Need some complicated relationship advise.
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if u think she is not materialistic as u have highlighted, hen you would not have the slightest doubt if she would be after your family wealth...
there must be something about that have reminded you but u r not too sure....dun have to force into the truth and asking her isn't a wise way (as the saying goes - no thief would write the word thief on the face)....
its better not to rush into conclusion....watch closely over time but discretely....most things wears out eventually and unveil ... that means no matter how good she does....take note but not be obsessed...take control and observe...
we are now in a materialistic era and all communism has failed...human beings have succumbed to materialism without any more doubts...its so part of us that we do not see ourselves materialistic anymore...
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Alpha,
If a woman truly wants to move up the social ladder through a relationship, she won't be going with a young punk like you . You're still taking handouts from your parents and waiting for them to die so that you can officially become rich.
She'd be bedding a man who is ALREADY SUCCESSFUL. And in Singapore, there's plenty of them around.
Perhaps she was looking for something DIFFERENT, that's why she chose you. Because you live in a different world, thats why she finds you interesting.
Rich girls are seldom un-materialistic.
The reason why she's so frugal and ambitious is due to her lousy family background. You should learn to appreciate that she had to go through craps in her life to have such nice personality that you are enjoying now.
In this relationship, I'm pretty sure she's putting in more than you can give.
If you can't appreciate her for who she is, then it's best you surrender her to someone who can.
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If this is what you are truly feeling, tell her that. That's the fastest way to know the truth. No need to come here looking for answers. People like to complicate things when in truth the simplest ways are the most effective.
Even if you do not tell her how you feel, eventually you will get tired. Im not suggesting you to ask her. Im saying you to TELL her, from a position of authority not a place whereby you will feel awkward.
It's best to make things clear right off the bat. There's no need to be nice. Nice is fake. Straight, honest talk is real. That way, you won't waste your time or hers for that matter. Of course she may make noise all that, well now you know her real self. If not, that's fine. You can continue from there. This is because manipulative women like to make noise because you called her out. And if you are being upfront with her, you are doing her a favour because she finally knows what you have been thinking.
Be real and be strong, my friend.
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
Currently i am in a very good relationship.
She is caring, understanding, loving, not materialistic, etc.
She also is currently in a good paying job and is earning a lot more than me, probably 1.5 times more.
However, here lies the problem, she comes from a very poor family and i do not.
I do live in an good surburb in the west side of Singapore and my family will soon acquire a condo in a prime area of Singapore.
I always somehow get this feeling that she is with me not because she truely loves me but because getting involved with me will move her up the status ladder in the long run should we get married because of my family background and her family background as well.
She has never openly mentioned something like this, but then again who would?
Are my fears valid or am i too paranoid?
Social status? I think guys like yourself should be dump immediately, behaving like you were never rich before in the past.Doesn't matter if your family is more well-off now as compared to the past, your behaviour and concerns about your social status only shows that people how poor you actually are inside your true self.
Since your girlfriend is currently earning 1.5 times more than you, how is it that she will benefit and move up in her status ladder after marriage? Unless you are planning to leech off your family and be dependent upon them even after you are married.
So tell me, do you deserved to be dump immediately by being so ungracious and calculative towards your girlfriend in your relationship?
Do you think your parents will be proud of you for acting and thinking like a rich guy because your family got a little bit well-off in the recent years?
Without your parents, you are worthless. Without your family, you are truly worthless. Even with your girlfriend, you are still worthless because you don't know how to measure a relationship with love, you measure your relationship with money that doesn't belong to you YET.
Only poor people can feel rich and desire to behave as if they were rich, rich people are happy to feel normal and be unaffected by their money.
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
Like i said originally. We are living in a prime bunglow in the west. Soon to acquire another condo in central, and my father is already intending to buy a house in Europe for my brother which has migrated there.
and if its not such a big deal then why she kept asking the questions on where we are to live? Is it really that bad to live in a HDB flat? because by her intention in asking persistantly if we are going to live in my current place in, it gives the signal that it is not acceptable to live in a HDB flat because she experienced my current place, even though she has been living in a 3 room HDB all her life.
Quoted from you "Like i said originally" Please state where in your posts before my first post that u mentioned u live in a bungalow....zzzzz.....maybe she already think that u cant even afford a HDB at yr salary...lol....
so insecure, r u sure u r a guy???
go be a monk lah then no need to worry about this n that...
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there's nothing wrong with her wanting to live better...who doesn't? that isn't materialism per se....conversely, it seems you have little ambition....be grateful that she's willing to live with your parents and if she's genuinely able to accept and treat your parents well, i don't see any issues...if anything, i think she's in bliss about her future with you...
why don't you share your outlook of the future with her instead and see where that leads to....if your parents are that loaded , then join them in their biz and learn the ropes...if they are not in biz, then model yourself after them to accumulate wealth..
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
Well she doesn't treat her family well, she used to live in a 3 room HDB flat but has since moved to an aunt's place.
In her family its survival of the fittest because i heard that when she was young her family did not even take care of her, did not give her allowance, and she was made to starve often from Secondary school all the way thru Uni.
Her parents are divorced which contributed to the situation.
The thing is, she has stated many many times if my current place will be where we will live should we get married.
Sure she has more earning power now, but she had a 3 year head start ahead of me in working.
I don't mind her background but i don't want her to have the wrong intentions because many people get discarded by their spouses should they fall upon bad times financially.
Besides i am not even thinking of the house and if we don't get it then we will move out to a HDB, but it seems like that is not the case with her because she gives me the feeling that she doesn't feel otherwise.
I strongly suggest U talk to her about her views(wants if U want to put it plainly) before U get married.
bread and butter issues like
Where to stay(Private/HDB,In-Laws)
Job(Keep current job,stay home)
Contribution to family(flat/house,bills)
Contribution to her side of the family
Kids(Want to have?When to have?Where to have?)
The above is just a rough guide and is not meant as comprehensive.
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Originally posted by FireIce:
or are u afraid tt she might need to ask u to finance her 娘家 in future?
finance 娘家can be in a different form....she earn her own...but she dont contribute to family expenses...but she give to her own family....so TS pays the family bills....which in essence...means TS financing 娘家...just that he is not giving money directly.
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Nowadays all the girls want to Marry Up only..
blame the parents ! Not the girl !
he he
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Originally posted by BadzMaro:
Nowadays all the girls want to Marry Up only..
blame the parents ! Not the girl !
he he
Nowadays ? You must be kidding.
Since long long time ago.. women wanted to marry UP liao.
Since caveman, the strongest man gets the girl. OK ? Good.
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marry up is fine. but dont forget, have to bring up the parents and relatives oso.
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TS..Dun think too much..Living in condo nowadays is not big deal mah..my family lives in a 3 rm but my bro in law family is staying in 6th ave when my sister got married..so my bro in law should be thinking more than u lor last time..
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Alpha, Are you feeling insecure, because you know you are unable to provide the kind of life your girlfriend desires?
Are you afraid of letting go your ego and admit to her that if she marries you, she is essentially marrying a pauper ?
If you really cannot afford living in a private property like your father, then be honest and let her know.
Whats the point of PRETENDING to be rich ? You are only raising her expectations on you, these unrealistic expectations will crash the relationship when your true potential comes to light.
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Actually this girl is good for you.
She would drive you to meet your parents expectation of you.
She wants to live in a landed property or condo, you get if for her, and your parents would be proud of you. Their son can make it on his own, without leaching on their wealth.
If you feel you cannot deliver, then you would be afraid of her. That Fear would give rise to doubt.
Only love would overcome that fear.
And love, builds.
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Rule of thumb: It's always better to marry someone who has the same family background as you; Don't go for more and Don't go for less.
I'm currently married and when i was dating my wife back then, she wasn't too materialistic about branded bags, brands etc. for her parents operate a few businesses and she's able to buy such stuffs herself.
Try dating someone of a different background and probably it's inevitable to spend lots of money during dating.
Respect this rule and all beings will be happy
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Money is the root of all evil and human greed is contagious.
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SCREW THE SLUT 1ST..................think later..................
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TS fainted already....
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
Currently i am in a very good relationship.
She is caring, understanding, loving, not materialistic, etc.
She also is currently in a good paying job and is earning a lot more than me, probably 1.5 times more.
However, here lies the problem, she comes from a very poor family and i do not.
I do live in an good surburb in the west side of Singapore and my family will soon acquire a condo in a prime area of Singapore.
I always somehow get this feeling that she is with me not because she truely loves me but because getting involved with me will move her up the status ladder in the long run should we get married because of my family background and her family background as well.
She has never openly mentioned something like this, but then again who would?
Are my fears valid or am i too paranoid?
You mentioned she is caring,understanding,loving,not materialistic...etc
I think you've got a problem with your ego.Once you have sorted that out then maybe people here can give you some clean advice.
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Hey,
really i think your fears are unfounded. If you think that she's the one, and that you truly love her, there ought to be some form of trust present. Remember, doubt and questioning in a relationship only serves to break things down between you guys.
What i suggest for you is to be very frank and have a talk with her. Sit both of you down and just present to her your worries but BE TACTFUL because women are sensitive and she might be hurt.
Hope it helps
rachel
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next time she ask where you 2 will live, tell her HDB flat first lor. then if work and save enough money then upgrade.
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Some irony in your post. Do you really know her well ? Then why post here. Imagine if the roles changed, you are a poor guy and she is a rich girl. Do you like your boyfriend to have that sort of thinking ?
Typical rich people mentality. Having a golden spoon up your ass doesnt mean anything.
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Originally posted by Alpha Omega:
Currently i am in a very good relationship.
She is caring, understanding, loving, not materialistic, etc.
She also is currently in a good paying job and is earning a lot more than me, probably 1.5 times more.
However, here lies the problem, she comes from a very poor family and i do not.
I do live in an good surburb in the west side of Singapore and my family will soon acquire a condo in a prime area of Singapore.
I always somehow get this feeling that she is with me not because she truely loves me but because getting involved with me will move her up the status ladder in the long run should we get married because of my family background and her family background as well.
She has never openly mentioned something like this, but then again who would?
Are my fears valid or am i too paranoid?
I think you are too paranoid.
Read the 1st 2 lines yourself and go think it thru. You yourself said that you are in a good relationship and she is not materialistic.
How long have you 2 been together? Have you 2 got thru alot? if yes and she still stays with you thru-out then hold on to this gal. Most imptly do you really love her?
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rich people suffer from the paranoia and insecurity that people marry them for their money. you have to judge if this feeling that you get about her arises from her per se or from your own paranoia and insecurity.
just like good looking women tend to think that men are with them for lust, which may not be the case at all since we can't generalise for all men. this thinking is a projection of the woman's self-consciousness and possibly past experience with other lustful men.