Extremely Miserable @ Work
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I feel extremely miserable at work. I really dislike my bosses and do not respect a single one of them. I generally despise the people in my workplace (both bosses and co-workers), except for a few whom I do not despise.
First, some, not all of my co-workers are very good at wayang and deflecting arrows. Recently we are made to do more work, but with the same manpower capabilities. This has resulted in some unhappiness, because of the increased work, and some people like to wayang and come up with excuses not to work, leaving those who get arrowed feeling upset and aggrieved.
Secondly, actually even before the series of 'changes', I have already felt unhappy. I pressed on because I thought things were more bearable then. And I also told myself that for the 1st time in my life, I want to overcome challenges I face instead of taking the easy way out ie to quit.
Thirdly, I feel unfairly treated and hard done by. No matter how hard I try, I feel that the people here treat me meanly. When I do things right or what I think is right eg volunteering to take on arrow, taking on arrow even though I already have another arrow for the same day or voicing proactively to my superiors about areas of work I'm interested in, I either don't receive any appreciation or do not get a positive outcome from my 'feedback'. I am so sick and tired of striving and striving and not getting any 'rewards' or recognition. Instead all I get is flak, and the feedback that I am not good enough, or that I should be doing more more more.
When I do certain things, I get unfair treatment that other people do not get when they do or say the same thing. i am generally very sick and tired of this place and have tried to tell my husband about how I feel.
He told me that I'm just being a spoilt brat, and that if I quit before i find another job, I will end up regreting because I will lose my constant flow of income coming in every month, and will not have $$$ to buy stocks which I like to buy. he also said about how our combined income will be affected blah blah, even though I feel what he's earning now is enough to cover our expenses.
Our finances will be tighter, compared to if I was working, but we certainly won't starve despite our relatively high expenses because he makes $120k per year including bonuses though he's under 30 and my annual salary is only about 1/2 of his. Every mth, I only take home a miserable $3k+ after CPF deductions, but he said that if I dun work, then I won't have any incoming CPF contributions and my CPF contribution also goes toward paying for our home along with his. However I do have spare funds, and including stocks have about $30K that can tide us through my share of contribution to the family expense, while he will also continue working.
I know that now that I'm a married lady I should be responsible and cannot just quit like this. But I really feel awful and miserable everyday. I think i am slinking into depression every min I stay in this job. I find myself whining and complaining to my colleagues everyday and either hating my superiors and feeling peeved with some of my co-workers (who wayang) or just generally hating my situation.
In any case, judging by how things are faring, even I die die thick skin stay on, my career also won't progress far since my superiors clearly don't have a good opinion of me. And so there's no future for me here anyhow. I have told my hubby this before, and he told me why am i so lousy and asked me not to give up and said even if I want to stop working eventually some day when we have kids, I'd surely want to achieve something for myself and leave my mark.
I am really at a loss now. I dunno what to do. I pray to God but it seems that God does not care about me or my pain and does not hear me or God does hear me but can't be bothered.
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Firstly don't rely on God for rewards. He treats all fairly, even an atheist or even the most evil person on earth. Rewards will be according to effort put in. The notion God have eyes to see is for children.
You are paid to do some work. Therefore do not expect appreciation. Appreciation is for managers to manipulate their subordinates. Some managers don't know how to use it.
Work smart. Not work hard. Get the job done, get as many job done as possible. Blow your trumpet. Let people know what you did. Let people see. Wayang is the word.
Over whelmed with work, sound the alarm. Get help. Say your piece. Its your fault if you keep quiet. Be careful when some one hand you a piece of paper, don't automatically take it.
What is your responsibility? What are your responsible for? Take care of those first and go home at the end of the day peacefully. As for others, dump them and go home at the end of the day. Don't take your problems home.
You offer your labour and expertise for a payment, that is what work is all about. Be clear about what you are supposed to do. Know your place in your organization. Multi tasking means you do all that needs to be done within the framework of your responsibilities. Not extraneous jobs, like doing driving CEO around or toilet cleaning.
Work Smart.
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Maybe take a break over holidays, perhaps a few days in thailand... cheap, simple, and enjoyable (for usual hotheaded and stressful males)...
Food and alcohol = cheap.
Pretty people = !!!!!!
Polite and gracious people = !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Start hunting for a job and hop away as soon as u find lor. You stay on also seem like slaving for money also no point. Morale and job satisfaction and your happiness is important and worth the risk. This is not a matter of being a spoilt brat, the fact that you're willing to earn your keep already speaks volumes. Also the longer u stay in ur current job the harder will become for u to job hop as time goes by so u should start soon. Your husband is not in your shoes i dont think hes in a position to decide for u
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I'm applying for jobs, yes. Will resign if I do get a suitable offer, but so far I haven't been able to apply to many, as job search is very specific, and I'm applying to only a particular sector, job scope and seniority which ultimately leads to a very small pool of options. In over 3 months I managed to only send my CV to 2 suitable appointments.
I think the longer i stay here, the more likely I will get depression.Should i just quit right now? or wait until early next yr?
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Originally posted by TheMissus:
I'm applying for jobs, yes. Will resign if I do get a suitable offer, but so far I haven't been able to apply to many, as job search is very specific, and I'm applying to only a particular sector, job scope and seniority which ultimately leads to a very small pool of options. In over 3 months I managed to only send my CV to 2 suitable appointments.
I think the longer i stay here, the more likely I will get depression.Should i just quit right now? or wait until early next yr?
dont be stupid.
you should not quit your job just like that.
I can tell you it is more stressful being jobless than dealing with the idiots.
while holding the job, you try to apply for a new job or get yourself upgraded. Open up your option, you must have derivative job that branch up from your current one, which you can try you dont have to die die stick to your current profession. Alternatively you can ask for a internal department transfer. Or you can start clearing leave, or getting a child..
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Hmm....you can also send your resumes to agencies......then they will be the ones who will help to lookout for you for any suitable openings.....
What line are you in...?
Hmm...miserable workplace....maybe you can do something about it? Try to think about it...some small changes.....like maybe you can talk less to certain people and talk more with the people you like.....
You must also know how pace yourself or how to not overload yourself....
Overloading is very easy to cause frustration and burnout....and can be the cause of unhappiness....
Anyways, I dont think it's a good idea to quit without getting another job on the line......
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Fortunately, depression is not a mental illness but a passing phase.
When we work in a company, it is best to realise the reality that we are working for others in return for money, otherwise we will not be hired in the first place. While we are not slaves or need to apple polish, there is a need for us as workers to do what is wanted by them, either by their words or espacially by their hints.
This is a reality we must take with us, wherever we go when working for others. Should we be able to meet their required or hinted expectations, then we should do our best. If not, the choice is still within us to walk out, for some bosses' expectations may be weird or far too abstract to comprehend.
The onus is on us not only to perform to their expectations, but also to understand what they really want, which is often unsaid. But it can always be figured out, by simply watching OBJECTIVELY those that are often praised and given smiles. And learn from such people. This is the only way to succeed in any organisation, for management are not robots, but human beings often capable of only subjective views.
In short - play their game, on their turf, on their rules and win. But if it is against your principles, then if may be time for you to be your own boss and lay out your turf and rules for others to sing your tune.
I would suggest a short break, and reflect OBJECTIVELY on what had happened in the office, analyze what are the shortcommings of both you and your boss, find solutions to rectify them. And when you are recharged by your break, tackle head on.
Adaptability is one of the trademark of success in a career. Your education and experience ought to count for something, which your husband fully believes in and had the fullest faith in you, which accounted for his response, even if he may not had expressed it well. He is your companion for life and would give you his fullest support, in his rather absent minded and perhaps slightly unromantic way.
Cheers.
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Originally posted by TheMissus:
I'm applying for jobs, yes. Will resign if I do get a suitable offer, but so far I haven't been able to apply to many, as job search is very specific, and I'm applying to only a particular sector, job scope and seniority which ultimately leads to a very small pool of options. In over 3 months I managed to only send my CV to 2 suitable appointments.
I think the longer i stay here, the more likely I will get depression.Should i just quit right now? or wait until early next yr?
Hi TheMissus,
Though it is definitely unfair to you and I can sympathise with you, but if you are to quit your job now, your relationship will definitely suffer, given the man that your husband is. The only thing which you can do now is to continue your search for another job, though you may wish to consider trying out other sectors as well if possible.
Cheers.
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This sounds like a typical second-rate S'pore workplace:
1. Cretinous and unreasonable bosses/managers who do not appear to have the slightest people management or people relations skills. Seriously, how many of your superiors have these 10 basic skills: http://ezinearticles.com/?Successful-Management---10-Simple-People-Skills&id=101619
2. Colleagues who are typical ugly S'poreans who only know how to 'wayang' and put on a show when they have hardly any real substance, problem-solving skills, or integrity.
3. A work culture that emphasizes long hours and dogged competition, with blatant disregard for a work-life balance, and a general lack of respect for the fact that people need time and energy for their families and loved ones.
I'm not trying to further discourage TheMissus. Just a little food for thought, you Chinaporeans. Merry Christmas
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Face it. good salary comes with a hefty price tag. Not happy - resign. Happy with pay instead. work and slave.
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since you already feel like quiting already, why not have a 360 degree change and follow their working pattern. They throw work to u, then throw back to them
what they do to u, just do the same thing back to them..
Just dun care about anything till u quit or get fired ..
jus sit back and enjoy the money flowing in till u find the next job .. rather then just quit like that, so wasted
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Everyone's situation and threshold is difficult. Its like u can empathise a pregnant woman's pre-natal problem, but u can nvr reli know how its like unless u r her, so no point sticking to one hard and fast rule in ur current predicament. If u reli feel very very miserable, juz throw in the letter but try to hv @ least 6 months of emergency funds to fall back on. In sg, ultimately if u reli go broke, can still go rob and gana jail, every meal is secured. . Won't DIE
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Originally posted by SquarePants:
since you already feel like quiting already, why not have a 360 degree change and follow their working pattern. They throw work to u, then throw back to them
what they do to u, just do the same thing back to them..
Just dun care about anything till u quit or get fired ..
jus sit back and enjoy the money flowing in till u find the next job .. rather then just quit like that, so wasted
you aren't really helpful. The co workers are smart and scheming. She's not. thats why all the work were pushed to her. If she throws the work back to them, they will complain and she gets it from the bosses.
Do you know how serious if you get fired? You will have a record permanently. If other firms wants to hire you, they will take a look at your database. They wont hire you because of your lousy work and got fired.
Well if your lucky, got hired and do your job well enough. The record will vanish and its clean.
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Exactly, Thats y its either u assess ur ability to take the shit or jus have to throw in letter... Wats the point of going there everyday to shake leg, jus to show ur retaliation to them and living in fear tat u will be fired?? Its very very stressful in this way although it sounds logical, but iit aint feasible and unpractical to apply.... Of SUn Tzi's 36 methods, "FLEE" is situation is beyond management... It will never go wrong... Unless U hv $0 in the bank... Anyway I had "chut" that pattern to flee... But its Stress and demoralising waiting for the next job to come, n savings going downhill and wondering how will the next job be... But like I said, Which option makes ur heart happier, juz go with that feel.. U wun go wrong... AS for Regrets later, I feel the biggest regret is to be re-incarnated as a human being.. "As Buddha said: Life is suffering".. HOW TRUE!..
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Me too, i am also miserable @ work. I was accused for being unapproachable and unfriendly when in the first place, they are not approachable or friendly to me. Yet complained to boss that I am a difficult person to work with. Some of the colleagues are so fake that they act so sweet in front of the boss and yet during lunch time, they started to talk bad abt her. I tried not to join them for lunch as i do not wanna get involved into those gossips. I know these gossips and acted neutral and in the end i became the unfriendly one... very sad. Very tired of working too, its never ending work, everyday is 9am to 9pm. I wish i could spend more time with my family and do something that i really enjoy.
Missus, at least you are married. If you need to quit, you still have your hb to support you. I am single and I need the income to support my family. I am in a dilema of which direction to go.
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Originally posted by Otelleling:
Me too, i am also miserable @ work. I was accused for being unapproachable and unfriendly when in the first place, they are not approachable or friendly to me. Yet complained to boss that I am a difficult person to work with. Some of the colleagues are so fake that they act so sweet in front of the boss and yet during lunch time, they started to talk bad abt her. I tried not to join them for lunch as i do not wanna get involved into those gossips. I know these gossips and acted neutral and in the end i became the unfriendly one... very sad. Very tired of working too, its never ending work, everyday is 9am to 9pm. I wish i could spend more time with my family and do something that i really enjoy.
Missus, at least you are married. If you need to quit, you still have your hb to support you. I am single and I need the income to support my family. I am in a dilema of which direction to go.
My sympathies.
You are but one of the millions on your little island who are slaving away (in a politically correct manner, of course
) for the sake of enriching some power-hungry politicians and wealthy-but-ill-mannered bosses who have no real purpose in life except to ensure that you are kept in line at all times (god forbid that you somehow manage to break out of this slavery-cycle!) and that they pocket as much money as possible in their lifetime (for pursuits that make them hardly any happier, nor beneficial to the public).Happy New Year to all you islanders!
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Originally posted by CUM ON MY FACE:
My sympathies.
You are but one of the millions on your little island who are slaving away (in a politically correct manner, of course
) for the sake of enriching some power-hungry
politicians and wealthy-but-ill-mannered bosses who have no real
purpose in life except to ensure that you are kept in line at all
times (god forbid that you somehow manage to break out of this
slavery-cycle!) and that they pocket as much money as possible in
their lifetime (for pursuits that make them hardly any happier, nor
beneficial to the public).Happy New Year to all you islanders!
Spread your SDP propaganda elsewhere.
It works on stupid and gullible people with little education and scarcely any brains. Not on me.
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Originally posted by Veggie Bao:
Hmm....you can also send your resumes to agencies......then they will be the ones who will help to lookout for you for any suitable openings.....
What line are you in...?
Hmm...miserable workplace....maybe you can do something about it? Try to think about it...some small changes.....like maybe you can talk less to certain people and talk more with the people you like.....
You must also know how pace yourself or how to not overload yourself....
Overloading is very easy to cause frustration and burnout....and can be the cause of unhappiness....
Anyways, I dont think it's a good idea to quit without getting another job on the line......
Thanks for your advice. I've applied to several places (sent out to 5). pray that either one works out.
Its not my wish to overload myself. I seem to get arrowed more than others and get the shittiest jobs. Other people can get jobs that are office-bound (what I like) at times while I get all the shit jobs that require me to go out.
The only way I can get out of this misery is to leave my job. Actually if you ask me honestly, I can still cope with the job load. Whats been upsetting me is this sense of unfairness and injustice because I feel I get arrowed more than others, or get shittier job than others, or others don't get flak and I get flak for the same incident.
I mean we humans are all feeling creatures and have emotions. We're not robots. No one likes to feel singled out or mistreated or unfairly treated. So that's the large cause of my happiness. To be honest, I can still cope with the load.
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Hi MIS,
Be strong and dont think too much while working.
Dont take pple's arrow. If pple shot u arrow, shot back.
Dont talk unneccessary and dont talk office politics.
Work smart.
Take care.
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Originally posted by Jonliau:
Exactly, Thats y its either u assess ur ability to take the shit or jus have to throw in letter... Wats the point of going there everyday to shake leg, jus to show ur retaliation to them and living in fear tat u will be fired?? Its very very stressful in this way although it sounds logical, but iit aint feasible and unpractical to apply.... Of SUn Tzi's 36 methods, "FLEE" is situation is beyond management... It will never go wrong... Unless U hv $0 in the bank... Anyway I had "chut" that pattern to flee... But its Stress and demoralising waiting for the next job to come, n savings going downhill and wondering how will the next job be... But like I said, Which option makes ur heart happier, juz go with that feel.. U wun go wrong... AS for Regrets later, I feel the biggest regret is to be re-incarnated as a human being.. "As Buddha said: Life is suffering".. HOW TRUE!..
I agree with you sigh. I think it sounds like a good plan at first, you know, like do back to them what they do, but then of course everyone has different 'weapons' and some people can't do these tricks as well.
if I'm as capable as them in executing these trickeries, I won't be the one getting the bulk of the work already.
Anyone knows how to separate your emotions from work, so that
1) we won't be so affected and sad and miserable by the goings-on at work ..
2) won't affect our relationships with our loved ones..
Cos I know that my constant whines and misery about my work has upset my hubby. he told me to buck up and just suck it up and not to whine and said he can't take the whines no more.
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Golden rule, work and talk less, I mean talk less means dont talk anyhow.
Keep quiet. If you are quiet, pple will find it hard to arrow you.
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Originally posted by TrueHeart:
Hi TheMissus,
Though it is definitely unfair to you and I can sympathise with you, but if you are to quit your job now, your relationship will definitely suffer, given the man that your husband is. The only thing which you can do now is to continue your search for another job, though you may wish to consider trying out other sectors as well if possible.
Cheers.
omg how you know man? how you know..you are right. he would be pissed and who knows, likely he will think lowly of me. i dun want to be a useless person in his eyes, hence I'm hanging on.. but my arms are losing strength..
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Missus,
All that u suffer is cos of ideals n comparison. Eliminate these and u are free. Ur boss , your spouse, ur money - are all excuses.
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Originally posted by Sgdevilzz:
you aren't really helpful. The co workers are smart and scheming. She's not. thats why all the work were pushed to her. If she throws the work back to them, they will complain and she gets it from the bosses.
Do you know how serious if you get fired? You will have a record permanently. If other firms wants to hire you, they will take a look at your database. They wont hire you because of your lousy work and got fired.
Well if your lucky, got hired and do your job well enough. The record will vanish and its clean.
what database is that?