why i keep meeting shallow ppl and getting hiamed?
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Originally posted by dangerboi:
focus on your studies...increases your chance of getting a high-paying job and if you do (either you're lucky or you have the capability), people will come to you
I fully agree with dangerboi. Mugg hard, do well, show them what idiots they are for not socialising with you.
That being said, you really need to get yourself out of this negative spiral. Most people dont realise this, but unless you're a really good poker player with a great poker face *cue lady gaga's song in the background*, how a person feels about herself and others is often reflected really obviously on one's face. Unless you make an effort to hide your feelings/ opinions. People who look at your face can instantly tell how you feel about yourself and how you feel about them.
Hrm... I have a friend who (And we ALL know when somebody say's "I have a friend who.." they are referring to the man/woman in the mirror, but I digress...) used to worry all the time what other people thought about him. Hence he used to try to do things to please other people all the time. Exactly the wrong thing to do, all his sucking up to other people achieved, was even more isolation without meaningful friendships.
At the end of the day, he learnt that what matters the MOST isnt what other people think about him but what he thinks about himself (this sounds really familiar... i think it came from a movie i watched ... but once again i digress). So believe in yourself that you are a person with depth. Go study hard so you can be a well educated person with depth. Do things to boost your self esteem, like go exercise and run a short marathon 10km to boost the ego. Or go learn some skills/talents that you would be proud to show off to people in time, i.e. learn how to play the guitar or bake cookies and share them with friends.
At the end of the day, he learnt to relax and be himself when out with others. He smiled more, laughed more and listened to others more when they shared things with him. Now he's much happier and has a lovely girlfriend who loves him for his depth of character, which to this day he tells her "What depth of character?? You're imagining things!". What a lucky friend i have.
If you're looking for a bunch of people to go out with, the single's forum on this website organises makkan outings from time to time. Go join them the next time they do something. But in my opinion, the truest way to develop friendships and your sense of self worth isnt via group outings, but via one-one outings with a friend. Group outings usually degenerate into frivolous conversations about the weather, the latest gossip or the latest episode of house/heroes/gossip girl/ etc etc. If you want meaningful conversations that actually deepen friendships, one-one with a friend or 2 friends is the way to go. Keep the group small!
Best of luck. And as littlemissbonkers has said, this isnt the first time you're posting a similar topic. So be selective about the advice you're reading from this forum, and start acting on it!
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gd constructive advice
thank you
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Advice will always remain advice until you put it into action. =)
Btw... if you're wondering which gender to focus cultivating friendships with, I would suggest sticking with the fairer sex. I.e Develop friendships with the girls you know. Get makeup advice, fashion tips and a shoulder to cry on that understand exactly how you feel. Trust me, guys will never understand girls =) My parents have been married for like 40 years and my dad still doesnt understand my mom haha.
Once you're confident hanging around with the chicks, the guys will make their move =)
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The titles one read know TS know the answer already. meeting shallow people and got hiam. SInce he knows these people are shallow why bother. Nexttime get one more guy to walk with you and then tok loudly hiamed them back, or just take out a handphone pretend toking on the phone to someone else and hiamed them back. Report your findings and inssiddents here again so we can kill time giving more suggestions and feedback.
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Sad to say, most guys even the most handsome, successful, rich ones WILL mind if you are fat.
So why dont you do something about your weight problem instead?
You can be very good in your studies, have a very successful career, have a lot of $$$ but most guys WON'T GIVE A HOOT about you if you are fat...
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vice versa....guys also has the same dilemma question of why gals are so obsessed with rich or gorgeously looking guys ... and has been picked for comparisons and criticisms....
now back to your dilemma ... looks are here to stay as far as men are concerned...but that is only a momentary vision...guys ain't that shallow...chicken rice will one day be fried rice...guys do look into something that sustains a relationship...thats for you to find out ..
take my advice - no harm to look good or shed few ounces of fats if u can... our modern world of relationships has much to do with marketing and packaging....but it also goes beyond if both wants a sustaining and fulfilling relationship....
the worst thing in love is not the hopeless obsession to want to do something in exchange for one’s love that may or may not happen someday; but to have found yourself playing a shadow of her past love all these times…
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Originally posted by bigthumbfoot:
i dont know why i keep meeting shallow guys and get hiamed.
Online dating, knowing new friends through my circle of friends, social outings and events. It seems i keep meeting guys who go for looks only and like girls of a particular type. And they will not hesitate to hiam you openly if they find you not their type or typically attractive and pleasant looking. I do not why it keeps happening to me. Sometimes, i just joined these social events to know more friends, but end up they hiam or compare my looks with other girls. I dont know why my appearance is always singled out for comparison or criticism.
Even when online guys see my pics, they stopped chatting online with me altogether.
Why i keep knowing guys who write me off instantly and completely based on my looks or when they first see me? They just dont want to talk to me or treat me as non-existence after seeing me in person.
Am i that bad?
I know of fat girls who have better luck meeting guys on the net. They flash their fat pictures, and meet-up, yet the guy continue to keep in touch with them..
Why I always kenna such things? I dont want to think abt it, but ppl always like to single me out and pick on my looks. I only want to expand my social circle and make friends.. why should looks be the primary factor?
I am hurted
You said people are shallow as they tend to talk to chio bu instead of you. But arent you shallow as well, by speaking of fat girls having better luck with guys?
You dont know why you always get hiam-ed, and you think it's gotta do with your looks. Lemme ask you a question, on a scale of 10, how much would you rate your looks? Please be honest. Lets say you go out and you see a girl who look exactly like you walking on the street, how much would you rate her?
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I also have no friends
All of them hiam me very fat
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Who wants to be my friend????
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Originally posted by Bak la va:
I also have no friends
All of them hiam me very fat
Time to exercise bro.
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Originally posted by TTFU:
Time to exercise bro.
me is not bro!!!! me is sis!!!
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Originally posted by Bak la va:
Who wants to be my friend????
can I..
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Originally posted by QX179R:
can I..
I pmed you my number le. -
Jie di lian ar lolol...
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how come i ish like suddenly watching teebee drama ah???
wrong channel ah? -
Originally posted by TTFU:
Jie di lian ar lolol...
how you know is jie di?
Am I so old? -
Originally posted by ^Acid^ aka s|aO^eH~:
how come i ish like suddenly watching teebee drama ah???
wrong channel ah? Always like this de mah.... Then like the shou sheng nan nu..... because of love, become chio bu liao
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Somebody should start a jogging club on Sgforums ;p Guaranteed to lose weight. If the motivation to keep on running so that you dont lose face infront of other forumers isnt a strong one, I dont know what else is =)
Then again, its highly possible the "jogging" club ends up as a "Lets jog to the nearest hawker center and have lunch" club....
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Hi,
In my humble opinion.....
First.......your mentality is not right.....
You should not be expecting too much in those outings.......what do I mean by that.....
When you are looking for a guy / boyfriend......I think it is better to start slowly first...and start from a low base......dont put pressure on yourself....that you "must" score a boyfriend.....that creates pressure and tension....and it results in disappointment......
Those outings are not meant for you to immediately score a boyfriend.......
So just go out with a relaxed attitude......
If you are really in a hurry, maybe you should join a dating agency or a matchmaking agency......then all those guys there would be in serious mode too.....
But if you dont want to apply that kind of pressure and time urgency.......and just attend outings.....then your attitude must be synchronized as well.......
So just be relaxed...and try to have fun...and chit chat with everyone.....dont take small things too seriously and over-analyze everything.....try to make connection and befriend people first.....
And my second advice,
Regarding your appearances,
It is true that appearances may affect your social life....but you can improve it by smiling.....try it....Personality is really a good way to make you shine....
So practice in front of a mirror.....practice your smile.....smiling is pleasant and make people feel good........have you been sulky and look stern all this time..? Maybe you dont realize it, but some people are like that......so try to project a more pleasant and friendly impression.....
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Originally posted by Lubb-Shhh-Dubb:
Somebody should start a jogging club on Sgforums ;p Guaranteed to lose weight. If the motivation to keep on running so that you dont lose face infront of other forumers isnt a strong one, I dont know what else is =)
Then again, its highly possible the "jogging" club ends up as a "Lets jog to the nearest hawker center and have lunch" club....
i have tried but there is nobody at the track upon the outing date. So i think bo fish prawn also good...... Started the hiking & tracking thread..... Responses not bad..... Ask TS to organise lor.
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If TS organises a sport outing thread, I promise her that I will bring 1 lorry of ppl to show support
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where ish TS ar? haven answer my qn.. which is v impt
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Originally posted by Lorry`:
where ish TS ar? haven answer my qn.. which is v impt
U poked into her fresh liao la. She needs to recover 1st before coming out to face you mah.
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Originally posted by Bak la va:
U poked into her fresh liao la. She needs to recover 1st before coming out to face you mah.
hahaha....
my question is straight to the point one ma.. not like the rest.. console console nia.. how to solve her problem? tio bo..
to TS:
Dont say people shallow la.. who dont like pretty, nice stuffs? Give u a yandao and a fugly to pick, u 99.9% pick yandao right.if u think ple hiam you because of your looks, then do sth bout it la. dress up, blabla. surgery.
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So are you fat?
Then please make even more effort to doll up. Fat people can be nice too, if you doll up properly.