Originally posted by Stress_out:Hi to all.
I really never expected so many ppl can console me. I thank alot for all your information and time.Thank a million.
However, my case is abit more complicated then normal case.
I think i shouldn't be shy if i want some help.
Ok, i know this guy at the age of 14. At tat time i think he the man i want coz he is so much older then me. And after a few mth of meeting up with him we became an item. He will always ask me to stay over nite at his place coz he wan to spend more time with me. As a result, i skip sch, and run away from home. my parent is dame upset with me. But wat do i know at tat time. He has a sweet mouth, always came up with alot of sweet words making me can't turn him down.
At tat time, my dad is so worry of my safety. Everyday he will go around looking for me. He even bring my photo to geylang to ask all the passes-by just to find me. Isn't he is a great father? But i'm so "in love" tat i can't see tat. I blame him instead.
Our relationship turn sour after a few mth together. He will hit me if things not done properly. He will beat me when he has no money. He will use his fist, and leg to kick me. When i told him i want a break up he told me to pay up all the expenses he have spend on me and he want to see the cash immediately no delay. Then i start to steal and cheat from friend and relative just to give him the money so he won't hit me.
Soon, he is out of job, and slowly i found out that he lies alot to me. He lie that his dad was a business man, his age, his highest qualification, and claim he stay in a appartment. I do not dare to confront him coz i scared he will hit me. But i still stay with him. He even scold my dad and want to hit my dad. Suddenly, i was send to the girls home for BPC. after 1 mth, i was release from girls home. I was forbid to see him. But i still break all those rules and be with him. because i was under probation. i must go home everyday after sch. and he use this as an excuses tat i'm nt spending enough time with him to have another woman outside(not 1 but 3 woman).After i found out he told me to give him time to settle but it an empty promise. I change my hp num and we lose contact. But he still came to my sch to look for my friend for my num. Then everything start all over again.
Until i found out i was pregnant, the hitting stop but not the scolding and blaming. My dad even disown me. But i told myself if i can have a good family, i believe my dad will understand. so i try my best to give in to him. We have to stay with his parent coz we do not have a marry cert to apply for house. As soon as my baby was born, (2nd day) during the nite my baby cry non stop. he blame me for all her crying making him can't sleep properly thur the nite.And this continued even until now.
I found out i was pregnant again. i do not dare to give birth to the 2nd one coz i don wan another innocent life to surffer like how my gal is surffering now. So i go for a abortion. the next day after the abortion he start to hit me already.He hit me with baseball bat, TV remote and guitar. so tat when i call the police and he was charged and sent to imprisonment for 4mth.After he came out he still hit me. but not those hard one. So it don't leave a mark. But now he don't hit me because i told him if he hit me i will still call the police again. Now wat he dare to do is scold my mother, and my family. in a sense, verbally abuse. He said 1 day if he cannot take it he will kill me with a knife then my family.
I really have to act strong infront of him so he won't take advantage of me. I have to hid from him and go to those family svc for help.Now i have so many question:
1st: how am i suppose to divorce if i'm not even married?
2nd: Because he is a malay and my daughter has a malay name, he told me i can never win the case cause in the future my daughter need him to consent on her marriage.
3rd: I'm not yet 21 how am i suppose to fight for my daughter?
Since you cannot divorce him, apply for a personal protection order. Under the women's charters there is something which will bar him from even approaching you or your child.
There is no case to fight here, he is just being a jackass and trying to intimidate you. He has a criminal record for physical violence, and no job, so as long as you can get a job and your mum to look after your baby, there is no way he will win custody.
There are always exceptions, even in the syariah court. In your situation, there is no need to worry as there is no need for his approval for your daughter to get married. Instead of thinking about your child's marriage, worry about your immediate situation.
You are not 21 that is why you need to seek help from your mum. If she can look after your child for you, and is willing to be her legal guardian, you can keep the child with you.
Here are the steps for you to take:
1) Get a PPO
2) Ask your mum for help
3) Get a full time job unless you want to go back to study
4) Seek LAB for help in getting a lawyer if he tries to fight for custody
dont mind i ask, ts, how old are you now?
Originally posted by Stress_out:Actually the fact is i'm a chinese. singaporean. HEE HEE
OK. So what are you waiting for ?
You stay in this kind of abusive relationship, your daughter is going to grow up thinking it's ok for men to abuse a woman. Your daughter will end up JUST LIKE YOU.
So , think about what you want for yourself and your daughter.
Thank forbiddensinner,
i cannot get a ppo cause i'm not his family member. this is wat the police told me.
as for my child, now i don't know who taking care of her coz they don let her go to the childcare. My boyfriend and his parent scared i will go take her out from the childcare.
As for study, i really don't know i still can make it anot. But work i can slowly find. Now looking for Data entry cleck or maybe admin job lor. coz onli got exp on this 2 position.
Btw, he got wk but earning veri little. i also got work so to help pay my daughter sch fees, pampers and milk and daily meal lor. so his money for himself to pay his motorbike and expenses and pay all the ppl he own. He got alot of debt.
As for the LAB i think i need to wait a few more mth. when i 21 then i can apply.
I understand tat it is not good to let my daughter see all this thing. tat why when he talk to me i keep quiet. But he always rise his voice if i don't ans him. Then now i learn to ans to his question he say i talk back to him.
I understand in a quarrel, the more you drag the more things will invole. so i usually just keep quiet.
Yesterday, he told his father he cannot stay with me anymore want his dad to chase me away. but his dad just keep quiet. Then he ask me to leave he say he don wan to c my face in his house. so i pack my things and go.
before i left he go tell his mother i scold his mother vulgar language. He is not protecting me. i mean i admit i did scold vulgar language behind his mother back but if anyone was in my shoe will scold him back coz he scold my mother first. He had long forgotten how i protected him when i came home with bruise on my face. Act like it is not painful, laughing and telling ppl i fall while playing roller blades (actually i don even noe how to blades )
Well, this is life lor. i try contact his silbling his sibling just tell me my gal is ok.
I really want a better life..........
How come such a useless jerk like him can still have 3 women outside.
Women nowadays are like so blind
Originally posted by Stress_out:I understand tat it is not good to let my daughter see all this thing. tat why when he talk to me i keep quiet. But he always rise his voice if i don't ans him. Then now i learn to ans to his question he say i talk back to him.
I understand in a quarrel, the more you drag the more things will invole. so i usually just keep quiet.
Yesterday, he told his father he cannot stay with me anymore want his dad to chase me away. but his dad just keep quiet. Then he ask me to leave he say he don wan to c my face in his house. so i pack my things and go.
before i left he go tell his mother i scold his mother vulgar language. He is not protecting me. i mean i admit i did scold vulgar language behind his mother back but if anyone was in my shoe will scold him back coz he scold my mother first. He had long forgotten how i protected him when i came home with bruise on my face. Act like it is not painful, laughing and telling ppl i fall while playing roller blades (actually i don even noe how to blades )
Well, this is life lor. i try contact his silbling his sibling just tell me my gal is ok.
I really want a better life..........
Stress_out,
You want a better life.. then go make a better life.
When you pack your bags, you should have packed your baby girl along with you. Are you not confident enough to take care of her all by yourself ?
Your boyfriend and his family has no rights to cut you off from your own child.
YOU are the baby girl's MOTHER.
Since you have been financially supporting your baby, make sure you DOCUMENT these. Keep copies of your cheques and transaction records.
Go and visit your baby girl as often as you can. Take pictures when you are both spending time together.
This will prove that you have never "abandoned" your child.
Remember this, your boyfriend can chase you out of his family house, but he cannot deny your visits to see your own baby girl.
Once you have settled in and is financially stable, go and bring your girl HOME. If your in laws complain about losing contact with their grandchild, assure them that they will be able to VISIT your baby girl as often as they want.
Hi jojo,
Thank for the advice, I actually make up my mind not to fight for my daughter custody. Because in any ways, when she grow up she still need to find his father to consent on her married. Now they allow me visiting my daughter anytime I want. So I just take a step at a time. I’m too tired to rush things. I just want to end this suffering ASAP.
I know many of you will think that I’m a bad mother. But what can I do? Continue all this fighting and quarreling? I now need to look for a job. I need to think for my future. Thinking for my future means thinking of my daughter future in case that jerk ill-treated her, I am all ready to fight for her custody. Money make the world goes round.
Today I went over to see my daughter, and the jerk say sorry for chasing me out. But I never talk much with him. I just answer yes or no to his question. He ask me what time I’m going home I say around 10+ and he say it was too late. He says he is tired he wants to sleep early. He say this 2 days I’m not around they sleep early so I told him I leave at 8. But awhile later his friends called and ask him out .And he asks me to stay at his mum place to look after my daughter. If not bring my daughter back home, and use my mum as an excuse saying my mum long time never see my baby. At that moment I really felt like shouting at him. He says he is tired but still can go out. What is this? Can anyone tell me what is he thinking? Did he treat me like a 24hrs nanny svc center? I’m sick and tired of this jerk. I just say I’m leaving when it 8.
SAD DAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Originally posted by Stress_out:Hi jojo,
Thank for the advice, I actually make up my mind not to fight for my daughter custody. Because in any ways, when she grow up she still need to find his father to consent on her married. Now they allow me visiting my daughter anytime I want. So I just take a step at a time. I’m too tired to rush things. I just want to end this suffering ASAP.
I know many of you will think that I’m a bad mother. But what can I do? Continue all this fighting and quarreling? I now need to look for a job. I need to think for my future. Thinking for my future means thinking of my daughter future in case that jerk ill-treated her, I am all ready to fight for her custody. Money make the world goes round.
Today I went over to see my daughter, and the jerk say sorry for chasing me out. But I never talk much with him. I just answer yes or no to his question. He ask me what time I’m going home I say around 10+ and he say it was too late. He says he is tired he wants to sleep early. He say this 2 days I’m not around they sleep early so I told him I leave at 8. But awhile later his friends called and ask him out .And he asks me to stay at his mum place to look after my daughter. If not bring my daughter back home, and use my mum as an excuse saying my mum long time never see my baby. At that moment I really felt like shouting at him. He says he is tired but still can go out. What is this? Can anyone tell me what is he thinking? Did he treat me like a 24hrs nanny svc center? I’m sick and tired of this jerk. I just say I’m leaving when it 8.
SAD DAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Stress_out,
Your boyfriend is a control freak.
He wants to control you.
What he is doing and has done in the past to you.. are typical behavior of a controlling and manipulative person.
He probably realized his threats of "throwing you out" no longer works. That's why he is taking on a different stance.
Don't mistake his sudden "goodwill" as his concern for you.
He is just changing strategy. Taking a different approach, yet manipulative and controlling nonetheless.
No man who cares about his partner will do what he had done to you.
You deserve better !!.
Be strong girl.
Originally posted by Stress_out:Hi jojo,
Thank for the advice, I actually make up my mind not to fight for my daughter custody. Because in any ways, when she grow up she still need to find his father to consent on her married. Now they allow me visiting my daughter anytime I want. So I just take a step at a time. I’m too tired to rush things. I just want to end this suffering ASAP.
I know many of you will think that I’m a bad mother. But what can I do? Continue all this fighting and quarreling? I now need to look for a job. I need to think for my future. Thinking for my future means thinking of my daughter future in case that jerk ill-treated her, I am all ready to fight for her custody. Money make the world goes round.
Today I went over to see my daughter, and the jerk say sorry for chasing me out. But I never talk much with him. I just answer yes or no to his question. He ask me what time I’m going home I say around 10+ and he say it was too late. He says he is tired he wants to sleep early. He say this 2 days I’m not around they sleep early so I told him I leave at 8. But awhile later his friends called and ask him out .And he asks me to stay at his mum place to look after my daughter. If not bring my daughter back home, and use my mum as an excuse saying my mum long time never see my baby. At that moment I really felt like shouting at him. He says he is tired but still can go out. What is this? Can anyone tell me what is he thinking? Did he treat me like a 24hrs nanny svc center? I’m sick and tired of this jerk. I just say I’m leaving when it 8.
SAD DAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Stress_Out,
Since you have decided that you will prefer your daughter to be with him, you can start looking for a full-time job to support yourself. However, there is a very major concern here which you must think through carefully about and make your choice.
If you are to "end this suffering", it means that you will stay away from him, and in turn your own child as well. When your child grows up, even if she does not like her father, it will be likely that she will not accept you as her mother as well.
If you are to continue to visit your child frequently, you will have to see this guy, which will only result in more arguing, and possibly physical abuse from time to time. Thus, your suffering will not end.
Please do think through carefully - It is not possible for you to have the best of both worlds in the current situation.
Cheers.
excuse me again, ts, may i ask how old are you currently?
hey ts, pity you much aye. shit comes everyonce in a while, but your's aint just shit,it seems like a living nightmare.
i do hope you'll be able to get away from all of that, till then, just hold on to any bit of hope aye (:
Originally posted by Angelica1:Stress_Out...your issue is indeed complicated..You really need to talk to your parent and get them to help cos this is too diff for you to handle alone.
This is an understatement.
Your situation is indeed very complicated. And you are really in need of professional help. You and your family cannot do much. The Maria Hertogh case will come to mind of the officials.
Please check with the various help organizations given in response to you.
In Singapore you have a chance of getting your daughter back.
Originally posted by Stress_out:I understand tat it is not good to let my daughter see all this thing. tat why when he talk to me i keep quiet. But he always rise his voice if i don't ans him. Then now i learn to ans to his question he say i talk back to him.
I understand in a quarrel, the more you drag the more things will invole. so i usually just keep quiet.
Yesterday, he told his father he cannot stay with me anymore want his dad to chase me away. but his dad just keep quiet. Then he ask me to leave he say he don wan to c my face in his house. so i pack my things and go.
before i left he go tell his mother i scold his mother vulgar language. He is not protecting me. i mean i admit i did scold vulgar language behind his mother back but if anyone was in my shoe will scold him back coz he scold my mother first. He had long forgotten how i protected him when i came home with bruise on my face. Act like it is not painful, laughing and telling ppl i fall while playing roller blades (actually i don even noe how to blades )
Well, this is life lor. i try contact his silbling his sibling just tell me my gal is ok.
I really want a better life..........
wanting a better life is the first step before going about n living it.
jia you.
the future is promised to no one.