I'm becoming more and more dependent on my bf. Help! :(
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I've been with my bf for 4 months only and I think that I'm quite dependent on him, and I don't like that feeling.
On our 2nd month, my bf suggested a breakup because he wasn't used to being in a relationship and had commitment fears (because I'm his first gf). But after an hour of serious talk, we stayed together and for the past 8 weeks, we are a very happy & contented couple.
But recently, it's like a merry go round. Whenever I'm with my bf, it's bliss. But whenever he disappeared off the surface of the earth (sleeping, hanging out with friends, concentrating on his projects), I would feel very needy and lonely though I understand his needs to have his own time. Sometimes when he takes hours to reply me or his replies are cold, I would not be able to concentrate on my work and would often wonder what did I do wrong. I'm afraid that he would suggest a breakup again or something.
I did mention to him about my insecurities before and he assured that he loves me truly and he treasures our relationship a lot. I believe him but I still can't help feeling dependent.
It has come up to the point of affecting my studies because I can't concentrate on my work. Please help. (And he's entering NS soon, and I'm afraid I would become more cui after that).
How do I reduce my dependency on my boyfriend?
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er..... how old are u, btw?
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I'm 20. So is my bf.
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too young to have relationship......
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find somemore more mature pls
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u all now studying or ????
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Originally posted by gunner77:
find somemore more mature pls
u tokking about the TS?
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Originally posted by Jellyjellybean:
I've been with my bf for 4 months only and I think that I'm quite dependent on him, and I don't like that feeling.
On our 2nd month, my bf suggested a breakup because he wasn't used to being in a relationship and had commitment fears (because I'm his first gf). But after an hour of serious talk, we stayed together and for the past 8 weeks, we are a very happy & contented couple.
But recently, it's like a merry go round. Whenever I'm with my bf, it's bliss. But whenever he disappeared off the surface of the earth (sleeping, hanging out with friends, concentrating on his projects), I would feel very needy and lonely though I understand his needs to have his own time. Sometimes when he takes hours to reply me or his replies are cold, I would not be able to concentrate on my work and would often wonder what did I do wrong. I'm afraid that he would suggest a breakup again or something.
I did mention to him about my insecurities before and he assured that he loves me truly and he treasures our relationship a lot. I believe him but I still can't help feeling dependent.
It has come up to the point of affecting my studies because I can't concentrate on my work. Please help. (And he's entering NS soon, and I'm afraid I would become more cui after that).
How do I reduce my dependency on my boyfriend?
i guess he is not for u. since he cant give a sense of security -
I've finished my A's and pursuing my degree now. (:
He's currently at his last year of study before entering NS this year. (: -
dont married couples slap each other and scream at one another while the baby is crying loudly in the kitchen???:)and dont gals change baby's pampers when its soiled and do cookin at same time and work too???and dun guys just sit in front of tv and drink beer???
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Originally posted by kopiosatu:
u tokking about the TS?
yes. -
i don't think its the problem of the bf
the girl just needs to tone down
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maybe he wants his freedom........
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ya, its not the boy problem
its the girl problem
she needs a mature bf to teach her how to be independent.
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Yeah, it's not about my boyfriend. He's being the best bf he could be already. He's not wanting his freedom. In fact, we meet only thrice or so a week because of my packed schedule at school.
It's more about me being too dependent on him and unsure of how to detach myself from this relationship. Because what I think is that, bfs don't like clingy gfs isn't it?
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Originally posted by gunner77:
find somemore more mature pls
it is not easy for 2 person to come together....
TS, i think u should establish a routinue with ur bf to relieve ur insecurity
in the meantime, u should also find something else to do to fill ur time
so yah, all these are just my opinions only....
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Originally posted by Jellyjellybean:
Yeah, it's not about my boyfriend. He's being the best bf he could be already. He's not wanting his freedom. In fact, we meet only thrice or so a week because of my packed schedule at school.
It's more about me being too dependent on him and unsure of how to detach myself from this relationship. Because what I think is that, bfs don't like clingy gfs isn't it?
yah, not clingy to the point he can't breathe
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Mr Milo, what you mean by establish a routine to relieve my insecurity? For example?
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Originally posted by Jellyjellybean:
Yeah, it's not about my boyfriend. He's being the best bf he could be already. He's not wanting his freedom. In fact, we meet only thrice or so a week because of my packed schedule at school.
It's more about me being too dependent on him and unsure of how to detach myself from this relationship. Because what I think is that, bfs don't like clingy gfs isn't it?
yesmost guys dont like clingy gf.
damn irritating.
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like say, meet once per week,
or call each other regularly,
email each other......
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Oooh, yeah. True, I feel that routine would help.
Anyway, I'm not the very clingy kind lah. Whenever he's out with his friends, I don't even ask where and so on. In fact, I would stop texting him when he's out because I believe in quality time with friends. Yeah. -
that means girl got mental problem
girl should hang out with other girls when bf isn't available
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Self-fulfil love, respect, esteem and be unfree of all the conditioning within u - u are independent. Now , u assume u love but it is 'other'-love, /'other'-esteem .... propping u up. Hence, the anxiety and the uncertainty.
Of course, it presupposes that u are open and amenable to a porous ego.
Otherwise, u may quit or after a while get to know or acquaint yourself with another new guy or ... same old anxiety, insecurities would surface. I say surface cos what is unresolved, unreconciled, misintrepreted will never go away. It would shadow the present just as it is transpiring bet the both of u.
As for being detached - one may and can only be inwardly detached if one has this understanding: partake of another in .... experience another..... do something or anything with another or others..... but when one is no longer with the person or no longer 'doing' what one was or is, one ought to be able to understand oneself or have a non-identification stance.
It is not him or the situation but rather your identification with .... that has u being anxious or uneasy. In other words , all sources are external - the reality though is the process within u. Only u are privy to your ....
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LOL. Thanks. :D I don't have mental problem. :
And hmn, my current school clique don't stay near me, in fact all stay west/north. So it's always hard for us to meet out during weekends. :(
And friends from my jc and sec sch who lives near me are boys and I used to hang out with them. But after that time when my bf suggested breakup, it was because he felt jealous that I hang out with so many boys and he don't know how t deal with the feelings. So he choose to back out.
So now, I try not to hang out so often with my boy friends. And I do realise that, everytime I go out, it's only with my boyfriend.
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go out with bf only????
boring life
time to make an effort to make a difference