and as a man, it is very difficult to cry. The doctor tell me to cry it out, but I don't know where I can do it without hurting my pride. I am afraid we are heading towards a divorce.
I feel like I am exploding and many times, I feel I should have just jump off somewhere and forget about everything. But many times, I put off the idea. I used to think people who commit suicide is stupid and cowards. Today, I think they are brave people.
I have not much friend and so had no one to talk to since my wife and I cannot communicate.
I can't concentrate on my work and I got no mood for anything. I really am lost as what to do .. I came to this forum and everytime I will close the IE as I cannot and do not know how to pen my feeling. So much to tell and so much not to tell ... even now, I am hesitating to press the " post topic " button. I do not know it is a good idea to pour my feeling here .. afterall, there will be people trying to push you deeper into the blue.. oh what the heck ...!!!
hey bro... dun be so negative..
chill it :) i understand that working adults do have lesser friends esp those with families..
didnt you talk to your wife about it since its troubling you? work stress i understand :(
we are all friends in this forums :) though i MIA for many yrs hahaha
try making more friends or better still, be a volunteer :) make life meaningful!
Remenber to take your medicine regularly.And also eat a lot of fruits and vegetables which are rich in Vitamin C.Normally depression is caused by lack of Vitamin C.Exercise regularly also will minimise your stress.
hey man cheer ups. shit happens man, but it will get normal back as long as you take it positively. go catch a movie or take a stroll down the park or beach. shit i tell you, its the best feeling ever. just enjoy the simple things in life;D
hope this helps, good luck man
Whether you express what u actually feel or not - (to me), it makes no difference - at most many would advice or ask u to take it easy of offer ways to go about 'it'. Yes, i am it is not easy but one can waste one's energy on negativities or one can expend it on something that 'frees' one. Moreover, what u have expressed here - seems more like what u feel (emotions included) as opposed to what is situational or imagined.
Medication(s) only suppress and treat what is symptomatic but what is latent is sth one has to sooner or later face and 'handle'. Perhaps, u can understand treat it as a temporary solution
Only the unwise (immature) go on clinging to 'what was or has been'. Only change is the nature n way of life, then clinging is unwise, cos one's clinging is not going to change existence (life). One's clinging is only going to make one miserable. Things are bound to change; whether one clings or not does not matter.
If one clings, consequently one becomes miserable: one clings and they change, one feels frustrated. If one does not cling they still change, but then there is no frustration because one was perfectly aware that they are bound to change.
TS,
One can never be rid of nor control 'one's emotions (clouds). The anguish/anxiety/anger ....(add on), is not from the circumstance/event/situation but cos of the identification with that particular emotion and reacting from what has been identified and accumulated in one's memory bank (the mind).
Also, trying to control is unhealthy and unwise - at most one is merely suppressing or one pursues 'sth' else to distract oneself or suppress it. It's relegated to one's 'memory' bank of the mind (Ego) or if u will, the subconscious - it will sooner or later erupt like a volcano!
However, when one acknowledges, understands, accepts and knows ( n being cognizant) that all emotions are akin to the 'passing clouds' and behind the clouds is the real me (the clear sky) one can handle oneself differently if not better.
The emotion is the 'movie' (it passes n ends like all movies do) and the 'screen' is the real thing. Just watching the emotions and being aware that it is there n not impulsively acting on it will eventually transform one and by that i mean inner transformation.
PS : If it resonates of u or with u 'good' otherwise lump it
Originally posted by ORIGAMIST:Yes I am. The doctor said it and now I am on medication. I have no friend to pour my sorrow. I cannot talk to my wife like I used to talk to her. She is finding problem communicating with me too.. We now hardly talk. I have office work stress home stress, financial stress and family stress. I can't take it anymore. My sister cannot help me, my children cannot understand me. My wife do not love me anymore. We are married for 23 years now.
On my birthday this year, my wife told me she want to be a Chirstian,. I didn't opposed to that but this religion thingy get very touchy and I was very upset. Finally I broke down two days later and I am now depressed and I am on medication. I do not know why tear keep rolling down my and as a man, it is very difficult to cry. The doctor tell me to cry it out, but I don't know where I can do it without hurting my pride. I am afraid we are heading towards a divorce.
I feel like I am exploding and many times, I feel I should have just jump off somewhere and forget about everything. But many times, I put off the idea. I used to think people who commit suicide is stupid and cowards. Today, I think they are brave people.
I have not much friend and so had no one to talk to since my wife and I cannot communicate.
I can't concentrate on my work and I got no mood for anything. I really am lost as what to do .. I came to this forum and everytime I will close the IE as I cannot and do not know how to pen my feeling. So much to tell and so much not to tell ... even now, I am hesitating to press the " post topic " button. I do not know it is a good idea to pour my feeling here .. afterall, there will be people trying to push you deeper into the blue.. oh what the heck ...!!!
Posting here online, noone knows your identity so feel free to just express yourself as you need to. There is no way we can identify you through your nick etc so any information you post is still relatively confidential and unknown to your peers.
Besides your family, any close friends etc you can look for? What you are in need now is alot of support so try to find sources where you can obtain support from the people who care about you.
Crying is a good way to release your emotions. Forget your pride, forget everything and just let your emotions run freeflow. Crying will help reduce alot of pent up stress. Just find a quiet place or lock yourself in the room/toilet when noone is home etc and cry if you are worried about others knowing and lossing your pride.
Do not consider suicide. Being alive is a gift and as long as you are alive, you can work to change things. It might not seem very 'possible' now but nothing is really impossible if you try. The going is hard but it can be done.
Make sure you continue the medication given and follow your doctor's instructions. Do not stop any medication you are given just because you no longer have any depression signs since the medications will help you prevent further relapse etc.
Most people do not know that stress can be accumulated bit by bit like money in bank. Once your mind cannot take it anymore, it is like a bomb that exploded. And once everything pours out like water from a pail, the whole ground is wet and hard to tidy up the mess. The solution to the problem is to break away from the chain of sorrow by going to a holiday, like Honolulu. Use a complete clean and dry cloth to wipe out the wet floor and the place can be neat and tidy again.
Try flipping your photo album and recall the joyful time that your family have spent to together.
Trace back the goal that you have initiated years ago and find back your own self again.
You need to cry out all those bottled up feelings inside of you that cant come out at the moment because 'it hurts your pride'. Once u cry it all out and you feel your feelings you'll feel much better. Your problems will still be there no doubt, but you will be more able to face them than in your current state bogged down by your feelings.
Good luck kan kai yi dian
Bro, you are not alone. In this age of globalisation and fast technological changes.
If you are looking for sympathy, you have my fullest morale support, for like many adults, those changes had wrought havoc into our lives, and those who had been slow to adapt to tech and advances in conceptualisation, are sadly at lost to deal with the changes it brings, in economic as well as social terms.
But if you are seeking for reality, and a solution, I......really do not wish to say, for the truth hurts, as it often does, and I generally, always, seek to avoid saying it, as I have no wish to hurt anyone....
But i cannot shirk from my responsibility. You deserve the truth, ready or not, for I have no wish to see you, a fellow human suffer, as I had to suffer and find the harsh truth on my own....
The problem lies...sadly......in YOU. There really is no one else to blame, for we alone determine our future. If it turns out well, we often take credit, but failures are always the bastard child no one ones to responsibly acknowledge.
As adults, we often have the freedom to make choices, and at some times, we make mistakes. Worse, some compound the mistakes and make it worse, till it reaches intolerable levels, so much so we comtemplate jumping out of the window, to escape from our responsibilities.
Go ahead, jump. It is your choice, if you think by justifying it as a courageous act will help you end your woes. Just add more weight and pressure onto your body, it will tumble down swiftly, and death comes almost instantly, usually with your eyes popping out after the hard shattering of bones and breaking of every blood vessel in your body.
Let everyone else take care of the burden you left behind, shattered hopes and dreams of those whom still care and love you. Debts unpaid. Lives of others will have to go on, even without you, but then, you dont have to care anymore. They had been fool to have trusted and loved you, a memory to be in future always filled with hate and revulsion of what you had done.
You took the easy way out, but left others to pick up the pieces. You, a man, a shame to humanity, for centuries men had always been the courageous ones and took care of the family. You didnt. Enjoy your next life. I would have more respect for the illegal geylang prostitute than you, for she faces rough customers daily to provide for her family and may even to put kids thru college, yet had never given up on precious life, than I would ever have any respect for you.
The reality is that it takes more courage to live. No one ever had it easy in life, for it is never a bed of roses. But many had confront their problems, seek solutions to find a way out. As long as we have brains, hands and legs, life never is without solutions.
Mistakes had been made. With you, i know not what for you revealed nothing as is your right of privacy. That others turned away for you is not and never without reason, and only you can find the SOURCE AND ROOT of your problem.
Only by acknowledging can , and confronting it, will you be able to resolve your life. Restart, reset it if need be. Be a bankrupt, if you are overwhelmed with financial woes. At least it would solve your stressful pressures. Be responsible to pay back your creditors, and with good faith, in 3 yrs you are a free man again.
Divorce if necessary, when love and trust is lost. Absence only makes the heart grow fonder, so long as you are sincere to change. It is not the end in a 23 yr relationship.
Get a job, and start from the bottom if necessary, to find out where you went wrong, if it is pride that got in your way. If you are capable, responsible, and attitude is right, you will most certainly gain promotion within months. You will need to regain your confidence.
This moment, you had lost faith in yourself. You are not a loser, and never is. You are just lost. You will need to find yourself. Be strong, confront your realities, and do what needs to done to get your life in order. Be the man that you had been before, that you are, before woes overwhelmed you and made you lost your way.
You are no different from any of us. We survived and will face further challenges ahead courageously come what may, for we care about ourselves as well as others who love us, and will never disappoint them no matter how high the waves comes. You too, are human, same as us, no different.
Never give up on your precious life, for there are still many things you had not done in life yet, and it awaits you, as long as you regain your confidence and make the necessary changes.
The solution lies within you. Thing is, are you ready, at this crossroad to life, to make the changes and be the man you really are within you?
PS: I apologise humbly and sincerly for any hurt i may have cause to you. Good luck, bro.
When you think about your problems in your head, it gets heavier and heavier, and seems too much.
Sit down by yourself, make sure no one is around to intrude.
Write down, make a list of whats bothering you. Identify each of your problem within a single line, and number it. Use a writing pad, so you can write as many as you can, if you think you have hundreds or thousands of problems.
When done look at the list. How many? Is it a lot?
Your brain want to explode because you have been rehashing the same issues over and over again in your mind.
Some of the issues you can tackle and strike off, some will go off by its own. Some you can meet half-way. Some unfortunately cannot be resolved. Have the wisdom to recognise that.
dear origamist,
we're all pretty much the same.
we go through beautiful moments, and we find ourselves sinking sometimes. lose our way deep inside a tunnel with no end in sight, then on better days and maybe years, the sky is blue, peaceful and bright.
when the going is good, it's easy to feel strong and confident and clear minded. when the fire is gone, problems strike in waves slamming down on us repeatedly, one after the other, agony upon agony.
do put ur problems down on paper, prioritize them, decide how best to tackle them.
follow up with daily updates, take pleasure and satisfaction in striking them off the list one by one. the idea is, whether u solve them eventually with ur methods, or whether they unsolve themselves due to circumstances, does not matter at this point. what matters is u try and u're honest about it and true to urself in doing ur part.
and hey, just want u to know that u're not alone. there's no real solution to utter bliss or the happy life anyway. look at this: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200906/happiness
so please don't despair and throw urself off the roof or onto the MRT tracks because u're sad, waning, down and uninspired. as u can see, no one really has answers and material for The Required Life on how to be A Person.
do take a day off work and home, buy urself a beer, sit along the singapore river, whistle a song, write the list ba.
as a final alternative, if u can't find a friend to talk to, if ur marriage fails, and it all goes to hell, i say fuck everything and get a dog.
they're the best. they don't talk and they don't judge people and they're a lot less complex with only 3 emotions - happy, sad and hungry.
lighten up, don't be so hard on urself.
surround urself wif positive ppl like me.
All the things that you mentioned does point to depression and I hope you find a way to keep yourself from sliding deeper into it.Now that you have recognised some of the problems that is causing it,it is a good start.First you need to work on trying to motivate yourself and improve on your personal happiness one little step at a time before you can start loving the people around you again.Remember love is a two way street,you need to give before you can get some.Your marriage to your wife for 23 years is a long time she could be the best person to talk to in a time like this.
Thank you everyone for the advise. Indeed it is very true. I must admit the main problem will still be me. I did spoke to my wife yesterday. I want her to know I still loves her and support her. But I cannot accept her accepting a new faith as in the begining we both share a same faith. Today, there is no common faith to talk about. She told me she is the problem and she find that God can help her.
I only asked her if she had tried to talk to me and give me the opportunity to hear her out. By turning to God or religion, she had actually push me from a primary support to secondary support. I am no longer her primary choice ! my children did not accept her decision and I can see the family is breaking up.
To me, my family is everything. Without it, I have no life. No motivation and my shelter gone. What is there to live for. Yes, sucide did come to mind at times .. when you think of dying, at that moment we forget what we are going to leave behind. At that moment is I know I will not be suffering. There was once I intended to end my life .. I was driving fast and intended to crash . . .. while I was picking up speed, the image of my father appear and I managed to stop. Now that my father is gone, I am afraid there is no one to stop me..
Yes, life is precious and I something feel that by dying, I actually is taking revenge on my love one for making me miserable. I can picture how they regretted not treating me better when I was alive etc .... I know I deserved to be f@@@ here for saying all these, but it is true... that's was the thought and sometime, these thoughts are pushing me towards siucide...
Yes, turning over album do helps ... they bring good memory ... the good thing about photo is u always that the good moment and never the bad ... that is why they are so important to me. After looking at photos, will I realised that by ending my life, I will never be able to see the good day or happy moment again.
This time round, I am depressed badly as my main source of support, my wife is no longer the same woman I can turn to. I took over running a company six months ago and although the financial situation had improved, I still want to push myself to do better. And it is this that I had also neglected my wife .. I am as much to be blame for what I am now .. I accept this. ( rightfully pointed out by xtreyier ).
I am glad I choice to come here. I should had done it 2 months ago. Maybe I will not need medication. Suddenly I feel there is more people caring for me here. I had not join the wrong forum. There are friend here who care and are willing to share .
Thank you guys .. There is so much I want to write but I am not a good writer .. I cannot express many things around me ... your contribution is actually a very good of reading material. There are many aspect that reflect my live. I hope to hear more . At least I know I am not alone now.
There are many things you could do for your wife and love ones but I am not sure about spiritual guidance being one of them that is when faith comes into play so please dont feel like there is a competition between you and that big guy in the sky but an invisible helping hand to ease the tension.
Muse over this:
When one props oneself/relationship/marriage with externals like house, car .... it is merely material in nature. Even the 'other' person is outside of one, in other words, the centre that one thinks that one has is not from oneself but the other. In other words, the other gave one a centre.
When this happens (n is happening all the time, which is actually 'pandemic' n debilitatingly diminishing one's sense of being) one is eventually going to be dependent, one is going to be in bondage/slavery. One is being accidental.
Most of all, if all these 'props' are (reasons beyond one's control) 'removed' or 'gone' one would collapse cos the centre that one unknowingly misintrepreted as coming from within oneself was never there in the first place. For eg, the other, the car, the house, the spouse .... add on, gave one a centre but it is not the centre. The centre had no foundation in the first place - all there was were props holding oneself together! One's centre is FALSE. One's foundation is weak or shallow.
To simplify, in a circle when one who is in 'the centre or centred' one is being essential (ie one is self-full, self-fulfilled in love, respect ...). The circumference (periphery/accidental) is what is extrenal to oneself.
When it does come from the periphery, which in most cases is what it is - one who is centred or essential is cognizant and knows that it can go or vanish or ... one has a POROUS EGO!
Many assume that they have a centre or are being essential but in reality 9 out of 10 misintrepret what is on the circumference (periphery) to be the centre. One misintrepets accidental as essential
That is why many who are in relationships/marriages suffer. The love that they assume that they have was never there. The other's validation, appreciation of them gave them the centre. One can add on other egs. respect, esteem responsiblity, even material things. The fear of losing the centre causes immense turmoil and conflict. Hence, possessiveness, jealousy, comparison!
I m not implying that it is rite/wrong but to know, to understand this: "AM I being essential (centred in my being - eg love is within me, m i responsible for what i am or do ... one can add on more) or am i being accidental (eg the other's love is giving me a centre or propping me)"?
Two essential beings - are simply soul mates (the 'us' does not destroy the 'me'
Two accidental persons - can become soul mates but if they are sleep-walkers then they would end up as cell mates (bondage/misery) The 'us' destroys the 'me'
go to a bar
sit down
have a drink
relax
go to the paper and accuse the church of breaking up your family ( yes they do, church teachings say christians must marry christians only ) and sue the church for lots of $$$
$$$ always cheer me up when i am down.
Originally posted by Fugazzi:Muse over this:
When one props oneself/relationship/marriage with externals like house, car .... it is merely material in nature. Even the 'other' person is outside of one, in other words, the centre that one thinks that one has is not from oneself but the other. In other words, the other gave one a centre.
When this happens (n is happening all the time, which is actually 'pandemic' n debilitatingly diminishing one's sense of being) one is eventually going to be dependent, one is going to be in bondage/slavery. One is being accidental.
Most of all, if all these 'props' are (reasons beyond one's control) 'removed' or 'gone' one would collapse cos the centre that one unknowingly misintrepreted as coming from within oneself was never there in the first place. For eg, the other, the car, the house, the spouse .... add on, gave one a centre but it is not the centre. The centre had no foundation in the first place - all there was were props holding oneself together! One's centre is FALSE. One's foundation is weak or shallow.
To simplify, in a circle when one who is in 'the centre or centred' one is being essential (ie one is self-full, self-fulfilled in love, respect ...). The circumference (periphery/accidental) is what is extrenal to oneself.
When it does come from the periphery, which in most cases is what it is - one who is centred or essential is cognizant and knows that it can go or vanish or ... one has a POROUS EGO!
Many assume that they have a centre or are being essential but in reality 9 out of 10 misintrepret what is on the circumference (periphery) to be the centre. One misintrepets accidental as essential
That is why many who are in relationships/marriages suffer. The love that they assume that they have was never there. The other's validation, appreciation of them gave them the centre. One can add on other egs. respect, esteem responsiblity, even material things. The fear of losing the centre causes immense turmoil and conflict. Hence, possessiveness, jealousy, comparison!
I m not implying that it is rite/wrong but to know, to understand this: "AM I being essential (centred in my being - eg love is within me, m i responsible for what i am or do ... one can add on more) or am i being accidental (eg the other's love is giving me a centre or propping me)"?
Two essential beings - are simply soul mates (the 'us' does not destroy the 'me'
Two accidental persons - can become soul mates but if they are sleep-walkers then they would end up as cell mates (bondage/misery) The 'us' destroys the 'me'
Sorry, right now, I can't concentrate on anything. Had been walking and staying away from my office. My mind cannot think or apprehend your message. I need time to settle down to read again... right now is like I see everything is so blurr .. things seem to be going round my head ... I need to settle down and I think the depression is acting up ... I just walk up and down outside my office ...
Originally posted by theyj:go to a bar
sit down
have a drink
relax
I wish I can but I don't drink and I hate smoke .. so bar is one place I will not step in ..
I have simplified using the eg of love.
if someone says or utters to me - 'I love u'. The other's utterance makes me feel good and i feel centred, i m fulfilled. This feeling will not last cos it was outside of me. The other fulfilled me.The other gave me a centre. However, once the the other stops ... or disappears - i collapse. Why? cos i never had it (love) in me. I was poor on the inside but keep thinking that i am rich. However if i m self-fulfilled in love, I m full n i can share, i dont need another to always say ' I love u ' or .... i m free!
The centre/essential is what is IN U - that is ur heart, your soul, your Being ... whatever u call it does not matter - it has no beliefs, no ego, no customs, no conditioning ..... add on. one is integrated WITHIN oneself. Even when the conditioning or beliefs or .... are there this person is FULLY awake and knows, hence, i say one is able to integrate and handle what IS.
One has the abiility to respond (responsilibility means the ability to respond)
The perihphery/accidental - is your mind, ur psychology, your ego, your beliefs - all types lar. it splits one on the inside - it is just that many don't see or understand it .
Here, one is asleep, one cannot 'handle' change or when things go 'wrong' One reacts, one lacks the ability to respond. One is irresponible lar
Lest it is misconstrued- it is not going to solve problems but in the understandin of what is actually happening within one will transform one and one handle all that comes to one differently if not better. It is whether one listens to one's heart or hear what the mind says. Big difference lar!
I am glad you realized that you are not alone. You are not suffering from schizophrenia. It is only depression, which most of us adults will at some point in life go thru.
It is normal and part and parcel of this precious gift of life we had been given, a roller coaster ride, with its highs which we must appreciate, and the lows we must accept in return, knowing the next cycle of highs will come, so long as we dont give up on living.
I would be naive to presume that your wife's turning to a different religion is one main attribute for your current state. There would be many reasons that ultimately led her to such a decisions, reasons of which I will not attempt to pry, for it is your privacy.
You said you managed to turn a company around, no small feat espacially in this crisis. This shows and proves you are a capable man, and let no one tell you otherwise.
However, with such corporate capabilities, one common trait is the need to weld control, and at times, even at the macro level. It proves you are a person who take responsibilities seriously and am often in the control seat., managing and directing others.
This trait is ingrained deeply in you, so much so that it will be evident in your private and social life as well. Women are often attracted to such men, who have the drive and know what he is doing, a leader whom she will pledge allegience to through a marriage, and even had bore you lovely kids of your own.
But at times, such as this crisis, events are often beyond our control. You may have lost focus earlier, and your priorities in life screwed by these consuming flows that had affected many lives.
Your wife, too, is another victim, made worse when she became disappointed in your leadership, for you may have lost it temporarily and made several bad decisions and priorities, but enough to make her lost her faith in you.
Even when she made her decision to seek a new direction and even divorce, you attempted to regain control and your dominance, but it wont work anymore, for she had seen the real you.
As Mancha here had figured out in his post here, it may be control or too much beyond your capability that is causing your depression, for your character trait is NOT to lose control.
This, sadly, you must acknowledge, as much as I hate to be the one to say it, for truth hurts. At times alot. But only by acknowledging can you come to a solution. Worse still, the solution may not be to your liking, as often solutions are.
However, your back is against the wall now. To control or not to control her, you will still lose her. The only solution is to let her be, to seek the new direction she feels is right for her. If you truly love her, you will set her free, for her to be happy.
Wish her well, and let her know you will always be around for her, no matter what happens, as you attempt to set your life right again. Once you set her free, her happiness will set you free too. Seem ridiculous, and even ludicrous, but after all that had happened, it may be the only solution left.What have you to loose anyway?
Meantime, get your priorities right this time, do what is necessary to get your life in order, one step at a time, try to loosen and chill out a bit, too much control will only kill you, for there are issues that are beyond our capability and control. Fighting it will only make you freak out. Relax. You and loved ones lives are more important.
You are your own source of strength, for you a man, and a capable one. That source is called confidence. It had been in you which made you succeed before, and will continue to help you succeed, as long as you dont lose it, or be over-confident of yourself.
Religion too is a source of comfort and solace, as your wife had found out, and it may be for you too, in the one you believe in, when you are overwhelmed by events. We all pray to the same almighty, whom is known by many names throughout centuries since the dawn of civilisation.
Take your time to digest what had been written by me and others. It is for your consideration and only written that it may be of help and cheer to you.
Good luck. You are not alone. Never was or will ever be. There will always be someone who cares or loves you. Dont disappoint them.
hang in there, origamist........sorry i am not offering much as all the peeps here write so well (particularly for me....xtreyier....i really think he/her posts have great meaning i hope for you).
you will snap out of it one day....really...........but honestly, peeps can write one thousand and one thing but if u r not going to do anything about it, u r not going to "recover" (fast). so, really, u r your own "healer"
take care and hope to hear that u have come to terms with your situation soon enough.