elder brother's life problem
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hello guys,
i have a elder brother who has some problems in life. he is overweight and do not have a girlfriend. Although i would like to help him, i myself and him has some friction and we quarrel also and we usually do not chit chat like friends also.
He seems to be unable to solve his life problem , and he is trapped in his current way of life, of working and free time. Apparently he is unable to solve his problem effectively. My family do try to help him and give advice but as you know, sometimes easier is said than done. It is also not easy to really change a person.
Our relationship has improved slightly recently due to some events and so this is the first good news. I hope to be really communicating well with him from now onwards successfully to prevent making things worst.
I hope i can receive some more advices from fellow forumers. Thanks a million.
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Originally posted by january:
hello guys,
i have a elder brother who has some problems in life. he is overweight and do not have a girlfriend. Although i would like to help him, i myself and him has some friction and we quarrel also and we usually do not chit chat like friends also.
He seems to be unable to solve his life problem , and he is trapped in his current way of life, of working and free time. Apparently he is unable to solve his problem effectively. My family do try to help him and give advice but as you know, sometimes easier is said than done. It is also not easy to really change a person.
Our relationship has improved slightly recently due to some events and so this is the first good news. I hope to be really communicating well with him from now onwards successfully to prevent making things worst.
I hope i can receive some more advices from fellow forumers. Thanks a million.
Hi january,
Firstly, do your brother feels that being overweight and not having a girlfriend is a problem for him? If he does not think so, you could possibly upset him by bringing these points up, as he may feel that they are insults.
If he does acknowledges that they are problems for him, the best way for you to build up your relationship with him while tackling his first problem is to plan weekly exercises where you have workouts together with him. If he has more time, you can make it twice or thrice a week instead.
As for getting a girlfriend, you can have him participate in group-dating sessions, so as to increase his chance of getting another half.
Cheers.
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overweight? go slimming centers
cannot find gf? go dating sessions.
okay liao what
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Erm... when does being overweight and single becomes a problem? or is it that you think it is a problem?
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Hello,
You should try to "fit in" with his current way of life, while slowing adjusting him. Be mindful that changes in lifestyle cannot happen overnight; it is a slow and gradual process.
And I am curious - what is his age? If he is an adult, he should be able to make decisions for himself..
On a more personal note, if I were you, I would not try to force him into a relationship. If the relationship fails, who is to blame? The desire for companionship is self initiated, attempting to hasten the process might just backfire.
Just my 2 cents.
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seems like there is not enough clarification here.
actually, the problem is that i can see that my brother is not happy with his life now. and sometimes he may get depress over it, and you know when people who are depressed, it is dangerous because they might do something stupid.
but when he is okay liao, he will forget his problem and live life as per normal. but the problem is not solved and usually it returns another time because he is still overweight, he hopes to find a girlfriend and he hopes to be able to save more money.
these problems are the solution are usually direct. eat healthily plus exercise, learn financial skills and socialise more and be more confident. but sometimes things are easier said than done. he just did not get these things. he is in 30s.
actually, there are always some people in society who is just no luck and also do not have the discipline to achieve the goals of life. because i am notgood at communicating with people. i do not know how to really help him. He is as not a avid learner , that is probably a reason why he cannot truly solve them. He belongs to those type who mainly work and play or relax and repeats the routine.
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Originally posted by january:
seems like there is not enough clarification here.
actually, the problem is that i can see that my brother is not happy with his life now. and sometimes he may get depress over it, and you know when people who are depressed, it is dangerous because they might do something stupid.
but when he is okay liao, he will forget his problem and live life as per normal. but the problem is not solved and usually it returns another time because he is still overweight, he hopes to find a girlfriend and he hopes to be able to save more money.
these problems are the solution are usually direct. eat healthily plus exercise, learn financial skills and socialise more and be more confident. but sometimes things are easier said than done. he just did not get these things. he is in 30s.
actually, there are always some people in society who is just no luck and also do not have the discipline to achieve the goals of life. because i am notgood at communicating with people. i do not know how to really help him. He is as not a avid learner , that is probably a reason why he cannot truly solve them. He belongs to those type who mainly work and play or relax and repeats the routine.
Do u have a gf in the first place?
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Originally posted by caleb_chiang:
Erm... when does being overweight and single becomes a problem? or is it that you think it is a problem?
Overweight may result in health problem. Its not abt gf or not. Its bad for personal health. Getting healthier is a good investment for yr future. -
To truly change a person's physical appearance is easy.
1) Look at the diet habits of the home. Change that, and your brother can later be more appreciative when he sees himself healthier and losing weight.
2) What is the showering, bathing habits, sleeping habits and types of activities in the house? Change that around by setting a good example yourself and following a disciplined sleep, time management pattern, and you can eventually show how it can be done and achieve your goals, and motivate others to achieve theirs.
3) Clothing and how to manage them. Maybe some presents like a few nice shirts or accompany your brother for shopping for clothes, tailored pants or maintaining nice shine/polish to each other shoes, will go a long way to make everyone looks nice.
Fat is not a crime. Lack of proper hygeine and proper grooming/style however, turns people off.
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Simple lah......ask him to join a hobby club or an association....
For example.....cycling club....or pottery club.....or dancing club.....
It can even be productive.....for example, suggest to him to sign up for classes / courses which are related to his field....then he can get new friends, as well as new certifications....
Those are good way to meet new people and new friends.....
Also can join association...for instance engineering association, or whatever...
It's good.....
I believe this is the most feasible and doable option....
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Originally posted by january:
seems like there is not enough clarification here.
actually, the problem is that i can see that my brother is not happy with his life now. and sometimes he may get depress over it, and you know when people who are depressed, it is dangerous because they might do something stupid.
but when he is okay liao, he will forget his problem and live life as per normal. but the problem is not solved and usually it returns another time because he is still overweight, he hopes to find a girlfriend and he hopes to be able to save more money.
these problems are the solution are usually direct. eat healthily plus exercise, learn financial skills and socialise more and be more confident. but sometimes things are easier said than done. he just did not get these things. he is in 30s.
actually, there are always some people in society who is just no luck and also do not have the discipline to achieve the goals of life. because i am notgood at communicating with people. i do not know how to really help him. He is as not a avid learner , that is probably a reason why he cannot truly solve them. He belongs to those type who mainly work and play or relax and repeats the routine.
Hi january,
Is there anyone else in your family who is closer to him? You can have him/her help to actually force your brother to take up a exercise routine, and motivate him at the same time.
There is nothing he can do about saving more money, unless he is willing to come up with a financial savings plan himself and keep to it. As for getting a girlfriend, as some of us have suggested, he may want to consider going to a dating session.
Cheers.
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Joining a club, association, or class....is a very easy and fast way to enrich one's life....
It will make him go out instead of sitting at home and following a routine.
That's the main thing.
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Originally posted by Veggie Bao:
Joining a club, association, or class....is a very easy and fast way to enrich one's life....
It will make him go out instead of sitting at home and following a routine.
That's the main thing.
good idea, but TS probably advised his/her bro to do so already since he/she said that the bro is not avid learner thus will avoid anything beside work play relax routine
just like trueheart said, get someone with the power to pummel his/her bro into doing something first, since asking him nicely won't work
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are you your brother?
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No doubt everyone here has given many good advices, but I have the feeling that TrueHeart is the only one who has partially spotted the main problem.
The main problem is how to make january's brother actually listen to the advices given. Asking him to go for dating sessions, to try slimming services, to better groom himself, to join outdoor activities club are all definitely kind and good advices, but they will not work if january's brother is not going to do anything about them.
As TrueHeart mentioned, someone who is close to january's brother can act as a push factor for him to take some action. Be it slimming center, exercise routine, or outdoor activities, all are possible slimming methods which will work only if we can get january's brother to start moviong on his feet.
I will also like to add on, since TS's brother is of the more lazy and unwilling to do anything out of his "standard" life person, TS can help to make a schedule and have him stick to it, along with the help of that someone who is close to him. In addiction to TrueHeart's suggestion of having TS to join his or her brother for exercises, this will also be another opportunity for them to bond.
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Originally posted by Forbiddensinner:
No doubt everyone here has given many good advices, but I have the feeling that TrueHeart is the only one who has partially spotted the main problem.
The main problem is how to make january's brother actually listen to the advices given. Asking him to go for dating sessions, to try slimming services, to better groom himself, to join outdoor activities club are all definitely kind and good advices, but they will not work if january's brother is not going to do anything about them.
As TrueHeart mentioned, someone who is close to january's brother can act as a push factor for him to take some action. Be it slimming center, exercise routine, or outdoor activities, all are possible slimming methods which will work only if we can get january's brother to start moviong on his feet.
I will also like to add on, since TS's brother is of the more lazy and unwilling to do anything out of his "standard" life person, TS can help to make a schedule and have him stick to it, along with the help of that someone who is close to him. In addiction to TrueHeart's suggestion of having TS to join his or her brother for exercises, this will also be another opportunity for them to bond.
sensei, why you say trueheart only spot half the problem?
she got give solution leh
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Originally posted by MasterMoogle:
sensei, why you say trueheart only spot half the problem?
she got give solution leh
You are the one who pester me to come online to post on this thread for don't know what reason... ...
I am just being truthful and direct, I am going back to study already.
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Originally posted by Forbiddensinner:
You are the one who pester me to come online to post on this thread for don't know what reason... ...
I am just being truthful and direct, I am going back to study already.
tao yan, shi fu so xiao qi...
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I have the same problem to " overweight.." not well doing in my job.. i don't seen a problem with that.. why should it be a problem in your eyes unless your brother told you that.. or maybe your mum wants to have grandson or some sort.. Dont worry when fate come.. yOur brother will get one.. maybe ask your brother try veitnam match making agent.. that works.. i hope so.
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There is only so much you can do, and like my favorite saying goes 'god helps those who help themselves', if he doesnt want to exert the effort to change, the entire world's goodwill also cant help him.
What you can do though is to point out to him and let him see for himself how his passivity is killing himself and keep the pressure there thats what i'd do. Nobody when forced to see that they are causing their own misery will remain the way they currently are
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Problem is with a older brother that TS is not closed with.
And how many older brothers will tolerate a younger brother trying to run his life?
Instead of running big brother's life, why not the whole family make a concentrated effort to improve family members lives? By stocking healthier foods in the fridge, by having the whole family be involved in healtier eating, healthier lifestyle instead of focusing and pressuring on one member of the family?
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thanks everyone for activve support. i am busy with work and some other stuff recently but will return to forum asap to participate.
thanks sincerely.
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How does one define happiness, from a 3rd person's perspective?
How does one define happiness, even from a 1st person perspective?
You may presume that he would become happy if 1) he found a girlfriend. 2) lost his weight to manageable healthy levels. 3) have some savings.
Thing is, even if he achieves it all, which is not impossible, will he be happy? I know of many who achieve much more than what he and you desires, and are yet NOT happy.
My point is, perhaps a bit more complex and at a consciousness level many may not have attained yet,( I will admit not even myself there yet), what is happiness to him. True happiness can only be attained by oneself, knows his own limitations, and find peace with oneself to be contented.
Otherwise he will need to break those bonds of self imposed limitations for change. Thing is, your bro doesnt seem to want to break those bonds holding him back. Thus he will have to find contentment within himself, and come to terms with his limitations, and live the life he chosed.
Fatalistic perhaps, but change can only happen by one's hand, seldom from another or hate will only grow from perceived enforcement, or he takes a leap of faith in religion, belief in a power that is mightier than himself and with that belief, a divine power to assist his change.
Sorry if it sound deep, i'm trying my best to be as simple as possible! :-P
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Originally posted by january:
hello guys,
i have a elder brother who has some problems in life. he is overweight and do not have a girlfriend. Although i would like to help him, i myself and him has some friction and we quarrel also and we usually do not chit chat like friends also.
He seems to be unable to solve his life problem , and he is trapped in his current way of life, of working and free time. Apparently he is unable to solve his problem effectively. My family do try to help him and give advice but as you know, sometimes easier is said than done. It is also not easy to really change a person.
Our relationship has improved slightly recently due to some events and so this is the first good news. I hope to be really communicating well with him from now onwards successfully to prevent making things worst.
I hope i can receive some more advices from fellow forumers. Thanks a million.
Don't SG have this SDU program to help Singaporeans to socialise and meet/match with potential partners?You might want to specify this life problem you have mentioned about your elder brother.
Overweight and not having a girlfriend doesn't seems like a problem if that is his choice in life.
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Originally posted by parn:
Overweight and not having a girlfriend doesn't seems like a problem if that is his choice in life.
Honestly, no one would rather be fat and single over being slim and attached/married. If given a choice, everyone wants to grow old together with a partner. Those who don't miss out on the chance, and came to force themselves to settle for that.