I'm becoming more and more dependent on my bf. Help! :(
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Originally posted by kopiosatu:
go out with bf only????
boring life
time to make an effort to make a difference
kopi has a point there
TS, do make some effort to do some new things, yah
and be firm in ur relationship with ur bf
dun be easily swayed....especially when the guy is in NS.....
haizzz.....so many sad stories sia....
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boyfrend is scared!!!she sounds like some kinda stalker!!!but would she stalk that dude if he wasnt a degree holder or simply some average guy from the street????i would say she is trying to force herself onto him.
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another clone
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soo coool
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Originally posted by laurence82 father:
boyfrend is scared!!!she sounds like some kinda stalker!!!but would she stalk that dude if he wasnt a degree holder or simply some average guy from the street????i would say she is trying to force herself onto him.
Huh, in the first place, he isn't a degree holder. -.- And which parts say that I stalks my bf.
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Originally posted by Jellyjellybean:
I've been with my bf for 4 months only and I think that I'm quite dependent on him, and I don't like that feeling.
On our 2nd month, my bf suggested a breakup because he wasn't used to being in a relationship and had commitment fears (because I'm his first gf). But after an hour of serious talk, we stayed together and for the past 8 weeks, we are a very happy & contented couple.
But recently, it's like a merry go round. Whenever I'm with my bf, it's bliss. But whenever he disappeared off the surface of the earth (sleeping, hanging out with friends, concentrating on his projects), I would feel very needy and lonely though I understand his needs to have his own time. Sometimes when he takes hours to reply me or his replies are cold, I would not be able to concentrate on my work and would often wonder what did I do wrong. I'm afraid that he would suggest a breakup again or something.
I did mention to him about my insecurities before and he assured that he loves me truly and he treasures our relationship a lot. I believe him but I still can't help feeling dependent.
It has come up to the point of affecting my studies because I can't concentrate on my work. Please help. (And he's entering NS soon, and I'm afraid I would become more cui after that).
How do I reduce my dependency on my boyfriend?
But you mention he's gg to ns soon.Once he's in ns, you will be able to fend for yourself.
Why worry?
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Originally posted by likeyou:
But you mention he's gg to ns soon.Once he's in ns, you will be able to fend for yourself.
Why worry?
Well, my concern is that with the dependency I have on him now, if he go NS i may just cui. Lol. So I need tips/help on how to detach myself and not be as dependent. :)
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JELLYBEAN...GO KEEP A KITTEN ...JUST PICK IT UP FROM ROADSIDE..
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JellyJellyBean,
dun worry, just do like what i told you previously and you should do fine
if not, you can asks ur friends who are in r/s............they should know better than us or me
one last thing, dun be scared away by some of the postings here cos got different people, different thinking...so yah, just take the advice best suited for ur situation
Milo out
/me offers ice milo to JellyJellyBean
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Originally posted by Mr Milo:
JellyJellyBean,
dun worry, just do like what i told you previously and you should do fine
if not, you can asks ur friends who are in r/s............they should know better than us or me
one last thing, dun be scared away by some of the postings here cos got different people, different thinking...so yah, just take the advice best suited for ur situation
Milo out
/me offers ice milo to JellyJellyBean
Thank you mr milo. Appreciated :)
/takes your ice milo. Thank I love iced milo! :D
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try to divert ur attention to smthg else like doing charity work, exercise or other activities. Spending time on your own personal hobby/with ur siblings and family may be the best solution.
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don think too much ya a rs is built on trust and top it up wit love don be sway by wad ppl say tis is ur r/s nt other ppls and go think wad the best way to work out ur rs and go take up new things and keep urself buzy by doing thing tat uu like spent tym wit ur family or take up a new sport or hobby^^ tc ya any thing just pm ya
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Originally posted by Jellyjellybean:
I've been with my bf for 4 months only and I think that I'm quite dependent on him, and I don't like that feeling.
On our 2nd month, my bf suggested a breakup because he wasn't used to being in a relationship and had commitment fears (because I'm his first gf). But after an hour of serious talk, we stayed together and for the past 8 weeks, we are a very happy & contented couple.
But recently, it's like a merry go round. Whenever I'm with my bf, it's bliss. But whenever he disappeared off the surface of the earth (sleeping, hanging out with friends, concentrating on his projects), I would feel very needy and lonely though I understand his needs to have his own time. Sometimes when he takes hours to reply me or his replies are cold, I would not be able to concentrate on my work and would often wonder what did I do wrong. I'm afraid that he would suggest a breakup again or something.
I did mention to him about my insecurities before and he assured that he loves me truly and he treasures our relationship a lot. I believe him but I still can't help feeling dependent.
It has come up to the point of affecting my studies because I can't concentrate on my work. Please help. (And he's entering NS soon, and I'm afraid I would become more cui after that).
How do I reduce my dependency on my boyfriend?
You have already partially uncovered part of the truth - in which you are insecure and hence the dependency.Some people don't realize that they have a dependency attitude in relationship until they are into one - EVEN if they could seem to be rather independent during their single life. The problem revolves around the need to validate the existence of the relationship and the constant need to ensure that the relationship is not deteriorating because they have 'invested' and a failure in the 'investment' might presents a great repercussion.
To seek for reassurance is common, but if there's no justification to postulate constant reassurance, we might want to examine the condition of our thoughts and emotional state to understand the source of issue. His decision in the attempt to break up in the past would have fuel your insecurity. Although this is normal, but to give up everything and just revolve your life around him will inevitably create a situation where you become more depended on him.
To reduce dependency, you need a life outside that of your relationship. Take note that the real problem in inducing the earlier breakup is not because you had life outside that of your relationship, but because your guy is unable to emotionally manage himself. You can bridge those differences through proper communication and not axe yourself away from the natural things in your life.
Loyalty in relationship is very much an individual thing. For as long as both is committed and contented - the relationship will be there to stay. A completely satisfied woman cannot be seduce. Hence his insecurity is also unfounded.
You can't stop anyone from leaving. So instead of trying to tie it down and get burned by the friction, why not remove the worries and just enjoy the relationship just as it is?
Cheers
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Originally posted by Yunhaier: You have already partially uncovered part
of the truth - in which you are insecure and hence the
dependency.
Some people don't realize that they have a dependency attitude in relationship until they are into one - EVEN if they could seem to be rather independent during their single life. The problem revolves around the need to validate the existence of the relationship and the constant need to ensure that the relationship is not deteriorating because they have 'invested' and a failure in the 'investment' might presents a great repercussion.
To seek for reassurance is common, but if there's no justification to postulate constant reassurance, we might want to examine the condition of our thoughts and emotional state to understand the source of issue. His decision in the attempt to break up in the past would have fuel your insecurity. Although this is normal, but to give up everything and just revolve your life around him will inevitably create a situation where you become more depended on him.
To reduce dependency, you need a life outside that of your relationship. Take note that the real problem in inducing the earlier breakup is not because you had life outside that of your relationship, but because your guy is unable to emotionally manage himself. You can bridge those differences through proper communication and not axe yourself away from the natural things in your life.
Loyalty in relationship is very much an individual thing. For as long as both is committed and contented - the relationship will be there to stay. A completely satisfied woman cannot be seduce. Hence his insecurity is also unfounded.
You can't stop anyone from leaving. So instead of trying to tie it down and get burned by the friction, why not remove the worries and just enjoy the relationship just as it is?
Cheers
Hi there, your words made a lot of sense and it has definitely made me see some light. :D Thank you so much.
And anyone else who has offered advice, thanks as well. Have a nice week! :)
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Originally posted by Jellyjellybean:
I've been with my bf for 4 months only and I think that I'm quite dependent on him, and I don't like that feeling.
On our 2nd month, my bf suggested a breakup because he wasn't used to being in a relationship and had commitment fears (because I'm his first gf). But after an hour of serious talk, we stayed together and for the past 8 weeks, we are a very happy & contented couple.
But recently, it's like a merry go round. Whenever I'm with my bf, it's bliss. But whenever he disappeared off the surface of the earth (sleeping, hanging out with friends, concentrating on his projects), I would feel very needy and lonely though I understand his needs to have his own time. Sometimes when he takes hours to reply me or his replies are cold, I would not be able to concentrate on my work and would often wonder what did I do wrong. I'm afraid that he would suggest a breakup again or something.
I did mention to him about my insecurities before and he assured that he loves me truly and he treasures our relationship a lot. I believe him but I still can't help feeling dependent.
It has come up to the point of affecting my studies because I can't concentrate on my work. Please help. (And he's entering NS soon, and I'm afraid I would become more cui after that).
How do I reduce my dependency on my boyfriend?
i myself am committed to a 4 year relationship with my gf. i've just finished A'levels and waiting to enter NS soon. i understand how you guys are feeling. just a little surprise that this 'phase' sets in to early into your relationship.
IMO, i think you are holding on to your boyfriend too tightly. he may feel like suffocating as there isn't much space for him to breathe. why not allow him to do what he likes and you being independant? as grown ups, all of us need some personal space to breathe. holding too tight may hurt.
anyway, there's this saying. ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER.
more distance apart may bond you guys better?=)
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HELLO PEOPLE. :) An update.
My relationship have ended. Indeed it was the boy who brought it up, but I'm glad. I wasn't happy in our relationship. Now I feel happier and free, like 解脱.
Although it wasn't a best ending, it is still a happy ending to the love story. We're still friends. And yes, I miss him, especially when walking pass the areas that we always hang out. But I know I'll get over the emptiness because I know that both of us are happier in this way. :D
So people. thank you for your useful advice and everything. This a a closure. :)
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go keep a cat:)
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Originally posted by Jellyjellybean:
HELLO PEOPLE. :) An update.
My relationship have ended. Indeed it was the boy who brought it up, but I'm glad. I wasn't happy in our relationship. Now I feel happier and free, like 解脱.
Although it wasn't a best ending, it is still a happy ending to the love story. We're still friends. And yes, I miss him, especially when walking pass the areas that we always hang out. But I know I'll get over the emptiness because I know that both of us are happier in this way. :D
So people. thank you for your useful advice and everything. This a a closure. :)
so on to the next thread..............'i'm becoming more and more dependent on my LATEST boyfriend, Help!''.................
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I think the bf also got problem lah, to be fair to TS.
Why u all just push the blame to her?
Personally, i think he not ready for stead?
I am into a 2 year relationship, my bf finds me somewhat clingy too.
He like any other guy alike feels abit worried wad if i zao wif other guys.
But after talking abt our insecurity, my guy is willing meet up as often as possible and i have been avoiding doing things that may made my guy feel uncomfortable.like not going out with just guy friends...avoid being too close to my guy friends.
i am sure TS has done something somewhat similar too, i mean all gfs will do so for their guys rite?
See arh, same problem that alot of couples face...
If TS aready done above n talked to the guy le, then the guy no do anything as his part as a bf then how can say its just TS in the wrong leh??Even if he did something le. personally i see giving up on the relationship just like that a hint that the relationship to him is not much =.= ...
So to TS forget him lah. Take the chance to socialize with more people, get more friends. Who knows u may find a guy that can commit himself better?
Jiayou~ Good luck in pursue of degree. -
well i think the boy might nt really loved TS wit all his heart... if a guy really loved his gf very much he actually dun mind his gf to cling on him... but not too much that will call him to check on him that kind la.. well TS the sea is so wide, forest so big~~ dont hang on 1 tree or die cuz of 1 fish... you will met some1 better next time..
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Are you beautiful? If you are not beautiful, then I can only say you are an idiot who can be easily used by any mean man out there. Why not find a compatible woman and develope that love and dependency ? In this way, you will not be abused by men. The problem lies with you.
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Originally posted by Jellyjellybean:
I've been with my bf for 4 months only and I think that I'm quite dependent on him, and I don't like that feeling.
On our 2nd month, my bf suggested a breakup because he wasn't used to being in a relationship and had commitment fears (because I'm his first gf). But after an hour of serious talk, we stayed together and for the past 8 weeks, we are a very happy & contented couple.
But recently, it's like a merry go round. Whenever I'm with my bf, it's bliss. But whenever he disappeared off the surface of the earth (sleeping, hanging out with friends, concentrating on his projects), I would feel very needy and lonely though I understand his needs to have his own time. Sometimes when he takes hours to reply me or his replies are cold, I would not be able to concentrate on my work and would often wonder what did I do wrong. I'm afraid that he would suggest a breakup again or something.
I did mention to him about my insecurities before and he assured that he loves me truly and he treasures our relationship a lot. I believe him but I still can't help feeling dependent.
It has come up to the point of affecting my studies because I can't concentrate on my work. Please help. (And he's entering NS soon, and I'm afraid I would become more cui after that).
How do I reduce my dependency on my boyfriend?
YOu got to get a life ! Your world don't revolve around your bf. Make friends with your fellow gfs at school. Don't just limit your life with your bf.
There's nothing more than a needy and sticky gf that scares off guys. Guys like their own space.
I am sorry to say this but most university or school relationships don't last through to marriage. Most falter. I don't have the stats, but only 2 in 10 relationships among my circle of friends get pass uni and school years to promote to marriage.
Having said this, enjoy your experiences with ur bf while you still can. Learn what guys like. Who knows? If this don't work - you be able to better yourself in the next potential rship. But if it works then I congrat you. Again, i say please don't make your bf the centre of universe. Spend more time with friends, studies and extra curricular activities.