Need some complicated relationship advise.
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Currently i am in a very good relationship.
She is caring, understanding, loving, not materialistic, etc.
She also is currently in a good paying job and is earning a lot more than me, probably 1.5 times more.
However, here lies the problem, she comes from a very poor family and i do not.
I do live in an good surburb in the west side of Singapore and my family will soon acquire a condo in a prime area of Singapore.
I always somehow get this feeling that she is with me not because she truely loves me but because getting involved with me will move her up the status ladder in the long run should we get married because of my family background and her family background as well.
She has never openly mentioned something like this, but then again who would?
Are my fears valid or am i too paranoid?
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ok de ma
she has earning power so i dun think it's for your status
anyway, in SG, the status thing oni applies to certain ppl with surnames lee and wee
or are u afraid tt she might need to ask u to finance her 娘家 in future? -
she has stated a few times that she is seriously considering not working after marriage;
Also the fact that she stays in a small flat with a disfunctional background triggers some signs;
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oh for fark's sake, you should be the one feeling inferior ...... after all .... she's earning more than you ! ...
does it matter if your parents are buying a condo ? .... it's their money, their sweat and toil, and their house, not yours .... and does it matter if she was poor before ? .... she's now pulling in more dough than you, yo ! .... and really, you think you've moved up in the world and belong to another planet cos your parents are gonna buy a condo ?! ...
Now go chew on that ... I think she is getting the worse deal here ....
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*points at laughs at the sociopathic TS*
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you think too much of yourself. really. and its your parents who are capable, not you.
and your grilfriend is clearly far more capable than you too.
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
Currently i am in a very good relationship.
She is caring, understanding, loving, not materialistic, etc.
She also is currently in a good paying job and is earning a lot more than me, probably 1.5 times more.
However, here lies the problem, she comes from a very poor family and i do not.
I do live in an good surburb in the west side of Singapore and my family will soon acquire a condo in a prime area of Singapore.
I always somehow get this feeling that she is with me not because she truely loves me but because getting involved with me will move her up the status ladder in the long run should we get married because of my family background and her family background as well.
She has never openly mentioned something like this, but then again who would?
Are my fears valid or am i too paranoid?
I think ur fears are valid.
can earn more doesnt mean willing to work for it.
How does she treat her family?
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Well she doesn't treat her family well, she used to live in a 3 room HDB flat but has since moved to an aunt's place.
In her family its survival of the fittest because i heard that when she was young her family did not even take care of her, did not give her allowance, and she was made to starve often from Secondary school all the way thru Uni.
Her parents are divorced which contributed to the situation.
The thing is, she has stated many many times if my current place will be where we will live should we get married.
Sure she has more earning power now, but she had a 3 year head start ahead of me in working.
I don't mind her background but i don't want her to have the wrong intentions because many people get discarded by their spouses should they fall upon bad times financially.
Besides i am not even thinking of the house and if we don't get it then we will move out to a HDB, but it seems like that is not the case with her because she gives me the feeling that she doesn't feel otherwise.
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Before you ask her to be your girlfriend, did you think of this question ?
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Unless u r a gal, yr feeling will most likely be wrong...lol....
Tons of ppl r living in condo lor, sound as if it is a big deal...
furthermore, it is yr parents who are buying the condo not u n r they paying it in full, if not, r u able to service the loan when they pass away?? in addition, r u the only child? if not, the condo might not even go to u...ZZzzzz, think so far....
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Originally posted by Kenashi:
Unless u r a gal, yr feeling will most likely be wrong...lol....
Tons of ppl r living in condo lor, sound as if it is a big deal...
furthermore, it is yr parents who are buying the condo not u n r they paying it in full, if not, r u able to service the loan when they pass away?? in addition, r u the only child? if not, the condo might not even go to u...ZZzzzz, think so far....
Like i said originally. We are living in a prime bunglow in the west. Soon to acquire another condo in central, and my father is already intending to buy a house in Europe for my brother which has migrated there.
and if its not such a big deal then why she kept asking the questions on where we are to live? Is it really that bad to live in a HDB flat? because by her intention in asking persistantly if we are going to live in my current place in, it gives the signal that it is not acceptable to live in a HDB flat because she experienced my current place, even though she has been living in a 3 room HDB all her life.
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You want to calculate so much then break up with her and find a new girlfriend from a rich family lor.
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Just want her to love me for who i am and not what i have.
Is that really so hard in Singapore?
Like the marriage vows state, that the marriage should be "for better or for worse"
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
Just want her to love me for who i am and not what i have.
Is that really so hard in Singapore?
Like the marriage vows state, that the marriage should be "for better or for worse"
Like I said, since you are so suspicious of her, might as well break up. Next time when looking for girlfriend make sure her family is rich. But don't complain if she thinks you're after her family's money after some time. Perhaps you can compare the number and type of property owned to ensure compatibility.
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tamade, whatever you are typing here
you should be talking to HER about it
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definitely gold digger here. beware
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TS,
If u love nothing else matters cos nothing is guaranteed as tomorrow never comes.
You are merely extrapolating and for all you know nothing may materialize man!
Absenting fears and reasons, love abides.
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why do u think so much?
think so much of yourself
think she like u for the fake reason???
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You should provide what she wants.
You know her aspirations, which is not unsual or odd.
The thing is, do you love her for herself or for yourself.
If you not interested in improving her lot, then please don't con her with your flattery.
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So u think she might feel that marrying you is like "jia ru hao men"?
Not sure then dun get married lor...
In fact why don't you just ask her straight
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hard to tell at this stage...
you would need to test her out using time and other relevant ways if u really want to know the truth....its an art to do it subtle..
this seems kind of harsh to unveil your doubts..but its your future happiness...
don't women test men back harsher ten times more to assure they chose the right man?
most importantly, dun jump into the marriage wagon too fast just because of peer or family pressure......test her out over time...
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
Currently i am in a very good relationship.
She is caring, understanding, loving, not materialistic, etc.
She also is currently in a good paying job and is earning a lot more than me, probably 1.5 times more.
However, here lies the problem, she comes from a very poor family and i do not.
I do live in an good surburb in the west side of Singapore and my family will soon acquire a condo in a prime area of Singapore.
I always somehow get this feeling that she is with me not because she truely loves me but because getting involved with me will move her up the status ladder in the long run should we get married because of my family background and her family background as well.
She has never openly mentioned something like this, but then again who would?
Are my fears valid or am i too paranoid?
Does she loves me for who I am or does she actually prefer my money more? This question is almost like asking if a newborn would end up being a criminal or a successful person. You seriously will never know because it depends on how the relationship is being led, akin to how a child is being taught.It’s interesting when people decide that they want someone to see them ‘for who they are’ when in reality they might exhibit a persona that depict the ‘self’ in which they actually reject as their ‘real’ self (in western astrology, this is probably attributed by the ascendant). If this is the root of your worries, then it is a problem in self marketing, much more then the personality of the person you have attracted.
Because, in simple, we attract the qualities we exude (CloUdiSm).
But it takes a lot of self awareness or enlightenment from others (due to our unconscious blind spots) to even perceive that phenomenon.
If this wasn’t the case, your issue actually lies with your point of selection. As a general statement: as much as a woman seek comfort in marrying ‘upwards’ and a man seeks pleasure in physical gratification, a relationship is but mutual exchange of needs, cutting across various dimensions. Surely, there must be existence of mutual needs before a relationship would makes any logical sense; there is no such thing as an absolute unconditional love in any love relationship – anyone making such a claim will end up in contradiction. Unconditional love in BGR exists only in relative sense, but never in any absolute manner.
First Law of love (CloUdiSm) states: it is we who choose our partner, not the other way round. Therefore, if this is the woman you have accepted as your significant other, then it will inevitable question your decision at the point of decision – why her then?
You must understand that love produces an interconnected dependency on both parties to function effectively. You have chosen her for your own individual reason – the question on the authenticity of her love based on your scenario may not be accurate.
You know, it could also be equally plausible if I were to explain that your woman have deep underlying developmental issues during her early childhood, which caused her insecurity to project her thoughts in a certain manner, instead of a potential gold digger.
Perhaps you would like to understand her first. Fundamentally, if you want your woman to see you as ‘who you are’, then perhaps she might also want you to see her as ‘who she is.’
Cheers
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maybe one should look at this from another perspective that my mentor used to tell me;
"if you love someone, you would want to bring her into your life, your status and your society. you would want to share everything with her and i mean EVERYTHING"
if you say she is hooking on to you just because she wants to climb the status ladder, do you love her enough to accept that's the way she? do you love her enough to "close one eye, open one eye?"
from your post, she has been tender, loving and caring so what's the insecurities. by the way, how old are you 2?
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does it really matter what she is with you for? in love with you wholeheartedly is overhyped i think. as long as you know that she will not leave you, no cheat you etc can liao.
marriage can mean a lot of things to different people. i believe there is love, or for companionship. if you are going to be so conscious of your status, go find someone of matching status then. if you mean to love her, shouldnt you accept her for who she is? and not compare o she lower status , o she with me for my money. does it really matter if you love her enough to accept her and share with her what you have. just like your parents, they love you enough to give your what they have. not all parents are like that, as you can see from her family.
love is about giving and sharing with someone who you treasure with what you have regardless of whatever reason you are together. your parents brought you up, do they expect anything in return? sure when you grow up u might just decide to abandon them or migrate etc. but cause they love you, so they are willing to give you, so if you love her, be willing to give
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does it really matter what she is with you for? in love with you wholeheartedly is overhyped i think. as long as you know that she will not leave you, no cheat you etc can liao.
marriage can mean a lot of things to different people. i believe there is love, or for companionship. if you are going to be so conscious of your status, go find someone of matching status then. if you mean to love her, shouldnt you accept her for who she is? and not compare o she lower status , o she with me for my money. does it really matter if you love her enough to accept her and share with her what you have. just like your parents, they love you enough to give your what they have. not all parents are like that, as you can see from her family.
love is about giving and sharing with someone who you treasure with what you have regardless of whatever reason you are together. your parents brought you up, do they expect anything in return? sure when you grow up u might just decide to abandon them or migrate etc. but cause they love you, so they are willing to give you, so if you love her, be willing to give