I Need Some Advice!!!
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Hi, to everyone, i'm a new user of this forums really feeling stress out. And i need some advice from someone.
i marry young, and has a kid with a guy i tout i love. Because of him i give up my family.
I tout he will change after we have a kid. but things get worst until i have to send him to jail.
Now that his already out things still not getting any better. I feel like crying. Crying to god, Why must you plan my life this way. i feel like making myself drank. so i don't think so much.
Now he even chase me out and don't let me take my kid. what shoud i do???
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fuck tat guy off.....and get ur own life....why bother wasting ur time on ppl who doesn't change for the better....and from wad i see..he doesn't even love you...so yea..tink about it....as for kid wise...i suggest fighting for ur kid's custody....
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Originally posted by Stress_out:
Hi, to everyone, i'm a new user of this forums really feeling stress out. And i need some advice from someone.
i marry young, and has a kid with a guy i tout i love. Because of him i give up my family.
I tout he will change after we have a kid. but things get worst until i have to send him to jail.
Now that his already out things still not getting any better. I feel like crying. Crying to god, Why must you plan my life this way. i feel like making myself drank. so i don't think so much.
Now he even chase me out and don't let me take my kid. what shoud i do???
Hi Stress_out,
I am sorry to hear of your plight, and I do understand that everyone make mistakes when they are young. The most important thing now is to report your case to the police and seek their help. Your husband has no right to chase you out of the house and refuse you to go near your child.
You can try applying for a Personal Protection Order if he is to use violence against you, and if you truly feel that this relationship is only going to get even worse from here on, you may also wish to seek the help of a lawyer to help end this marriage.
Cheers.
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Originally posted by TrueHeart:
Hi Stress_out,
I am sorry to hear of your plight, and I do understand that everyone make mistakes when they are young. The most important thing now is to report your case to the police and seek their help. Your husband has no right to chase you out of the house and refuse you to go near your child.
You can try applying for a Personal Protection Order if he is to use violence against you, and if you truly feel that this relationship is only going to get even worse from here on, you may also wish to seek the help of a lawyer to help end this marriage.
Cheers.
i've read some of ur posts in several threads...u a psychiatrist or smth?cause u talk like 1....not trying to offend u or anything,just curious =)
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well.. i thank alot for your advice A.T.R
But thing usually don't goes out well for me. I love my kid so much. I don't want her to have a broker family. I have no one to talk to. No one i really trust and because of this guy my family hate me so much now. Althought i'm still allow to come back to my parent house but my sibling will treat me like invisible.
Sometime i'm wondering, How come i so stupid to love a guy like this. Just because of a stupid mistake i make when i was young i have to surffer so much. I'm really too tired. i need someone. But i've got no friend, no family
I think i'm blind by love.
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Originally posted by Stress_out:
well.. i thank alot for your advice A.T.R
But thing usually don't goes out well for me. I love my kid so much. I don't want her to have a broker family. I have no one to talk to. No one i really trust and because of this guy my family hate me so much now. Althought i'm still allow to come back to my parent house but my sibling will treat me like invisible.
Sometime i'm wondering, How come i so stupid to love a guy like this. Just because of a stupid mistake i make when i was young i have to surffer so much. I'm really too tired. i need someone. But i've got no friend, no family
I think i'm blind by love.
hmmm...take it easy....i'm sure ur family won't leave u behind de....after all blood is thicker than water....maybe talk things out with them....thn apologise to them ....glad u realize ur mistake uh...still it isn't too late to turn back =) so cheer up !
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Originally posted by A.T.R:
i've read some of ur posts in several threads...u a psychiatrist or smth?cause u talk like 1....not trying to offend u or anything,just curious =)
Hi A.T.R.,
I am sorry but I will prefer not to answer such a question. I hope you will kindly understand. Please do not worry though, for I am not offended or upset by such questions.
Cheers.
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Originally posted by TrueHeart:
Hi A.T.R.,
I am sorry but I will prefer not to answer such a question. I hope you will kindly understand. Please do not worry though, for I am not offended or upset by such questions.
Cheers.
hahas it's alright...cause ur english is rly good...love it! =) -
I mean this is a really bad year for me. Tell me how should i feel for this dame 2009. first i caught him having a affair with another woman, Second my dad pass away from cancer (which really hurt me so much. coz he have nv approve on my relationship with this guy.) Third, he goes into the prison and left me all alone with my daughter tat was when she is only 1+. and the worst is i still need to deal with his parent. At tat time he left me with $0 when he go into the prison. i cannot go to wk coz nobody can look after my baby.
But i still try my best. i make my baby sleeop already then i wk in the nite. after 2 mth he came out. i tot oh.. this will be end of my sad story. but no. the story just start. He still hit me still Scold me.
until today i really i hate myself so much to get involved in all this shit. i hope i have a time machine. so i can go back to my chilldhood time.
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Originally posted by Stress_out:
I mean this is a really bad year for me. Tell me how should i feel for this dame 2009. first i caught him having a affair with another woman, Second my dad pass away from cancer (which really hurt me so much. coz he have nv approve on my relationship with this guy.) Third, he goes into the prison and left me all alone with my daughter tat was when she is only 1+. and the worst is i still need to deal with his parent. At tat time he left me with $0 when he go into the prison. i cannot go to wk coz nobody can look after my baby.
But i still try my best. i make my baby sleeop already then i wk in the nite. after 2 mth he came out. i tot oh.. this will be end of my sad story. but no. the story just start. He still hit me still Scold me.
until today i really i hate myself so much to get involved in all this shit. i hope i have a time machine. so i can go back to my chilldhood time.
take it easy....yes indeed...2009 is indeed a bad year,cause MJ's dead ='(..okay enuf of jokes....but yea,u srsly nid to talk things out with ur parents...i'm sure they'll accept you....u rly made the biggest mistake of ur life by choosing the wrong guy to spend ur life with....so heed my advice,talk to ur parents or smth....clear things out and most imptly apologize to them...i'm sure they'll help you out...FYI,ur guy is a total son of a bitch....=D
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Originally posted by Stress_out:
I mean this is a really bad year for me. Tell me how should i feel for this dame 2009. first i caught him having a affair with another woman, Second my dad pass away from cancer (which really hurt me so much. coz he have nv approve on my relationship with this guy.) Third, he goes into the prison and left me all alone with my daughter tat was when she is only 1+. and the worst is i still need to deal with his parent. At tat time he left me with $0 when he go into the prison. i cannot go to wk coz nobody can look after my baby.
But i still try my best. i make my baby sleeop already then i wk in the nite. after 2 mth he came out. i tot oh.. this will be end of my sad story. but no. the story just start. He still hit me still Scold me.
until today i really i hate myself so much to get involved in all this shit. i hope i have a time machine. so i can go back to my chilldhood time.
Hi Stress_Out,
Since he has used Physical Violence against you, you should really apply for a Personal Protection Order. You can have a look about the procedures here:
http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=3768
It is great of you as a mother to think for your child, but having such a man by your side will not result in a complete family - It may even put the child in danger, as he may physically or sexually abuse her.
I will strongly suggest that you seek the forgiveness of your mother, and plead for her to help you look after your child, while you seek out a full-time job. At the same time, file for divorce - I am certain that you will get Custody Rights over your child, especially if your mother is willing to help you look after her.
I sincerely hope that you will make the right decision, for it not only affects yourself, but also your child's future.
Cheers.
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Originally posted by TrueHeart:
Hi Stress_Out,
Since he has used Physical Violence against you, you should really apply for a Personal Protection Order. You can have a look about the procedures here:
http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=3768
It is great of you as a mother to think for your child, but having such a man by your side will not result in a complete family - It may even put the child in danger, as he may physically or sexually abuse her.
I will strongly suggest that you seek the forgiveness of your mother, and plead for her to help you look after your child, while you seek out a full-time job. At the same time, file for divorce - I am certain that you will get Custody Rights over your child, especially if your mother is willing to help you look after her.
I sincerely hope that you will make the right decision, for it not only affects yourself, but also your child's future.
Cheers.
okay..i tink you're a lawyer. but wat TS nids , is simply moral support...yes indeed,it is a good choice to seek legal help and such....but she has no $$ -
wtf?
i cant even bring myself to do what he has done to you.
i cant help much but only to wish you luck in your life, take care.
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Originally posted by Poignant:
wtf?
i cant even bring myself to do what he has done to you.
i cant help much but only to wish you luck in your life, take care.
so much for Aunt Agony,hahs.... -
Originally posted by A.T.R:
okay..i tink you're a lawyer. but wat TS nids , is simply moral support...yes indeed,it is a good choice to seek legal help and such....but she has no $$Hi A.T.R.,
I will suggest that Stress_Out seek help from the Legal Aid Bureau as well. Given her current situation, I believe she will likely be helped out, even if she does not pass the Mean Test.
On a side note, I am not a lawyer.
Cheers.
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financial power = freedom
imo, this is the very first of ur concern.
with money u can afford to take care of urself. n take care of ur girl.
with money ur basic needs r met.
when ur basic needs r met, the emotional n mental stress u're facing is significantly relieved.
with money u can find ur own roof.
with money u can build a healthy environment for u n ur girl.
u have to be able to fend for urself before thinking of ur girl or salvaging broken ties.
u have to be mentally strong before u can mull over the nooks and crannies of love.
u can't give love unless u have self love.
god, ur siblings, friends n ur husband won't build the life u seek with u. so u've got to go at it alone. crying n drowning ur sorrows in alcohol n the internet will not solve anything. only u have the ability to walk out of this misery. only u possess the ability to strive for the life u seek. only when u start taking action in planning ur life, living ur own life, then will things improve.
happiness is a choice.
many have done it before - survived infidelity, overcame the odds n raised their children single handedly.
they have, so can u.
since u're allowed to take shelter in ur maiden home, that's the place to stay for now.
if no one else is willing to take care of ur girl while u work, then call the numbers n find out more about organizations that offer child care services for working parents in need of aid.
if u cannot afford a divorce lawyer, just separate for 4 years n after that u're as good as free (i could be wrong though... try asking around or going to the legal aid bureau).
ur husband is going to need something more drastic than a jail term to effect his wake up call.
imo it doesn't look like he can provide proper care to ur girl. n based on ur posts, he seems like a lousy candidate for father n husband. when u mentioned, u have no wish for ur girl to grow up in a broken family... i wonder... is there a point in staying with ur husband for the sake of raising her in a "complete" family?
wat can an abusive man who cannot get his own act together do for his daughter n wife? think about the environment she's growing up in? is it conducive? or is it potentially abusive?
have more faith in ur own ability.
u're not weak n helpless.
n u're not at the mercy of god's doing.
the quality of ur life is in ur hands alone.
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Originally posted by Stress_out:
Hi, to everyone, i'm a new user of this forums really feeling stress out. And i need some advice from someone.
i marry young, and has a kid with a guy i tout i love. Because of him i give up my family.
I tout he will change after we have a kid. but things get worst until i have to send him to jail.
Now that his already out things still not getting any better. I feel like crying. Crying to god, Why must you plan my life this way. i feel like making myself drank. so i don't think so much.
Now he even chase me out and don't let me take my kid. what shoud i do???
Stress_Out,
Call Singapore Council of Women's Organisation mainline at 68370611 or the ComCare Call at 1800 222 0000.
They have the Star Shelter, a temporary refuge for women and children in abusive relationship.
Here is a link to the article click -----> "Remaking lives of abused women"
For the sake of your young child, don't be a victim any longer.
Star Shelter Programme.....
Programme
Apart from providing meals and lodging, Star Shelter also provides the following programmes and services to the residences:
• Trauma / Crisis counseling
• Case management
• Rebuild Programme – a financial assistance scheme that provides a one-time financial aid to assist victims to pay for transport expenses while looking for employment as well as a no interest home loan, which enables victims to setup a new home.
• Volunteer Programme – Children’s reading & writing programme and Women Befrienders programme
• Legal Counselling – a service provided by the Singapore Association of Women lawyers to help victims with their legal queries.
• IT Skills – a programme where volunteer tutors assist victim and their children to equip themselves with the necessary IT skills at SCWO’s IT Hub -
Hi Stress_out i really admire your courage..taking care of a kid all alone by yourself w/o any help from husband and your parents,no joke it is very very hard.Dont give up for the sake of your child and dont ever blame yourself for not able to provide your child a perfect family.Im sure if given a choice, who wouldn't want a husband who always put his family first parioty on top of everything else.
Take one step at a time,dont think too much cos trying to earn a living and feed your child is what you want to do right now.Talk to your mother and seek forgiveness,try to get her help look after your child while you go out and work.File a divorce, cos no point keep living with this kind of husband.
Babe,think positve and this could easily happen to anyone so **jia yoh ba**
Take care!!!
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Originally posted by Anna123:
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advertising failed~~~~~~LOL~
Btw, TS, apart from the fact he chased u out, can u describe more anot? it's extremely vague...
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Hi to all.
I really never expected so many ppl can console me. I thank alot for all your information and time.Thank a million.
However, my case is abit more complicated then normal case.
I think i shouldn't be shy if i want some help.
Ok, i know this guy at the age of 14. At tat time i think he the man i want coz he is so much older then me. And after a few mth of meeting up with him we became an item. He will always ask me to stay over nite at his place coz he wan to spend more time with me. As a result, i skip sch, and run away from home. my parent is dame upset with me. But wat do i know at tat time. He has a sweet mouth, always came up with alot of sweet words making me can't turn him down.
At tat time, my dad is so worry of my safety. Everyday he will go around looking for me. He even bring my photo to geylang to ask all the passes-by just to find me. Isn't he is a great father? But i'm so "in love" tat i can't see tat. I blame him instead.
Our relationship turn sour after a few mth together. He will hit me if things not done properly. He will beat me when he has no money. He will use his fist, and leg to kick me. When i told him i want a break up he told me to pay up all the expenses he have spend on me and he want to see the cash immediately no delay. Then i start to steal and cheat from friend and relative just to give him the money so he won't hit me.
Soon, he is out of job, and slowly i found out that he lies alot to me. He lie that his dad was a business man, his age, his highest qualification, and claim he stay in a appartment. I do not dare to confront him coz i scared he will hit me. But i still stay with him. He even scold my dad and want to hit my dad. Suddenly, i was send to the girls home for BPC. after 1 mth, i was release from girls home. I was forbid to see him. But i still break all those rules and be with him. because i was under probation. i must go home everyday after sch. and he use this as an excuses tat i'm nt spending enough time with him to have another woman outside(not 1 but 3 woman).After i found out he told me to give him time to settle but it an empty promise. I change my hp num and we lose contact. But he still came to my sch to look for my friend for my num. Then everything start all over again.
Until i found out i was pregnant, the hitting stop but not the scolding and blaming. My dad even disown me. But i told myself if i can have a good family, i believe my dad will understand. so i try my best to give in to him. We have to stay with his parent coz we do not have a marry cert to apply for house. As soon as my baby was born, (2nd day) during the nite my baby cry non stop. he blame me for all her crying making him can't sleep properly thur the nite.And this continued even until now.
I found out i was pregnant again. i do not dare to give birth to the 2nd one coz i don wan another innocent life to surffer like how my gal is surffering now. So i go for a abortion. the next day after the abortion he start to hit me already.He hit me with baseball bat, TV remote and guitar. so tat when i call the police and he was charged and sent to imprisonment for 4mth.After he came out he still hit me. but not those hard one. So it don't leave a mark. But now he don't hit me because i told him if he hit me i will still call the police again. Now wat he dare to do is scold my mother, and my family. in a sense, verbally abuse. He said 1 day if he cannot take it he will kill me with a knife then my family.
I really have to act strong infront of him so he won't take advantage of me. I have to hid from him and go to those family svc for help.Now i have so many question:
1st: how am i suppose to divorce if i'm not even married?
2nd: Because he is a malay and my daughter has a malay name, he told me i can never win the case cause in the future my daughter need him to consent on her marriage.
3rd: I'm not yet 21 how am i suppose to fight for my daughter? -
no point thinking back on e past alr, do your best to strive for your future instead.
i wish you all e best.
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Originally posted by Stress_out:
Hi to all.
I really never expected so many ppl can console me. I thank alot for all your information and time.Thank a million.
However, my case is abit more complicated then normal case.
I think i shouldn't be shy if i want some help.
Ok, i know this guy at the age of 14. At tat time i think he the man i want coz he is so much older then me. And after a few mth of meeting up with him we became an item. He will always ask me to stay over nite at his place coz he wan to spend more time with me. As a result, i skip sch, and run away from home. my parent is dame upset with me. But wat do i know at tat time. He has a sweet mouth, always came up with alot of sweet words making me can't turn him down.
At tat time, my dad is so worry of my safety. Everyday he will go around looking for me. He even bring my photo to geylang to ask all the passes-by just to find me. Isn't he is a great father? But i'm so "in love" tat i can't see tat. I blame him instead.
Our relationship turn sour after a few mth together. He will hit me if things not done properly. He will beat me when he has no money. He will use his fist, and leg to kick me. When i told him i want a break up he told me to pay up all the expenses he have spend on me and he want to see the cash immediately no delay. Then i start to steal and cheat from friend and relative just to give him the money so he won't hit me.
Soon, he is out of job, and slowly i found out that he lies alot to me. He lie that his dad was a business man, his age, his highest qualification, and claim he stay in a appartment. I do not dare to confront him coz i scared he will hit me. But i still stay with him. He even scold my dad and want to hit my dad. Suddenly, i was send to the girls home for BPC. after 1 mth, i was release from girls home. I was forbid to see him. But i still break all those rules and be with him. because i was under probation. i must go home everyday after sch. and he use this as an excuses tat i'm nt spending enough time with him to have another woman outside(not 1 but 3 woman).After i found out he told me to give him time to settle but it an empty promise. I change my hp num and we lose contact. But he still came to my sch to look for my friend for my num. Then everything start all over again.
Until i found out i was pregnant, the hitting stop but not the scolding and blaming. My dad even disown me. But i told myself if i can have a good family, i believe my dad will understand. so i try my best to give in to him. We have to stay with his parent coz we do not have a marry cert to apply for house. As soon as my baby was born, (2nd day) during the nite my baby cry non stop. he blame me for all her crying making him can't sleep properly thur the nite.And this continued even until now.
I found out i was pregnant again. i do not dare to give birth to the 2nd one coz i don wan another innocent life to surffer like how my gal is surffering now. So i go for a abortion. the next day after the abortion he start to hit me already.He hit me with baseball bat, TV remote and guitar. so tat when i call the police and he was charged and sent to imprisonment for 4mth.After he came out he still hit me. but not those hard one. So it don't leave a mark. But now he don't hit me because i told him if he hit me i will still call the police again. Now wat he dare to do is scold my mother, and my family. in a sense, verbally abuse. He said 1 day if he cannot take it he will kill me with a knife then my family.
I really have to act strong infront of him so he won't take advantage of me. I have to hid from him and go to those family svc for help.Now i have so many question:
1st: how am i suppose to divorce if i'm not even married?
2nd: Because he is a malay and my daughter has a malay name, he told me i can never win the case cause in the future my daughter need him to consent on her marriage.
3rd: I'm not yet 21 how am i suppose to fight for my daughter?stress_out,
Your kind of case is not uncommon. It is also not as complicated as you think.
Your boyfriend is controlling you with FEAR. Don't believe what he says, seek the truth yourself.
There is a place for Muslim women call " CASA RAUDHA" and the President is Hamzah Abdul Mutalib.
Helpline number : (65) 9729 8936
(daily from 7am-7pm except for Saturdays, Sundays & Public Holidays) -
Originally posted by jojobeach:
stress_out,
Your kind of case is not uncommon. It is also not as complicated as you think.
Your boyfriend is controlling you with FEAR. Don't believe what he says, seek the truth yourself.
There is a place for Muslim women call " CASA RAUDHA" and the President is Hamzah Abdul Mutalib.
Helpline number : (65) 9729 8936
(daily from 7am-7pm except for Saturdays, Sundays & Public Holidays)how you know ts muslim?
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Actually the fact is i'm a chinese. singaporean. HEE HEE
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Stress_Out...your issue is indeed complicated..You really need to talk to your parent and get them to help cos this is too diff for you to handle alone.