life can't be more fucked up. need help.
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i am a man of my early twenties and recently decided to further my studies after my national service. i am currently faced by what i consider to be a sticky situation concerning matters of the heart. my loyalty to my first and only gf having dated for a long time is being questioned and my mind is a horrible mess! though i never cheated on her before, i find it difficult overcome my strong desires and feelings for a girl that i met and known at my school.
i know i'm obsessed with her but she is indeed beautiful like a rare gem to me. i have noticed her for as long as i studied there. each time she smiles so sweetly it sends crazy sparks of love right into my heart. we are not very close friends but i really feel delighted during the times i am with her. initially i wasn't sure if she had a bf but now that i know for sure, i can't help but feel that she might not even want to be friends with me anymore if she finds out that i'm very much attracted to her. hence i was also holding back a lot when i was speaking to her. to make things even more confusing, i think she's really sweet to me and somehow flirted with me.
i thought over this and now i want to end things with my gf because it is not fair for her this way and i don't want be a cheating bf. i mentioned this to her briefly and somehow i have an impression that she thinks it is a joke. i'm not entirely sure if things can work out with my new found love and at the same time, i don't want to be the cause of a breakup especially since they were also a couple for a long time! how should i tell my gf in a gentlest way possible so she won't hate me forever? serious opinions / advice please. -
dude, chances are, your current gf is gonna hate u for doing this at first. in the long run she'll realise that u are doing a gd thing by ending things earlier and being truthful at the same time. but before u jump into a decision, consider that your attraction to this new gal may be rather platonic and basically lustful. i feel that ur first will always be the best for u, especially because u 2 hv been together for so long without much problems.
cherish that and try to forget abt the new girl... this is my suggestion as i hv been in a similar situation and i chose the new girl. but then again, every situation varies.
to answer your question, if u wanna split now, u shld say something like "im starting to have feeling for someone else and i dont wanna hurt u any longer. i want to be with this other girl because my feelings for her are so strong. pls accept my decision". maybe not word for word but somewhere along these lines
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and the vicious cycle goes on .....lol
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"i know i'm obsessed with her"
"she is indeed beautiful like a rare gem to me"
"each time she smiles so sweetly it sends crazy sparks of love right into my heart"
"i think she's really sweet to me and somehow flirted with me"
Limerence alert. Woo-at-your-own-risk.
Though I have a gut feeling she's just a heartbreaker..
"i thought over this and now i want to end things with my gf because it is not fair for her this way and i don't want be a cheating bf"
Be careful. Right now you are looking to end things with your current girlfriend just to chase a dream that may not even exist.
Is it your brain talking, or your heart talking?
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If a small thing like this is enough to shake your 'loyalty', I wonder what kinda of 'loyalty' you have in the first place to speak?
As you go further down the road, there'll definitely girls more beautiful than the one you're seeing, are you gonna keep bailing out?
Since you've already decided to, quoting you, "tell your gf in the gentlest way possible so she won't hate you forever". There's really no need to come here to act all self-righteous.
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Originally posted by Dejomel:
"i know i'm obsessed with her"
"she is indeed beautiful like a rare gem to me"
"each time she smiles so sweetly it sends crazy sparks of love right into my heart"
"i think she's really sweet to me and somehow flirted with me"
Limerence alert. Woo-at-your-own-risk.
Though I have a gut feeling she's just a heartbreaker..
"i thought over this and now i want to end things with my gf because it is not fair for her this way and i don't want be a cheating bf"
Be careful. Right now you are looking to end things with your current girlfriend just to chase a dream that may not even exist.
Is it your brain talking, or your heart talking?
neither
his dick is the one talking
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i always thought it's best to follow my heart. i know i'm very selfish but i thought it will be even more selfish if i lead my gf on when i'm clearly in love with someone else. i might seem to act self-righteous but i believe in my decision to give up my gf for the better of both of us.
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Originally posted by god of spunk:
i always thought it's best to follow my heart. i know i'm very selfish but i thought it will be even more selfish if i lead my gf on when i'm clearly in love with someone else. i might seem to act self-righteous but i believe in my decision to give up my gf for the better of both of us.
and when u meet some1 even mor chio?
seem even more nicer?
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Originally posted by MasterMoogle:
and when u meet some1 even mor chio?
seem even more nicer?
that is a tough question! not trying to defend myself but i will only know the answer when it happens. if i still think the same way as i do now and the situation being very much alike, it is likely i will go for the new girl. i hate to say this because it might appear like an excuse but i have little experience with dating girls. so my thinking might change in the future.
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If men's moral compass is the conscience..then the love compass would be his dick.
I believe you are infatuated with this new girl by looking at your figure of speech. Hence, it is always better to seek advice from close family members, even friends who know the girl.
You mentioned that you want to further your studies. If you are going to make that important decision that will impact you for the rest of your life, it would be better to be rid of all distraction, girls included.
Just my 2 cents.
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he has as much loyalty as majulah singapura.
ts is runned on lust.i think ts should not get another galfrend.
what has national service taught these people???that humans can be duped n dumped overnight???mebbe if ts can just ask beautiful new gal to fart in front of him a few times.....maybe it would cure him of his loyalty problem...........interesting.
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god of war,
go ask dat gal to fart at u in school!it should cure every single problem.
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Originally posted by donkhead333:
If men's moral compass is the conscience..then the love compass would be his dick.
I believe you are infatuated with this new girl by looking at your figure of speech. Hence, it is always better to seek advice from close family members, even friends who know the girl.
You mentioned that you want to further your studies. If you are going to make that important decision that will impact you for the rest of your life, it would be better to be rid of all distraction, girls included.
Just my 2 cents.
i can't help but to agree with you totally. however much i would love to do so, the problem is that our common friends are people i have known for as long if not shorter than the time i got to know her. all my previous encounters with her found me very attracted to her. she is adorable and very lovable to me.
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god of war,
wat happens if first galfriend jumps off from 13th storey building??wont her ghost visit u everynight?WHEN U SLEEP..........u could almost smell her brains or feel her next to u.then what??and when u look into a mirror she will appear pale n looking like she needs YOUR blood !seek help from bomoh?witchdoctor?psychiatrist??
forget bout new gal...stick to old one!
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dont u have anything else better to do in life than to seek wimen?how do u live like that???have u visited angel7030 pub???i heard theres lotsa new chio bu every year.....no need to get new gals n complicated stuff.
u are confused and probably wont know the difference between a cat and a dog.go take a long holiday.....u need professional help.
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Originally posted by Hitman3:
god of war,
wat happens if first galfriend jumps of from 13th storey building??wont her ghost visit u everynight?WHEN U SLEEP..........u could almost smell her brains or feel her next to u.then what??seek help from bomoh?witchdoctor?psychiatrist??
forget bout new gal...stick to old one!
are you kidding with me? i think you are mocking me by purposely misspelling my nick is that right? idc really but i can't imagine her farting in any circumstances and even if she did i would find it cute. and for the love of god, why do you have to talk about suicide? my gf is a strong willed and smart person i doubt she will do it anyway. of course if she really did, i would live the rest of my life carrying utmost guilt and regret for causing this tragedy to a loved one.
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............would it be alright if yer mom or dad just forgot about u n got another cute and intelligent gifted kid instead?
would u jump into poyan reservoir if they threw u away n just simply forgot about u?im sure yer ex folks would dismiss," my ex-son is a strong willed and smart person i doubt he will do it anyway. of course if he really did, i would live the rest of my life carrying utmost guilt and regret for causing this tragedy to a loved one."
hmmmm.....how much did u honestly get for math in school without trying?just curious.
why dont u ditch both gals and just safely masturbated yer love life instead.that way everyone would be alright ,happy and normal!
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no nit to tk me seriously.
me is oly tryin to be hiao.
so dat 1 more guy will go die for me.
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Dear TS,
Before I can offer any help, may i know why is it so difficult for you to remain faithful to one?
Because if you cannot even be faithful to one, then you are not or ever ready for any committment. You will only hurt more girls by your infidelity, destroy the beauty of love and corrupt the very meaning of 'love' by your presence and words uttered from your lying mouth.
I humbly apologise, for I may have offended you, but better to tell you the truth than to see you hurt more girls with your immaturity.
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I don't believe in having a gf... on other words - what is a gf for? the concept never existed only until modern times... just over 100+ yrs ago - and for THOUSANDS of years - there were wives and fiancees, mistresses, and concubines - but NEVER girlfriends.
why did everything turn upside down in these last hundred years? This concept of girlfriend boyfriend should be THROWN OUT THE WINDOW!!!
What is your girlfriend for? SEX right?? don't give me that bullshit about companionship, friendship and crap. For that you can choose to marry her and get all the companionship you want. Friends give friendship.
Just admit to yourself the truth... and her - "look I don't want to marry you - I don't even want your friendship - ALL I WANT is SEX..."
If you truly want to continue with her, MARRY her. If not, get it over and done with an dump her and tell her to move on with her life. Don't play games with another human being that is to be cherished and loved. And don't keep her as seconds if you can't get laid by the other girl, because like that, you truly are an asshole. If you dump her and go for the other girl - you still keep your dignity and you're not cheating nor you are an asshole.
Straightforward and simple. Don't overcomplicate life.
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GO For the bigger BOOBS
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Originally posted by god of spunk:
i am a man of my early twenties and recently decided to further my studies after my national service. i am currently faced by what i consider to be a sticky situation concerning matters of the heart. my loyalty to my first and only gf having dated for a long time is being questioned and my mind is a horrible mess! though i never cheated on her before, i find it difficult overcome my strong desires and feelings for a girl that i met and known at my school.
i know i'm obsessed with her but she is indeed beautiful like a rare gem to me. i have noticed her for as long as i studied there. each time she smiles so sweetly it sends crazy sparks of love right into my heart. we are not very close friends but i really feel delighted during the times i am with her. initially i wasn't sure if she had a bf but now that i know for sure, i can't help but feel that she might not even want to be friends with me anymore if she finds out that i'm very much attracted to her. hence i was also holding back a lot when i was speaking to her. to make things even more confusing, i think she's really sweet to me and somehow flirted with me.
i thought over this and now i want to end things with my gf because it is not fair for her this way and i don't want be a cheating bf. i mentioned this to her briefly and somehow i have an impression that she thinks it is a joke. i'm not entirely sure if things can work out with my new found love and at the same time, i don't want to be the cause of a breakup especially since they were also a couple for a long time! how should i tell my gf in a gentlest way possible so she won't hate me forever? serious opinions / advice please.
It doesn't matter what rationale you provide yourself to drop your current relationship - for as long as you already have the thought of a life outside this relationship, the fate of this relationship is pretty much sealed. The danger of stagnation presents itself as a risk to every relationship - not just a lengthy one. And a common misconception is that people always believe that a long running relationship WILL definitely fall into the pits of stagnation (although that's not always the case, but it is a different topic for a separate day).
The first love (relationship) often presents a problem - the problem of comparison. Without comparison, of course, we could just fly auto pilot with our first love indefinitely because it is a 'monopoly scene'. Of course, I don't mean to say that for as long as someone better comes along, everyone would leap ship - that's way too linear and simplistic to view relationship in that manner. However, because we are all subjectively human, all of us have a certain vulnerability in being attracted to certain 'archetype' of partner/s. And if someone in our reality portrays, in effect, a great resemblance to this archetype, there will naturally be a cognitive dissonance in comparing our existing mate with this 'prospect'.
Usually, I won't morally judge anyone on this sort of matter as it just doesn't make sense to me to remain in a relationship that you have already decided out. You see, the problem doesn't lie with the woman you are infatuated with - it simply reveal to me that your relationship is merely waiting for a certain 'x' catalysis to happen before it will perish into nothingness.
Many relationships are like this - they are functioning on the surface, but in reality, people are just waiting for 'something to happen' before they could officially pronounce it dead. The ironic thing is that we only need one reason to end the relationship; we don't even need circumstances. But the thing is that because we are all rational humans - our rationality is based on the need for some sort of 'empirical proof' as it's only 'rational' to construct a decision based on circumstances, which are best things we could offer as reasons for our behaviour.
If you don't love her anymore, that's should be about it. Everything else is superfluous.
P.S: You are like constantly peering out of the window and longing to break free - remaining in this relationship is but incarceration. What's the use of retaining yourself when your heart is already no longer with the relationship?
Cheers
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Originally posted by gunner77:
GO For the bigger BOOBS
my current gf has bigger boobs. so what?
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Originally posted by xtreyier:
Dear TS,
Before I can offer any help, may i know why is it so difficult for you to remain faithful to one?
Because if you cannot even be faithful to one, then you are not or ever ready for any committment. You will only hurt more girls by your infidelity, destroy the beauty of love and corrupt the very meaning of 'love' by your presence and words uttered from your lying mouth.
I humbly apologise, for I may have offended you, but better to tell you the truth than to see you hurt more girls with your immaturity.
i decide to break up with my gf, that is because i don't want to be selfish to her by leading her on when i have clearly fallen for someone else. i want to be available for my crush, care for her and love her. even though she has a bf, i can only wish that she feels loved because of my existence. how does this qualify as infidelity or lying? i would think it's the opposite.
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Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
no nit to tk me seriously.
me is oly tryin to be hiao.
so dat 1 more guy will go die for me.
i won't especially because i really don't think you are her and i only want her. if you prove yourself to be, i can really chop of my kuku already.