Hi, please do try to help me as much as possible.
I graduated with an O level certificate and after that, went through a series of quarter-life crisis. Tried to retake but lose interest in my academic studies. Now at age 22 (this year going to be 23), I am soon be graduating in Mar at a commercial school, with my Higher Nitec certificate if everything goes smoothly.
Anyways, this afternoon I had a chat with my sister. As my dad is getting older as the years come, I've always blamed myself for not thinking clearly when I graduated secondary school. I couldn't think properly as I was deep in depression at that point of time. I took a year and a half off indulging in games. I begged my dad to take me back to studies but he kept saying he had no means of funds to provide for my education. In the end, I went through a series of job hopping and sacking before enrolling myself into a school with the little savings I had.
Right now, as i'm working part-time, I am saving up for a private diploma. I don't want to waste anymore time dragging my studies.
But the point is, I had a chat with my sister. She wasn't too interested in her job because of some management changes. Anyways, I jokingly told her if I could leech off her and my mum (i'm staying with my dad and stepmum) in future if I ever stayed with them. She told me that if I wanted to stay there, I had to pay my mum a sum of fees. I was like "Wtf?" I mean my mum wasn't that all present in my childhood and it was my dad that took care of everything and I was there thinking that it was pretty sly of her to ask for my sister money since she knew being all grown up, we could be self-sufficient enough to provide some funds for her.
And this, she didn't even give it to my dad.
Yes, I was hit by reality fast and hard enough when she said that. I realised that the person, my dad, whom I can be dependent on would sooner or later not be present in my life and I would be leading a life of self-destruction or possibly homelessness. All the while right now, he's providing my transport fees, my handphone, internet bills and a roof atop of my head.
I thought I could be dependent on my mum, but I realised how naive I was. I mean, she doesn't care about us when we were young and helpless and why would she care about us right now??
I know i'm potraying myself as a leech and should learn to be independent but I can assure you I am suffering from anxiety problems and low-self esteem since I was treated like crap with the people around me. I have no friends, no support network and my relatives hate me plus my stepmum made it clear that she will kick me out of the house if not for my dad.
Tell me people, what should I do? I've realised that since my childhood, no one cares about me until my dad took me back, I kept clinging on to him and i'm spoilt beyond belief.
Now I've lost my sense of direction life :(
Go to any nearby family service center or even IMH etc and get some counselling. That might help you find back some direction and give you a goal to aim towards.
IMH sucks. I went many times. The 'doctors' there are ridiculous. One even laugh at my face.
Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:IMH sucks. I went many times. The 'doctors' there are ridiculous. One even laugh at my face.
Thats surprising considering i know at least 1 of the staff there who was once my lecturer. Are you sure the doct was laughing at you directly or were you over sensitive?
If you don't want to go IMH, just go to 1 of the nearby FSCs. If you need address, pm me roughly where you stay and i'll give you the contacts i have of the FSCs near there.
How do FSC works anyways? I mean I have a hard time at adapting to this thing called "Life". Work and everything. My communication skills sucks too. I don't think it will be successful. What if I want to be a recluse? I feel so tired facing the world. Should I tell my parents or what??
Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:How do FSC works anyways? I mean I have a hard time at adapting to this thing called "Life". Work and everything. My communication skills sucks too. I don't think it will be successful. What if I want to be a recluse? I feel so tired facing the world. Should I tell my parents or what??
FSCs are places where a person can go to with problems and depending on the type of problems, they will be able to offer certain level of help required.
Noone can force you to go for counselling or accept counselling. You yourself must be responsive and willing to be helped if not noone can and will bother to help you.
If you feel you can talk to them, no harm sharing your thoughts and trouble with them but if they are unresponsive, you're still on your own again.
What's the use of counselling? I went many times, from my own sec sch to IMH. Didn't help. Back to square one. I don't even know what I want. All I know is....I want to hide away from this world.
Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:What's the use of counselling? I went many times, from my own sec sch to IMH. Didn't help. Back to square one. I don't even know what I want. All I know is....I want to hide away from this world.
If you are closing up yourself and rejecting help then i guess i have nothing else for you and leave you to your own demise.
I dunno. I'm feeling really down right now, depressed. I really need to talk. Sorry if I sound put off. But my feelings are too overwhelming to ignore. How? I really dun want to face this world...
Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:I dunno. I'm feeling really down right now, depressed. I really need to talk. Sorry if I sound put off. But my feelings are too overwhelming to ignore. How? I really dun want to face this world...
It does seem you are having certain signs of depression.
Only seeking professional treatment can help you. All i can offer is advice since i'm not trained to do counselling or anything but trained to identify and support only.
Giving it another try will not hurt but putting off treatment will only make things worse for you in the future. The sooner you seek treatment, the sooner you might get better.
IMO, the cause of ur depression stems from your financial situation. Get your work life back in order and get a steady income.
With enough cash coming in, look and tackle your problems one at a time. Things may seem dreary now with your mom's attitude towards you, but it will change once you don't have to worry about money and start fixing ur problems one piece at a time.
Counselling is fine, but sometimes, there are very "material" causes to most of the depressing feelings we have in life.
Well, can't you just find a job and earn your way up? When I was your age, I only have O level as I did not complete my diploma.
Originally posted by dkcx:It does seem you are having certain signs of depression.
Only seeking professional treatment can help you. All i can offer is advice since i'm not trained to do counselling or anything but trained to identify and support only.
Giving it another try will not hurt but putting off treatment will only make things worse for you in the future. The sooner you seek treatment, the sooner you might get better.
I thought you are a student studying psychology or something like that?
Why you can't counsel him?
Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:Hi, please do try to help me as much as possible.
I graduated with an O level certificate and after that, went through a series of quarter-life crisis. Tried to retake but lose interest in my academic studies. Now at age 22 (this year going to be 23), I am soon be graduating in Mar at a commercial school, with my Higher Nitec certificate if everything goes smoothly.
Anyways, this afternoon I had a chat with my sister. As my dad is getting older as the years come, I've always blamed myself for not thinking clearly when I graduated secondary school. I couldn't think properly as I was deep in depression at that point of time. I took a year and a half off indulging in games. I begged my dad to take me back to studies but he kept saying he had no means of funds to provide for my education. In the end, I went through a series of job hopping and sacking before enrolling myself into a school with the little savings I had.
Right now, as i'm working part-time, I am saving up for a private diploma. I don't want to waste anymore time dragging my studies.
But the point is, I had a chat with my sister. She wasn't too interested in her job because of some management changes. Anyways, I jokingly told her if I could leech off her and my mum (i'm staying with my dad and stepmum) in future if I ever stayed with them. She told me that if I wanted to stay there, I had to pay my mum a sum of fees. I was like "Wtf?" I mean my mum wasn't that all present in my childhood and it was my dad that took care of everything and I was there thinking that it was pretty sly of her to ask for my sister money since she knew being all grown up, we could be self-sufficient enough to provide some funds for her.
And this, she didn't even give it to my dad.
Yes, I was hit by reality fast and hard enough when she said that. I realised that the person, my dad, whom I can be dependent on would sooner or later not be present in my life and I would be leading a life of self-destruction or possibly homelessness. All the while right now, he's providing my transport fees, my handphone, internet bills and a roof atop of my head.
I thought I could be dependent on my mum, but I realised how naive I was. I mean, she doesn't care about us when we were young and helpless and why would she care about us right now??
I know i'm potraying myself as a leech and should learn to be independent but I can assure you I am suffering from anxiety problems and low-self esteem since I was treated like crap with the people around me. I have no friends, no support network and my relatives hate me plus my stepmum made it clear that she will kick me out of the house if not for my dad.
Tell me people, what should I do? I've realised that since my childhood, no one cares about me until my dad took me back, I kept clinging on to him and i'm spoilt beyond belief.
Now I've lost my sense of direction life :(
Why did you get sack?
I suppose you should be a guy? Maybe you can consider sign on with SAF?
Originally posted by keeptouch:
I thought you are a student studying psychology or something like that?
Why you can't counsel him?
You already said, 'student', maybe a graduate. Anyway, he was right on the count that professional counselling might be better since he had highlighted that his only pillar of support is his dad.
Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:Hi, please do try to help me as much as possible.
I graduated with an O level certificate and after that, went through a series of quarter-life crisis. Tried to retake but lose interest in my academic studies. Now at age 22 (this year going to be 23), I am soon be graduating in Mar at a commercial school, with my Higher Nitec certificate if everything goes smoothly.
Anyways, this afternoon I had a chat with my sister. As my dad is getting older as the years come, I've always blamed myself for not thinking clearly when I graduated secondary school. I couldn't think properly as I was deep in depression at that point of time. I took a year and a half off indulging in games. I begged my dad to take me back to studies but he kept saying he had no means of funds to provide for my education. In the end, I went through a series of job hopping and sacking before enrolling myself into a school with the little savings I had.
Right now, as i'm working part-time, I am saving up for a private diploma. I don't want to waste anymore time dragging my studies.
But the point is, I had a chat with my sister. She wasn't too interested in her job because of some management changes. Anyways, I jokingly told her if I could leech off her and my mum (i'm staying with my dad and stepmum) in future if I ever stayed with them. She told me that if I wanted to stay there, I had to pay my mum a sum of fees. I was like "Wtf?" I mean my mum wasn't that all present in my childhood and it was my dad that took care of everything and I was there thinking that it was pretty sly of her to ask for my sister money since she knew being all grown up, we could be self-sufficient enough to provide some funds for her.
And this, she didn't even give it to my dad.
Yes, I was hit by reality fast and hard enough when she said that. I realised that the person, my dad, whom I can be dependent on would sooner or later not be present in my life and I would be leading a life of self-destruction or possibly homelessness. All the while right now, he's providing my transport fees, my handphone, internet bills and a roof atop of my head.
I thought I could be dependent on my mum, but I realised how naive I was. I mean, she doesn't care about us when we were young and helpless and why would she care about us right now??
I know i'm potraying myself as a leech and should learn to be independent but I can assure you I am suffering from anxiety problems and low-self esteem since I was treated like crap with the people around me. I have no friends, no support network and my relatives hate me plus my stepmum made it clear that she will kick me out of the house if not for my dad.
Tell me people, what should I do? I've realised that since my childhood, no one cares about me until my dad took me back, I kept clinging on to him and i'm spoilt beyond belief.
Now I've lost my sense of direction life :(
People around you treat you like crap.. because you behaved like one.
Your predicament is your own doing.
While you complain about your sister not giving to your dad. May I ask.. what have YOU given to your family ?
Let me guess... you believe your family owes you a living , yes? At age 22 , NO.
So you think nobody loves you ? May I ask , do you love anyone in your family ?
Do you love your father ? He provided for you, shelter you. What are you giving back in return ? NOTHING ? Why , because you blame your predicament on him don't you, and now is the time you are taking revenge on him for screwing up your pathetic life, no ?
Do you really want to see your father still slogging away at old age just to feed your mouth ? OFcors you do, you think he deserved it, yes ?
So you bummed a year and a half of your life away playing games... then out of the blue you want your dad to cough out money to pay for your studies again ?
Studying and getting results requires effort, discipline and motivation. Do you have any of these ? If not, then it is only fair he don't have to pay his hard earned income into a worthless cause (you).
You are not suffering from depression.. you are a sad case of too much self-centeredness.
You are lost, because you have no one to give back to. When all you do is take take take, the meaning in life goes away.
join the NAVY.
free food ,free accomodation,free holidays sponsored by navy.u take nitec and pvt diploma and waste so much time for what??with the time u spent on those studies u could already have obtained a degree!only the NAVY has the best beds on board the ships!and u can also play computer games to hearts content while on ship offduty.
Join the NAVY!
Hi TS,
Actually you're not doing too badly. Like you said you are already on the way to completing your higher NITEC qualification, working part-time and saving up for a private diploma. It is not uncommon for people in your age group to feel lost and directionless. Many like yourself are exploring life, there's nothing wrong with that. It is better to ask questions and find out for yourself what you want, rather than go with the flow - get a job you probably hate and start earning money. There are alot of pressures especially in Singapore - lost of expectations about what a person at what age should be doing, e.g. at 23 either in uni, working or doing NS post-poly. However it is better to live the life you want to live - screw what the society thinks/expects. At the end of the day, it is you who live your life, and you who derive the satisfaction or dissatisfaction from what you do!
Besides talking to a counsellor at a FSC, you may also explore career counselling as a start.
You just have to start believing in urself and find ur direction in life.....if ur current job does not gives u job satisfaction then try out other jobs and see how it goes....start believing in urself....if u stop believing in urself....people around u wun believe in u 2.....what u lack is self-confidence.....
Like you've said and used as your thread title: you are lost. So, start setting aims and start trying to achieve them. Doesn't matter (as much) if you don't achieve it as long as you try your best. Reach for the stars, so that you can reach the clouds even if you fail.
And to be honest, I see nothing wrong about your mother asking for allowance form your sister and yourself. Afterall, all the time your mother spent on you should be worth something to safeguard her own aging process, no?
But it's personal choice lah. Whenever I read articles about children not taking care of their parents, I choose to believe that the parents have not done a decent enough job of bringing up the child.
Just make the best out of whatever you are doing.
Thanks for the advise. I was wondering if a girl sign on navy is allowed? I know there's interview right??
Why not go serve ns first?
After ns, then look for job and study part time.
NS? I'm a girl. I don't have NS.
oops sorry...thought u were a guy.....yes,,,,girls still sign on navy.....one of the best chiobu all go sign on navy...normally 3 or a group ina ship.
think back in 2005 they had accident with ship and 3 gals were drowned after navy ship collided with tanker at night....but its all worth it!!girls are regarded as goddess in the military.all kowtow to u even if u got no rank.
i know about chiobu gals in navy after i saw tcs interview one navy gal about her frend who went missing up to today in the navy accident,gal look so beautiful especially in the uniform.
for money-wise,i think theres ship allowance on board ship....and free food.......optional lodgings on ship or base.......and when u think u can study again go do their degree course or something.....but downside is i heard theres PP1 or pp2 which means they might not retain peopleafter first or second contract depending on performance.heard from rumours the pp1 or pp2 retaining thing has been thrown away...not sure,,,best ask interviewer or CPMB clerk there.
Oh well, if it is so discouraging, why suggest navy? Anyways, I am just feeling really tired...really...