Originally posted by TYING:If your girl is an emotionally uptight person, then i guess no matter how much calming down sessions or what would work ba. Maybe you make up your mind whether you want to be with her or not? Accept her for her emotional flaws, and deal with it one by one. Don't know if im saying the right thing or not also. =X
Well, I am not very sure about this. When I first knew her as a friend, she is very happy, outgoing, not like now quite emo and insecure. After the last relationship ended then she became like this.
Been 7 months now. Though she is alot better, deep down inside she seems very hurt, scar is very deep. She knows how much I love her, pamper her, care for her. Yet it seems at times she says very negative and hurtful stuff which she doesnt seem to realise.
Only when I am leaving her then her actions speak for her heart, which is not to let me go...
Ya i believe that is what she needs. You leaving her. Until then she will then realise how important you are. And not take you for granted
Something similar to what is happening to my brother. He's currently 25 this yr and his gf is the same age as him.
My brother was very nice to her. She feels hurt and sad about the previous relationship she had because her ex 2 timed her . BUT my brother have never been in a single relationship before. So this current gf , is the 1st. When my brother is free he will always make a trip down to her office to eat lunch with her. And will fetch her home every day without fail. I strongly believed that she is taking my brother for granted. I don't know why she has to meet my brother everyday. Its like she will die if she didn't meet my brother for only a day. So , its very normal for guys to bring gf out along for friend's birthday party and outing right ? The problems started.
During one of his friend's birthday party , 1 of the girl whom he knew , said hello to her. Just a mere greeting and she reprimanded my brother by saying he is flirting with her. Ever since that day , he's not allowed to go any friend's birthday party.
Friend's outing.. There's a day whereby my brother meet his best friend out for dinner. For a few hours.. Few days later , his best friend wanna meet him for a movie. And his gf disapprove of him meeting his best friend saying that the dinner meeting is enough and that he should spend time with her not him. And FYI , my brother don't have much friends.
Then , when my brother started working , she started doing nonsense. Like she will check on my brother's hp. And what's the most horrible stuff she did was using her extra no. to sms to my brother acting as his colleague testing him. ( Ever since my brother was with her , he stopped contacting every single girl he knows and my bro usually don't talk much to girls also..)
I don't understand why she always think that my brother is hiding something from her.. To the extend that she uses my brother phone to reply to his best friend's message to check whether there's something on that she doesn't know. HOW TERRIBLE ? she's 25 mind you. I don't even do such things to my boyfriend (i'm 19 fyi) !!!
She don't allow my brother to go out with his colleagues also. It was my brother's 1st job.So his colleagues had a last min outing . My brother wanna be in good terms with them. And so , he went. He told his gf about this last min outing and she's throwing trantrum .. saying that she took leave that day just to spend the time with him. Correct , but you see , he can go out with her anytime but not the colleagues ah. she fails to understand. Now my brother starts to feel unbreathable. Thanks to her. Poor thing.
Originally posted by evolutiondiva:Something similar to what is happening to my brother. He's currently 25 this yr and his gf is the same age as him.
My brother was very nice to her. She feels hurt and sad about the previous relationship she had because her ex 2 timed her . BUT my brother have never been in a single relationship before. So this current gf , is the 1st. When my brother is free he will always make a trip down to her office to eat lunch with her. And will fetch her home every day without fail. I strongly believed that she is taking my brother for granted. I don't know why she has to meet my brother everyday. Its like she will die if she didn't meet my brother for only a day. So , its very normal for guys to bring gf out along for friend's birthday party and outing right ? The problems started.
During one of his friend's birthday party , 1 of the girl whom he knew , said hello to her. Just a mere greeting and she reprimanded my brother by saying he is flirting with her. Ever since that day , he's not allowed to go any friend's birthday party.
Friend's outing.. There's a day whereby my brother meet his best friend out for dinner. For a few hours.. Few days later , his best friend wanna meet him for a movie. And his gf disapprove of him meeting his best friend saying that the dinner meeting is enough and that he should spend time with her not him. And FYI , my brother don't have much friends.
Then , when my brother started working , she started doing nonsense. Like she will check on my brother's hp. And what's the most horrible stuff she did was using her extra no. to sms to my brother acting as his colleague testing him. ( Ever since my brother was with her , he stopped contacting every single girl he knows and my bro usually don't talk much to girls also..)
I don't understand why she always think that my brother is hiding something from her.. To the extend that she uses my brother phone to reply to his best friend's message to check whether there's something on that she doesn't know. HOW TERRIBLE ? she's 25 mind you. I don't even do such things to my boyfriend (i'm 19 fyi) !!!
She don't allow my brother to go out with his colleagues also. It was my brother's 1st job.So his colleagues had a last min outing . My brother wanna be in good terms with them. And so , he went. He told his gf about this last min outing and she's throwing trantrum .. saying that she took leave that day just to spend the time with him. Correct , but you see , he can go out with her anytime but not the colleagues ah. she fails to understand. Now my brother starts to feel unbreathable. Thanks to her. Poor thing.
erm... my gf respects our private space and she dun like to meet so often...
Originally posted by evolutiondiva:Something similar to what is happening to my brother. He's currently 25 this yr and his gf is the same age as him.
My brother was very nice to her. She feels hurt and sad about the previous relationship she had because her ex 2 timed her . BUT my brother have never been in a single relationship before. So this current gf , is the 1st. When my brother is free he will always make a trip down to her office to eat lunch with her. And will fetch her home every day without fail. I strongly believed that she is taking my brother for granted. I don't know why she has to meet my brother everyday. Its like she will die if she didn't meet my brother for only a day. So , its very normal for guys to bring gf out along for friend's birthday party and outing right ? The problems started.
During one of his friend's birthday party , 1 of the girl whom he knew , said hello to her. Just a mere greeting and she reprimanded my brother by saying he is flirting with her. Ever since that day , he's not allowed to go any friend's birthday party.
Friend's outing.. There's a day whereby my brother meet his best friend out for dinner. For a few hours.. Few days later , his best friend wanna meet him for a movie. And his gf disapprove of him meeting his best friend saying that the dinner meeting is enough and that he should spend time with her not him. And FYI , my brother don't have much friends.
Then , when my brother started working , she started doing nonsense. Like she will check on my brother's hp. And what's the most horrible stuff she did was using her extra no. to sms to my brother acting as his colleague testing him. ( Ever since my brother was with her , he stopped contacting every single girl he knows and my bro usually don't talk much to girls also..)
I don't understand why she always think that my brother is hiding something from her.. To the extend that she uses my brother phone to reply to his best friend's message to check whether there's something on that she doesn't know. HOW TERRIBLE ? she's 25 mind you. I don't even do such things to my boyfriend (i'm 19 fyi) !!!
She don't allow my brother to go out with his colleagues also. It was my brother's 1st job.So his colleagues had a last min outing . My brother wanna be in good terms with them. And so , he went. He told his gf about this last min outing and she's throwing trantrum .. saying that she took leave that day just to spend the time with him. Correct , but you see , he can go out with her anytime but not the colleagues ah. she fails to understand. Now my brother starts to feel unbreathable. Thanks to her. Poor thing.
The girl got to trust your bro more. Not as if your bro really goes around flirting with girls making her feel uneasy. When things like that happen, the best is cut it out directly and have some period to think through, continue or dont conti
People, stop letting yourself be used and abused.
Those who uses their "past hurt" as an excuse to behave like they are some wounded animals are just.. manipulators.
It's just their means of controlling you.
If they havn't get over their "horrid" past yet, then they really shouldn't be in any relationship at all.
So leave those "fake hurt" people alone until they get their head out of their arse.
Deperados will run to their "aid" trying to be a "hero", then just take the trashing like one and stop your complaining. Because you deserved it.
Originally posted by goofyzell:erm... my gf respects our private space and she dun like to meet so often...
She is keeping you on a LONG leash while she goes looking for her prince charming.
You're just her fall back, so don't be stupid thinking you have a very special place in her heart.
When she finds one she really like, she'll not treat him like the way she is treating you now.
Go and find yourself another gal, and stop being such a moron.
Originally posted by jojobeach:She is keeping you on a LONG leash while she goes looking for her prince charming.
You're just her fall back, so don't be stupid thinking you have a very special place in her heart.
When she finds one she really like, she'll not treat him like the way she is treating you now.
Go and find yourself another gal, and stop being such a moron.
I dunno about this but 1 thing I do know is that if I dun a place in her heart, she wont pull me back when I am leaving. She wont even think of marriage in 2, 3 years time.
I dun need to be the special one. Just need her to know if I am the right one will do. She has been very hurt b4 and I have nursed her back to a better state. I plan to do this all the way until she is completely ok.
Originally posted by goofyzell:I dunno about this but 1 thing I do know is that if I dun a place in her heart, she wont pull me back when I am leaving. She wont even think of marriage in 2, 3 years time.
I dun need to be the special one. Just need her to know if I am the right one will do. She has been very hurt b4 and I have nursed her back to a better state. I plan to do this all the way until she is completely ok.
This is never easy, as you dono about the other partys heart. Good luck to your one sided sacrifice. In the end if your sacrifice doesnt pay off, you will be hurted, Just that simple.
Originally posted by TTFU:This is never easy, as you dono about the other partys heart. Good luck to your one sided sacrifice. In the end if your sacrifice doesnt pay off, you will be hurted, Just that simple.
I understand.
Thats why she does not wanna commit now. She said 2, 3 years which is good enough for her to decide if I am the right one for her.
Her mum told me she has had a talk with her. Her mum said that she dun dare commit as she is afraid. She is afraid I will not be as nice to her after marriage, we will change heart(�心), etc etc...
Her mum also said just give her more time as she tries to talk to her again over time...
It all takes time, hope your GF understands and be less paranoid. I failed at something similar before, in the end we seperated and she found a new bf. Hope your sacrifice pays off.
Originally posted by goofyzell:I dunno about this but 1 thing I do know is that if I dun a place in her heart, she wont pull me back when I am leaving. She wont even think of marriage in 2, 3 years time.
I dun need to be the special one. Just need her to know if I am the right one will do. She has been very hurt b4 and I have nursed her back to a better state. I plan to do this all the way until she is completely ok.
You ? Nursed her back to health ? What rubbish.
It was TIME that heals everything.
I think you are more of a burden to her now than a knight in shining armor.
2-3 years to see if you a the right one ? Fooey.
If a girl really wants you.. 2-3 MONTHS is more than enough.
You are only deluding yourself lah.
You think you have her mum on your side so you stand a chance ? Oh please. The pressure will make her dislike you more.
You don't have any other gals to go out with doncha ? Go out and make friends.. meet other girls.
This self pitying is so pathetic.
Originally posted by jojobeach:You ? Nursed her back to health ? What rubbish.
It was TIME that heals everything.
I think you are more of a burden to her now than a knight in shining armor.
2-3 years to see if you a the right one ? Fooey.
If a girl really wants you.. 2-3 MONTHS is more than enough.
You are only deluding yourself lah.
You think you have her mum on your side so you stand a chance ? Oh please. The pressure will make her dislike you more.
You don't have any other gals to go out with doncha ? Go out and make friends.. meet other girls.
This self pitying is so pathetic.
You are the one who is pathetic.
If TIME heals everything, why do still need doctors, counsellors, etc? Do you go see a doctor when you are sick? IF you do, dun say this crap here. Saying TIME heals everything is just trying to lie to yourself.
I was there to give her moral support and lend her a shoulder. Always there when she breaks down. Encouraged her, pacify her when she is going break down. What DO you know? I helped her get better. Now she is very much happier. Not like last time, will cry in the middle of the night, have nightmares... and I am not claiming for it. Her mum saw how much I am willing to go through with my gf.
I didnt say ask her mum to put in a few words in my favour. I just said her mum will talk to her, talk her out of her fear. Not hypotise her to choose me. If fact I NEVER asked her to give me an answer.
I dun have to report to anyone how many gals are asking me out. Who cares? Why bother showing off too? I'll go out when I feel like going out with them.
Why are you so worked up for?
comman relationship problem, firstly you're a guy dont be too relying on a relationship.
secondly, she doesnt trust you.
Originally posted by goofyzell:You are the one who is pathetic.
If TIME heals everything, why do still need doctors, counsellors, etc? Do you go see a doctor when you are sick? IF you do, dun say this crap here. Saying TIME heals everything is just trying to lie to yourself.
I was there to give her moral support and lend her a shoulder. Always there when she breaks down. Encouraged her, pacify her when she is going break down. What DO you know? I helped her get better. Now she is very much happier. Not like last time, will cry in the middle of the night, have nightmares... and I am not claiming for it. Her mum saw how much I am willing to go through with my gf.
I didnt say ask her mum to put in a few words in my favour. I just said her mum will talk to her, talk her out of her fear. Not hypotise her to choose me. If fact I NEVER asked her to give me an answer.
I dun have to report to anyone how many gals are asking me out. Who cares? Why bother showing off too? I'll go out when I feel like going out with them.
Why are you so worked up for?
Oh.. so you are her love doctor lor. Without you she would have died right ?
Please lor, how many boyfriends before you ? Did she die ? No right?
Today , she is still alive to torture you.
Girls went through bad breakups .. many times in our life, do we die ? No, every breakups puts us closer to the right guy.
We adapt and learn. Not as weak as you think dude.
She tell everyone is fear ah.. then don't get into relationship lor. Simple wat.
I also fear drowning wor.. but I love floating in big swimming pool with my pina colada served by a handsome waiter in skimpy G-strings leh.... how ah ?
Please lah goofy, wake up already. But then again .. I think you don't want to stop this dream right ?
Is she the kind of girl you'd probably never get to bag under normal circumstances ? Probably so, rebounds are scavengers that way.
OK lah. I leave you be.
When she finally dumps you for her prince charming liao, don't come a cryin OK ? Good.
Girls Only When they really love u they CARE about your feelings, Since she dun WANT to let go Of her Past , U must let go of her , Or u Suffer .
Originally posted by goofyzell:
hi guys, i am having some problems.
when i was just with my gf, she was very nice, giving me lots of attention.
now we have been together for a few months (more than 6 months) and she said i am too sticky and she often takes me for granted.
she also like to take my stuff (hp, wallet etc) to have a look but yet when i asked and take her hp to look, she is very angry and snatches it back and said that i am checking up on her.
can anyone tell me whats wrong nowadays?
she got used to you and as a result does not bother to keep up an image to impress anymore..... in a 1 liner.... honeymoon period is over.
Option 1 ...honeymoon period over le... dispose and find another one to go over the honeymoon period again.
Option 2 ...try for a serious relationship and stand up for what you think is right (in this case i think u r right.... she is just possesive, intrudes on yer privacy fullfil her possesive need and still wants her privacy).
Option 2 has 2 results.
Result 1 ...every argument she always win even though u noe u r right. If u still want to continue the relationship b rdy to b luffed at by yer peers.
Result 2 ...after a period of fights... for some ppl takes years .... some ppl faster.... u will reach plateau in which case she starts to resemble a guy friend... and if u enjoy that friendship go get married.
Result 2 is also the reason behind this saying...."beside every drop dead gorgeous woman is a very bored guy"
Kind Regards
Genie
Originally posted by jojobeach:Oh.. so you are her love doctor lor. Without you she would have died right ?
Please lor, how many boyfriends before you ? Did she die ? No right?
Today , she is still alive to torture you.
Girls went through bad breakups .. many times in our life, do we die ? No, every breakups puts us closer to the right guy.
We adapt and learn. Not as weak as you think dude.
She tell everyone is fear ah.. then don't get into relationship lor. Simple wat.
I also fear drowning wor.. but I love floating in big swimming pool with my pina colada served by a handsome waiter in skimpy G-strings leh.... how ah ?
Please lah goofy, wake up already. But then again .. I think you don't want to stop this dream right ?
Is she the kind of girl you'd probably never get to bag under normal circumstances ? Probably so, rebounds are scavengers that way.
OK lah. I leave you be.
When she finally dumps you for her prince charming liao, don't come a cryin OK ? Good.
Sorry lor... my gf is one example of such "weak" person.
She said she thinks she loves to be alone. I told her to stop lying. If she loves to be alone she wont have a bf. She kept quiet.
zzz...
this reminds of a saying by Papa, "forget your personal tragedy, we're all bitched from the start. when you get the damned hurt, use it, don't cheat with it."
Originally posted by Genie99a:she got used to you and as a result does not bother to keep up an image to impress anymore..... in a 1 liner.... honeymoon period is over.
Option 1 ...honeymoon period over le... dispose and find another one to go over the honeymoon period again.
Option 2 ...try for a serious relationship and stand up for what you think is right (in this case i think u r right.... she is just possesive, intrudes on yer privacy fullfil her possesive need and still wants her privacy).
Option 2 has 2 results.
Result 1 ...every argument she always win even though u noe u r right. If u still want to continue the relationship b rdy to b luffed at by yer peers.
Result 2 ...after a period of fights... for some ppl takes years .... some ppl faster.... u will reach plateau in which case she starts to resemble a guy friend... and if u enjoy that friendship go get married.
Result 2 is also the reason behind this saying...."beside every drop dead gorgeous woman is a very bored guy"
Kind Regards
Genie
I chose option 2.
I will talk to her if I feel I am right. Wont let her win all the time.
Sometimes being a man, you need to have some power, give in to her too much, she climb up and pee on your head. In the end she dont treat you serious cause you give in too much.
She's showing her true colours (this is her true self) and letting her guard down because she's gotten comfortable with you in the relationship. This is what happens to many girls. From what you say, she is clearly very desperate to get married, since she's always looking at the HDB website and wanting to apply for one.
Get your power back and tell you in no uncertain terms that you will not marry her until she bucks up and wake up her idea.
now we are having another problem.
We used to make out quite often. Most of the time(up to 90%) she is the one who initiate it. Now she changed a job and is quite stressed so she dun have the needs anymore.
She feels that I am pressurising her into doing it, thinks that I am with her for the sex, which is not true.If she is not in the mood, we will pass. Sometimes up to 3 weeks in a go. I have not pressurised her but I have told her that she needs to relax once she knocks off. She can get so stressed that she cant sleep every night. It is affecting her daily live as well.
Cos of the frequency issue, we have been having arguements after it... In fact she is the one who gets worked up and start talking about this topic and start to quarrel.
Originally posted by goofyzell:now we are having another problem.
We used to make out quite often. Most of the time(up to 90%) she is the one who initiate it. Now she changed a job and is quite stressed so she dun have the needs anymore.
She feels that I am pressurising her into doing it, thinks that I am with her for the sex, which is not true.If she is not in the mood, we will pass. Sometimes up to 3 weeks in a go. I have not pressurised her but I have told her that she needs to relax once she knocks off. She can get so stressed that she cant sleep every night. It is affecting her daily live as well.
Cos of the frequency issue, we have been having arguements after it... In fact she is the one who gets worked up and start talking about this topic and start to quarrel.
So many problems again, you not sian, i see liao also sian. Postive advice is calm her down, chat with her if she cant sleep in the night, sweet talk her more, make her feel at ease. Negative advice to you will be, get a new gf.
Originally posted by TTFU:So many problems again, you not sian, i see liao also sian. Postive advice is calm her down, chat with her if she cant sleep in the night, sweet talk her more, make her feel at ease. Negative advice to you will be, get a new gf.
I am also sianz...
I tried alot le. Have been very patience with her also. Still think its her new job that makes her like that. She was in a horrible job also but its not stressful. Just that she got horrible colleagues.
In this new job, she can easily work until 8 to 10 pm daily and yet cannot manage to clear half her work.
I will not consider leaving her.