Problem
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Originally posted by M©+square:
As U've said, I'm now trying to do smth to occupy myself & free myself from all these... Like... mon dunno, tues jog, wed play games & watch WWE, thurs watch WWE, fry jogging... Its only on sat & sun where I tend to go astray da most...
[b]Surpass your carnal desire within is to see your passion within your heart.
When you've realised that you're doing something which worth much more then what you're thinking right now.
Thought: Have you ever tot of what are the things that count?
U've gotten over that cycle of struggle.
However it'll come back again.... just be sure that you respect every females when you see them. Value them and treat them as equal. Till then, it'll be a good time to enter into a relationship.
Starting r/s for the sake starting it will result in numbness or emtional baggage. Not a good advise to start one when you're unsure.
Worse if a party has become so addictive to have a companion that he/she need a partner whenever possible...
[/b]
I oso now taking Class 3 license, but slowly... need more money... Sometimes oso go out wif frens... but same frens wif same usual stuffs & topics... (starting to get bored, in da end usually me to tink wat things to do then jio them...)
Sometimes when I really dulan, I go cycle. To me family counts da most...(my chinese name is modelled after dat... but I dun seem to fulfil da meaning of my name...)
I do value females & treat them as "equals"... even strangers too... well mostly strangers anywae... but then... to me, they r juz strangers...
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in the past, i used to think like this too, that i don't wanna find just any 1 girl, i want the one that will be with me always, as though we were created just for each other.Originally posted by loneryu00:I really tot of not getting a GF, but finding my soulmate... some1 to accompany thruout my life & hers... to share all da good & bad... to be together regardless of wat happen...
alas, fairy tales rarely exist in the real world.
you must realise that there is no one girl out there that will fit your expectations to the dot. you have to find someone 1st, and eventually you'll both change for each other, to fit both your expectations, and you'll also have a more realistic expectations in future should this relationship fail.
i'm not telling you to just go up to any girl and start chasing her. but if you find a girl you fancy, even if it's just a little bit, there's no harm trying. get to know her a little better, get her to know you better, and get to know your own expectations better. -
really, you need to do more things to put in a wider social circle to know more people rather than just keep doing things you enjoy and hope that 1 fine day she'll just appear in front of you.Originally posted by loneryu00:As U've said, I'm now trying to do smth to occupy myself & free myself from all these... Like... mon dunno, tues jog, wed play games & watch WWE, thurs watch WWE, fry jogging... Its only on sat & sun where I tend to go astray da most...
I oso now taking Class 3 license, but slowly... need more money... Sometimes oso go out wif frens... but same frens wif same usual stuffs & topics... (starting to get bored, in da end usually me to tink wat things to do then jio them...)
Sometimes when I really dulan, I go cycle. To me family counts da most...(my chinese name is modelled after dat... but I dun seem to fulfil da meaning of my name...)
I do value females & treat them as "equals"... even strangers too... well mostly strangers anywae... but then... to me, they r juz strangers...
fate doesn't just happens, it gives you an opportunity to make it happen, its whether you're willing to grab it or not. -
I read yr comments & analyse my situation... Its true I need to grab those opportunities dat r given to me... I learnt it da hard wae...Originally posted by nismoS132:procrastination leads to more procrastination.
if he keeps rejecting what his dick tells him, he'll almost never find a girl unless 1 throws herself at him.
Da part abt da "dick" is oso true & funny.
But to really approach a gal I "fancy"... dis "fancy" part is a prob for me too... I can hardly diff btwn fancy & mere lust now... (Wat da hell is wrong wif me?)
I tried make frens wif gals on da net... I even met some of them... but now, I dun contact them... they r either busy or never reply... Sad but true...
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that's your problem right there.Originally posted by loneryu00:But to really approach a gal I "fancy"... dis "fancy" part is a prob for me too... I can hardly diff btwn fancy & mere lust now... (Wat da hell is wrong wif me?)
DON'T differentiate between them. time will tell which is which.
of course the most obvious clue is the moment you see her you can only think of bedding her, then i suggest you NOT pursue her lest you become a date rapist -
Don't hold that kinda mentality that SDU's just for the despo or whacko..?Originally posted by loneryu00:Hmm... I understand more from wat U said... but SDU?? dats a bit not my style n I dun juz anyhow go to a gal & bio like dat lor... if I really did dat... muz be I either despo or whacko...
Further more, my circle of female frens r small... ( I can count wif my fingers...) so not much chance anywae... Try as I might... but as long as "its" in my blood ---> (I cant stop imagining things & such) very hard to acheive wat U guys had advice here...
Just go out there to meet some friends and widen your circle of friends with more females inclusive...? 
But I suggested that for IF you don't wanna let things happen by themselves like I've suggested in the earlier post lah... -
Well, I must admit that what NismoS132 say has his own stand, most people started their first relationship in rather a sh|t way. I dunno, but maybe is the Cancer Descedant that is in my chart - I very much regret over unsorted issues of feelings, etc revolving past relationships - I always feel that if it was the me NOW - things will be very much different - however to reach to the me NOW - of course I must go through some form of experience ya?Originally posted by nismoS132:the problem is he is now rejecting the very reasons that draws him to ladies as "mere lust and pervertic thoughts". he can't always hope for a fairy tale to happen where he'll meet this ger and she'll be everything he had always wanted in a girl and then take action there.
the fact with many many relationships is that they start off from 1st impressions of pure male lust. that little tingling in your dick when you set your eyes on someone brings you to want to know that person more. and it is through this additional interaction that relationships are formed of.
procrastination leads to more procrastination.
if he keeps rejecting what his dick tells him, he'll almost never find a girl unless 1 throws herself at him.
Since you cannot differentiate which is the one that really draws you, etc - go with the flow. Try to get to know people more through interaction, etc, instead of just one. It is like going for a massive jioing for all the potential you have - you will find the among the massive number of people you try knowing - there will be one that is more suitable. Then spend reasonable effort in getting to know more - probably your effort will be rewarded in due time. But course, don't assume that you will definitely get her - everything require that small kind of fate and intelligent move you made.
If you screw one up - don't worry; just learnf rom your lessons. I am sure one day, you will be the master of your fate and this confusion will gradually clarify.
Cheers -
I dun tink of beding her... (dat 1 I got other imaginations...Originally posted by nismoS132:that's your problem right there.
DON'T differentiate between them. time will tell which is which.
of course the most obvious clue is the moment you see her you can only think of bedding her, then i suggest you NOT pursue her lest you become a date rapist ) its juz dat... every gal I see out there... I juz dun really feel da "fancy" or interest in it... Juz dat.... its like "man's nature to explore da mystery of women..." dat kinda stuffs...
Weird... I juz wan out of dis sticky situation... dat simple... (I seem to be goin in circles... sorry if u ppl see all dis, got a bit sianz of it...) -
u don have any female friends?Originally posted by loneryu00:Any ideas or suggestions? -
Fairy Tale will happen if you're willing to wait.Originally posted by nismoS132:the problem is he is now rejecting the very reasons that draws him to ladies as "mere lust and pervertic thoughts". he can't always hope for a fairy tale to happen where he'll meet this ger and she'll be everything he had always wanted in a girl and then take action there.
procrastination leads to more procrastination.
if he keeps rejecting what his dick tells him, he'll almost never find a girl unless 1 throws herself at him.
Dick also can wait....
Human doesn't function/live only to have sexual pleasure. -
Few (can count wif fingers...) & all not close... less than normal...Originally posted by Promiscuitee:u don have any female friends? -
When your know that the fairy tales is approaching - don't lose opportunity - most people waste this precious chance when in fact they could do something about it; they did nothing and witness their potential go to someone elseOriginally posted by M©+square:Fairy Tale will happen if you're willing to wait.
Dick also can wait....
Human doesn't function/live only to have sexual pleasure.
Cheers -
I caught mine....but i guess it's also goning to end very soon.Originally posted by Yunhaier:When your know that the fairy tales is approaching - don't lose opportunity - most people waste this precious chance when in fact they could do something about it; they did nothing and witness their potential go to someone else
Cheers
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've lost mine last time... & quite a few to boot...!!Originally posted by M©+square:I caught mine....but i guess it's also goning to end very soon. -
I see yr point... I "tried" jioing MASSIVE... (well 3 only lar...) & got to noe more abt them... but now only distant frens... (they busy til now after I jio them...)Originally posted by Yunhaier:Since you cannot differentiate which is the one that really draws you, etc - go with the flow. Try to get to know people more through interaction, etc, instead of just one. It is like going for a massive jioing for all the potential you have - you will find the among the massive number of people you try knowing - there will be one that is more suitable. Then spend reasonable effort in getting to know more - probably your effort will be rewarded in due time. But course, don't assume that you will definitely get her - everything require that small kind of fate and intelligent move you made.
If you screw one up - don't worry; just learnf rom your lessons. I am sure one day, you will be the master of your fate and this confusion will gradually clarify.
Cheers
& how can I "screw" things up if I was not given a "target" or better said, some1 I have interest in, to start wif? But thanks anywae...
Thank you to all those who put in yr comments here, hostile or not, I really appreciate it... -
I oredi noe theres no such thing as perfect or ideal gal for... put it dis wae... da perfect or ideal gal is da 1 wif many good & bad pts + being wif me for so long til I see all her good & bad pts as part of my life & I dun see any lack of flaw in her ( or got used to it...)...Originally posted by nismoS132:in the past, i used to think like this too, that i don't wanna find just any 1 girl, i want the one that will be with me always, as though we were created just for each other.
alas, fairy tales rarely exist in the real world.
you must realise that there is no one girl out there that will fit your expectations to the dot. you have to find someone 1st, and eventually you'll both change for each other, to fit both your expectations, and you'll also have a more realistic expectations in future should this relationship fail.
i'm not telling you to just go up to any girl and start chasing her. but if you find a girl you fancy, even if it's just a little bit, there's no harm trying. get to know her a little better, get her to know you better, and get to know your own expectations better.
She is wat I called perfect. -
Just make sure you don't get a gf simply for the sake of getting 1.
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Yr comment has oredi been posted earlier... & not by U... but thanks anywae...Originally posted by leucine:Just make sure you don't get a gf simply for the sake of getting 1. -
Go n join some community activities...in school/campus or CC or religious grp. Then u not only meeet more people/girls, u also more occupied and don think so much.Originally posted by loneryu00:Few (can count wif fingers...) & all not close... less than normal... -
I in NS, furthermore I not into "religious" grps... me freetinker... 1 time I went to fren's church... not saeing bad things there... but da music too much for me... oso feel presured...Originally posted by Promiscuitee:Go n join some community activities...in school/campus or CC or religious grp. Then u not only meeet more people/girls, u also more occupied and don think so much.
Other suggestions? -
I "TINK" I noe wat to do... in order to treat women as normal ppl instead of wat my mind has been psychoing me, I need to "act" more feminine... (Ok... some of U may tink I wann be gay, some tink I gone bonkers, some tink me dunno wat, but I am all NOT!!!)
I dunno Y I oso tink like dis too ever since I posted da topic... but maybe bcoz I too much male hormones... need to reduce... (eh?) So I will try dis method, or any1 else got suggestions or wanna curse me? -
If you have too much male hormones in you -you would be a classic example of a bad guy (huai nan ren) instead of a nice guy. Regardless, being yourself is very important. If you are not yourself, people will sense and avoid because they feel that you ain't yourself and is like very 'false' side of you. You can't overnight change that sort of preception you already had for woman. It takes time and real effort. Use more of your rational mind than your emotional eye.Originally posted by loneryu00:I "TINK" I noe wat to do... in order to treat women as normal ppl instead of wat my mind has been psychoing me, I need to "act" more feminine... (Ok... some of U may tink I wann be gay, some tink I gone bonkers, some tink me dunno wat, but I am all NOT!!!)
I dunno Y I oso tink like dis too ever since I posted da topic... but maybe bcoz I too much male hormones... need to reduce... (eh?) So I will try dis method, or any1 else got suggestions or wanna curse me?
Cheers -
Don't worry... everything happened for a reasons. As long as you have grown from this relation - you have lived it well.Originally posted by M©+square:I caught mine....but i guess it's also goning to end very soon.
Still got me wor!
Cheers (Slap a pat onto Mcsquare) -
get a stead lor... but it depends... are u shy, or just really really ugly? If you're shy, and not too bad looking, chances are, some girl will wanna go stead with u. if ur really really ugly, chances are, theres some girl who doesnt really care abt looks... so either way, its not impossible to get a stead rite... so... if ur shy AND really really ugly, just stop being shy. enough rambling frm me... wahahhah.Originally posted by loneryu00:I have a serious prob... To u guys (some), it may be peanuts... I've been trying to solve it every since I noe wat is called "love" or "infactuation" lah. U see, I noe wat is bgr since I was in sec sch... For 8+ yrs I've been single n wif every passing dae I yearn to fall in love... So "despo" or "jia lat" til everydae I see a gal any where in spore, they can be my potential stead or deeper or watever... (No. I dun imagine til bed scenes)
But now I got tired of dis "feeling"... I wanna stop it, stop looking at gals n fantasize they can be my potential mate or watever U wanna call lah... But I couldn't... Gals r everywhere... or rather everywhere I go, I can see some gals (pretty or not...) n I start to tink "astray" again...
Is there anywae for me to view these "gals" juz as normal ppl instead of potential... U noe...? I noe, I noe... U ppl may sae I m stoopid or sick... but really n sincerely... I wanna stop tinking abt dis n STOP fantasizing. Its been bugging me n torturing me for yrs... I juz wanna live happily, single or attached or watever...
Any ideas or suggestions? -
No lah, gals won't think of u as stupid or sick, they probably think u are shy thats all. You are not beyond hope unless you choose to think that way!Originally posted by loneryu00:I noe, I noe... U ppl may sae I m stoopid or sick... but really n sincerely... I wanna stop tinking abt dis n STOP fantasizing. Its been bugging me n torturing me for yrs... I juz wanna live happily, single or attached or watever...
Any ideas or suggestions?
there are 2 approaches u can use rite now. It's gonna be long, but i hope u take some time to read through it.
You have this mental barrier in you rite now, it all stems from the fecking 4-lettered word called "fear"...fear of rejection is a b!tch, it stops u from doing what u want to do. Though I can't teach you how to remove fear completely, you can learn to shove it aside.
1) First method: Confront that b!tch in you called fear
Now close your eyes and imagine this...
u saw a beautiful stranger u really like and u are thinking whether u should approach her. Then the fear in you makes u think, "there's no way I can do this...i might get laugh at, what if she rejects me".
Then u saw her looking at your direction, your instinct tells you you might stand a chance. Then u start having second thoughts again ," Do i really look all rite? do i smell all rite? what if i fark in front of her,,Arrgghhh!! no...im not ready to do this!"
Before u knew it, the gal was gone and u thought to yourself,"i will never see her again"...u probably felt that familiar disappointment and pain in you.
NOW STOP...I want u to replay that pain and disappointment over and over again in your head...I mean it...close your eyes, repeat and repeat hundred times...dont cheat! really try to feel that pain that had accumulated over so many years.
Now think about this...there is nothing more painful than to regret about something u ought to have done but never did!!
So what if she rejects you??? Big deal!! The rejection will NEVER be as painful as the disappointment u felt for so many years.
Next time u see someone u like, dont ever second guess yourself...go over to her and face rejection. Remember, you approached her not becos you want her to fall in love with you. You are approaching her cos you never ever want to feel that pain and disappointment anymore! It's not about her...its about you..You...YOU! Thats a big difference.
Trust me, rejection really not as painful as u thought it might be.
2) Concentrate on other aspects of your life
Be absolutely true to yourself...write down in a list, all the long term plans u have for yourself, your goals and ambitions,new hobbies or exotic places u want to visit, etc...rank them in priority--think about which one is more important to you.
Cos u find it difficult to talk to gals and have been alone for so many years, "find myself a GF" is probably one of the tasks at the top of the list.
Now i want you to shove that task to the bottom of the list...make it the last thing u are going to do.
Next, go out and try to do all the things at the top of the list...dont worry about finding a GF...its at the bottom of the list, u are going to do it only after u complete the other tasks ie. after u have done the other important things in life.
This is extremely effective cos as u work through that list of important tasks...and complete them, your self confidence will increase...
Most importantly, women will sense it.
In you, they now see a man who seem to know what he wants and strive hard to achieve in life. There's nothing sexier than a man with self confidence.
Reading what i have to say is useless my frd...now switch off the computer, go out and do it!!