Originally posted by insidestory:Honestly, no one would rather be fat and single over being slim and attached/married. If given a choice, everyone wants to grow old together with a partner. Those who don't miss out on the chance, and came to force themselves to settle for that.
Overweight or Underweight isn't a problem if the person is happy with who they are. It's true that not every people out there is born with good genes which allow them to have the next to perfect and desirable body parts.
Being single were never based on an individual's size or weight or bodypart to begin with. Many people prefers to force themselves onto accepting another person to be their loved ones because of peer pressure or for the sake of having a partner. But it doesn't necessary means it is the right thing to do if you were to take a general view on the numbers of rising cases regarding divorce and separation and break-ups in relationships.
I believe the problem lies in the individual who believed that success in relationship is measured in kilograms.
hi guys, finally looked at the whole thread today and would like to clarify some points. Thanks for contribution first.
My brother is unhappy about his situation. that is for sure, because there are few incidents of quarreling between me and him and he has expressed his depressive thoughts in facebook. All these are warning signs and thus i need to have a sense of urgency to work on it...
I know its no point helping people to catch fish.. but its more important to teach them. So the key is to help my brother in both ways.. how to catch fish and also help him catch sometimes . both methods got pros and cons...
When he feel better from depressed incidents, he is able to stand back on his feet. He also has quite many friends. Now, i will mention some of his main problem that we think are the root cause based on the information i gather from him, family and close relatives.
Wants to get girlfriend ---- wants to work less (currently works 6 days per week, but dunno why he cannot solve his this problem), he open a small business ------- wants to be thinner (this one most people also want to achieve a healthier and lighter weight) he is very plump at the moment.
Yes, i know that alot depends on himself, but still people around him has to think of ways to trigger the process change. It may be an action, a word, or gift. You all should know that if it is so easy to motivate oneself and do the correct common sense thing, there will not be so many problems you see in our society now.
Some people may suggest that i should not interfere because it is up to him and his life. But if i adopt such mentality.. then i am not helping him and just hoping for the best.. which i think is not right.
Thanks again..
to add on, another problem is not earning and saving enough money(this problem is also a common problem) in society
currently... i find the follwing advice good
join hobby club, dating club
ask the whole family to join in healthy lifestyle
find someone closer to him to advise him because they will be more neutral in communicating... if we family sometimes communicate... it can easily escalate into misunderstanding and quarreling... haha duno why also....
for overweight... he just like to eat unhealthy food.... desert, soft drinks... just like cannot control himself although i believe he should know that its going to make him fat..pizza, KFC..
I think some of the problems has vicious cycle... like overweight, low confidence in himself in certain areas, biological and habitual pattern of thoughts and eating, work stress, and the thinking that the family is unable to help him cos in the family only he seems to feel depress sometimes...
I like to think this as parallel to the government and poor citizen relationship. If the income gap of a country is too big... the govt did not manage to help his poorest citizens to buck up adn improve, then the country will face many problems....
Thus, i think my family and I need to really work on his problem... as in not only solving his problem entirely for him .... but also teach him and guide him so that he can help himself..... along with his direct help also... maybe like introduce girls....
Currently my family knows about this problem but only i think it is urgent to warrant serious attention and urgent working on it.... i am hoping to rope the rest of the family to work on some creative solutions other than the advices they usually give and suggest during some of the communications that have taken place....
Finally, thanks for helping me.
I think most people are unhappy when they perceive imperfections in their lives.
But having mentioned that you are only recently close to him, I think you need to build up a stronger rship with him before you attempt to 'tell him what he should do'
The problem is when someone really close to you and you can trust tries to help you with your depression - people perceive it as kind advice.
But many well meaning people who are not emotionally close ENOUGH tries to give good advice end up being perceived as being critical and you may cause your brother even MORE depression.
I suggest if you wish to help him - you don't HAVE to tell him he has issues to begin with.
Ask him to accompany you for a jog because YOU wanna exercise and don't want to do it alone.
Ask him to join you to meet some new people cos you feel a bit worried about going alone. etc.
At least you get to bond with him a bit more, rather than just 'telling' him what is the right way to lead his life.