Need advice on this issue
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Hi bros and sis, im new to this forum so I sincerely appreciate any advice given.
I got to know this girl in the office for only a few days. Then she left after 3 days and I took over her job fully. During the time, she was very helpful and im grateful to her for that as she has her own work to do too. I asked for her msn and fb, but I forgot to ask her contact number from her, so I got her contact number from her friend. I tried to ask her out for dinner as she was a nice young lady. Ok so we meetup for a simple meal and the day ended nicely after that. By being a gentleman, I send her an sms saying that do let me know when you reach home safely. Afterwhich, she did reply saying that she has reached home safely. I chit chat with her a bit thru sms and I wished her goodnight and tot I had ended the day. Then, 4 days passed and I have not contacted her. Then on the fith day, I sms her Ive got smthg to give her are you free tml? But she didnt reply. I tot she didnt receive my msg and and so at nightI sent her a msg asking her if she had received my sms in the afternoon. No reply from her also. Then I conclude that she is trying to avoid me. Should I call her becos my fren say I should as there might be some mis communication. Some frens say that I might have scared her with my actions. I am very puzzled by this. I need some advice as to what should I do next.
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Originally posted by Jobangel sg83:
Hi bros and sis, im new to this forum so I sincerely appreciate any advice given.
I got to know this girl in the office for only a few days. Then she left after 3 days and I took over her job fully. During the time, she was very helpful and im grateful to her for that as she has her own work to do too. I asked for her msn and fb, but I forgot to ask her contact number from her, so I got her contact number from her friend. I tried to ask her out for dinner as she was a nice young lady. Ok so we meetup for a simple meal and the day ended nicely after that. By being a gentleman, I send her an sms saying that do let me know when you reach home safely. Afterwhich, she did reply saying that she has reached home safely. I chit chat with her a bit thru sms and I wished her goodnight and tot I had ended the day. Then, 4 days passed and I have not contacted her. Then on the fith day, I sms her Ive got smthg to give her are you free tml? But she didnt reply. I tot she didnt receive my msg and and so at nightI sent her a msg asking her if she had received my sms in the afternoon. No reply from her also. Then I conclude that she is trying to avoid me. Should I call her becos my fren say I should as there might be some mis communication. Some frens say that I might have scared her with my actions. I am very puzzled by this. I need some advice as to what should I do next.
Yes, you might have scared her... Continue to msn and chat with her to a comfortable level first. Make her feel you are a friend first and not just an ex colleague. She only know you for few days and you already wanted to specially ask her out and give her a gift? Too fast and furious since you mention she is a nice lady.Nice lady cannot take such fast action.
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she may have sensed smthg is not right... maybe stop smsing her for now
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she may have been overseas...
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she thinks you might be wooing her...should have kept your sms on work matters...don't contact her anymore, she's avoiding you for sure....
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a lot of guys like to sms...what's wrong huh lol. Just call la. She may have gone overseas or simply lost her mobile.
If she can meet u one on one for dinner, that means she's comfy enough with you. And to ask if she has reached home safely, that's rather gentlemanly of u. And u only contacted her 4 days later, which shows that you're not sticky. Doing all the right things so far.
Just call her.
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Let me guess this straight. You are attracted to someone whom has left the company, and her position has been taken over by you? And the time span in which you got to know her from the start of your duties to her actual last day is 3 days?
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She moved on.
So just get back to your work.
You think she owe you her life for your meal?
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Sounds like u have been a superb gentleman.
It could be that after your date, when u chatted with her on the phone, she might have felt that since you've chatted so much on the date, why chat more instead of letting me wash up and go to sleep.
I find that talking to a person too long spoils the magic. Normally when I am on the phone, and the conversation starts to get dull, I will say
'OK, I got to go. I hear mom calling me. Speak to u tomoro'.
On the other hand, it could be OTHER REASONS. Don't torture yourself and SECOND GUESS the reason. Just call her.
If she picks up, say u sent 2 sms' to her and was concerned something happened to her. But now you know she's safe, you feel relieved. THEN HANG UP. As her out a fornight later, NOT now.
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I meant ask her out again two weeks later. Or maybe 10 days later. But don't ask her out now.
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Originally posted by MaNyZeR:
she may have been overseas...
oh i saw her adding friends in the fb the day i sms her. Prior to that I was also thinking that she might have left her hp in the house while she was out.
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Originally posted by Bhw33:
I meant ask her out again two weeks later. Or maybe 10 days later. But don't ask her out now.
she is going to australia for 1 year to further her studies somewhere in early july. But prior to asking her out again, i may need to clarify myself over what thing I want to give her becos i did not state in my sms i am going to give her a self made tiramisu. But now if i give her, i think it would make the matter more complicated becos she would think very far as to why would i make a tiramisu for her specially.
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Originally posted by Rock^Star:
a lot of guys like to sms...what's wrong huh lol. Just call la. She may have gone overseas or simply lost her mobile.
If she can meet u one on one for dinner, that means she's comfy enough with you. And to ask if she has reached home safely, that's rather gentlemanly of u. And u only contacted her 4 days later, which shows that you're not sticky. Doing all the right things so far.
Just call her.
she told me shes comfortable with sms actually i prefer to call as well. I think she thinks that the dinner does not mean anything more than a 'thank you' ritual.
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I feel that she is a nice girl and i want to show my appreciation by making her a tiramisu. But now I feel that it could worsen the situation
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Your self made or supermarket made Tiramisu is just an excuse to see her again lah...
She not stupid you know...
Try not to act mysterious next time lah... makes you look wishy washy like char boh like that...
You think people got so much time come out and meet you in person over a Tiramisu meh...
If you really want to share the cake/gift with her.. just deliver to her office can already...
Want to date her out.. be more direct.. don't make stupid excuses...OK ? Good.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Your self made or supermarket made Tiramisu is just an excuse to see her again lah...
She not stupid you know...
Try not to act mysterious next time lah... makes you look wishy washy like char boh like that...
You think people got so much time come out and meet you in person over a Tiramisu meh...
If you really want to share the cake/gift with her.. just deliver to her office can already...
Want to date her out.. be more direct.. don't make stupid excuses...OK ? Good.
I wanted to pass it to her near her place cos the tiramisu must be kept in the fridge. Otherwise it would melt. If i wanted to ask her out, I would do so directly like the first time like that. But i didnt say what i want to give to her.
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This date was just a casual dinner between office colleagues. Just like u having dinner with your male buddies.
You cannot force her (lets say Jasmine) to love u. But finding out her thoughts wouldn't hurt. And being manupulative (WITHOUT EVER TELLING HER) might worl to your advtg.
U: Hi Jasmine, I brought a gift for u but I would also like to speak to u privately, is that ok?
HER: Sure, lets go to a private corner.
U: I made this tiramisu for your going away party, I hope u like it
HER: O my God, the tiramisu looks lovely. U are such a wonderful ex-colleague.
U: Yeh, to be frank, my mother helped me to make it. People also tell me i have butter fingers
HER: I think that is the most touching thing someone has ever done to me.
U: O comon. I'm sure your parents have touched your hear so many times. BUT KNOW THAT U MENTON IT, there is a 2nd thing I like to talk to you about.
HER: What's that?
U: I wouldn't mind keeping in touch with u when u are overseas. I know u have a lot of friends. But do u have the time to answer my e-mails. My reaso is that I usually have many issues and complications in the office and I would like your opinion (because u seem to be proficient in solving office politics).
HER: Of course, sure. Write to me anytime. I'll email u my oz no in case u need to call me.
U: Really appreciate it.
Comment: What u are aiming at is communication. And communication is on a regular basis. U call her n u tell her your office problems. She consoles u. But u must also ask her how everything is at oz. If she says she has problems settling in, offer a solution. Google b4 u call her to find out solution in settling in a foreign country. They give a lot of tips. Then use those tips to console her.
Comment: U must be realistic that if she spends 1 year in oz, she might meet a guy whom she likes. So NEVER have any expectations, since u are not committed to her, and the relationship is casual. But if the phone calls keep coming in, u know she's becoming comfortable with u. So in 9 months time u say
U: 'Can I be frank. Over this period I've seem to become quite attached to u. I don't know why. It seems I connect better with u more than any friends I have. Our previous phone conversations so resonated with your character.I wonder if we can try going out after u return. I would like that very much. IT'S OK TO SAY NO. I am not the type of person to fporce someone to out if she doesn't want to.
SHE: Uh, well...I am curently seeing an Australian man right now, so I don't know if it would complicate matters.
U: But we are just PLATONIC FRIENDS. U enjoy my friendship and I enjoy yours. It would just be a casual dinner between u and I. Nothing to worry about.
She: (open minded after being in a white country): Alright then.
In the meantime while u r eating with her, I'll bash up that white bas#$#d to a pulp.
I'm very good at this eh?
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Originally posted by Bhw33:
This date was just a casual dinner between office colleagues. Just like u having dinner with your male buddies.
You cannot force her (lets say Jasmine) to love u. But finding out her thoughts wouldn't hurt. And being manupulative (WITHOUT EVER TELLING HER) might worl to your advtg.
U: Hi Jasmine, I brought a gift for u but I would also like to speak to u privately, is that ok?
HER: Sure, lets go to a private corner.
U: I made this tiramisu for your going away party, I hope u like it
HER: O my God, the tiramisu looks lovely. U are such a wonderful ex-colleague.
U: Yeh, to be frank, my mother helped me to make it. People also tell me i have butter fingers
HER: I think that is the most touching thing someone has ever done to me.
U: O comon. I'm sure your parents have touched your hear so many times. BUT KNOW THAT U MENTON IT, there is a 2nd thing I like to talk to you about.
HER: What's that?
U: I wouldn't mind keeping in touch with u when u are overseas. I know u have a lot of friends. But do u have the time to answer my e-mails. My reaso is that I usually have many issues and complications in the office and I would like your opinion (because u seem to be proficient in solving office politics).
HER: Of course, sure. Write to me anytime. I'll email u my oz no in case u need to call me.
U: Really appreciate it.
Comment: What u are aiming at is communication. And communication is on a regular basis. U call her n u tell her your office problems. She consoles u. But u must also ask her how everything is at oz. If she says she has problems settling in, offer a solution. Google b4 u call her to find out solution in settling in a foreign country. They give a lot of tips. Then use those tips to console her.
Comment: U must be realistic that if she spends 1 year in oz, she might meet a guy whom she likes. So NEVER have any expectations, since u are not committed to her, and the relationship is casual. But if the phone calls keep coming in, u know she's becoming comfortable with u. So in 9 months time u say
U: 'Can I be frank. Over this period I've seem to become quite attached to u. I don't know why. It seems I connect better with u more than any friends I have. Our previous phone conversations so resonated with your character.I wonder if we can try going out after u return. I would like that very much. IT'S OK TO SAY NO. I am not the type of person to fporce someone to out if she doesn't want to.
SHE: Uh, well...I am curently seeing an Australian man right now, so I don't know if it would complicate matters.
U: But we are just PLATONIC FRIENDS. U enjoy my friendship and I enjoy yours. It would just be a casual dinner between u and I. Nothing to worry about.
She: (open minded after being in a white country): Alright then.
In the meantime while u r eating with her, I'll bash up that white bas#$#d to a pulp.
I'm very good at this eh?
0_0
You must have been planning this for some time....
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Originally posted by Bhw33:
This date was just a casual dinner between office colleagues. Just like u having dinner with your male buddies.
You cannot force her (lets say Jasmine) to love u. But finding out her thoughts wouldn't hurt. And being manupulative (WITHOUT EVER TELLING HER) might worl to your advtg.
U: Hi Jasmine, I brought a gift for u but I would also like to speak to u privately, is that ok?
HER: Sure, lets go to a private corner.
U: I made this tiramisu for your going away party, I hope u like it
HER: O my God, the tiramisu looks lovely. U are such a wonderful ex-colleague.
U: Yeh, to be frank, my mother helped me to make it. People also tell me i have butter fingers
HER: I think that is the most touching thing someone has ever done to me.
U: O comon. I'm sure your parents have touched your hear so many times. BUT KNOW THAT U MENTON IT, there is a 2nd thing I like to talk to you about.
HER: What's that?
U: I wouldn't mind keeping in touch with u when u are overseas. I know u have a lot of friends. But do u have the time to answer my e-mails. My reaso is that I usually have many issues and complications in the office and I would like your opinion (because u seem to be proficient in solving office politics).
HER: Of course, sure. Write to me anytime. I'll email u my oz no in case u need to call me.
U: Really appreciate it.
Comment: What u are aiming at is communication. And communication is on a regular basis. U call her n u tell her your office problems. She consoles u. But u must also ask her how everything is at oz. If she says she has problems settling in, offer a solution. Google b4 u call her to find out solution in settling in a foreign country. They give a lot of tips. Then use those tips to console her.
Comment: U must be realistic that if she spends 1 year in oz, she might meet a guy whom she likes. So NEVER have any expectations, since u are not committed to her, and the relationship is casual. But if the phone calls keep coming in, u know she's becoming comfortable with u. So in 9 months time u say
U: 'Can I be frank. Over this period I've seem to become quite attached to u. I don't know why. It seems I connect better with u more than any friends I have. Our previous phone conversations so resonated with your character.I wonder if we can try going out after u return. I would like that very much. IT'S OK TO SAY NO. I am not the type of person to fporce someone to out if she doesn't want to.
SHE: Uh, well...I am curently seeing an Australian man right now, so I don't know if it would complicate matters.
U: But we are just PLATONIC FRIENDS. U enjoy my friendship and I enjoy yours. It would just be a casual dinner between u and I. Nothing to worry about.
She: (open minded after being in a white country): Alright then.
In the meantime while u r eating with her, I'll bash up that white bas#$#d to a pulp.
I'm very good at this eh?
thank you bhw that was interesting haha...but Im only a temp staff and my contracts ending soon Im still studying. she was a temp also. That's why I replaced her.Actually, besides the tiramisu, I want to lend her a book also which I think it might come in handy to her when she is in Australia (the book is from my sis as she is an ex student in Australia). I tot that she would ask what am I going to give her then I would tell her but I didnt expect this. I called her today but no one answered. I then dropped her a msg saying that I need to pass her the book which might be useful to her. That time she mention that she has problems finding accomodation in Australia online.
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bro.....keep her as a fren....jus fren and nothing more than that....keep emphasizing u will be her good fren....reassure her with gifts as friend though u know u want her more than that...but jus few days....give her a breather.....
a trick with courtship is about positioning....thats the first thing u need to establish...how could one position in someone else's mind in few days (rarely...). But continuous assurances is important to make yourself visible....
now she is going o Australia and has set on a plan .... u should do the same and keep an open mind...think further as she may be back with a degree...and what about u? if u keep being poetic without doing anything towards a successful career...i strongly believe your love is going to fail u....she is sure to come back and if u bump onto each other....i m sure she will first want to know what is your job...CONFIRMED....
BRO,....wish her well...and keep in touch as fren and socialize to know more gals,...BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY...GET AHEAD BEFORE SHE DOES...MAN IS MEASURED BY HIS CAREER (THOUGH YOU CAN BE THE NICEST AND MOST POETIC GUY)
GOOD LUCK! AND DUN THINK SO MUCH
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not overseas and dun reply sms? haha forget it la bro. move on is my verdict. dun think too much. many many fish out there...dun let this incident prevent u from finding ur next catch.
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yup im ok with moving on but it will be a pity to lose her as a fren. The least I want to do is to see whther I am able to continue to be her fren or let this misunderstanding be part of the regrets in my llife.
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Originally posted by Jobangel sg83:
I wanted to pass it to her near her place cos the tiramisu must be kept in the fridge. Otherwise it would melt. If i wanted to ask her out, I would do so directly like the first time like that. But i didnt say what i want to give to her.
Why do you think she would need your stupid tiramisu? (To put on more weight then fall in love with you????????????)I DO NOT KNOW WHICH NON-RETARDED GIRL IN THIS WORLD WOULD GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR STUPID TIRAMISU! (Retarded girls would have ignored you anyway)
Please don't use your stupid cake to find out where we are living and then haunt us like some condemned Hantu day and night!
We don't need your stupid cake, but we don't mind receiving your dirty blood-stained money as a gift.
Tell her you have won Toto and you would like to give her $50k cash to thank her for whatever blah blah and you need to pass it to her close to her home cos you are afraid she would be robbed on her way home.
If I were her, I would meet you at your office and then THROW your worthless cake into the rubbish bin in front of all your colleagues!
If I had to entertain all your cakes and gifts from the hearts, I will kill myself again right now!
Yes, you want to be her friend first before you proceed to FUCK HER. But ask yourself this question, why MUST she be FUCKED by you?
Who do you think you are? You are only someone who has taken over her job in the company when she don't need that job anymore.
Go and focus on your job and do it well. Nobody cares if you need to watch porns and finish your stupid cake by yourself!
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Taking any advice from parn is like taking cyanide laced with strychnine.
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Originally posted by βÎτά:
Taking any advice from parn is like taking cyanide laced with strychnine.