Problem
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I have a serious prob... To u guys (some), it may be peanuts... I've been trying to solve it every since I noe wat is called "love" or "infactuation" lah. U see, I noe wat is bgr since I was in sec sch... For 8+ yrs I've been single n wif every passing dae I yearn to fall in love... So "despo" or "jia lat" til everydae I see a gal any where in spore, they can be my potential stead or deeper or watever... (No. I dun imagine til bed scenes)
But now I got tired of dis "feeling"... I wanna stop it, stop looking at gals n fantasize they can be my potential mate or watever U wanna call lah... But I couldn't... Gals r everywhere... or rather everywhere I go, I can see some gals (pretty or not...) n I start to tink "astray" again...
Is there anywae for me to view these "gals" juz as normal ppl instead of potential... U noe...? I noe, I noe... U ppl may sae I m stoopid or sick... but really n sincerely... I wanna stop tinking abt dis n STOP fantasizing. Its been bugging me n torturing me for yrs... I juz wanna live happily, single or attached or watever...
Any ideas or suggestions?
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You may consider CBT
Corrective behaviour therapy
nah just kidding
simple to slove your problem
get a gf lor -
Its seriously normal to undergo such ordeal. Media, especially what idol drama, etc plus people around affects and influence the way people yearn for relationship. When you see someone behaving intimately at a corner, subconsciously - your mind actually reacts even though your eyes may avoid.Originally posted by loneryu00:I have a serious prob... To u guys (some), it may be peanuts... I've been trying to solve it every since I noe wat is called "love" or "infactuation" lah. U see, I noe wat is bgr since I was in sec sch... For 8+ yrs I've been single n wif every passing dae I yearn to fall in love... So "despo" or "jia lat" til everydae I see a gal any where in spore, they can be my potential stead or deeper or watever... (No. I dun imagine til bed scenes)
But now I got tired of dis "feeling"... I wanna stop it, stop looking at gals n fantasize they can be my potential mate or watever U wanna call lah... But I couldn't... Gals r everywhere... or rather everywhere I go, I can see some gals (pretty or not...) n I start to tink "astray" again...
Is there anywae for me to view these "gals" juz as normal ppl instead of potential... U noe...? I noe, I noe... U ppl may sae I m stoopid or sick... but really n sincerely... I wanna stop tinking abt dis n STOP fantasizing. Its been bugging me n torturing me for yrs... I juz wanna live happily, single or attached or watever...
Any ideas or suggestions? 
The only way you can achieve what you wanna achieve is when you fully and totally treat ladies as any of your guy friends - be it pretty, average or whatsoever. You mind habour thoughts is because to you women is a totally mystical entity - you seen people possessing them, but not you. And as a man who knew very little about woman itself - to man - woman is like an isle to be explored. There is this barrier, this distance, which creates this vast chasm
Actually this isn't a problem normally after when you enter your first relationship. Well, its nature's way to urge people to fall in love, probably marry and create more humans in this world. Don't treat it as a curse - I suggest go with the flow: take things as it is. You can't stop it unless you are gay or your life is revolving on spiritual aspect or Self Actualization - which could substitute for crave for a mate.
Cheers -
true ... for me.. i treat all types of women, girls or whatsoever as Friends. Purely friends. I treat all the pretty ones like i treat the ugly ones... treat them equally.. in my eyes, they are just friends... try to do the same thing ...
well.. me not good in advicing ppl... just wanna voice out my opnion..and hope it really help u...
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best solution, get a gf.Originally posted by Transmission:true ... for me.. i treat all types of women, girls or whatsoever as Friends. Purely friends. I treat all the pretty ones like i treat the ugly ones... treat them equally.. in my eyes, they are just friends... try to do the same thing ...
well.. me not good in advicing ppl... just wanna voice out my opnion..and hope it really help u...
perhaps start wif someone you know? ex sch mates, ex collegues collegues? -
Getting for the sake of getting - probably a begining of a potential mistake you will bound to makeOriginally posted by foga:best solution, get a gf.
perhaps start wif someone you know? ex sch mates, ex collegues collegues? -
but then again this mite back fire since they will be your friends. this mite cause you to lose some friends brudder...
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but you have to start somewhere.Originally posted by Yunhaier:Getting for the sake of getting - probably a begining of a potential mistake you will bound to make
if not he'll probably remain single his entire life. coz he keeps procrastinating whether or not to go after that ger that caught his fancy, be it a long time friend or a new acquaintance. -
I get wat U mean... same comments as my buddy... but really... my life is abt experiencing, & even though getting a GF purely for da sake of "getting" maybe a mistake, but I (as wat most of U guys said here) do need to "get" 1...Originally posted by Yunhaier:Getting for the sake of getting - probably a begining of a potential mistake you will bound to make
But I fear If I really done dat & experience it.. there may never be a need for me to go thru again regardless of wat happens to da "1st date"... (coz I experience it liao...) & in da end may hurt every1 involved...
I really tot of not getting a GF, but finding my soulmate... some1 to accompany thruout my life & hers... to share all da good & bad... to be together regardless of wat happen...
This is where da challenge is: ma I able to find such person or will I succumb to perils & despair of da prob I posted? Wat will U do if U r in my shoe? I wld appreciate it, thank you. -
i think you are still quite curious about girls....once tasted it liao...i think this thinking will go away
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dun dispair brudder...
if you dun try, there'll be no chance,
my present gf is my first gf
( as i she and i used to study in the same class but later broke off and we had a few relationships in between before we got back together.)
we started as friends and then i realised that i had fell for her as days goes by. although i knew it was jus puppy love back then, i couldn't help but fell in love with this beautiful girl (she's the most beautiful lady in my world ).
later we broke off due to some problems like studies and not enough time for each other. seven years down the road we got back together .
so brudder pls do start one relationship. give yourself a chance.
anyone you know that you have feelings for would be fine but you must not play around with her feelings. give 100 per cent. enjoy the bitter sweet process of courtship. cause the hurting part would be the best lesson you would learn in the course of true love.
i wish you all the best brudder... -
You won't scrumble because of that... That's probably a dilemma stage in life...? Cause having a partner (especially if you're looking for a soul-partner?) can means ALOT to a person... Come to a point of Life you'll realise the 'need'.... And since it's getting SO COMMON, you'll find it ONLY NATURAL that you 'have your share' like MOST of the others...Originally posted by loneryu00:This is where da challenge is: ma I able to find such person or will I succumb to perils & despair of da prob I posted? Wat will U do if U r in my shoe? I wld appreciate it, thank you.
I like your mentality of just letting things be better...? Subconsciously you might be affected, but learn to control it a bit... Engage in various aspects of Life as there're certainly MORE other things to look forward to in Life... As soon as you realise that the feeling would probably just fade away... And at certain point of your life when you FEEL that you're really coming CLOSE to having this girl of your Life (kinda subconsciously.. <- Meaning you don't go ACTIVELY look lah... But if you want I'll suggest SDU..?)... Just go for her with an OPEN mind? (meaning be prepared to accept failure...) -
Hmm... I understand more from wat U said... but SDU?? dats a bit not my style n I dun juz anyhow go to a gal & bio like dat lor... if I really did dat... muz be I either despo or whacko...Originally posted by Devil1976:You won't scrumble because of that... That's probably a dilemma stage in life...? Cause having a partner (especially if you're looking for a soul-partner?) can means ALOT to a person... Come to a point of Life you'll realise the 'need'.... And since it's getting SO COMMON, you'll find it ONLY NATURAL that you 'have your share' like MOST of the others...
I like your mentality of just letting things be better...? Subconsciously you might be affected, but learn to control it a bit... Engage in various aspects of Life as there're certainly MORE other things to look forward to in Life... As soon as you realise that the feeling would probably just fade away... And at certain point of your life when you FEEL that you're really coming CLOSE to having this girl of your Life (kinda subconsciously.. <- Meaning you don't go ACTIVELY look lah... But if you want I'll suggest SDU..?)... Just go for her with an OPEN mind? (meaning be prepared to accept failure...)
Further more, my circle of female frens r small... ( I can count wif my fingers...) so not much chance anywae... Try as I might... but as long as "its" in my blood ---> (I cant stop imagining things & such) very hard to acheive wat U guys had advice here... -
Not easy to do as I, like typical males, have da thought of "1st impressions"... I hate it but I have to acknowledge I do look at gal's face & figure... at 1st impression... If only I could treat them as normal ppl......Originally posted by Transmission:true ... for me.. i treat all types of women, girls or whatsoever as Friends. Purely friends. I treat all the pretty ones like i treat the ugly ones... treat them equally.. in my eyes, they are just friends... try to do the same thing ...
well.. me not good in advicing ppl... just wanna voice out my opnion..and hope it really help u... 
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I have to agree with Yun about this. It's not about getting over this cycle...cos human emotions resurface time and time again.Originally posted by nismoS132:but you have to start somewhere.
if not he'll probably remain single his entire life. coz he keeps procrastinating whether or not to go after that ger that caught his fancy, be it a long time friend or a new acquaintance.
Rather if r/s starts without much thought, it might drive into companionship with the opposite sex....and it might possibly be a potiential cycle - cannot be single for a long time, got to have someone by his side.
In the end...it'll be a bondage.....
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You have to start somewhere - but you don't start based on reasons of getting for the sake of getting - you start because you feel that this lady draws you for some reasons and you feel the desire to get to know her better.Originally posted by nismoS132:but you have to start somewhere.
if not he'll probably remain single his entire life. coz he keeps procrastinating whether or not to go after that ger that caught his fancy, be it a long time friend or a new acquaintance.
Cheers -
I once tried wif an ex-pri sch mate... lives next blk, pretty, U grad, BUT never contact for 10+ yrs liao... when I approach her, we chatted quite well initially. Got her contact & sms ard... then I wanted to call her some time later but on da phone said she wanna watch tv prog... later said she wanna sleep... for da next few daes I tried to find a free time for her to have a chat... but she always busy (watching tv progs...)Originally posted by foga:best solution, get a gf.
perhaps start wif someone you know? ex sch mates, ex collegues collegues?
In da end I got fed up... said "since she busy wif her life & complicated some more... I suggest no need to add me to her circle..." then I totally removed every trace of her contacts & such... She never replied anywae... even though I sometimes can see her coming back from work outside my hse window... (I wish I wld move hse straight away...) -
I got another prob when U said dis: now I have DIFFICULTY differenciating btwn gals & gals dat "draws" me towards her... machiam like mixed up & confused...Originally posted by Yunhaier:You have to start somewhere - but you don't start based on reasons of getting for the sake of getting - you start because you feel that this lady draws you for some reasons and you feel the desire to get to know her better.
Cheers -
wow, your situation just like mineOriginally posted by loneryu00:I have a serious prob... To u guys (some), it may be peanuts... I've been trying to solve it every since I noe wat is called "love" or "infactuation" lah. U see, I noe wat is bgr since I was in sec sch... For 8+ yrs I've been single n wif every passing dae I yearn to fall in love... So "despo" or "jia lat" til everydae I see a gal any where in spore, they can be my potential stead or deeper or watever... (No. I dun imagine til bed scenes)
But now I got tired of dis "feeling"... I wanna stop it, stop looking at gals n fantasize they can be my potential mate or watever U wanna call lah... But I couldn't... Gals r everywhere... or rather everywhere I go, I can see some gals (pretty or not...) n I start to tink "astray" again...
Is there anywae for me to view these "gals" juz as normal ppl instead of potential... U noe...? I noe, I noe... U ppl may sae I m stoopid or sick... but really n sincerely... I wanna stop tinking abt dis n STOP fantasizing. Its been bugging me n torturing me for yrs... I juz wanna live happily, single or attached or watever...
Any ideas or suggestions?
but be4 u get a gf or u start looking for 1, think abt yourself 1st
wil u be able to yang de qi your gf is 1st thing and etc
as for guys to keep bioing every single nice/cute gals they see is normal, fanatasy abt them also norm wad
if not u will not be call men
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Originally posted by loneryu00:
love take two to click brudder.
I once tried wif an ex-pri sch mate... lives [b]next blk, pretty, U grad, BUT never contact for 10+ yrs liao... when I approach her, we chatted quite well initially. Got her contact & sms ard... then I wanted to call her some time later but on da phone said she wanna watch tv prog... later said she wanna sleep... for da next few daes I tried to find a free time for her to have a chat... but she always busy (watching tv progs...)
In da end I got fed up... said "since she busy wif her life & complicated some more... I suggest no need to add me to her circle..." then I totally removed every trace of her contacts & such... She never replied anywae... even though I sometimes can see her coming back from work outside my hse window... (I wish I wld move hse straight away...)[/b]
of course you must have that special feelings for her but at the same time you must grab her attention too.
is there anyone else you could consider taking the relationship further? maybe someone with the same interest brudder.
take it easy... -
Tot abt dat... I currently in NS & after ORD I go work...Originally posted by ahzhao:wow, your situation just like mine
but be4 u get a gf or u start looking for 1, think abt yourself 1st
wil u be able to yang de qi your gf is 1st thing and etc
as for guys to keep bioing every single nice/cute gals they see is normal, fanatasy abt them also norm wad
if not u will not be call men
Wat do U tink?
(U in same boat as me... better solve it soon... dun drag... U wont like da feeling as I m in now... trust me) -
Originally posted by loneryu00:
If I was in your shoes - I would start someday - HOWEVER, I won't start just for the sake of getting one. Definitely there will be one that will stand above the rest and actually draws me. Maybe not now, but certainly in the future. (Only problems lies whether she is attached, etc - which is I won't bother until the time comes).
I get wat U mean... same comments as my buddy... but really... my life is abt experiencing, & even though getting a GF purely for da sake of "getting" maybe a mistake, but I (as wat most of U guys said here) do need to "get" 1...
But I [b]fear If I really done dat & experience it.. there may never be a need for me to go thru again regardless of wat happens to da "1st date"... (coz I experience it liao...) & in da end may hurt every1 involved...
I really tot of not getting a GF, but finding my soulmate... some1 to accompany thruout my life & hers... to share all da good & bad... to be together regardless of wat happen...
This is where da challenge is: ma I able to find such person or will I succumb to perils & despair of da prob I posted? Wat will U do if U r in my shoe? I wld appreciate it, thank you.[/b]
I will go do the things that I like - Learning up additional language, taking up classes, etc to enrich myself. Because I know fate will eventually reach me - when opportunity arrive - I would strive and capture it. My time spend working, classes, etc - subconscious built my social skill (you will bound to interact with others) and probably won't be a dick when speaking to your real potential.
Cheers -
Surpass your carnal desire within is to see your passion within your heart.
When you've realised that you're doing something which worth much more then what you're thinking right now.
Thought: Have you ever tot of what are the things that count?
U've gotten over that cycle of struggle.
However it'll come back again.... just be sure that you respect every females when you see them. Value them and treat them as equal. Till then, it'll be a good time to enter into a relationship.
Starting r/s for the sake starting it will result in numbness or emtional baggage. Not a good advise to start one when you're unsure.
Worse if a party has become so addictive to have a companion that he/she need a partner whenever possible... -
I do have da special feeling... initially heaven gave me a chance but I BLEW it...Originally posted by foga:love take two to click brudder.
of course you must have that special feelings for her but at the same time you must grab her attention too.
is there anyone else you could consider taking the relationship further? maybe someone with the same interest brudder.
take it easy...
Wish I had a female fren who got same interests or near there... but I have too little female frens & no 1 had similar interests or sorts as mine... -
the problem is he is now rejecting the very reasons that draws him to ladies as "mere lust and pervertic thoughts". he can't always hope for a fairy tale to happen where he'll meet this ger and she'll be everything he had always wanted in a girl and then take action there.Originally posted by Yunhaier:You have to start somewhere - but you don't start based on reasons of getting for the sake of getting - you start because you feel that this lady draws you for some reasons and you feel the desire to get to know her better.
Cheers
the fact with many many relationships is that they start off from 1st impressions of pure male lust. that little tingling in your dick when you set your eyes on someone brings you to want to know that person more. and it is through this additional interaction that relationships are formed of.
procrastination leads to more procrastination.
if he keeps rejecting what his dick tells him, he'll almost never find a girl unless 1 throws herself at him.