9 years and its still a misery/mystery.
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I'm writing here because i don't blog, i just need a place to voice my agony within for 9 years plus and till now its still giving me sorrow which i really am at lost.
There is this girl that dump me 9 years ago on xmas day, i suppose every year when this merry season where joy is spreading and people are having enjoyment i feel lonely still.
Recently i dreamt of her again and that there is that kind of hurting feeling still. Life goes on, life still got to carry on but i am really still feeling sore inside. I really don't know why.
Maybe its the hatred, maybe i still love her, or it could be the love and hate collide effect that is causing the dilemna.
I suppose when one falls in love and got slapped real hard it will result in a deep scar.
Our relationship did not last very long, albeit its only for 3months plus but she seems unforgetable to me. Maybe its the lie she told, maybe i'm ardent for the truth, but tell me somebody please, who can accept a sudden breakoff without a reason.
I asked, is there a 3rd party? NO she replied and 2 weeks later she informed me of a new guy in her life. Am i a idiot? Why can't you just be truthful?!
I can accept the fact may the truth is how destructably painful. Its even more painful when you lied to me, maybe you doesn't understand the fact that this painful and selfish act of yours is hurting me till now. I know you care about your image, you wanna appeared real nice and good, but be fair to me! i've got the rights to know the truth!
I've got no courage for relationship after her, i think of her whenever there is a potential relationship for me to start, not because i still hope to get back with her but instead is the fear she gave me, the phobia and thoughts of been hurt badly again. The lost faith of being able to last long. I teared whenever i think of her, i can feel the souring around my cheeks and the heart wrenches in pain.
Not only emotionally handicapped but mentally my ego was been brought to the bottomless pit. I suppose i don't have to be explicit about this, i guess many people experience this before as well, materialism, i'm a poor chap back then, without a car, going for my NS with that miserable monthly allowance. How am i suppose to compare myself to someone who is a regular in the force who is drawing a higher pay. Thus another covering vague excuse thrown to me, i lacked maturity she said.
During my NS time, every nite i see my bunk mates calling their girlfriend and every nite i think of her. i couldn't call her, she will never picked up the phone, neither will she reply my sms. All i can do is walk to a quiet corner and hide myself there, sitting there weeping to myself. For seeing the rest in happiness, i feel much more lonely. I will never ever forget how my tears roll down my cheeks uncontrollably during marches and my daily solitary nite corner hideout.
7 years later, 2 years back, we met up for the 1st time after the breakoff, she initiated it, she apologise and said sorry. Is that of any use? Just again another selfish act to make yourself feels better? Have you ever spared a thought of how i feel? Or rather all along all this while its only about how you feel is important.
I don't think you can ever understand how i feel when we met up. I try to avoid but you're persistent to make yourself feel better only. I avoided you initially because i know very well i can't forget you. I will feel even worst after meeting you because we've got nothing to talk about and we can never be together again.
The freezing coldness of 7 years and suddenly it got warmed up, 7 years later u tell me u're sorry, are u making fun of me? or its the blardy global warming that causes u to warm up too? I can remember vividly how strongly u stand by your point that you were correct to dump me.
I purposely went to meet in the worst shape and i was correct, after that meeting we never met again when i initiated it. I don't what is going thru your mind but i definitely got an answer to your behavior.
You actually have the guts to wish me merry xmas on that year or its a testing of water game to you i do not know. But i'm pretty sure my reply to you is explicit.
I just wanna let you know, u've hurt me enough and deep. Extremely deep. There is absolutely no way you can ever amend it. And i'm very sure you don't even care about it. If you do, we wouldn't have broken off in the first place, if you really care about me you wouldn't be be acting so selfishly.
You're happily married with kid and i'm still alone trying hard to overcome you. I really do not how to move on. Time will heal wounds they said, but every now and then i still dreamt of you, and whenever it happens, the scar bled again, its like a cycle, another miserable night like tonite, how many more days of sleepless and misery again i really do not know.
moi miserable.
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Its always painful that a part of u r still caught in the past when its no longer valid. N its always easier said than done to let go n move on. But mate, how many 7 yrs do we actually have on this planet? Wat is the real meaning of existence? Life is the starting and ending point of all manifestation of events and subsequent thoughts n feelings it brings abt. Hope one day u will realise "all things good n bad will come to an end". In the meantime, Love yourself fully and re-affirm internally that there is no greater love than self love. Some1 that hurts u aint worth loving @ all.
Re-focus on other priorities in life and may the lord bless u out of this agonizing situation soon..
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thank you. i certainly hope there is an end to it as well. But it seems never ending. Or rather i do not know how to end it?
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Try to focus on loving yourself to the max. Remind yourself that u r not treating yourself well if u keep harbouring such thoughts. Time will heal all wounds. Yours may take longer but u can speed up the process. Once ur mind is conditioned to loving just yourself, u will not allow any bad thoughts to wreck ur inner state. Trust me, u can do it, I have been in Sh*t b4 n it sucks big time. Now im feeling much more at peace once I realise Love is overrated. Its merely mutual companionship n nothing more... Everyone comes and goes alone... Dun be too hard ya..
Tck..
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I guess indeed loving myself more might just do the trick. Thank you.
I've been neglecting and not loving myself at all all these while. I should really start to take care of myself and love myself more.
haha. since when there is love let alone fidelity. There should be no trust as well.
better off being alone eh?
putting it down and letting it go is not as easy and simple as it appears.
i came to realise i do not know how to love myself now... hopefully and i wish someone will appear soon to love me instead and show me how to love myself as well...
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Oh , try not to hope that someone will appear soon to love u instead. Some1 tat can love u will be capable of hurting u. N by hoping sm1 to luv u is indirectly allowing her to abuse u, cos it means that u still have the weakness for LOVE. Love breeds irrationality, n interm leads to disappointment, resentment, despair and even suicide in extreme cases where u read in newspapers almost everyday. Sometimes its a blessing to celebrate in aloneness as its a different internal concept from being lonely. Freedom is of abundance and flexibilty is there. No risk of long term liability after rs develops into marriage. U can know more people out there that share common interests and can be free to live life of ur conviction.
Life is short, why take the risk to entrust ur lifetime happiness into the hands of a 3rd party when she herself may not know what she wans in life>>? After u learn to trully and fully love yourself, whatever love that u can still spare, then do so to the external party..In that way, rationality will prevail n work as a guiding light for u in ur course of life.
May the force be with u mate..
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Get over it, you need to move on in life
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I can feel your agony and your anguish in the post. Who had not suffered from a relationship break-up before and yet claim they are human? None, so you are not alone.
The only difference is that many had been able to move on, and found better partners of their own. Not that they lived a bed of roses life, but one that they were imbued with courage gained from past mistakes learnt to ensure that calm waters will be reached once storms blow over.
You had shown yourself incapable of letting go the past, or perhaps even want to. It is often good to indulge in self pity once in a while, so that we can reflect on the past, what had happened but more critically, to know where went wrong so that it can be corrected for the next time round.
However it seems you mind stops where what happened is concerned and never moved to the next stage. Like a broken down CD, it simply skips back to what happened, relieving over and over the scenes of your breakdown instead of leading you on to correct the mistakes.
People like you are the most vulnerable. For in your depressive state, you are easily manipulated to serve other's needs. All one needs is just to sympathise with you, play upon your fears and depression, feed your ego with delusions, and voila! You will be under his/her control. Look at our Speakers Corner forum and you will know what I mean.
Fortunately for you, this is not Speaker's Corner, but AA. Most here will not take advantage of anyone, but to help them build up their courage to face another day.
In truth, that courage to move on can only comes from you. You must want to move on with your life, to feel what others feel and experience, instead of being trapped at where you are.
It may be your comfort and solace to dwell upon your self pity, to hide in it when others confront you, whenever you failed in your endeavours, instead of correcting mistakes, and blame others for you fault. No one can blame you for it, for no one else owes you a living. It's your gift of life and your choice, in the end.
But it can be hell on earth. No man is supposed to live in loneliness. There are others out there that deserve your friendshjp and you theirs - but only if you are willing to try, to fail, to correct mistakes, to find another, for no 2 persons are alike on earth.
For every girl that disappointed you, there will be another who wont, but only if you let go of the past, take courage and deny yourself a chance to crawl back to self pity and allow the politics of fear and depression to corrupt your mind.
Many succeeded, and so too can you. Life is beautiful, if only you ALLOW it to be, with simple intelligence, courage and hope to make it so.
Good Luck and Cheers!
PS: You owe it to yourself to be happy always with your gift of life. There is sadness, but there are also opportunities to be happy about, such as the coming of new year and with it, a new hope. Furthermore, tTHE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN!!!! -if you are into football, that is..haha....WORLD CUP!!!!! OLE, OLE OLE OLE.....)
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Last xmas I gave you my heart~ but the very next day, u gave it away~
This year~ to save me from tears~ I've given it to someone special~~~
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You need a new direction in life.
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fuk it la only a girl....sia 9 years imagine u spend those years with another girl who is much more better...
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Originally posted by moimiserable:
I'm writing here because i don't blog, i just need a place to voice my agony within for 9 years plus and till now its still giving me sorrow which i really am at lost.
There is this girl that dump me 9 years ago on xmas day, i suppose every year when this merry season where joy is spreading and people are having enjoyment i feel lonely still.
Recently i dreamt of her again and that there is that kind of hurting feeling still. Life goes on, life still got to carry on but i am really still feeling sore inside. I really don't know why.
Maybe its the hatred, maybe i still love her, or it could be the love and hate collide effect that is causing the dilemna.
I suppose when one falls in love and got slapped real hard it will result in a deep scar.
Our relationship did not last very long, albeit its only for 3months plus but she seems unforgetable to me. Maybe its the lie she told, maybe i'm ardent for the truth, but tell me somebody please, who can accept a sudden breakoff without a reason.
I asked, is there a 3rd party? NO she replied and 2 weeks later she informed me of a new guy in her life. Am i a idiot? Why can't you just be truthful?!
I can accept the fact may the truth is how destructably painful. Its even more painful when you lied to me, maybe you doesn't understand the fact that this painful and selfish act of yours is hurting me till now. I know you care about your image, you wanna appeared real nice and good, but be fair to me! i've got the rights to know the truth!
I've got no courage for relationship after her, i think of her whenever there is a potential relationship for me to start, not because i still hope to get back with her but instead is the fear she gave me, the phobia and thoughts of been hurt badly again. The lost faith of being able to last long. I teared whenever i think of her, i can feel the souring around my cheeks and the heart wrenches in pain.
Not only emotionally handicapped but mentally my ego was been brought to the bottomless pit. I suppose i don't have to be explicit about this, i guess many people experience this before as well, materialism, i'm a poor chap back then, without a car, going for my NS with that miserable monthly allowance. How am i suppose to compare myself to someone who is a regular in the force who is drawing a higher pay. Thus another covering vague excuse thrown to me, i lacked maturity she said.
During my NS time, every nite i see my bunk mates calling their girlfriend and every nite i think of her. i couldn't call her, she will never picked up the phone, neither will she reply my sms. All i can do is walk to a quiet corner and hide myself there, sitting there weeping to myself. For seeing the rest in happiness, i feel much more lonely. I will never ever forget how my tears roll down my cheeks uncontrollably during marches and my daily solitary nite corner hideout.
7 years later, 2 years back, we met up for the 1st time after the breakoff, she initiated it, she apologise and said sorry. Is that of any use? Just again another selfish act to make yourself feels better? Have you ever spared a thought of how i feel? Or rather all along all this while its only about how you feel is important.
I don't think you can ever understand how i feel when we met up. I try to avoid but you're persistent to make yourself feel better only. I avoided you initially because i know very well i can't forget you. I will feel even worst after meeting you because we've got nothing to talk about and we can never be together again.
The freezing coldness of 7 years and suddenly it got warmed up, 7 years later u tell me u're sorry, are u making fun of me? or its the blardy global warming that causes u to warm up too? I can remember vividly how strongly u stand by your point that you were correct to dump me.
I purposely went to meet in the worst shape and i was correct, after that meeting we never met again when i initiated it. I don't what is going thru your mind but i definitely got an answer to your behavior.
You actually have the guts to wish me merry xmas on that year or its a testing of water game to you i do not know. But i'm pretty sure my reply to you is explicit.
I just wanna let you know, u've hurt me enough and deep. Extremely deep. There is absolutely no way you can ever amend it. And i'm very sure you don't even care about it. If you do, we wouldn't have broken off in the first place, if you really care about me you wouldn't be be acting so selfishly.
You're happily married with kid and i'm still alone trying hard to overcome you. I really do not how to move on. Time will heal wounds they said, but every now and then i still dreamt of you, and whenever it happens, the scar bled again, its like a cycle, another miserable night like tonite, how many more days of sleepless and misery again i really do not know.
moi miserable.
Hi moi,
She is your first love, and the fact that she cheated on you really hurt you very deeply, thus it created a pit of sorrow within you which will not disappear until you find someone who can help to fill it up for you.
However, it is unlikely that this somebody will appear in your life if you do not do anything to bring her into it. For all you know, she may already be around you already, just that you have never taken notice of her before. If you are to continue to let this sorrow grasp hold of you, you will not be able to move on.
From the fact that you were in NS 9 years ago, I believe you are around thirty years old now, give or take a few years. If you have a stable job, now will be a good time to look for another half to be beside you for the rest of your years. It will certainly do you no good to wait till you are in the forties.
All the best to you.
Cheers.
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Be strong! When fate comes to u no matter how you push it will not go away, if fate is leaving u, no matter how u pull back the relationship also cannot pull back. Many of us have experienced broken heart before and some of them may be more painful than yours. I suffered 3 years during my NS time.
You should not waste your time anymore as god has shown you 9 years ago she belonged to the unfaithful category and you did not see it. Times up in your sober dreams and please wake up..
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Rape and kill her than you will forget her
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Originally posted by keeptouch:
Rape and kill her than you will forget her
TS, there should be someone who is able to fix ur broken heart....like this song: Fixing a broken heart
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Originally posted by Mr Milo:
TS, there should be someone who is able to fix ur broken heart....like this song: Fixing a broken heart
I am not the TS lah -
blogspot free one you know?
or livejournal also can.
but nowadays i see more wordpress.
so, take your pic
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Originally posted by Poignant:
blogspot free one you know?
or livejournal also can.
but nowadays i see more wordpress.
so, take your pic
TS maybe don't know how to use blogspot leh -
Originally posted by ^Acid^ aka s|aO^eH~:
Last xmas I gave you my heart~ but the very next day, u gave it away~
This year~ to save me from tears~ I've given it to someone special~~~
hmm u said it all..........TS
if you can love someone than you have the capacity to continue to love another person.............
You Give too Much power to the lady to control your life....so take back those power...
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People usually remember thing that they can't get the most and they will start to look for the answer for everything that happen.To be honest, this happen alot and its normal.Just get over her and move on,it is not easy -i 've been here before too but you just have to do it.As what you were wrote, she's married now and you should learn to let go of that feeling..I personally think how can you do this to yourself?dont you think you deserve to be happy also?of course you might not immediately success in the new relationship, maybe you will have to go through sadness and broken hearted again but this is life....the most important thing is, you will learn from there and if you not even trying, i can say that you are still yourself 9 years back.This is just too sad if you cant see and grab the opportunity to be happy.
**you know what, i've been waiting for someone for xmast myself since year 1998-he was my high school sweetheart...he did not initiate the break up but i did.however after that we still remain friend and we wanted to get back together and he promised to meet me on xmast year 1998 but he did'nt show up...i really want to meet him for the last time ( even tough the feeling is not the same anymore and more like a long lost friend) and i want to know that he is doing alright and life treat him good or maybe he probably already married..And i really want to thanks him for not showing up otherwise i wont be able to meet my wonderful boyfriend and be in the happy relationship now....**
Love can be painful if you choose to be in that way.....
cheers
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life is alot simpler if we know how to deal with lost or those beyond our grab. letting go help one move on. U are stuck in the same spot while the clock ticker away..... time to let go of the boulder and sometime the answer u seek is never there in the 1st place.
thing dun always happen for a reason. They happen coz itis meant to be. Not all problem need to be solved, some are just obstacle to be avoided or side stepped.
accept the fact that it is history and move on.
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3 months r/s hurt until like that?? Can't believe this man.
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Originally posted by Rock^Star:
3 months r/s hurt until like that?? Can't believe this man.
haha.... spot on....
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mebbe he never masturbated fer 3 mths
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Originally posted by Gattlinggun80:
mebbe he never masturbated fer 3 mths
aiyo, give TS some leeway lah....
he is a soft hearted guy