Pls help.. personal relationaship problems..
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After my bf of 5years 2-timed me last year for a PRC, I've changed into a different person...I get extremely sensitive with all-things "Made in China", no more any self-confidence, goes into moodswings frequently, became un-trusting to my bf...
Although he has ended their relationship for a few months now (and I'm pretty sure that they never contacted ever since), however, the scars are pretty much there...and I'm still in the beginning of the healing process...
He treats me very well now (much better than before), and he swears that he has forgotten her...and I honestly sees that he is indeed putting all his effort on us now...but i dun believe that one can "forget" someone tat fast...
He used to leave me alone at night while i go over to his place to overnight while he drives out to look for her...when he's worried abt her, he'd go to her house n wait for her...he'd stay overnight at her place and the next day when I meet him, he'd have bites all over his neck and back...and he'd even send her home right to her door steps when he only does so for me not more than 5 times in 5 years!!
Though we decided to put this incident behind us, but every time we are together, I'd think about the times they've had together...I'd also frequently flare up at him suddenly and say sarcastic things like "Of course I can't compare wif her" "You must hav missed her badly"..etc...though i must say that he has been very patient with me and explaining that such things are already in the past and asks me not to dwell into them and look forward together...however, somehow, I'm at a loss here....
Should I continue this relationship? Personally, I really love him but this has already caused a deep scare in the relationship and I'm not confident to be able to put this behind completely...wad should i do to improve on things? Thanks.. -
Dear GaLOriginally posted by ~GaL~:After my bf of 5years 2-timed me last year for a PRC, I've changed into a different person...I get extremely sensitive with all-things "Made in China", no more any self-confidence, goes into moodswings frequently, became un-trusting to my bf...
Although he has ended their relationship for a few months now (and I'm pretty sure that they never contacted ever since), however, the scars are pretty much there...and I'm still in the beginning of the healing process...
He treats me very well now (much better than before), and he swears that he has forgotten her...and I honestly sees that he is indeed putting all his effort on us now...but i dun believe that one can "forget" someone tat fast...
He used to leave me alone at night while i go over to his place to overnight while he drives out to look for her...when he's worried abt her, he'd go to her house n wait for her...he'd stay overnight at her place and the next day when I meet him, he'd have bites all over his neck and back...and he'd even send her home right to her door steps when he only does so for me not more than 5 times in 5 years!!
Though we decided to put this incident behind us, but every time we are together, I'd think about the times they've had together...I'd also frequently flare up at him suddenly and say sarcastic things like "Of course I can't compare wif her" "You must hav missed her badly"..etc...though i must say that he has been very patient with me and explaining that such things are already in the past and asks me not to dwell into them and look forward together...however, somehow, I'm at a loss here....
Should I continue this relationship? Personally, I really love him but this has already caused a deep scare in the relationship and I'm not confident to be able to put this behind completely...wad should i do to improve on things? Thanks..
Scars will always remain, the question is regarding whether the feelings is still there, inclusive of the scar. Have that incident remove that kind of chemistry and love? Its an issue to ponder.
5 years is a long time you have been with your bf, therefore it would take equally long to settle your 'betrayed' feelings. You have realise that your bf isn't that guy he seemed to be - therefore you trust for him is minimum - until when time has passed long enough for recuperation to take place.
Your self confidence is affected because you wonder why on Earth would he do that in the first place - Joho's saying comes to your mind? 'A perfectly satisfied man will never look for another woman.' But well, if he does - it is an issue to ponder and reflect isn't it?
All of your behavior are normal behavior that people undergo - moodswing, no trust, etc, but well, you wanted to give it another chance for it to grow eh?
I) First and foremost, settle your inner fury quick to an extend where you know it will never burst out like volcano again, which is regarding the trust thing. Tell yourself, this is the first and the last time you are giving him this chance, anything after this is a gonner.
II) Secondly, solve issues regarding this issue of two timing. If you people were to continue to go on the relationship without understanding why in the first place things happen, its may be the begining of another wrong move. Understand and speak about why things are happening in such a way.
E.g. Questions like 'When the moment you went with her, what going on in your mind, as in does my image ever come to your mind?' 'Is it something wrong with this relation that causes you split of love? etc, etc, etc.
Remember, once you settle this two issues, make a pact that this will be forever behind as a memory served to build this relationship stronger. You have to let him know that regardless of quarrels, since this is already settled and concluded, it shall NEVER come into the picture ever. Stop commenting things like 'She is much better aye?' kind of thing - you are simply not giving him chance (Noticed: you did said you wanted to work out for this relation eh? Not I say must - you made the choice yourself). Make sure you truely settle and concluded the feelings, thoughts and rationale behind I & II before claiming this point.
P.S: Everyone deserved a second chance, but never more than that.
Cheers -
Wow... Yun seem to have said wat I wanna sae n more......
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So... I make a "last min" different comment to U: give him & yrself another chance... give U both some time... things WILL work out... 1 way or the other...... -
Originally posted by loneryu00:Wow... Yun seem to have said wat I wanna sae n more......
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So... I make a "last min" different comment to U: give him & yrself another chance... give U both some time... things WILL work out... 1 way or the other...... ..................................... -
U noe... I really curious...Originally posted by M©+square: .....................................
Wats " "??? -
wad can i say wad can i do
gd luck to u ~gal~
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I'm not sure exactly what's on your bf's mind now and what thoughts is he really harbouring.... I can try to do an 'analysis' for you if you want me to, but note that such are only PREDICTIONs and should on no level match with the REALITY....Originally posted by ~GaL~:After my bf of 5years 2-timed me last year for a PRC, I've changed into a different person...I get extremely sensitive with all-things "Made in China", no more any self-confidence, goes into moodswings frequently, became un-trusting to my bf...
Although he has ended their relationship for a few months now (and I'm pretty sure that they never contacted ever since), however, the scars are pretty much there...and I'm still in the beginning of the healing process...
He treats me very well now (much better than before), and he swears that he has forgotten her...and I honestly sees that he is indeed putting all his effort on us now...but i dun believe that one can "forget" someone tat fast...
He used to leave me alone at night while i go over to his place to overnight while he drives out to look for her...when he's worried abt her, he'd go to her house n wait for her...he'd stay overnight at her place and the next day when I meet him, he'd have bites all over his neck and back...and he'd even send her home right to her door steps when he only does so for me not more than 5 times in 5 years!!
Though we decided to put this incident behind us, but every time we are together, I'd think about the times they've had together...I'd also frequently flare up at him suddenly and say sarcastic things like "Of course I can't compare wif her" "You must hav missed her badly"..etc...though i must say that he has been very patient with me and explaining that such things are already in the past and asks me not to dwell into them and look forward together...however, somehow, I'm at a loss here....
Should I continue this relationship? Personally, I really love him but this has already caused a deep scare in the relationship and I'm not confident to be able to put this behind completely...wad should i do to improve on things? Thanks..
Skipping some of your more difficult questions...
If you've decided to stay with him then you should very well LEARN to TRUST and FORGIVE him... If your mentality don't change, dragging on to this relationship would probably ONLY proves to be a TORMENT for BOTH of you....
If you feel that there's NO WAY that you can bury the past... Then I'll just urge you to let things go... Apologise to him if you want to and just let him understand that you can't do it....?
There's a 3rd option... But it's NOT a very good option... Buys you CHANCE but probably TORMENT at the same time.... I shall not mention it for now as it probably won't be a very good choice for now...? -
Additional advice ~gal~?
Are you currently busy occupied with some work or something...? Whether you ARE or you're NOT, try to have PROPER REST and SLEEP.... There's a CHANCE that if you're constantly under STRENOUS condition(s), your MOOD could be getting the better of you.... You can try this and see if you can exercise better control over the way you THINK and TREAT your bf...? ~good luck... -
Thanks for all your help and advice..
Personally, I really want to forgive him...but why it's so difficult for me is tat though he is my 3rd bf (but the 1st and only i've slept wif), I've always been the 1st gf for all my ex and including him..so maybe tat might contribute to the difficulty of my "recovery" process...
though i've never seen the girl before, but nowadays, whenever i have sex with him, the image of him and an "imaginary gal" will together will pop out of my mind...it is also such occurences tat is driving me crazy and thus, makes me wonder if i should give the relationship up in exchange for my sanity...?? -
Hiak hiak!Originally posted by loneryu00:Wow... Yun seem to have said wat I wanna sae n more......
-______-'''''''''
So... I make a "last min" different comment to U: give him & yrself another chance... give U both some time... things WILL work out... 1 way or the other......
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U juz seem to worry too much... Constant, excessive worrying & tinking + suspicion is bad for health + make U paranoid. U really need a VACATION. Period.Originally posted by ~GaL~:Thanks for all your help and advice..
Personally, I really want to forgive him...but why it's so difficult for me is tat though he is my 3rd bf (but the 1st and only i've slept wif), I've always been the 1st gf for all my ex and including him..so maybe tat might contribute to the difficulty of my "recovery" process...
though i've never seen the girl before, but nowadays, whenever i have sex with him, the image of him and an "imaginary gal" will together will pop out of my mind...it is also such occurences tat is driving me crazy and thus, makes me wonder if i should give the relationship up in exchange for my sanity...?? -
I also wan to go vacation...but now got war...how to go? hai...Originally posted by loneryu00:U juz seem to worry too much... Constant, excessive worrying & tinking + suspicion is bad for health + make U paranoid. U really need a VACATION. Period.
Morever, it has already been like 5months since he last contacted her... -
Vacation doesn't mean U have to go abroad...Originally posted by ~GaL~:I also wan to go vacation...but now got war...how to go? hai...
Morever, it has already been like 5months since he last contacted her...
& dun tink abt "her" or anything related to "her"!
Bad for health. -
Easier said than done...I've been trying hard to get it out of my mind since 5 months ago...but till now, not much of a success...Originally posted by loneryu00:Vacation doesn't mean U have to go abroad...
& dun tink abt "her" or anything related to "her"!
Bad for health.
Jus wondering, to you guys out there, how do you know if the girl you are wif is THE ONE for you?... -
Dun TRY to not tink abt her... Get yrself occupied...Originally posted by ~GaL~:Easier said than done...I've been trying hard to get it out of my mind since 5 months ago...but till now, not much of a success...
Jus wondering, to you guys out there, how do you know if the girl you are wif is THE ONE for you?...
As for yr 2nd sentence: Sorry but I have no clue...
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all guys rotten one -
Yar... me too...Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu: all guys rotten one
Is dat wat U meant...?
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china pple come to singapore to snatch away singapore men n women...that's quite normal now...my ex was from China too...but they think singaporeans are gullible n easy prey...more easy to control so make ideal victims as they ask u buy this buy that for them...totally unreasonable....can't easy stand Made in China pple any more.
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Only the weak willed/fools succumb to such womanly schemes.Originally posted by harryryan:china pple come to singapore to snatch away singapore men n women...that's quite normal now...my ex was from China too...but they think singaporeans are gullible n easy prey...more easy to control so make ideal victims as they ask u buy this buy that for them...totally unreasonable....can't easy stand Made in China pple any more. -
U forgot chinese men too... they make shrewed businessmen... *applaud*Originally posted by Yunhaier:Only the weak willed/fools succumb to such womanly schemes. -
can't blame pple like us cos they seem more attractive n understanding than most singaporean gals but that's only first impression lah...after a few dates than they.....Originally posted by Yunhaier:Only the weak willed/fools succumb to such womanly schemes. -
Wat U meant is: we sporean guys lost faith in sporean gals? (my tots...) Dats Y we wld go for chi-nas (china gals...)Originally posted by harryryan:can't blame pple like us cos they seem more attractive n understanding than most singaporean gals but that's only first impression lah...after a few dates than they.....
Sad but true. -
I can't stand china people from now on...esp the exterim ad on the tv where there's a few girls with the accent, I'll switch channels...anytime there's anything on the tv regarding china, I'll just off the tv...sigh...very tiring...
Tat bitch actually called me up and say the things my bf did for her..etc..at tat point in time, I really contemplated giving the damn jerk up!! But since we've already been together for so long, I knew tat i can't live without him..so i somehow managed to endure through abt 7mths of this ordeal....
She also talked about the problems she has on her studies here...how this triangle relationship is affecting her studies..that she knows she's just a passing rain and tat the guy will be back to me soon..etc..and to think that I actually at some point believed her and sincerely went around looking for tuition centres for her!! Even before she boarded her plane for a holiday back to china, she called me and say tat she' leaving but my bf doesn't know...I actually asked her to give him a call cause I dun want both parties to hav regrets...she kept acting noble and say no, but in the end also called...
Though she's already back in singapore currently, but Im very sure tat my bf did not contact her these time...even so, it's a really hard thing to forgive and forget...sigh... -
now, my bf says he hates her now...cos looking back, it seems to him tat all along, she's just playing with us, and trying to seperate us..i dun know how he manages to deduce tat, or is it tat he's jus trying to make me feel better, but how is it possible for someone to hate a person whom he claims to "love" within such a short time?
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