Overly pressured liberal Singaporean.
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I mean your friends and you may share the same thinking in terms of culture but all have different family backgrounds. If you apply this to your traditional parents, it's gonna cause u a lot of hardships. We can't choose our parents leh.....and how many have a property from their parents at this age? That's one big blessing u alrdy can count :)
I also have a problem with this rat race kiasu mentality in singapore. I do not see my long term future here too. Actually nowadays, with budget airlines and the skies opening up, you can actually fly back to singapore more often than ur parents think u can.
It's hard to keep a free spirit and ur soul is akin to a bird stuck in a a cage, waiting eagerly to fly out and spread its wings. Maybe you like to strike an agreement with ur pa and tell him how often u will come back. After all, no parents would want the child to be unhappy even if he's by their side.
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I recommend that you take care of your family.
Taking care of your family means many things, but in my opinion, mainly and chiefly, that entails keeping in contact with them, having a relationship with them, and helping them financially if need be.
First I want to let you know something.
I think you need to consider not only "me me me." This "me mentality" needs to be changed to a more gracious and appropriate mentality, and I do think you are capable of doing that.
Please consider your family, and what you can do for them.
Dont just think about "me" , how to fulfill "my" ambitions, "my" desires, etc.
In my humble opinion, if you can do something for your family, that should take precedence and be at a higher priority level for you, and when can be, you should do a little self-sacrifice.
That is just my own personal opinion, and an advise from one son / person to another son / person.
I am also of the opinion that if you can do something / fulfill some role that helps your family, that is actually a bigger accomplishment and a bigger achievement, and more meaningful in life.
I also regret to hear that your elder bro is only visiting your parents once every 2 years. This is quite infrequent. I think this is rather unhealthy. If this continues, it will take not long before your brother drift away more and more....and suddenly there is a gap.
Nowadays in the age of budget travel, air ticket is not so expensive, I think you should talk to your bro and remind him to increase the travel frequency. If possible you guys should also visit him periodically.
Of course, if you are really convinced that Australia suits you better, that is still possible, but it's just that you need to be able to keep in touch with your family more intensely and dont be like your bro who seem to forget about them.
If it's possible, you might want to reunite your parents/ bring them over to Aussie, or at least try to make them elligable for some kind of easier access, more reunion chances, more contacts, actually that is the important thing, not the place. The place can be anywhere but the family relationship is the key.
Please think about what I say.
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
I prefer the quiet lifestyle compared to the big city mentality that exists in Singapore. (actually spent 3 years in Perth, one of the quietest cities in the world) All i wish for is to settle down, and to actually work to live and not live to work like most singaporeans.
I think you better go back to Australia and join your brother.
You won't be happy under the rule of PAP and their suck you until dry philosophy.
I will stay on to destroy PAP.
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shut the fuck up la. u and ur pap shit.
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All i wish for is to settle down, and to actually work to live and not live to work like most singaporeans.
Who caused it?
I prefer the quiet lifestyle compared to the big city mentality that exists in Singapore.
Who was the one who caused it?
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Originally posted by angel3070:
I think you better go back to Australia and join your brother.
You won't be happy under the rule of PAP and their suck you until dry philosophy.
I will stay on to destroy PAP.
what about the old folks? and then you say blah blah blah the PAP doesnt help them, when TS could be there for them as well...
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In fact, i feel a bit resigned to my fate already.
To my parents, taking care of them means physically being there for them when they are old. Which will probably kill off any opportunity for me to venture overseas during the peak of my life.
Most people want to explore the world when they are young, and settle and enjoy their life in their homeland when they are old and not vice versa.
Just the occasional daily call is not enough without being physically beside them.
To Veggie Bao: All my other friends who aren't Asians were given the choices to relocate to wherever they want to with their parents blessings. Some as young as 18. Are they any better than those who are in my situation?
I do believe that Asians in general are too pampered in the journey of life compared to our western counterparts.
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
I do believe that Asians in general are too pampered in the journey of life compared to our western counterparts.
Singaporeans you mean.
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Originally posted by Rock^Star:
shut the fuck up la. u and ur pap shit.
Tsk, tsk, tsk !!! eee !!
狗改�了�屎Hey,you, don't tell us you did not speak negatively about PAP!!!!
tsk tsk tsk tsk! 狗改�了�屎
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
In fact, i feel a bit resigned to my fate already.
To my parents, taking care of them means physically being there for them when they are old. Which will probably kill off any opportunity for me to venture overseas during the peak of my life.
Most people want to explore the world when they are young, and settle and enjoy their life in their homeland when they are old and not vice versa.
Just the occasional daily call is not enough without being physically beside them.
To Veggie Bao: All my other friends who aren't Asians were given the choices to relocate to wherever they want to with their parents blessings. Some as young as 18. Are they any better than those who are in my situation?
I do believe that Asians in general are too pampered in the journey of life compared to our western counterparts.
I do believe that Asians in general are too pampered in the journey of life compared to our western counterparts.
Not all asians are too pampered. However, in this sgforums it is not difficult to spot those that are. These are usually self righteous forumers.
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Hi Alpha, i was forced back by dad too but i'm supposed to go there for studying though and i have plans to stay there for good after experiencing their lifestyles and asking the school of their plans for me.
I would say it's up to you if you can leave comfortably knowing no one else is taking care of parents, there's nothing else to stop you any further. I'm always with dad as he's a retiree, the people in market told me that they wouldn't have the patience, some even thought i'm his mistress LOL
but since you've made the first step to come back by their requests, i think... i think... i think you have to live with this plan that your dad 'desperately' made, a choice that you just have to accept.
life sometimes isn't fair but there's an instructor who once told me life will be fair if our hands were of the same length lol
bad luck for you and me though you have better luck ;)
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
Why did i come back?
Good question. Mostly because my parents did not approve of me working over there. My mum absolute hates Australia. She was brought up in the traditional chinese family type. Even though i did my college, university, and some work over there.
My dad keeps saying that if i am really so capable, that i should get a job that will post me overseas in the future, like some sort of big MNC.
Ultimately, they do not want to end up with a situation where both sons migrate to Australia forever and not come back to Singapore. Especially if my sister marries and has to move out of the family.
With regards to the relationship problem. Its not about settling down. Because they just want me to at least get a girlfriend. Marriage is secondary and they don't really care when i get married.
Although i would say i am very fortunate in life, but material possessions do not make me happy. I prefer the quiet lifestyle compared to the big city mentality that exists in Singapore. (actually spent 3 years in Perth, one of the quietest cities in the world) All i wish for is to settle down, and to actually work to live and not live to work like most singaporeans.
Your parents are both alive and healthy, Yes ? They don't need you to take care of them. In fact, you need them to take care of you.
There is/are something else you are not telling us.
Are you the responsible kind ? Are you able to stand on your own ?
Are you accountable for your own action or do you make your parents bail you out whenever you get in trouble ?
Your parents had no problem with your brother migrating to Australia, but they make you come back. What does that say about you ?
You complain about your parents holding you back, but really who is stopping you ? Yourself.
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To be honest.
My brother was kind of a rebel. His current (soon to be wife) is a caucasion Australian. When he first got in to this relationship, my parents made a huge fuss, even to the extent of wanting to disown him. He sort of forced his way by staying over in Australia for at least 5 years until my parents relented.
I am not the rebellious kind that will force my parents to do things to accommodate me, but at the same time i expect some creative space to fulfill my aspirations.
What does it say? I would say i am probably the one in the family that listens to the parents (mostly due to certain circumstances) because i do not want to hurt them too badly.
In fact, my mum is afraid that i will end up like my brother (mainly because he earns a good income, but seldom calls back, never sends money back at all, and seldom visits Singapore unless for special occassions like chinese new year) and no parent wants something like that to happen to their children.
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
To be honest.
My brother was kind of a rebel. His current (soon to be wife) is a caucasion Australian. When he first got in to this relationship, my parents made a huge fuss, even to the extent of wanting to disown him. He sort of forced his way by staying over in Australia for at least 5 years until my parents relented.
I am not the rebellious kind that will force my parents to do things to accommodate me, but at the same time i expect some creative space to fulfill my aspirations.
What does it say? I would say i am probably the one in the family that listens to the parents (mostly due to certain circumstances) because i do not want to hurt them too badly.
In fact, my mum is afraid that i will end up like my brother (mainly because he earns a good income, but seldom calls back, never sends money back at all, and seldom visits Singapore unless for special occassions like chinese new year) and no parent wants something like that to happen to their children.
It is unfortunate your parents are bigots. If only your parents had not been so hard headed, there woulda be more happiness instead of strifes and sorrow within your family.
Here's something a friend of mine who is a mother shared with me a while back.
On Children
Kahlil GibranYour children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.If you can truly live a life your parents has chosen for you, without regrets and resentments, then you wouldn't be here complaining about being held back now, would you ?
If all you want is some creative space, all you have to do is ask politely.
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x1
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Originally posted by Fantagf:
Tsk, tsk, tsk !!! eee !!
狗改�了�屎Hey,you, don't tell us you did not speak negatively about PAP!!!!
tsk tsk tsk tsk! 狗改�了�屎
so ur cb is still under your nose huh?this topic is about someone's agony, not pap.
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
To be honest.
My brother was kind of a rebel. His current (soon to be wife) is a caucasion Australian. When he first got in to this relationship, my parents made a huge fuss, even to the extent of wanting to disown him. He sort of forced his way by staying over in Australia for at least 5 years until my parents relented.
I am not the rebellious kind that will force my parents to do things to accommodate me, but at the same time i expect some creative space to fulfill my aspirations.
What does it say? I would say i am probably the one in the family that listens to the parents (mostly due to certain circumstances) because i do not want to hurt them too badly.
In fact, my mum is afraid that i will end up like my brother (mainly because he earns a good income, but seldom calls back, never sends money back at all, and seldom visits Singapore unless for special occassions like chinese new year) and no parent wants something like that to happen to their children.
i think in some ways, u have actually answered your own questions and somehow u knw the things you should do :)
but for a son to only go back during cny, seldom call back etc.....well, that is kinda sad for any parent.