Er Nai? Stopping?
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TS -
If one listens to sth/anything which is 'true' there is no question of disagreeing. If it is 'untrue', naturally one disagrees with it. But as to whether one's agreeing/disagreeing: is it coming from the the prejudiced mind OR from the the unprejudiced heart?. Listening is of the heart, and hearing is of the mind, the latter is superficial. And cos the heart has ' immeasurable depth', any word that enters one first has to encounter the mind. The mind thinks - 'many' to deal/rationalize with 'what IS' even before it reaches the heart. Hence one is conflicted within. One simply deludes oneself that one is being wise.
Muse over this
A man is at the bar n another man walks up to him n asks him, "Are you Ernie Smith?"
The man says, 'yes"
The man then says, 'Were you in Boston a few days ago?'
Ernie says, "Just a min," n from his bag takes out a notebook, turns some pages, and then says, "Yes, I was a few days ago."
The man says, "Were you in rm 5?"
Ernie looks into his notebook n says, "Yes."
The man says, "Did you meet Mrs.Dorothy in rm 6?"
Ernie scans his eyes on his notebook n replies, "Yes."
The man says, "Tell me, did you make love to Mrs Dorothy?"
Ernie looks into notebook again, says, "Yes, I made love to Mrs. Dorothy."
The man says, "Well, I'm Dorothy's spouse n I don't like it."
Again, Etrnie looks in his notebook and utters, "You know, that's funny. I didn't like it either."This is what hearing is all about. One agrees perfectly, but one hears only what one wants to hear; one understands only what one wants to understand. The mind (ego) has clouded and eclipsed the heart that reflects what is! The mind is a mechanism - to be used and put aside (eg at work, tasks,business or what-have-u); the heart is a 'presence' - n always present to what IS!
Sadly, this is the predicament of everyday situations n ... knowing understanding, accepting n hopefully being cognizant would go a long way transcending one's fractious mind.PS - mind 'games' work for a while, what is repressed will surface.
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Originally posted by TYING:
Hey, he did mention in the first line that he did not mention to her or hint to her that he is married right?So lets give her a benefit of doubt first, that she doesn't know about his marital status. Up till this point, its Billy who should leave her, clear misunderstanding should there be one and don't meet her that often.
Dude, read through properly ya ? He already made full disclosure about his status.
The fact that she still agrees to go out with him, makes his ego bloats like a puffer fish.
Mid life crisis I should say.
Who'd think a young pretty girl would date a married mid 30s man with 2 children ? Hohoho.. he must think he struck lottery or sumthin.
But nothing ain't free my friend. There's always a price to pay after the happy hours.
He ain't the first guy to bite the dust. And we all seen it happen so many times.
Maybe he just hoping his encounter will be a miracle, ya know.
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U mean well, but sadly i doubt he is listening. He seems to rationalize and justify his stance - at the same time he professes love for his spouse.
I wonder why is here then? His wife would .... Mind games lar.
The only miracle jojo, is self-honesty lar
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
U mean well, but sadly i doubt he is listening. He seems to rationalize and justify his stance - at the same time he professes love for his spouse.
I wonder why is here then? His wife would .... Mind games lar.
The only miracle jojo, is self-honesty lar
Self-honesty requires a good amount of intelligence.
The only person he is lying to is himself.
His love for his family is already dead.
What he has now is just the "knight in shining armor" complex. To think that girl needs a savior.
A fool in a knight's amor is still a fool.
So, pity him I do not.
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Originally posted by Billie Jean:
Dear all, i really appreciate all your comments/feedback/suggestions on my issue. I thanked you for the articles that your guys/girls have attached too. I still love my wife. In fact, she's just sleeping right beside me as i write this. My wife and i had been together since 19 y.o. (married for >10 years)
I would not blame the girl either as it was not her who suggested going out in the first place. It was me. She just said yes all the time. She is not aggressively after me either.
I believe its more towards feeling in a way that i have not felt for so long. The thrill of the chase, the excitement, going out together, being anxious, thinking about her, may be. Actually i have not actually thought of what i really want from her. May be say Yes to me.
I was also rationalizing that we are just going out as special friends and eventually she may not want me and leave.
In terms of putting her in my company, i did that as i feel its not so proper to be going out with her and if she part time at my place, i can see her and go out on most days, without fixing up dates.
I believe its more towards feeling in a way that i have not felt for so long. The thrill of the chase, the excitement, going out together, being anxious, thinking about her, may be
this is a sign that u have fallen for her. understand wat ur doing now - ur starting a marital affair. Ur seeing another women behind ur wife's back. It will be better for u to end this affair clear cut n not drag on. ur a grown up. U should be responsible for all ur actions.
even if u have to go to court with her at the end of the day, the judge will give custody of the kids to the mother. Confirm lose. Plus mayb have to fork out huge sums of alimony, sell away ur house when wife sues u.
Better still u thought the prc could give u love and shelter, but eventually ditched u when she found out that u have no money for her to suck cos of having to repay the lawyer's fees and alimony to wife and kids.
U thought divorce in sg means cut connection with the wife? think again man.
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there is never a right reason to cheat.....
and if the ger whom u are cheating with, know abt ur act and accept it.... what does that tell u? if that itself isnt an red alert, then by all mean go ahead and face the bell when it ring...
do u expect a future with his ger? is the cost worth it? just rem that once u are up on this path, dun blame it on anyone when the shit start hitting....
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TS,
come on do you really want to whack your family life??
do you not know that at the end of the day,that women have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
how about u?? what do you stand to lose??
i personally , dun feel that you should do it.
Yes yes, some says overtime the relationship may not be as passionate as how it used to be, it may get boring overtime...
but at the end of the day love is still love.Yo
Your wife is still the one that embraces you,accept your flaws and stick to you.
and you should not get another mistress.......just for the sake of "thrills"
what happen next after the excitement?? is it not the same,things will start to settle down.....
Then what do you want to do??? get a san nai ??? lol
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Originally posted by EarlNeo:
there is never a right reason to cheat.....
and if the ger whom u are cheating with, know abt ur act and accept it.... what does that tell u? if that itself isnt an red alert, then by all mean go ahead and face the bell when it ring...
do u expect a future with his ger? is the cost worth it? just rem that once u are up on this path, dun blame it on anyone when the shit start hitting....
Well, you are actually quite right.
Mistress who managed to snatch the man away from his wife, will never trust that man to be faithful to her anyway.
To protect her self-interest, she will have higher demand , because she ain't gonna end up empty-handed and heart broken like the wife did.
Women are not stupid lah.
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Originally posted by EarlNeo:
there is never a right reason to cheat.....
and if the ger whom u are cheating with, know abt ur act and accept it.... what does that tell u? if that itself isnt an red alert, then by all mean go ahead and face the bell when it ring...
do u expect a future with his ger? is the cost worth it? just rem that once u are up on this path, dun blame it on anyone when the shit start hitting....
humans r like this bu jian guan chai bu tiao lei (didnt see coffin wont shed a tear)
He have to wait till wife asks for a divorce after finding out he had spent the night together with the prc on a bed then will he recognise the situation.
But it will alrdy be too late to make amends.
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One who seeks fulfilment outside of one's relationship/marriage is simply finding excuses (rationalizations) outside of him/her to be/do. The truth is this person is trapped and the security that one had all along beleived and subscribed to is an albatross around one's neck. It is a cage that no longer is freeing.
In this instance here, there is no one to relate to - the house is a 'thing', the wife is a 'thing', the children are all things. Relationship is a thing. Hence, the dearth of love and the death of love.
Relating is qualitative; relationship (all) is quantitative. The former relates to what is, a presence and being present.
The latter relates to what was or what can be. There is no presence or being present to what is.
Ts is feeling the 'high' now lar. he is relating but without even knowing that lar. This gal is an uncertainty. His wife , his .. all certain. Of course, it is not out of love, no' it is out of fear = fear-based love, ego-based needs/expectations masquerading as love.
PS - there is no love in a marriage, no love in a relationship, only love in one who can first and foremost relate to oneself and share that love. Otherwise, it is simply 'trading' for security' for other needs. Being honest about it may help otherwise the same drama the same pain, the same misery.
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correction : fear-based needs, ego-based needs/expectations masquerading as love
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Originally posted by BEARZAIS:
TS,
come on do you really want to whack your family life??
do you not know that at the end of the day,that women have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
how about u?? what do you stand to lose??
i personally , dun feel that you should do it.
Then what do you want to do??? get a san nai ??? lol
LOL.. indeed, the girl has everything to gain.. and nothing to lose. And she also has time on her side, being only 21.
In 5 years time.. when she gets bored with Billie Jean, she can start looking at other men to find her Mr. Knight again.
And Mr Billie will be left with no family, no self-esteem, no nothing no mo. That be good time to find himself a San Nai.
Too bad, so sad... NOT... LOL !!!!!
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no matter how much we say here... Billie, it's really up to you to decide. My sincere hope is tht you wont make a wrong step, for God's sake.
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:It was misworded - a mistake on my part. However, i was inferring that it is unfair to simply apportion blame on PRC gals for the mess-up of a man's life - married or unmarried. That is to say they are all rotten apples. The man is equally reprehensible for his stance.What is apparent here is male chauvinism and prejudice.PS - A man who treats other women outside of a marriage or relationship as 'toys' to be played with - the most ugly person. In his dehumanizing of 'other' women he is actually dehumanzing his 'wife'. his 'daughter' Hence, i mentioned hypocrisy n ...
That's why.
Billie's question shouldn't even exist in the first place: More so he requires reassurance for him to leave the girl alone.
This is the same issue as women rights..
Do I blame men for treating women as sex objects? Yes.
Do I blame the women who treat themselves as sex objects. Hell yea.
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it take two to clap....
and u wat the scary part is?
itis when they both clap for the different reason....
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He can decide to end it all n stay in the marriage and be faitful loyal, or stay out of duty but what is inherently latent within him - if not reconciled/integrated is something that would surface.
Pruning the tree merely changes the shape of the tree. The 'roots' of the 'problem' (in this instance) are still alive and when not 'dealt with' will take deeper roots in one's being as well as one's psyche!
As long as this understanding is not there or the 'problem' within oneself is passed off with rationalizing - it is smothering!!!
One can repress but it is akin to a volcanoe that is inactive n latent but the possibility of eruption is there, always there.
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TS, I knew your duplicate thread will be closed and there it is, mod closed it already.
All I wanna say to you is wake up. I have seen and heard how involvement with third parties be they PRC or whatever have caused harm and hurt to the families, so if you love your family please wake up and do something to place your priority right.
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Originally posted by Fantagf:
TS, I knew your duplicate thread will be closed and there it is, mod closed it already.
All I wanna say to you is wake up. I have seen and heard how involvement with third parties be they PRC or whatever have caused harm and hurt to the families, so if you love your family please wake up and do something to place your priority right.
Aiyah.. he won't want to lah.
The delicious lamb is almost to his mouth alredy.
But want to steal a bite , must also do it smart lah.
The way he keep a mistress, is an embarrassment to other cheating husband leh.
Eat smart. Don't gong dai dai like that lah !!!
I bet a jug of beer, TS must be socially inept.
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useless piece of shit.
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　A loving person who is self-fulfilled - shares his/her love (kindness, appreciation, gratitude,) with others around him - and yet intuitively does not n never cause destruction to oneself or another (married or unmarried makes no difference) - cos real love does not hurt - it is the agenda, motives. parading/masquerading as love. When it is not met - the pain, the misery. why? cos one purports to have it or misintrepreted as having .. - the reality one is a closet beggar! One is actually seeking out another to fulfil what one lacks or falsely interprets as having!
Two persons in a marriage/relationship lacking in self-love are bound to exploit each other till one succumbs or one escapes (or wants to escape). Love can be shared, appreciated but cannot be possessed! Also, when the needs/expectaions are met (eg, having a house, having children, having a ...) - there is nothing else - all is finished, the full stop has come. Why? cos the other was a means to one's end. When the end is realized - the other is no longer of importance - in other words, one or another was 'used', 'put aside', 'used' and now .....
PS : The biggest betrayal is to pretend to ... to conform when the heart feels otherwise - of course, it is a risk. The dualism of mind and the non-dual heart has to be integrated. Whatever it is, the responsibililty for what one is being now or is going to be is always sth one has to accept. If what others are is an excuse for one's bheaviour - it is mind games and deluding oneself.
Lest its misconstrued - my meaning of love is not to be confused with licentiousness.
TS - I surmise : Your desire to 'own' this gal is symptomatic of what is lacking IN u - it is for u to know or ignore. There is no 'wrong' nor is there 'rite' Life is just the way it is - acceptance frees, resistance binds.
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Originally posted by mlmersrlosers:
I believe its more towards feeling in a way that i have not felt for so long. The thrill of the chase, the excitement, going out together, being anxious, thinking about her, may be
I suppose this is true because its like something i myself have experience before in a relationship.I think the temptation of excitment and beauty is difficult to resist but maybe you have to take into consideration two things- your two children as well as the commitment you made as a husband and the man of thehousehold.
Really its like you got to be more practical and stuff, a family can give you a long term stability and the support kind of thing but the other woman won't be able to give you all these.
Putting her in your company is like really not a very good idea, perhaps it would be good if you could reconsider this.
Also its like, you've got to have self-control. Think of your history with your wife and how far you have come with her and the family you two built.