My Incompetence is Affecting My Marriage
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i had a pair of free tickets to Gold Class movie this evening and had arranged to watch it with hubby 2 wks ago. all today I assumed that it was at Great World.We had a mini fight earlier in the day but patched up, then just before going out, we had a mini fight again which made me angry. So my mind was distracted.
He told to check my email to confirm the time and venue and I did, but was distracted when I was in my mailbox. In my mind i was pretty sure that it was at great world. When i was downstairs and got into the car, he once again asked whether I was sure of the venue. Anyway when we arrived,the venue was wrong. I called my contact and found out that it was the wrong cinema. He was soo angry that he refused to speak to me and wanted to go back immediately. He said I wasted his time, energy and he said what made him most furious is how such things keep on happening for the past 2 years and he had told me to check and asked me whether I was sure of the venue and how I actually had the hp no. of the guy I could have just easily called the person before we left.
I pleaded with him and tried to placate him but he refused to listen, he even told me to make my own plans for the next day (Sun) even though I had taken leave on Sun to spend the day with him..
I kept trying to pacify him but he would not budge. I cried and cried my eyes out. He told me that he is sick of me always screwing up in my life, and he said i am irresponsible which causes screw ups like this and that I'm always giving him trouble and when I tried to pacify him asking him to forgive me and not be angry anymore, he kept telling me to f*** off repeatedly.. I cried and cried and my eyes were completely swollen..I told him I would never screw up again,
What should i do? I feel so heartbroken. I feel like a most useless piece of junk. I dun think i deserve him or deserve any happiness. I feel God didnt make me so incompetent and such a screw up.
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just die la or u be my wife or 1 ngiht stand
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Originally posted by WoShiShuaiGe:
just die la or u be my wife or 1 ngiht stand
damn you!people in agony yet u post such irresponsible remarks!
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i also in agony wad hav u guys done for me? dumb fk...
hey girl how old? have sex with ur hubby le? wasted -
Originally posted by WoShiShuaiGe:
i also in agony wad hav u guys done for me? dumb fk...
hey girl how old? have sex with ur hubby le? wasted
This does not give you a reason to post such irresponsible remarks!when ur in agony, u dun go round making other people miserable as well
u just want to have ur problem solved, that's all
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On the way back when he was still furious, he told me to not give him any more trouble, and "don't waste his time" from now on, and I asked him what he meant by that, whether he still wants to be with me, he said all he said means just that..and he mentioned something about "having no choice".. I think he regrets marrying me.. I feel so heartbroken I kept crying since I was back while trying to pacify me but his heart wouldn't soften.
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ya right no one help me... how would tat feel....
btw missus, guess he's upset abt sumtin so venting on u... dun care him la come my side... u how old? can meet up? -
Fellow forumers, pls help out here....
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Originally posted by WoShiShuaiGe:
ya right no one help me... how would tat feel....
btw missus, guess he's upset abt sumtin so venting on u... dun care him la come my side... u how old? can meet up?be patient....
i also had to wait for 1 to 2 days b4 replies came in
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Why are you talking to yourself in here?
Me don't feel like walking into a trap you know ~
But yes, be patient ... be very patient.
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yah you made the mistake you should correct it, but why should he act this way.
ask him to learn to be more big hearted yea?
nothing can't be solve in this world.
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TheMissus is 1 of the die hard PAP supporters. Go meet the MP session and tell your MP that you are a hardcore PAP supporter and ask him to help you
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missus,
since it just happened earlier this evening, leave him alone for the time being. if he wants sunday off, give him the day off to calm down and use the time for urself to calm down too. u're still quite emotional over at this point, evidently over the self blame.
take a shower, have a warm cup of tea and go to bed or catch a show. whatever it is, avoid aggravating him further by crying.
it does not sound like u're an incompetent wife, more like a misunderstanding due to bad timing. don't beat urself up over this.
take care.
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don't know why some forumers can post such unkind remarks to a complete stranger over the world wide web. for no rhyme or reason, it's unbelievably odd to me. please spare a thought for other people's feelings. even if the internet is anonymous, the person on the other end of the pc is a human being like urself.
out. weird saturday night, everyone is going loco.
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Originally posted by soleachip:
don't know why some forumers can post such unkind remarks to a complete stranger over the world wide web. for no rhyme or reason, it's unbelievably odd to me. please spare a thought for other people's feelings. even if the internet is anonymous, the person on the other end of the pc is a human being like urself.
out. weird saturday night, everyone is going loco.
One is a regular clone here, the other is in the wrong forum, should be SC.
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From a man point of view, I can tell this is not the first time.
Everytime you make a mistake it builds up to his anger.
Dont worry. You still will have another chance after he calm down.
Just don't screw up the next time.
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the more u try to pacify him when he JUST got angry, the more he will push u away.
its common guy reaction
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den juz stop being so toopid.
if me is him, me oso dulan ah.
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i agree with chip.
you know your man and how his normal behaviour is. its prolly just bad timing.
make up by doing it the right way.
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Originally posted by TheMissus:
i had a pair of free tickets to Gold Class movie this evening and had arranged to watch it with hubby 2 wks ago. all today I assumed that it was at Great World.We had a mini fight earlier in the day but patched up, then just before going out, we had a mini fight again which made me angry. So my mind was distracted.
He told to check my email to confirm the time and venue and I did, but was distracted when I was in my mailbox. In my mind i was pretty sure that it was at great world. When i was downstairs and got into the car, he once again asked whether I was sure of the venue. Anyway when we arrived,the venue was wrong. I called my contact and found out that it was the wrong cinema. He was soo angry that he refused to speak to me and wanted to go back immediately. He said I wasted his time, energy and he said what made him most furious is how such things keep on happening for the past 2 years and he had told me to check and asked me whether I was sure of the venue and how I actually had the hp no. of the guy I could have just easily called the person before we left.
I pleaded with him and tried to placate him but he refused to listen, he even told me to make my own plans for the next day (Sun) even though I had taken leave on Sun to spend the day with him..
I kept trying to pacify him but he would not budge. I cried and cried my eyes out. He told me that he is sick of me always screwing up in my life, and he said i am irresponsible which causes screw ups like this and that I'm always giving him trouble and when I tried to pacify him asking him to forgive me and not be angry anymore, he kept telling me to f*** off repeatedly.. I cried and cried and my eyes were completely swollen..I told him I would never screw up again,
What should i do? I feel so heartbroken. I feel like a most useless piece of junk. I dun think i deserve him or deserve any happiness. I feel God didnt make me so incompetent and such a screw up.
The past 2 years of dissatisfactions seemed to have boiled over, with the kettle's whistle screaming from the steam evolved.Every mistake remembered, every quarrel surfaced, every bitterness floats up, In that adrenaline charged emotion called anger, rationality, love, caution, compromises, sacred oaths of allegience and tender promises thrown to the wind and forgotten, replaced with words that will only be regretted once morning comes and calmness returns, when blood flows steadily back to normal....
....but unfortunately words that once uttered, can NEVER be ever forgotten again, to be used once anger rises, as it would throughout one's journey of life with another.
There will only be more quarrels to come, which both of you must be prepared and learn to expect, but never to ever forget your vows to each other no matter how terrible the fight of words will be, and to patch up once again once temper cool down.
There is no more that I can say, that could be understood by you in your present state of mind, except for you to wipe your tears away now, and let not your imagination run wild with being incompetent and that your marriage is on the rocks. It never was. This was just another mistake anyone will make, a lesson to be learnt, and awaiting compromising solutions when morning comes...
Goodnight and sleep well.
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Ironically the problem is not you. Its the people around you. Most of them has one thing in common. Criticising. They automatically criticise. Why?
If you examine them closely, you will realise they are unhappy people in the first place. Why are they unhappy. Because they are not getting what they want. And what they want is subjective to each individual. Mostly they are losers. (sorry I'm abit mean there) They only see the negative, not the positive. They dismiss small positives, but harp endlessly on small negatives. From this they develop a gloomy personality, and of course they spread it around. They are happy at times and do share it, but unfortunately they are unhappy most of the time and that is what is shared the most. Ha ha ha. Long winded and what has this got to do with you?
You have and is letting this affect you. You have a double whammy. (1) You think negatively as I described above and (2) also are the target of the criticisms from others.
On (1) You can do something about it, on (2) not much you can do.
On yourself, remember you have come a long way. There are much more things that you have done right than wrong. You have learned to read and write. That is a positive which you dismiss. Your health, your income, those various tests that you have passed, and many more things, you have accomplished a lot. And those are noteworthy. You should always be proud of yourself, for all the (small) achievements. Combined they make a wonderful you. Is it not true that you are a wonderful person? So don't criticise yourself, ever.
On other people, you cannot stop them from opening their mouths. Unless you are like Lee Kuan Yew, you whack them when they open their mouth against you, and they become more cautious, but still you cannot stop them completely. You can ignore them and not let their criticisms affect you Through the years all their combined attacks against you has taken their toll, and your outlook on yourself is negatively affected. You begin to believe that you are incompetent. Don't believe them, you are good. One or two failures or a few, don't mean your whole life is screw up. In fact one or two success plus a few more previously shape your life. And you are doing well. So don't let the criticisms and screw ups get to you. You are a worthy person.
One factor you cannot ignore is your husband. Most notably his reactions. I agree he reacts badly to you. His fuse is shorter now, than when he was courting you. He must learn not to react impulsively. He has to be more thoughtful. He needs to be spoken to. By whom? Someone he would listen to. Like his brother, or best friend. Or he need to go for counselling.
Your husband should be supportive of you, and build you up. Not run you down.
Firstly think well of yourself, then think about how to get your husband to be more considerate, and thirdly ignore the bad mouthing.
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pls stop condonin toopidity.
u shld tell her to buck up.
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I am married. I and wife had blunders too. We had arrived to the cinema 1 week early. We had found out during our dinner. The restorant serving was too slow and we would miss the start if there was no blunders. The following week we decided to eat fast food dinner before the movie.
Next time pass the ticket to your husband and ask him to check it and remind you when the date draw near in case you happen to forget about it.
During arguements we fight and scold one another and say or do things we do not meant to - its because when we are angry we become emotional.
We will begin to talk sensibly after we have cooled down.
Please request a timeout and couples do not talk to one another when we are angry.
After you and him have cooled down. Tell him you love him and ask him if he is open to discuss recent fight and what is bother you and your husband. Both you and husband have to make future decisions together and check things together and if cockup happen, jointly responsible for it.
If the fights had become more frequent and more violent, this is a sign. It means he is requesting more of something from you and you have not given enough of it to him.
In marriage there is give and take. He wants something badly from you and missed it.
Try to find out what it is and settle it. You can ask your friends for family member for help. Otherwise can ask help from Family Service Centre or Fei Yue Councillor Centre.
Good Luck.
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hi themissus,
my advice is, when you face problems in your marriage, do not go around asking for advice.chances are, you will receive loads of them, but more often than not, most of them will contradict one another. thus making you even more confuse.
find a soul mate with a good listening ear. pour out everything to him or her. after that, think what you should do that is best for you. ultimately, you are the one who will decide on your marriage.
know how to draw a line between love and responsibility if you need to. when you love someone, naturally you feel responsible towards him. but if you did not love him anymore, being responsible and stay with him will never find you happiness for the rest of your life.
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Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
pls stop condonin toopidity.
u shld tell her to buck up.
er.. I don't condone this post.
okie?