I am a 24 year old. At the moment, I am expecting after barely 4 months of marriage. I married a foreigner, who took off saying he is scared. He has quoted so many things that he is scared of among which is he does not have a job. We have been fighting so much since we got married, and I told him that I cannot live on like this, I feel like dying. He is mentioning this as a reason that I might complicate him in a police case now. He is giving new reason everyday from not contacting his parents often enough. I know in me that it is not true. Someone who is so scared of getting arrested, only takes off when he learns the wife is expecting. I find that hard to believe.
Now, he has told me he wants a divorce because nothing will work out between us. I am at a crossroad. I am unsure how I am going to bring up this baby. And what life would be after the marriage dissolves. Singapore is a rather closed community. Would anyone date a mom with a little baby. There are just a million thoughts in my head at the moment. I feel so lost. I feel I should give up on this marriage. I know my husband (soon to be ex) will keep finding reasons to avoid responsiblity and his family will continue to back him up as if he is still a little boy.
Feel so stupid for agreeing to marry him..
song boh SPG
1) Where did you register your marriage.
2) Which month are you in your pregnancy.
3) Do you have any $$ and how much is there on standby. Enough to cover 2 years of 3 person expenses without working?
Originally posted by shma:I am a 24 year old. At the moment, I am expecting after barely 4 months of marriage. I married a foreigner, who took off saying he is scared. He has quoted so many things that he is scared of among which is he does not have a job. We have been fighting so much since we got married, and I told him that I cannot live on like this, I feel like dying. He is mentioning this as a reason that I might complicate him in a police case now. He is giving new reason everyday from not contacting his parents often enough. I know in me that it is not true. Someone who is so scared of getting arrested, only takes off when he learns the wife is expecting. I find that hard to believe.
Now, he has told me he wants a divorce because nothing will work out between us. I am at a crossroad. I am unsure how I am going to bring up this baby. And what life would be after the marriage dissolves. Singapore is a rather closed community. Would anyone date a mom with a little baby. There are just a million thoughts in my head at the moment. I feel so lost. I feel I should give up on this marriage. I know my husband (soon to be ex) will keep finding reasons to avoid responsiblity and his family will continue to back him up as if he is still a little boy.
Feel so stupid for agreeing to marry him..
You married the man. Why arn't you following him back to his home country ?
I am currently workin under a contract.I have a bit of savings for now. I intend to pause working for awhile after baby is born.
HE lives in Africa, not one of better towns either. When I bleeding, his family told me to quite , settle my dues and come there to reconcile with him.. I do not think I will be taken care there especially now during my preg. He is not even working there at the moemnt. He keeps insisting he doesn want me there now, because he wont be handle to handle my complains about bad that town is. He is not prepared to compromise on anything.
My marrigae is registered in singapore.
Sigh! Marriage is a gamble. haizzz!
Originally posted by shma:I am currently workin under a contract.I have a bit of savings for now. I intend to pause working for awhile after baby is born.
HE lives in Africa, not one of better towns either. When I bleeding, his family told me to quite , settle my dues and come there to reconcile with him.. I do not think I will be taken care there especially now during my preg. He is not even working there at the moemnt. He keeps insisting he doesn want me there now, because he wont be handle to handle my complains about bad that town is. He is not prepared to compromise on anything.
My marrigae is registered in singapore.
What about your own parents and immediate family ? Are they supportive of you having a child on your own ?
I think you already do realise, that he is really trying to put the distance between you, him and dont want you close.
And it looks like you already am ready to simply drop him, and settle your issues now in Singapore.
Here is a few option, which you can consider. And I do not intend to pressure you any further. But if you truly need a sounding board or someone just to talk to, to get your decisions mapped out. Do let us know.
1) Contract work if I understand, does not qualify you for paid maternity leaves nor are you really protected in the legal sense in Singapore. You need to sound out with your employer about how you being pregnant might affect your current job and future career prospect.
2) With your pregnancy now. That shows that your marriage is consumated, means that you can only get a divorce, unless you are willing to bite the bullet and acknowledge that your pregnancy is a result of infidelity. That should get you a annulment instead of a divorce that could drag to 3 to 4 years depends on who initialled the legal moves.
That will totally mean that you drop him out of you life, and you can shift your focus to more important issues that will crop up.
My idea is for you to compartmentise your emotions right now, to solve matters instead of getting you involved in long drawn out emotional issues that will burn you out and get you to make rash decisions.
3) Pregnancies can be terminated legally in Singapore. If thats against your wishes, religion or whichever issues. Do consider those implications too, if you are really going to move forward for your future.
You can also opt to type type type on the forum and let it goes thru your natural course and lifespan. This is afterall, still your choice.
heyy, i think your pretty wrong to say there arent people who are attracted to mothers~
There will also be lots of incidents, which you will later find out.
That percentage of males interested in you and attempting to get close to you. Arent true with their intentions.
You will need to eventually learn to deal with stigmas of being divorced, or being a single mother and so on.
and note that those stigmas are directed at you, because of the insecurities of other people.
In other words, there is going to be problems, by people that is problematic themselves, and they placed those problems on you, by them either adopting a moral high ground when they are just shitty holey persons themselves.
You will most likely find yourself encountering really unsavoury persons other then what you already encountered with your own hubby.
Originally posted by viciouskitty74:In other words, there is going to be problems, by people that is problematic themselves, and they placed those problems on you, by them either adopting a moral high ground when they are just shitty holey persons themselves.
This is so damn true.
Originally posted by Fantagf:Sigh! Marriage is a gamble. haizzz!
Originally posted by Miracles&Prophecies:
No marriage is certainly not a gamble. But many people seem to marry fast and early only to divorce early too. People nowadays just don't have commitment to hold on to their marriage perhaps due to no small reason that people today may age but it doesn't mean they are matured in character take your own leaders for an obvious example.
Well it was your decision to get married shma so now you have to be strong. You don't know what tomorrow is gonna bring so be optimistic about life. Optimistic happy people tend to get partner much sooner.
You don't know what tomorrow is gonna bring . . . .. . in marriage ==> This is the reason why I said marriage is a gamble.
He is demanding a divorce. It doesn matter to him how long it takes. I really want to keep the baby. Its is a life afterall. It did nothing wrong and shouldnt be deprieved of a chance.
I know that life wont be easy after this. And to a large extent, his family knows I stand to lose more hence they are pushing divorce now of all times because they feel women would lose out more.
People will move with ulterior motives and theres a huge chance to get hurt, thats in any case with or without a previous marriage. I totally agree with the stigma on single mothers.
I still think that communities haven developed enough to accept single moms back into society as a partner.
My work contract does cover me for preg vicious kitty..
Shma,
Your husband is a lost cause. To divorce him or not , is no longer an issue of importance.
You need to think about your future. What do you intend to do with your unborn child ?
Do you want to be a mother, or do you want to seek out other men ?
If all you think about is how men will perceive you and your market value to them, then it is better for you to forgo this child of yours and dissolve this marriage.....
A mother cannot be selfish to only her own needs for now. When the child is born, your priorities should be the care of the child until he/she no longer rely on you to provide for all aspect of their needs.
Until then, he/she will be the center of your life. Every decision you make will be for the well-being of the child.
You need to make up your mind and stick to it.
Your husband may have physically abandoned you, but in Singapore's society, it is perhaps better to be married in name than to be a "divorced" should you decide to keep the baby.
Originally posted by shma:He is demanding a divorce. It doesn matter to him how long it takes. I really want to keep the baby. Its is a life afterall. It did nothing wrong and shouldnt be deprieved of a chance.
I know that life wont be easy after this. And to a large extent, his family knows I stand to lose more hence they are pushing divorce now of all times because they feel women would lose out more.
People will move with ulterior motives and theres a huge chance to get hurt, thats in any case with or without a previous marriage. I totally agree with the stigma on single mothers.
I still think that communities haven developed enough to accept single moms back into society as a partner.
My work contract does cover me for preg vicious kitty..
How old is this guy? He does not seem ready for marriage and still immature to handle "big project" like marriage.
I know it is very tough for you but be strong okie.
he is 28. but his mom still calls him baby.
Originally posted by shma:He is demanding a divorce. It doesn matter to him how long it takes. I really want to keep the baby. Its is a life afterall. It did nothing wrong and shouldnt be deprieved of a chance.
I know that life wont be easy after this. And to a large extent, his family knows I stand to lose more hence they are pushing divorce now of all times because they feel women would lose out more.
People will move with ulterior motives and theres a huge chance to get hurt, thats in any case with or without a previous marriage. I totally agree with the stigma on single mothers.
I still think that communities haven developed enough to accept single moms back into society as a partner.
My work contract does cover me for preg vicious kitty..
Since he is the one demanding for a divorce, then wait for him to file the papers. There is really no need for you to lift a finger for him.
There is no law in Singapore that states only wifes can file a divorce paper. If he wants it so badly... tell him to go do it himself.
What have you to lose ? He is already a nothing when he married you, what else can he "squeeze" out of you should he divorce you ?
Do not let ignorants like them ( your in-laws) disrupt you from your own path.
In that case, let him demand for the divorce. He can demand all he wants. And its up to him to pay for it and he can wait the nice 3 to 4 years for the decree nisi.
You in the meantime. Should focus on getting a place to stay, make sure the roof cannot be taken away from you. And make sure you got finances to not worry you or starve you and child.
Settle down, relax, enjoy your experience with your pregnancy and let everything move its course.
Confirm that when you give birth, you will be focusing yourself on your baby, which is the love of your life.
and if the divorce does comes thru, 3-4 years later, your child and you couldnt even be borthered by who that scum of a husband/father or shitty relatives are.
I got a feeling that TS is either a malay or indian..
Originally posted by shma:he is 28. but his mom still calls him baby.
He is still tied to his mum's apron. I believe this contributes to marriage problem.
Make sure you get alimony from him.
again, i implore you to compartmentise your emotions.
but if you choose to throw your emotions into this mix of problems.
I've said my piece.
Good luck.
and can you tell us why you are married to him in the first place?
look like he doesn't have money, no ability
but yet you still can be married to him at such a young age?
i guess securing the financial problems is the first thing shma shud do right now right? den after you have a secured finance, you can think about the other factors.
What is he afraid to be arrested for ?
Is he an illegal immigrant ?
Has he committed a crime ?
Divorce is not a crime.