Er Nai? Stopping?
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Hi all,
This is my first time posting and just discovered this site less than ten minutes ago after the whole day of agony.
I run a co that i own. I am married with 2 kids (6 & 8 y.o). Wife is a senior management level professional. i am in mid 30.
I also teach. Recently i become close with this girl 21 (from PRC), who is also my student, in two of the classes that i teach. I have gone out with her like once a week for the past 4 weeks and i am really feeling the attraction. I am not so sure about her feeling though. She asked about my status and i have made full disclosure.
We have gone for driving range (golf), waterfall (Johor), cinema, of course, makan, etc. I don't feel good inside but cannot stop wanting to go out with her. Tomorrow we are going out again. Normally i do not go to work till like 1-2pm.
Two of my part time staff are leaving soon and i have decided to let her work part time at my company.
I am in a super dilemma and have no one to counsel. Please help if you can.
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wanna eat outside....
just rem it cost when the bill arrive....
2 kids, a wife and a place u once call home sweet home.....
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don't play play with PRC girl unless you want to become bankrupt is the advise that I will give to u
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u r playing with fire...it's exciting and u want more right..lol.
once u have married, then always love only ur wife. if u wan to have fun outside, do no more than physical transactions.
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It is understandable the other 'shore' always looks better. I cannot say it is unethical/immoral to feel what u feel = u are human and susceptible to the whims n vagaries of a range of emotions that all of us at one time or another succumb to. To impusively act on it - one needs to understand and assume responsiblity!!! SELF-responsibility.
However, i surmise escapism cos of jaded routine that has u looking askance for .... if it is not this gal - sooner or later it is going to happen, it is only a question of when and how - of course, only you are privy to what is transpiring bet the both of u.
Simply put, the attraction is 'lust' not love. How to say love?
If u are a loving person, u would turn to your wife and unburden what is troubling u. So being self-honest is dignifying! As to whether your wife would appreciate/understand/upbraid u or even label u - it is her prerogative.
As for the PRC gal - what she is only she knows. Cos there is a tendency in human beings to project what they want others to see or simply to be rude here - 'manipulation'. That includes u.
I m not implying that u are being immoral but u are certainly being unwise and being accidental.
PS _ If u do not make an attempt to understand, acknowledge n reconcile or integrate these volatile emotions within u - it will stay latent and sooner or later surface in another situation/circumstance with another.
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u need to ask yourself first: are u prepared for the worst case scenario, ie. your wife finds out about your affair and wants a divorce, and gets custody of your kids, and then later your PRC gf leaves you after getting lots of $$$ and assets from u.
of course, this is the worst possible case, but it's likely to happen, in fact, very likely. if u're prepared for it, then go ahead to take the risk. if not, then do what u need to do.
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billie, i would support your unfilial act if only you have multiple dicks
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Just don't get your thigh stabbed...
Why got yourself involved with prc... prc good meh
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Originally posted by Billie Jean:
Hi all,
This is my first time posting and just discovered this site less than ten minutes ago after the whole day of agony.
I run a co that i own. I am married with 2 kids (6 & 8 y.o). Wife is a senior management level professional. i am in mid 30.
I also teach. Recently i become close with this girl 21 (from PRC), who is also my student, in two of the classes that i teach. I have gone out with her like once a week for the past 4 weeks and i am really feeling the attraction. I am not so sure about her feeling though. She asked about my status and i have made full disclosure.
We have gone for driving range (golf), waterfall (Johor), cinema, of course, makan, etc. I don't feel good inside but cannot stop wanting to go out with her. Tomorrow we are going out again. Normally i do not go to work till like 1-2pm.
Two of my part time staff are leaving soon and i have decided to let her work part time at my company.
I am in a super dilemma and have no one to counsel. Please help if you can.
came across this article..Hope it wakes u up..!!MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card.. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! -
Forbidden fruit tastes sweet huh!
Is it worth to trade for the moment of enjoyment with this PRC gal for your lifetime happiness with your family?
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Another down point for PRC gals, why many of them like that huh??
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play with fire and you'll get burned. Its lust not love.
You've got what many sgreans desire. Job (somemore you owner)- boss, wife, kids, house, and a well to do lifestyle (id infer) ...
so dont blow it away. Cause im sure there are 1 million other people out there, who are slogging everyday, just to get what you've got.
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ur playing with fire. I dun see this going anywhere except divorce and cheated by prc gal. wa u best...u really want her to work in ur office? I know u not serious just only want to screw her is it?
one more article to wake u up:
He says sorry to wife in a newspaper adby Shree Ann MathavanWHAT do you do when you have cheated on your wife?
Send flowers or chocolates?
Mr Clarence Lee, 36, a sales executive, chose to go public, with an advertisement in The New Paper's Cats Fastads section on Wednesday. In it, he declared his eternal love for his wife, 27, and sought her forgiveness.
'I've never done anything like this before in my life,' he said. 'She always says I don't admit my mistakes, so I'm making a public apology to her now.'
The advertisement, which cost $107, had more than 200 words to his wife of six years.
He wrote, perhaps hoping to impress her more with the gesture than with language skills: 'I'm really sorry deep from the bottom of my heart and I will repent and know my mistake. If I could turn back time I will never do those mistakes again and will cherish you and your love for me.'
Mr Lee cheated on his wife with a karaoke hostess two years ago. At that time, he said he frequented karaoke clubs with his friends and would party late into the night.
'Why did I cheat? I think it was the thrill, but it's something I have regretted ever since,' admitted Mr Lee, sadly.
His infidelity was discovered by his wife, who hired a private investigator to find out why he was keeping so many late nights.
She was seven months pregnant at the time. Recalled Mr Lee: 'She blew her top and wanted a divorce. She also moved out of our home for three days.'
However, Mr Lee said he managed to persuade her to stay on.
But he believes the incident caused his wife to lose trust in him. Even after the affair had ended and Mr Lee no longer kept late nights, his wife continued to be suspicious and would check his phone, he said.
There were good times, nevertheless.
For instance, his wife gave him two stuffed bears holding a red heart with the words 'I Love You' earlier this year, said Mr Lee.
But it seemed as though she could not forget what happened.
In July, to Mr Lee's shock, his wife again asked him for a divorce, telling him she still couldn't put the incident behind her.
This time she insisted. The couple signed their divorce papers two weeks ago and he moved out of the condominium where they had been living with their two children.
Will she change her mind?
Mr Lee, who is staying with a friend now, said with a sigh: 'Although I repented and ended the affair immediately, it was hard for her to put the incident behind her.'
Taking out the advertisement was his last-ditch attempt to get her to change her mind. He said: 'The divorce will take a few months to finalise, so I'm really hoping she can forgive me and take me back.'
His wife has seen the advertisement, but she has not changed her mind - 'yet'.
He said: 'She said she was touched, but it was too late. She told me that she could not afford to have her heart broken again.'
His wife declined to comment.
Counsellors The New Paper spoke to said they haven't come across such a public apology before. Mr Harry Low, senior counsellor at the University Health Centre (The National University of Singapore) said: 'This could be a way in which he could score points, because it lets his wife know he is serious and willing to go to that extent.'
However, he added: 'You need to make ten times the effort to regain the trust. Tell your partner where you are going and inform them if you are late.
'It can be troublesome, but after a betrayal, these actions are necessary.'
Ms Elsie Chua, executive vice-president of Cats Classified (Marketing Division) at Singapore Press Holdings said though public apologies usually involve legal issues, such ads have appeared before.
This article was first published in The New Paper
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TS, please spare a thought for your children.
Do you want your children to think of you as a role model? Or a man who stupidly fell for a girl (PRC of all girls..) who is almost 10 years younger?
I'm not trying to cast doubt over your character, but it is always safe to assume that all PRC girls are conniving people, even more so when we look at the numerous cases of PRC girls screwing up peoples' lives here in SG.
Who knows, she might be a freelancer.....
There I go again..shit
Solutions to this problem:
1) Start hinting to her that you are attached and is not interested in another relationship. This effect can be achieved by placing pictures of your family at your working area. Make it look like your family is closely knitted.
2) Reduce "personal" interaction time. If she is gonna work as a colleague, the chances of her hooking you up is high enough. Taking into account time off from work and going out for leisurely activities - it means a super high chance of being attracted further.
3) If she decides to get aggresive, make it clear. Tell her directly that you love your wife very much, and you want to be a role model to your kids etc. Make it known that you are not interested in having a relationship.
I believe that such relationships are always 2 sided - from you going out with her voluntarily (How can she force you anyway?), to her knowing your status YET going ahead with such plans that can be easily miscontrued, especially in a conservative society such as Singapore.
Lastly, some questions for you, should you decide to go ahead with the r/s:
1) Are you ready to suffer the consequences of the relationship? Many do not view it kindly.
2) How will you manage your family? Pls do not try stupid things such as giving her pocket money or stuff like that, polygamy is not allowed in Singapore. Besides, you aren't getting the full package.
3) What are you attracted to about her? Her voice? Her looks? Just remember that those are merely superficial - many men have went through what you have went through, and they all had the same ending. I don't have to say this.
Just remember to spare a thought for your children, they are 6 and 8, not old enough to quite comprehend your limitations, but old enough to bear a grudge without reason.
All the best.
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Originally posted by donkhead333:
TS, please spare a thought for your children.
Do you want your children to think of you as a role model? Or a man who stupidly fell for a girl (PRC of all girls..) who is almost 10 years younger?
I'm not trying to cast doubt over your character, but it is always safe to assume that all PRC girls are conniving people, even more so when we look at the numerous cases of PRC girls screwing up peoples' lives here in SG.
Who knows, she might be a freelancer.....
There I go again..shit
Solutions to this problem:
1) Start hinting to her that you are attached and is not interested in another relationship. This effect can be achieved by placing pictures of your family at your working area. Make it look like your family is closely knitted.
2) Reduce "personal" interaction time. If she is gonna work as a colleague, the chances of her hooking you up is high enough. Taking into account time off from work and going out for leisurely activities - it means a super high chance of being attracted furthur.
3) If she decides to get aggresive, make it clear. Tell her directly that you love your wife very much, and you want to be a role model to your kids etc. Make it known that you are not interested in having a relationship.
I believe that such relationships are always 2 sided - from you going out with her voluntarily (How can she force you anyway?), to her knowing your status YET going ahead with such plans that can be easily miscontrued, especially in a conservative society such as Singapore.
Lastly, some questions for you, should you decide to go ahead with the r/s:
1) Are you ready to suffer the consequences of the relationship? Many do not view it kindly.
2) How will you manage your family? Pls do not try stupid things such as giving her pocket money or stuff like that, polygamy is not allowed in Singapore. Besides, you aren't getting the full package.
3) What are you attracted to about her? Her voice? Her looks? Just remember that those are merely superficial - many men have went through what you have went through, and they all had the same ending. I don't have to say this.
Just remember to spare a thought for your children, they are 6 and 8, not old enough to quite comprehend your limitations, but old enough to bear a grudge without reason.
All the best.
wow seems like prc gals are the lowest scum of all gals in asia countries =D -
Originally posted by mlmersrlosers:
wow seems like prc gals are the lowest scum of all gals in asia countries =DSad to say, yes.
For me, they are all guilty until proven otherwise.
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TS . think also.
what will happen if your wife finds out? Divorce? Im certain. How about your kids future from then on? Will they be without a father?
How will they perceive you? As a scum?
And im sure that you would want to be there for your kids as well. Just as much as they would want you in their lives.
Its not only your future at stake. But so is your childrens. Your intentions and actions WILL eventually have a significant impact on their lifes.
My answer. Quit this relationship with the PRC girl. Severe all ties. You should also realise that you're driving yourself into a ditch by not doing so.
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Just get her as your fuck buddy lor.
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Originally posted by gunner77:
Just get her as your fuck buddy lor.
life is so complicated for him -
Originally posted by Bus&Soccer l0v3r (VO3x 1):
life is so complicated for him
ya so he must use his lan jiao to think. -
Originally posted by gunner77:
ya so he must use his lan jiao to think.
muz wear condom too to think -
Originally posted by Fs4751:
came across this article..Hope it wakes u up..!!MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card.. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!Fs4751 - thanks for the touching story and lessons. and Billie, I hope that u can wake up a.s.a.p... Seriously u cant afford such an ending for ur family. We live only once, surely u wont want a regretful life, or would u?
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Dear all, i really appreciate all your comments/feedback/suggestions on my issue. I thanked you for the articles that your guys/girls have attached too. I still love my wife. In fact, she's just sleeping right beside me as i write this. My wife and i had been together since 19 y.o. (married for >10 years)
I would not blame the girl either as it was not her who suggested going out in the first place. It was me. She just said yes all the time. She is not aggressively after me either.
I believe its more towards feeling in a way that i have not felt for so long. The thrill of the chase, the excitement, going out together, being anxious, thinking about her, may be. Actually i have not actually thought of what i really want from her. May be say Yes to me.
I was also rationalizing that we are just going out as special friends and eventually she may not want me and leave.
In terms of putting her in my company, i did that as i feel its not so proper to be going out with her and if she part time at my place, i can see her and go out on most days, without fixing up dates.
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Posting here and asking for advice revealed two things.
You're basically a man of of conscience.
Your instincts are warning you of a grave and irreparable mistake.
I hope you don't rob yourself of any self respect by taking things further. And I hope you never hurt yourself and your wife. For when you create more room for contact with the chinese girl by means of a job in your company, you're allowing things to manifest.
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