My trampled pathetic life
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No problem. I hope I've helped!
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Originally posted by VexTeen92:
Hi all, so this is what is going on.
I have a elder sis, 8 years older than me. Got married when she was 18 yr old with a man 8 years older than herself. so after 7 years, they divorce due to 3rd party intrude and the man is no good himself. My sis gave birth to 2 kids from this marriage. 1 is now a primary 2 school kid and one is still 2 yr old going to 3 yr old.
In the past, when i was still younger, from primary 5 onwards, i started to help out in looking after her kids. until last year when things turned ugly. She had always see herself as someone very impt, and there is nothing more impt than her. she likes to ask for help from her family and then after helping her out, she will turn her back off and return to her normal arrogant self.
I was bullied by my bro and her since young, often get beatings for no apparent reason. I tried to kill myself when i was primary 4 as life is very tough for me for everyday i will get beatings and my head banged against the wall. My mum works overseas during that time and my dad often not at home. I was afraid of them that time as they would threaten me with horrible things. I sank into depression and eventually everything came alight when I couldn't bear the stress anymore. I went for counselling. But i have communication problem, i was extremely quiet and was quite autistic. However when in front of my friends, I am no diff from any other kids. So, after some time i was freed from these physical torturmentation.
However, the mental tormentation still stayed. When her baby come into this world, I was not spared. I need to rush home everyday and help out. Until secondary school, i took care of her kids. As i am a fat person, i often get insults from her whenever she feels that i am not doing a good job. i was stupid that time. i had zero appreciation from her.
Last year, during her divorcing she moved her whole family into our flat. But she herself stayed on in her own flat. she gave excuses like she needs a person to watch over her family. But i was having my O level examination, so my after discussion she n my mum decided to get a maid. But it turned out it was a bad choice becoz the maid was lazy and even threaten to jump off building when i scolded her. She caused alot of wounds n bruises on my niece and i flared up. But instead, i got scoldings from my sis. She blamed me for everything, all her misery, i was part of it. and her true thoughts abt me came off shooting from her mouth.
She lashed at me saying: Not only you looked like a pig but you act like one too. And she carry on commenting abt my looks and my life, saying i have no life and little friends. And she would like to see how i can survive when i am out in the society. i was insulted n ridiculed. My mum was present that day, but she kept quiet. I felt very indignant for myself.
I had always been low self esteem until recent years where i begin to mature and know more abt life. I may be fat and not much of a looker, but do i deserve that from my own family? Many times i wanted to question my mum, why? I had no life becoz of their ridiculous doings. do i derserve that??? but i know its not gonna solve the prob bcoz my elder sis will use her kids as trump card to get everything her way.
I now have to retake my O level exams as private candidate becoz i couldn't study well last year. I wasted so much of my youthful years to help her out, but in the end i get nothing in return except insults and zero appreciation.
When it comes to kids, old people can do anything for their sake. I now decided not to be stupid and further add to my own misery. But, my mum was so smart. Knowing it was Vesak day, a day where my mood is good. she implemented a task on me, it is to help my sis again. I refused, knowing it was never ending and it would again affect my studies and personal improvement. I gave her a black face. She told me 没有办法...etc... I didn't speak.
Why the heck should i help her? there is a limit to helping people. anyway its her kids, not mine. How the hell is it my fault if she cannot manage her time well and juggle her household? she choose this path herself and i see no reason to suffer with her.
I hate people like her, who uses kids as trump cards. (I am not against the kids)
It doesn't mean you are older, you are more matured in your thinking. Some people just never grow up. Single parenting is not an excuse to be unreasonable. moreover you choose to be one yourself.
reading TS's original post, i think yr sis is probably frustrated herself with her life. being married at 18 years, getting divorce, kids, single parent. she never really had the chance to "grow up" gradually. she had to "mature" quickly and step into the shoes of a mother and wife at a young tender age of 18. how old is she now ? she's probably still learning to cope ??
nevertheless it's not right for her and yr mum to impose their misery onto you. you also should not let them affect your well-being and yr chances of succeeding in life, although i understand it is difficult not to be affected when you live together.
the way to help them is to do well yourself. get out of the karmic trap of your family instead of being sucked into the collective karma of the family. family members, if they are not so wise, will drag other family members down with them when they are entrenched in their own problems. at the end of the day, the boat sink together and no one is any better. this could be resistance that you are facing as you desire a better life for yourself.
so keep a cool head. help when you can. look at yr sis with compassionate eyes (to reduce the feeling of resentment and anger towards her). meantime, keep working on doing well yourself :) remember you can bring greater benefit when you are a success and doing well.
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reply to TS: just do what you want to do and what you supposed to do at the moment... for yr sister, it is her own life... if people can say oh at that time she is married at 18 blah blah, i do not understand why people cannot understand how you feel at your age that time... it must be confusing and frustrating at the same time...
you are the only one who really know what should be done as all of us are not in your situation at all... we cannot imagine or understand fully no matter how similiar our situation might be... so just do well in your O level... Jia you!
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have u asked your sis whether she has accepted reality in a peaceful manner?
whereby every day she wakes up and stares into the mirror, she'll tell herself "this is life and this is reality" (This is very important because not everyone is born equal)
We are unable to give much help because outsiders aren't supposed to interfere into someone's family life. You could seek help from a counsellor or a psychologist
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"When it comes to kids, old people can do anything for their sake. I now decided not to be stupid and further add to my own misery. But, my mum was so smart. Knowing it was Vesak day, a day where my mood is good. she implemented a task on me, it is to help my sis again. I refused, knowing it was never ending and it would again affect my studies and personal improvement. I gave her a black face. She told me 没有办法...etc... I didn't speak.
Why the heck should i help her? there is a limit to helping people. anyway its her kids, not mine. How the hell is it my fault if she cannot manage her time well and juggle her household? she choose this path herself and i see no reason to suffer with her."
I like this part about you, it shows that you have matured.
Your sis should take care of the children herself, she should be the one that should bear the responsibility.
You have your future to take care of, it being selfish, but it is something you owe to yourself. Don't forget your sis and your mum are also being selfish of themselves and expect you to make the sacrifices.
You cannot blow your future away. They will not rescue you if you do. If you are not working now, you are dependent on you mum. Its tough, you are between the devil and the dark blue sea. This situation cannot persist for long, you have to be independent, and in Singapore that is getting your 'O' levels which is the minimum for starting out on a decent paying job.
Your challenge is studying for your self improvement against their needs which is hampering your study.
At 18, you can escape by getting a job that will take you out of the house and be somewhat independedt, and pursue your studies.
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Originally posted by VexTeen92:
It is before they divorced, my mum lend him the $ to pay for a new flat. then who noes 7 yrs later they would divorce? We had alrdy sue him, and court order is placed. But he has no property to his own. He even came bk and tries to fight for the flat... Pointless sueing a man with no $. You can say we r just suey.....
erm so it means that he have his own flat as he got the money from your mum to buy the flat?
than why you say he got no property?
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Originally posted by Chester_Lim:
erm so it means that he have his own flat as he got the money from your mum to buy the flat?
than why you say he got no property?
Because the property is bought with my mum's $$$. So if they sell the flat, not only we cannot get back whole sum but we will need to split, its like getting back our $ but lesser... although the name is under his, the flat is bought with our $$$.
So this is what i mean he doesn't have any property to his own. The property he has is only on the surface, truth is it belongs to my mum. So, he return us our own $$$ =.=
But up till now we didn't even get back any at all. Suey ttm.
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Originally posted by VexTeen92:
Because the property is bought with my mum's $$$. So if they sell the flat, not only we cannot get back whole sum but we will need to split, its like getting back our $ but lesser... although the name is under his, the flat is bought with our $$$.
So this is what i mean he doesn't have any property to his own. The property he has is only on the surface, truth is it belongs to my mum. So, he return us our own $$$ =.=
But up till now we didn't even get back any at all. Suey ttm.
Truth itself in this case holds zero value. Something of value might be your mum's name in that flat, or even a IOU reciept of that guy lending money. In this case even if you sue, chances are you will lose.
But whats over is over, treat is as a lesson learnt.
lastly, trolls do exist like i said on the first page, but good advices exist as well. Judge for yourself.
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Originally posted by TTFU:
Truth itself in this case holds zero value. Something of value might be your mum's name in that flat, or even a IOU reciept of that guy lending money. In this case even if you sue, chances are you will lose.
But whats over is over, treat is as a lesson learnt.
lastly, trolls do exist like i said on the first page, but good advices exist as well. Judge for yourself.
Okok... i know.. dun mind me. Thanks again. I will move on from there.
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k next thread
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Originally posted by TTFU:
Ok glad that my post is not in vain. k next thread