Situation:
Our chemistry is very good to the point that i can read her mind and
do/buy the things or bring her to places she want to go even before she
says anything.
The thing is she doesn't like my mother because my mother can be a
little bit controlling and can be overly talkative, even though most of
the time i don't really do what she says. Very often, she will appear uninterested when my mum tries to talk to her about mundane stuff. My mum has a favorable
opinion of my gf.
For instance, we were talking normally, but once i told her that my mum
is coming back to singapore (she was briefly overseas for 2 months),
she changed her mood and has not talked to me for more than 24 hours since i told her.
We have definitely contemplated marriage in the future even though we have not been together for very long.
Opinions?
mothers are like tt (she oso has mother, rite?)
and when she herself is mother someday, she will oso be like tt
avoid leaving the 2 ladies alone together
usually quite awkward, so u have to be there, or nearby, at least
so both parties oso got some "shield", if required
Originally posted by Schattenjager 82:Situation:
Our chemistry is very good to the point that i can read her mind and do/buy the things or bring her to places she want to go even before she says anything.
The thing is she doesn't like my mother because my mother can be a little bit controlling and can be overly talkative, even though most of the time i don't really do what she says. Very often, she will appear uninterested when my mum tries to talk to her about mundane stuff. My mum has a favorable opinion of my gf.
For instance, we were talking normally, but once i told her that my mum is coming back to singapore (she was briefly overseas for 2 months), she changed her mood and has not talked to me for more than 24 hours since i told her.
We have definitely contemplated marriage in the future even though we have not been together for very long.Opinions?
if your girlfriend cant get alot with your mommy, things will turn out worst when you both are married.talk to her until he hears your point out.
Get ready money and move out once you are married.... If not prepare to get sandwitched in the middle everyday
Why must it be one over the other? I don't see the reason why both cannot co exist, and i don't even mean living together, whenever i bring up my mum, her eyes will roll.
My mum has a very favorable opinion of her and has never said a bad thing about her. The only thing is that she can be overly talkative, but then again most Singaporeans are.
Originally posted by Schattenjager 82:Situation:
Our chemistry is very good to the point that i can read her mind and do/buy the things or bring her to places she want to go even before she says anything.
The thing is she doesn't like my mother because my mother can be a little bit controlling and can be overly talkative, even though most of the time i don't really do what she says. Very often, she will appear uninterested when my mum tries to talk to her about mundane stuff. My mum has a favorable opinion of my gf.
For instance, we were talking normally, but once i told her that my mum is coming back to singapore (she was briefly overseas for 2 months), she changed her mood and has not talked to me for more than 24 hours since i told her.
We have definitely contemplated marriage in the future even though we have not been together for very long.Opinions?
Remind her that a relationship requires compromise, understanding and maturity. It is more strategically viable to bite the tongue and withhold displays of emotion and just keep a certain distance instead of risking the blessings of one of the most important people to the future marriage, while you promise her that you will talk about it to your mum. Assuming she is an understanding and mature girl, she would be receptive to that logic.
During that time, however, you have to also be vocal about what your gf feels of your mother. That doesn't mean putting your mum down for her actions- she's acting that way because she's overexcited at you having such a gf. It is as important for her it is for you to have your current girlfriend. Just gently remind her that your gf feels quite uncomfortable when she displays such grandoise affections or emotions when she is around. Get her to understand your gf's likes and dislikes so that you mother is better able to get on your gf's good side, while at the same time, do the same for your gf (i.e. get her to know ur mum's likes and dislikes. An extremely happy mother = happy father = happy child = happy future.
Forming and enhancing a harmonious relationship between both parties will prove to be an extremely important and invaluable strategic asset to all parties in the future. It is better to set the stage for it to beneficially grow now than later, when resentments increase.
Good luck. :)
Originally posted by Schattenjager 82:Why must it be one over the other? I don't see the reason why both cannot co exist, and i don't even mean living together, whenever i bring up my mum, her eyes will roll.
My mum has a very favorable opinion of her and has never said a bad thing about her. The only thing is that she can be overly talkative, but then again most Singaporeans are.
then it's your gf's problem ... you wouldn't want a wife who, instead of honouring your parents, would play you against them, eh ?
when you're in the honey stage everything is lovey dovey, but when the family meets and you seriously start thinking of marriage cataracts will drop from your eyes and you'll be able to see someone's true colors .......
evaluate dispassionately dude ....
Talk to her then, but i doubt thats gonna solve the problem. Since during Gf already not happy with your mum, what makes you think things are gonna improve after marriage. Depends how serious is it, and how serious you view this. If things doesnt improve i guess find a new one.
you wouldn't want to marry this girl....especially if you're gonna have to live with your mum...my ex-boss married someone who refused to visit his mother and puts him in a spot always....take heed my friend, you're better off in the future without this girl, what you have is not chemistry, hang around with someone long enough and you can read his / her mind...
love is never enough for marriage. love can only get you to the altar. after that. the baggage that each bring to the r/s will make or break it over time.
Originally posted by Schattenjager 82:Situation:
Our chemistry is very good to the point that i can read her mind and do/buy the things or bring her to places she want to go even before she says anything.
The thing is she doesn't like my mother because my mother can be a little bit controlling and can be overly talkative, even though most of the time i don't really do what she says. Very often, she will appear uninterested when my mum tries to talk to her about mundane stuff. My mum has a favorable opinion of my gf.
For instance, we were talking normally, but once i told her that my mum is coming back to singapore (she was briefly overseas for 2 months), she changed her mood and has not talked to me for more than 24 hours since i told her.
We have definitely contemplated marriage in the future even though we have not been together for very long.Opinions?
Are you a mommy's boy ?
Can you stand on your own two feet for 1 hour without mentioning what your mommy told you this morning ?
This is a very important question and you need to answer it very honestly.
Depends on how you define.
I am pretty independent, go where i want when i want, stay where i want, to the extent that she complains sometimes that i don't stay home enough sometimes but it doesn't deter me anyway, although she somehow bugs me whenever i stay out late, but then again so do most mums.
Besides, i never talk to my GF about my mum and vice versa and seldom bring them to meet each other unless really necessary to avoid conflict.
Am i financially stable? Far from it to the extent that i probably won't be able to afford a decent place to live at the moment, but at least i spend within my means and save as much as possible.
I don't think of myself as the "mommy's" boy per say. unless there's a better definition.
Originally posted by Schattenjager 82:Depends on how you define.
I am pretty independent, go where i want when i want, stay where i want, to the extent that she complains sometimes that i don't stay home enough sometimes but it doesn't deter me anyway, although she somehow bugs me whenever i stay out late.
Besides, i never talk to my GF about my mum and vice versa and seldom bring them to meet each other unless really necessary to avoid conflict.
Am i financially stable? Far from it, but at least i spend within my means.
I don't think of myself as the "mommy's" boy per say. unless there's a better definition.
So why do you need to 'inform" your gf your mommy is back from her 2 months overseas trip ?
And is your mom the overbearing type? Does she try to "control" your gf ? Like voicing out her expectations to your gf ?
What kind of mundane stuffs your mom talks about to your girlfriend ?
Originally posted by ���ら�:Remind her that a relationship requires compromise, understanding and maturity. It is more strategically viable to bite the tongue and withhold displays of emotion and just keep a certain distance instead of risking the blessings of one of the most important people to the future marriage, while you promise her that you will talk about it to your mum. Assuming she is an understanding and mature girl, she would be receptive to that logic.
During that time, however, you have to also be vocal about what your gf feels of your mother. That doesn't mean putting your mum down for her actions- she's acting that way because she's overexcited at you having such a gf. It is as important for her it is for you to have your current girlfriend. Just gently remind her that your gf feels quite uncomfortable when she displays such grandoise affections or emotions when she is around. Get her to understand your gf's likes and dislikes so that you mother is better able to get on your gf's good side, while at the same time, do the same for your gf (i.e. get her to know ur mum's likes and dislikes. An extremely happy mother = happy father = happy child = happy future.
Forming and enhancing a harmonious relationship between both parties will prove to be an extremely important and invaluable strategic asset to all parties in the future. It is better to set the stage for it to beneficially grow now than later, when resentments increase.
Good luck. :)
Dude, it is important to not cause any more animosity between the two females.
Power struggles between mothers in laws and gf/daughter in laws are very real.
The last thing TS wants to tell his mother is what his gf truly thinks of her.
It's a delicate balance between the two most important women in his life.
One wrong move and BOOMZ, everything will blow up in your face.
Originally posted by jojobeach:So why do you need to 'inform" your gf your mommy is back from her 2 months overseas trip ?
And is your mom the overbearing type? Does she try to "control" your gf ? Like voicing out her expectations to your gf ?
What kind of mundane stuffs your mom talks about to your girlfriend ?
The main reason was because i know she dislikes my mum and she was scheduled to come over to my house today, before i actually got off work and i don't want conflicts to happen which would strain it further if they see each other and my mum tries to engage her but she tries to blow my mum off. Her relationship with my mum is already semi strained and if she comes over to my place without knowing that my mum is here then something might occur that might anger one of them. I mean my mum would sometimes tell her that she should't do certain things but that's my mum and its part of my family and she will stay that way.
We were supposed to go somewhere today, but upon knowing that my mum is coming back, she hung up the phone and has since not contacted me. Even though i told her time and again that i will still see her as per usual timing.
I do think my mum has expectations, but then again, i think that my gf's expectations for me far exceed my mum's expectations for her, or my expectations for her, but then again who hasn't? She doesn't try to "control" her.
Depends on what you mean by overbearing, my mum does talk. A lot. Some people might find that overbearing.
The thing is, she just started working recently, and my mum will ask her stuff like all manner of work related, or that she will have a random conversation either with me or my sibling and expect my gf to chime in.
It is really just a conflict between 2 very headstrong personalities. Both are very stubborn and won't let up, and i guess that i am caught in the crossfire.
I guess that sometimes you just can't please everyone.
Besides, i do feel that love "should" be unconditional. Since we got to the stage where we contemplated marriage she should have at least love me for who i am, and my background and vice versa.
Originally posted by Schattenjager 82:
I think your mom is getting too involved with your relationship.
I know it's hard for you to tell your mom to back off.
The best thing for you to do is avoid any interaction between the two ladies.
Try to meet your gf outside , not within your household.
You are now your own man, there's really no need to get your whole family involved in your personal relationship.
Have you met her family yet ?
Originally posted by Schattenjager 82:I guess that sometimes you just can't please everyone.
Besides, i do feel that love "should" be unconditional. Since we got to the stage where we contemplated marriage she should have at least love me for who i am, and my background and vice versa.
Dont' get too hung up on the whole " one big extended happy family" thing. Rarely it happens, but most time it's just a fairy tale.
Yes I agree, she should accept your background and love you for who you are, but she doesn't need to kow tow to your family.
You must understand that she too has her own family, but I doubt she expects you to kow tow to her family.
Just because she takes on your name after marriage, doesn't means the both of you share the same blood line.
Give her the space you would give to a "guest" when she visits your family.
Originally posted by jojobeach:I think your mom is getting too involved with your relationship.
I know it's hard for you to tell your mom to back off.
The best thing for you to do is avoid any interaction between the two ladies.
Try to meet your gf outside , not within your household.
You are now your own man, there's really no need to get your whole family involved in your personal relationship.
Have you met her family yet ?
I try my best to minimize any interaction between 2 of them, but then again inevitably they can and they will meet each other and this cannot be helped, like for example, when they are together, my mum would invite her over to dinner for example, and it makes it difficult for her to say no.
I try not to get my family involved, but is she going to avoid my family forever? That's just flat outright impossible.
Does it mean that we minimise all interaction should we proceed to get married? That's also highly unlikely.
I meet my girlfriend outside all the time, even when my mum is not in Singapore, but sometimes she insists on coming to my place because my house is near her work place and she ends work earlier than me. (5 mins bus ride)
I have met her family many times already, am pretty close to her mum. But then again their family is divorced and she blames her dad so i hardly speak to the dad.
In addition to respond to the above quote, "respect" and "kow tow" is a very fine line and sometimes one can be mistaken for the other. It is my nature to prevent conflict as much as possible, and try to please everyone to the best of my abilities. That's just the way i am and i will be even at work. But sometimes you just can't please everyone.
Whats the main problem actually, your mum being too naggy about your gf ? or your gf is just too unreasonable ?
I wonder why are u so b othered about whether your GF gets along with your mother or not? If u are your own person secure within and hopefully your GF is the same - who cares.
Unless, your need for approval belies motives!
Originally posted by Schattenjager 82:I try my best to minimize any interaction between 2 of them, but then again inevitably they can and they will meet each other and this cannot be helped, like for example, when they are together, my mum would invite her over to dinner for example, and it makes it difficult for her to say no.
I try not to get my family involved, but is she going to avoid my family forever? That's just flat outright impossible.
Does it mean that we minimise all interaction should we proceed to get married? That's also highly unlikely.
I meet my girlfriend outside all the time, even when my mum is not in Singapore, but sometimes she insists on coming to my place because my house is near her work place and she ends work earlier than me. (5 mins bus ride)
I have met her family many times already, am pretty close to her mum. But then again their family is divorced and she blames her dad so i hardly speak to the dad.
Seriously, why do you let your mother bypass you for invites and "instructions" ? Your mom is obviously a manipulative person, and she knows how to get her way. No wonder your gf don't care for your mom.
If your mother has any request, tell her to talk to YOU not your gf. And ask for some time to think about the request or to "check your schedule".
Then you discuss whatever request with your gf.
If your gf is not comfortable with her request, then you go tell your mother. And please don't say it was your gf's idea. Just tell your mother you have other plans.
She don't have to avoid your family forever, as long as you know how to play your part to shield her from those prying family of yours.
OK. so she ends work earlier, then why don't you go meet her at HER home ? C'mon dude, you're not that lame are you ?
Originally posted by Schattenjager 82:In addition to respond to the above quote, "respect" and "kow tow" is a very fine line and sometimes one can be mistaken for the other. It is my nature to prevent conflict as much as possible, and try to please everyone to the best of my abilities. That's just the way i am and i will be even at work. But sometimes you just can't please everyone.
You can't please everyone.. just please the one who is going to decide if you get unplugged from a life support machine if anything happens to you.
1) I always go and meet her at her home almost 80% of the time. She is the one that wants to go over to my place because its near her work place so she can get some rest or do some work instead of taking the long journey home and i will send her back via car later at night. The nature of her work means she will have work to do after working hours. Dunno where you get the idea that i never go to her place to meet her when its her choice to come over to my place.2) I always tell my mother that i have other plans, for example, today i was supposed to go somewhere with my gf, and i already told my mum before hand that i will be going out even though today is the first day she is back and she expects me to be home for dinner. In fact, when my mum's in Singapore i really only go out with her maybe once every 2 weeks at most. 90% of my free time is spent with my gf even when my mum is around.3) Most of these "invitations" were asked when they are alone together, which i cannot prevent 100% of the time and often i am not aware of it. I have already highlighted this to my mum many times but i cannot control what she does and does not do behind my back because after all she is still my mum.my mum's main issue is that she doesn't want the children to "break away" from the family after marriage because my elder brother has migrated to another country and is almost "seperated" from the family. My girlfriend however, seems like she wants to minimise all ties with my family even before or after marriage except maybe during CNY.
Spare a though for your mother loh, shes the one who brought you up afterall, maybe your brother incident has affected your mum a lot. Is your mum the friendly type or the demanding and naggy type ? Then why your gf not happy with your mum ? got ask her ? or she find being with mother very sissy and want to have a world of two