I sense HardShot
Originally posted by novelltie:boy, keep some pride... stop crying in front of her; it only shows her how "weak" you are. i'm not here to bash you, seriously i'm not.
i've been through so many relationships and at the age of 28, i can sincerely tell you that women will deem you weak the moment you "beg" them to stay. if you cry when your pet dog dies, they will see you as a sensitive guy. if you cry when watching Braveheart got beheaded for the sake of freedom, they will see you as an affectionate person but the moment you cry begging them to stay, you are off the macho man list.
i know the desire of being loved and returning love is great in you but you have to let her go and show her that you can live better off without her. you are in your final year? good; don't lose focus.
she is as good as gone... make that decision, DUMP her and move on. she is not asking you to give her up completely cos' she wants you as a spare tire if the circumstances calls for it. don't be the spare tire. you are definitely worth more than that. so listen to "i will survive" and delete that name off your phone, delete those SMSs and delete her profile from MSN or even Facebook. move on, show her that you are going to "live" without her and stick by it. in time, who knows? she might realise that you are truly the one only nice to her. by then, you might already be long gone from her radar.
dump dump dump
you write so assertively. who are u to advise as such when u heck know the other person in his story ?
i know of some folks with hidden agenda. my fren kenna before. TS - be wary of voices in forums
Originally posted by gikiwiki:dump dump dump
you write so assertively. who are u to advise as such when u heck know the other person in his story ?
i know of some folks with hidden agenda. my fren kenna before. TS - be wary of voices in forums
hi gikiwiki,
precisely that we do not know TS nor the gal in the story that's why we have an objective view of the situation.
what hidden agenda do we have? so that he can move on and have a more fulfilling life? isn't that what we wish TS to have? she is holding him back and with the information TS gave to us, we conclude that she is "poison" and not good for him thus our advices are to get out while he still can and move on.
your friends kena what? bad advices? what we are offering are only advices but if TS feels our advices are not right, he is free to choose not to listen too. if he feels we are right and decide to let go of this burden and be free, we are more than happy. one less suicide case to be anguished about.
i give u this very useful advice
never let the girl climb to ur head
and nvr climb to the girl's head
equal footing
get my drift yo?
guys shed blood, not tears also
cry for what?
Originally posted by novelltie:hi gikiwiki,
precisely that we do not know TS nor the gal in the story that's why we have an objective view of the situation.
what hidden agenda do we have? so that he can move on and have a more fulfilling life? isn't that what we wish TS to have? she is holding him back and with the information TS gave to us, we conclude that she is "poison" and not good for him thus our advices are to get out while he still can and move on.
your friends kena what? bad advices? what we are offering are only advices but if TS feels our advices are not right, he is free to choose not to listen too. if he feels we are right and decide to let go of this burden and be free, we are more than happy. one less suicide case to be anguished about.
i tell u one true story, ok..
a couple (guy + gal) is broken up by 3rd party (gal 2). both 3 of them are forumnites of same forum.
guy seeks advice in forum what he should do about the relationship problem. gal-2 infiltrates forum as clones and gives single-sided prejudiced advice asking guy to break off with his gal. bad-mouthing and back-stabbing the gal. this is what i call hidden agenda.
so to all forumnites seeking advice, pls use your brain and judgment to avoid being psychoed by any ill-intentioned people.
Frankly, rather than offering to change yourself for the sake of a girl will only take away the things she once found attractive about you in the first place. People say women want cash, car, condo and shit like that, but the one thing they need, which we have, but hardly ever use is: balls. As mentioned before, there's a difference between being sensitive, and being weak. Being thoughtful and being despo.
Everytime you feel sad that she left, come to this forum, go to the sggirls section and look at the worthless losers asking underage girls PMs, MSNs, Facebooks and random chats. And understand that at the very least, you're better than them, and you can always be better than what you are right now.
No one's saying you can get over it in the blink of an eye. But you have to do it eventually.
TS,
reading your story makes me cringe. It's quite easy for an outsider to tell that your relationships are all typical symptoms of a failing r/s. Instead of treating the symptoms, why not treat the root of the disease? What do women want? They want men. Real men. Not men who cry or admit they will cry so the woman will stay. Come on, do not ever change yourself for the sake of a woman. It's the wussiest thing a man can ever do. She said: "You are possessive". You can say:"Oh yeah. Im only scratching the surface here. If you are not happy, you can leave." There's a time to stand up for yourself. If you can't even stand up for yourself, how else is she going to trust you to protect her in future? There's a reason why women like bad boys and I think it's because these so-called bad boys stand up for themselves.
They want men who have a sense of purpose and direction in life. Perhaps it's time to think through what you want in your life and what are your values. How strong is your sense of worth? For a man who lost his sense of self-worth and direction because of a woman will ultimately lose the attraction of a woman. You are born as a man and you live the earth with dignity and grace...ie self-respect. tsk
Look, some people will tell you not to give your all in a r/s. I beg to differ. It depends on your values. I can love and respect women but I expect no bullshit from them. I love to give them dirty sex and unconditional love but I expect no crap from them. That's the difference. It's the same when you deal with people in general. Most people will try to test your limits. Again, it's not about women. All these problems cropping up are actually a test of your strength. Does a lion allow the lioness mess with him? Are you going to stand and die or fight back? I choose the latter.
Allow me to tell you this: the day you decide you know what you want and what you deserve, you won't be posting in the forum anymore.
my 2 cents.
TS, i don't know u but yr story is similar to a friend of mine. let me narrate here the advice i gave him, perhaps u might find it useful -
the problem with my friend is, he is stuck in between 2 girls - his ex and his current gf. while he wants to move on with the current gf, the ex doesn't let him go and invades their lives. one day calling, msn, emailing him. he claims he treats the ex as his friend only, yet openly in front of the current gf, she tells him she loves him and asks for chance to patch back. any sane girlfriend would get mad, won't you, TS if you are in a similar position ?
what gets the current gf fuming mad is, the bf doesn't get it and thinks she is possessive, jealous and tries to control his life. the ex gf and his so-called friends abets this by suggesting that this is indeed what the current gf is doing. when confronted to clarify his stance in front of the two girls, he stuck his tail in between his legs and ran for cover. he didn't dare face it, going back to his wishy-washy style, leaving the ex-gf with false hopes and the current gf disappointed, hurt and looking at his silence as an admission of guilt.
you are right, vyzhn and rhluvw - he has NO BALLS. all along, that is his style. undecisive, wanting to get the best of both worlds, seeking to be nice all the time when it is clear that nicety doesn't work. if he is firm and specific, why would the ex still think she has a chance ?
given the circumstances, the current gf has every right to feel the way she feels. if he is clear, specific and decisive, everyone knows what is happening, and why would she feel the way ? he is not tackling the root of the problem.
well, most recent update is that the bf is calling it quits. he has no balls to face it. he is running. blames it all on the current gf *clap clap*
my personal belief is - tell and live the truth. let your yes be yes, let your no be no. living the truth gives one moral strength. being nice and trying to mince words makes u look a refined individual, but overtime when u edit your thoughts too much, and try to appease everyone, u'll grow weak on yr knees and don't know who u are. u may not agree, but it's my personal experience.
Originally posted by RHluvW:TS,
reading your story makes me cringe. It's quite easy for an outsider to tell that your relationships are all typical symptoms of a failing r/s. Instead of treating the symptoms, why not treat the root of the disease? What do women want? They want men. Real men. Not men who cry or admit they will cry so the woman will stay. Come on, do not ever change yourself for the sake of a woman. It's the wussiest thing a man can ever do. She said: "You are possessive". You can say:"Oh yeah. Im only scratching the surface here. If you are not happy, you can leave." There's a time to stand up for yourself. If you can't even stand up for yourself, how else is she going to trust you to protect her in future? There's a reason why women like bad boys and I think it's because these so-called bad boys stand up for themselves.
They want men who have a sense of purpose and direction in life. Perhaps it's time to think through what you want in your life and what are your values. How strong is your sense of worth? For a man who lost his sense of self-worth and direction because of a woman will ultimately lose the attraction of a woman. You are born as a man and you live the earth with dignity and grace...ie self-respect. tsk
Look, some people will tell you not to give your all in a r/s. I beg to differ. It depends on your values. I can love and respect women but I expect no bullshit from them. I love to give them dirty sex and unconditional love but I expect no crap from them. That's the difference. It's the same when you deal with people in general. Most people will try to test your limits. Again, it's not about women. All these problems cropping up are actually a test of your strength. Does a lion allow the lioness to mess with him? Are you going to stand and die or fight back? I choose the latter.
Allow me to tell you this: the day you decide you know what you want and what you deserve, you won't be posting in the forum anymore.
my 2 cents.
i find ur views about women liking bad boys and the fact that it's wrong to change urself for the sake of a woman somewhat skewed and very old school.
Originally posted by soleachip:i find ur views about women liking bad boys and the fact that it's wrong to change urself for the sake of a woman somewhat skewed and very old school.
er... no offence to the general youth but nowadays, i find that the younger generation male are very sissy. either they dressed like gals or they are so vain, you wonder if they are male...
i'm 28 and i'm old school but i have changed myself for the sake of my wife... literally;
i used to have a very very bad temper (reason could be i came from a abusive family; father takes his belt and whack the pee out of me) and initially, i was very mean to her; losing my temper for the slightest reason but one day; i realised that my anger is driving her away. well, i had to change or else risk losing her forever thus i signed up for anger management at IMH and now though i still do lose my temper at times, it is very much controlled than the past...
Originally posted by zeroplasma:We talked our future, planned our path to be together, but she suddenly turned cold. Told me I was being too possessive, I said fine, like I promised you, I would change anything for you. But then it was never the same again.
Every time I asked her to give me an answer,that it's ok for her to take more time to accept me, I am willing to wait, but for god's sake dont be so cold to me, She would just stop chatting completely, and told me not to be so "emo". She can't tell me to totally give her up, but she wouldnt let me be with her either, there is never any definite answer.
Just told me to not be too emo. I cried, she just casually said dont be too emo.
I really dont know what she is thinking. If she's testing my patience, why cant be a little bit ore friendly to me? Why must...be so..chatting with me whenever she feels like it, and completely unresponsive whenever she dont feel like chatting?
I cant call her, cause she never wanna talk about it, and not answering at all.
I chose to wait, in the hope that someday, out of her coldness, the warmth that we once shared will resurface again...i really hope so..
Some girls are afraid of "sticky" man, I have a friend that is so afraid of being alone...I remember she had so many boyfriends but there was this particular boyfriend whom she likes very much and spends all his time sticking to her...she starts retreating away...and broke off with him....
Her boyfriend cried and went to her and begged her to stay with him...she told me she did not like sissy guys...Sorry but I myself cannot imagine the guy having tatooed all over his body going to her and cried and asked her to stay...that might be what turned her away more....frankly speaking girls do not like guys who cries...(I can accept those that cries while watching touching or emotional shows though...)
Oh ya when my friend is bored...she will seek that that guy (her ex...) to chat and then when she feels better or when she has others to keep her company...she will just ignore the calls from that guy...
My advise will be to stay away from such people...No doubt my dear friend is a nice girl...but having this kind of attitude towards another is very hurtful...maybe she can't help it...she has already gotten bored...its her character...and her attitude towards relationship...some just cannot commit...No point waiting...
Originally posted by novelltie:er... no offence to the general youth but nowadays, i find that the younger generation male are very sissy. either they dressed like gals or they are so vain, you wonder if they are male...
i'm 28 and i'm old school but i have changed myself for the sake of my wife... literally;
i used to have a very very bad temper (reason could be i came from a abusive family; father takes his belt and whack the pee out of me) and initially, i was very mean to her; losing my temper for the slightest reason but one day; i realised that my anger is driving her away. well, i had to change or else risk losing her forever thus i signed up for anger management at IMH and now though i still do lose my temper at times, it is very much controlled than the past...
fashion sense like skinny pants or flowy fringe is fine. they toughen up in NS and eventually outgrow these things. plucking eyebrows though is another thing. thinly plucked eyebrows for males are just odd.
what i meant by old school was the classic concept that love is a battlefield or the only place to be in a relationship is the driver's seat. to quote RHIuvw "I love to give them ***** *** and unconditional love but I expect no crap from them."
" Does a lion allow the lioness mess with him? Are you going to stand and die or fight back?"
he's leaving no room for empathy. not even on a bad day. woe be his woman or partner.
hey glad u're aware of ur past and in control of ur emotions. *pat pat*
i think lots of people have similar experiences. if you dun wanna get hurt, dont go into relationships. i, too have learnt my lesson.
I've just skim through your post, i suggest you talk things out with her. If you feel that there is no point in going on, maybe you should break up. Possibly, quit smoking, its not worth it.
@Mybluemoon- Agreed
Originally posted by soleachip:i find ur views about women liking bad boys and the fact that it's wrong to change urself for the sake of a woman somewhat skewed and very old school.
No it's not that you should not change. I mean change for the BETTER for yourself not for worse. Change to seek better relationships with people. Change the way you talk to women. A lot of times, people can give you crap even though you are being nice. I seek self-respect. If people are giving you nonsense, I know I will stay away from them.
That's why I believe very strongly in knowing who you are as a person and what you stand for. You can't please everyone like how you think my opinions are skewed or old school, whatever that means. An opinion is just an opinion, nothing more than that. If you have enemies because of what you believe in, great. To me, it means you believe firmly in yourself and your values. I don't think it's old-school or what not.
Back to the topic, I don't believe in changing yourself for the woman's fancies if the goal is to keep the woman. After all, every woman is different. Do you expect yourself to keep changing like a chameleon to entertain her? If she wants to leave, let her go. She's not for you. I can always find another one. No need to worry. I believe in being myself alone is enough and complete. I believe in true appreciation for women and making them feel wanted but never begging for their attention or approval. True appreciation, honesty, an open heart and no bullshit. That's what I strongly believe in. Generally, I agree very much with novelltie's post, especially on our current generation male mindset.
It's time for you to move on. She is not worthy of you. Like the old saying goes, why give up a forest just for a flower?
Originally posted by RHluvW:No it's not that you should not change. I mean change for the BETTER for yourself not for worse. Change to seek better relationships with people. Change the way you talk to women. A lot of times, people can give you crap even though you are being nice. I seek self-respect. If people are giving you nonsense, I know I will stay away from them.
That's why I believe very strongly in knowing who you are as a person and what you stand for. You can't please everyone like how you think my opinions are skewed or old school, whatever that means. An opinion is just an opinion, nothing more than that. If you have enemies because of what you believe in, great. To me, it means you believe firmly in yourself and your values. I don't think it's old-school or what not.
Back to the topic, I don't believe in changing yourself for the woman's fancies if the goal is to keep the woman. After all, every woman is different. Do you expect yourself to keep changing like a chameleon to entertain her? If she wants to leave, let her go. She's not for you. I can always find another one. No need to worry. I believe in being myself alone is enough and complete. I believe in true appreciation for women and making them feel wanted but never begging for their attention or approval. True appreciation, honesty, an open heart and no bullshit. That's what I strongly believe in. Generally, I agree very much with novelltie's post, especially on our current generation male mindset.
for TS to change himself simply for the sake of change is pointless, that I agree. however, in a rs with another person (man or woman), i believe it's important to compromise and adapt.
how much we're willing to adjust ourselves as individuals in order to co exist with another person, is really subjective. some of us would. some of us won't. imo, there's no real right or wrong here. just how far you'd go for what it's worth.
when u challenged TS on whether he's going to stand and die or fightback (presumably at lionesses), i assumed u were subscribing to the "my way or the highway" attitude. good to know u're moving down the open heart and appreciation route.
while some of us with unshakable self belief are adequate and confident enough to navigate any path on our own, it's possible for others to discover n learn more about themselves through others. this don't mean we write the latter off as weaklings without a mind of their own.
i think u've given TS some pretty good advise here. definitely not without forethought and matured views through experience of ur own.
with all due respect, lions have also been known to mate over 50 times a day. sole criterion to qualify for king of the jungle, i suppose.