My Life
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May I ask some questions and see your feedback...
1) What if your parents love money more than you? - I left home with only $200 in my wallet and no savings so that I can let my parents rent out my room. I had to get friend's help to temporarily stay at their place until I have alternative solutions. My colleague offered me a room in her place. I never took up the offer because I don't want to trouble others with my problems. Though I'm deeply touched by the nice gesture, it's like a shining light in the dark tunnel knowing such good people exists.
2) What if you're someone who don't share your problems? How to destress? - Being a private person, I keep everything within myself. I have huge difficulty sharing my problems. I guess different people have different strengths, just like I have no problems giving a public speech but I just don't talk to others about my life. If someone asks me a private question, I have difficulty answering, like the words don't come out.
3) What would you do if you were me? - Initially, my dream was to study for my Ph.D, to get it before 30 years old. Apparently, given the situation now, I need the money for other things, like bills and rental. So I'm actually very angry deep down because my dream is dashed. I am lost, my career is going ok, but not what I aimed for. I find my life is not going the way I want it to go.
4) Is there a possibility that I can pursue my PhD in some way that I do not have to worry about the financial portion? I won't take bank loans because I don't want to commit myself to debts. The problem is, my grades are average. When I was younger, my parents often quarrel over money, at home there's no peace. It's something like the saying, when the foundation is not right, the roof will fall someday. So given the unfortunate circumstances, I love to study and I love reading and yet my grades are merely average, so grants and scholarships are out.
5) Here's a question with no correct answer. Can someone tell me something about anything that can positively influence my life? Reason being, I'm quite depressed and want to cry but I have gone through so many bad situations that my emotions have gone dry.
I'm almost 30 years old now. I tried my best to live my life the righteous path, I don't believe in taking advantage of others nor to bully others through fear etc... yet I find my life so much less than those I find deserves worse. Say, this guy has almost everything, yet he is the person who lie and brag and have no qualms taking advantage of others and have no conscience seeing others suffer while he stand by and watch, enjoying the show. Don't get me wrong, I don't envy, more like a curiousity. I don't envy because I believe in God, and besides, envy leads to jealousy and jealousy leads to hate and then it leads to anger, none of which is good. The reason that keeps me happy is because I have faith with God that everything bad eventually must pass and the good will come. But for now, the bad is here and I need help getting through it.
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Well sry tht ur parents don't really like u.It's a pity.
Anyways I am sure if u really want to do smthng abt Phd u can do it.
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hi does anyone know where prawn mee nice to eat, must have big big prawns 1
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buy your own prawn la. ntuc have.
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Originally posted by MobTwo:
May I ask some questions and see your feedback...
1) What if your parents love money more than you? - I left home with only $200 in my wallet and no savings so that I can let my parents rent out my room. I had to get friend's help to temporarily stay at their place until I have alternative solutions. My colleague offered me a room in her place. I never took up the offer because I don't want to trouble others with my problems. Though I'm deeply touched by the nice gesture, it's like a shining light in the dark tunnel knowing such good people exists.
2) What if you're someone who don't share your problems? How to destress? - Being a private person, I keep everything within myself. I have huge difficulty sharing my problems. I guess different people have different strengths, just like I have no problems giving a public speech but I just don't talk to others about my life. If someone asks me a private question, I have difficulty answering, like the words don't come out.
3) What would you do if you were me? - Initially, my dream was to study for my Ph.D, to get it before 30 years old. Apparently, given the situation now, I need the money for other things, like bills and rental. So I'm actually very angry deep down because my dream is dashed. I am lost, my career is going ok, but not what I aimed for. I find my life is not going the way I want it to go.
4) Is there a possibility that I can pursue my PhD in some way that I do not have to worry about the financial portion? I won't take bank loans because I don't want to commit myself to debts. The problem is, my grades are average. When I was younger, my parents often quarrel over money, at home there's no peace. It's something like the saying, when the foundation is not right, the roof will fall someday. So given the unfortunate circumstances, I love to study and I love reading and yet my grades are merely average, so grants and scholarships are out.
5) Here's a question with no correct answer. Can someone tell me something about anything that can positively influence my life? Reason being, I'm quite depressed and want to cry but I have gone through so many bad situations that my emotions have gone dry.
I'm almost 30 years old now. I tried my best to live my life the righteous path, I don't believe in taking advantage of others nor to bully others through fear etc... yet I find my life so much less than those I find deserves worse. Say, this guy has almost everything, yet he is the person who lie and brag and have no qualms taking advantage of others and have no conscience seeing others suffer while he stand by and watch, enjoying the show. Don't get me wrong, I don't envy, more like a curiousity. I don't envy because I believe in God, and besides, envy leads to jealousy and jealousy leads to hate and then it leads to anger, none of which is good. The reason that keeps me happy is because I have faith with God that everything bad eventually must pass and the good will come. But for now, the bad is here and I need help getting through it.
Hi hope my views help.
1) Good to see that you do not depend on your family, but making the conclusion that your family loves money more than you is a bold one. I suggest clearing up any misunderstanding with your parents.
2) Everyone behaves differently, if you are more confortable in expressing yourself in words, then use this method. If you need professional help, you can always send a email to a counsellor for help
3) Money wise i have no opinions to give you, perhaps saving up slowly and upgrading yourself.
4) I dont know what happen in your life, it is hard for me to guess from just a few lines, but take life positively if you want to be happy, as always if there is a need to seek help, dont hesitate to do it.
And to clear up on jealousy/evny in some religious sense, Jealousy is not necessarily a bad thing. The jealousy which is used in terms of God's jealousy uses this word the Hebrew adjective, qannâ', which in english translates into Jealous, but it is important to note that this word is never used for humans. Human jealousy uses the words of qânâ (passionate jealousy/envy), and qin'âh (which is the noun form of jealous, but ranges from anything from sexual passion to anger or envy).
Even then jealousy is never a truly bad thing, after all jealousy is a form of envy, and envy is what makes people strive to become more than they currently are. If a person is jealous of another man for his affinity to attract women, then the results of this relationship can produce one of two things, either it will lead down to a bitter sort of envy (hatred) or it will use this feeling of jealousy to realize that one is inadequately equipped and should thus improve upon oneself to become closer to that person for which they feel jealous of. -
almost 30. time to move out of parents house. you should be self supporting and you are. but barely. and that is cos you are holding on to an unrealistic dream. PhD is already tough for the brilliant students. and you have average grades? please do some self evaluation. we cant choose parents but we can choose how we live our lives for the rest of our life. starting now.
some basic stuff you should already get a hang of, if you havent by now:1. budgeting your cash inflow vs outflow. CPF is nice but virtually untouchable. cash is king.
2. setting realistic goals (short and mid term) - renting a room somewhere or paying for your space in your friend/colleague's house. long term goals should only be set after serious research and evaluation (such as owning your own apartment or going for a PhD).
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to study for PhD, you wanna pay the sums yourself?? u crazy?? PhD is so damn expensive. I reckon you should apply for some scholarship so that you can go for ya PhD dream. Otherwise, just stick with what you are doing, sometimes, you will not get what you wished for and there must be other alternatives.
Secondly, it does not matter when you get ya PhD. I wanted to study for PhD too, but then again i shelved that idea to a later date, which means if I successfully complete my PhD in the future, I would be 33-36 y.o.
Dont worry so much about it, meanwhile you should concentrate on working and then getting a place to stay and paying the monthly rental, like $500 per month. This is your immediate concern. Regarding your bloody sucking parents, I got nothing to say.
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edit double post
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Mob Two,
I think you are not telling us the whole picture.
First.. are you working ? Are you on good terms with your family ?
If you are working, then why couldn't you just pay your parents the 'rental' ? The amount you pay for rent outside is the same as the amount your parents can rent out your room anyway...
Are you angry at your parents because they ask you for money ? Are you cutting off your nose to spite your face ?
Are you really angry because they refused to pay for your 'dream" education ?
Phd, is a certification. What is a certification worth ?
It's your dream ? Do you really need to be "validated" by an institution in order to be convinced that you are actually "smart" ?
The paper chase amounts to nothing if you don't put it to good use.What do you intend to use the PHD for ? Advance your career ? Start a biz ?
Or you just wanna have Phd so you have something to show for ?
What you really need now is a reality check. Crying about it and feeling depressed is like you sitting on a rocking chair.. something to do.. but not get you anywhere.
Set up a savings plan.. nothing in life is free. If a dream is so easily attainable.. it ain't a dream no more...
OK ? Good.
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Originally posted by MobTwo:
May I ask some questions and see your feedback...
1) What if your parents love money more than you? - I left home with only $200 in my wallet and no savings so that I can let my parents rent out my room. I had to get friend's help to temporarily stay at their place until I have alternative solutions. My colleague offered me a room in her place. I never took up the offer because I don't want to trouble others with my problems. Though I'm deeply touched by the nice gesture, it's like a shining light in the dark tunnel knowing such good people exists.
2) What if you're someone who don't share your problems? How to destress? - Being a private person, I keep everything within myself. I have huge difficulty sharing my problems. I guess different people have different strengths, just like I have no problems giving a public speech but I just don't talk to others about my life. If someone asks me a private question, I have difficulty answering, like the words don't come out.
3) What would you do if you were me? - Initially, my dream was to study for my Ph.D, to get it before 30 years old. Apparently, given the situation now, I need the money for other things, like bills and rental. So I'm actually very angry deep down because my dream is dashed. I am lost, my career is going ok, but not what I aimed for. I find my life is not going the way I want it to go.
4) Is there a possibility that I can pursue my PhD in some way that I do not have to worry about the financial portion? I won't take bank loans because I don't want to commit myself to debts. The problem is, my grades are average. When I was younger, my parents often quarrel over money, at home there's no peace. It's something like the saying, when the foundation is not right, the roof will fall someday. So given the unfortunate circumstances, I love to study and I love reading and yet my grades are merely average, so grants and scholarships are out.
5) Here's a question with no correct answer. Can someone tell me something about anything that can positively influence my life? Reason being, I'm quite depressed and want to cry but I have gone through so many bad situations that my emotions have gone dry.
I'm almost 30 years old now. I tried my best to live my life the righteous path, I don't believe in taking advantage of others nor to bully others through fear etc... yet I find my life so much less than those I find deserves worse. Say, this guy has almost everything, yet he is the person who lie and brag and have no qualms taking advantage of others and have no conscience seeing others suffer while he stand by and watch, enjoying the show. Don't get me wrong, I don't envy, more like a curiousity. I don't envy because I believe in God, and besides, envy leads to jealousy and jealousy leads to hate and then it leads to anger, none of which is good. The reason that keeps me happy is because I have faith with God that everything bad eventually must pass and the good will come. But for now, the bad is here and I need help getting through it.
Aiyoh, you suffering from mid life crisis?
You need to MAN UP. Yes it is very unfortunate that your parents are like that. But you have another 30 years ahead of you.
And why the heck you want a PHD for? Is it going to help your career? No. I got lots of friends who don't have PHD and they are successful bizmen.
One friend of mine, never finish school. Fail. In school started smoking. But went to work as a salesman. After that he started his own biz, doing event management and selling exhibition wares. Now, he is successful businessman and he is only 26.
At least you get to reach 30, many people are worse off than you. Stop the Pity party
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PEOPLE WANT A PHD BECAUSE THEY DESIRE TO ENTER ACADEMIA AND WRITE RESEARCH PAPERS.
NOT EVERYONE DOES SUBJECTS JUST TO MAKE MONEY.I KNOW THAT SINGAPORE PEOPLE SIMPLY CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS PHILOSOPHY.
You have very honourable values and your reward will be great at the judgement seat.
Since your fren offered u free lodging, take up the offer. That's what frens are for. Then later, when you have earned enough money, pay him/her back double. Then watever the balance give 30% of your savings to your local church.
I will still go ahead and pursue my Phd, whatever it takes. Whether I take loans from CPF, or from Singapore Post. Phd is not expensive bec you only meet with your supervisor once a week, and most of your time you'll be researching books. Plus u can teach undergrads to earn money.
Something that can positively influence your way of thinking right now is to watch youtube titled ' Lukewarm and Loving It!'
Then with the Lord's help, tackle one problem at a time. Get your living space in order, your working life in order, your spiritual life in order, your savings for a rainy day in order.
May I know the subject thesis of your phd? -
But not having to do a PHD is not the end of the world. If can do PHD great but cannot means we must accept we cannot hv everything in this world. We just try our best. Our best counts.
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Originally posted by MobTwo:
May I ask some questions and see your feedback...
1) What if your parents love money more than you? - I left home with only $200 in my wallet and no savings so that I can let my parents rent out my room. I had to get friend's help to temporarily stay at their place until I have alternative solutions. My colleague offered me a room in her place. I never took up the offer because I don't want to trouble others with my problems. Though I'm deeply touched by the nice gesture, it's like a shining light in the dark tunnel knowing such good people exists.
2) What if you're someone who don't share your problems? How to destress? - Being a private person, I keep everything within myself. I have huge difficulty sharing my problems. I guess different people have different strengths, just like I have no problems giving a public speech but I just don't talk to others about my life. If someone asks me a private question, I have difficulty answering, like the words don't come out.
3) What would you do if you were me? - Initially, my dream was to study for my Ph.D, to get it before 30 years old. Apparently, given the situation now, I need the money for other things, like bills and rental. So I'm actually very angry deep down because my dream is dashed. I am lost, my career is going ok, but not what I aimed for. I find my life is not going the way I want it to go.
4) Is there a possibility that I can pursue my PhD in some way that I do not have to worry about the financial portion? I won't take bank loans because I don't want to commit myself to debts. The problem is, my grades are average. When I was younger, my parents often quarrel over money, at home there's no peace. It's something like the saying, when the foundation is not right, the roof will fall someday. So given the unfortunate circumstances, I love to study and I love reading and yet my grades are merely average, so grants and scholarships are out.
5) Here's a question with no correct answer. Can someone tell me something about anything that can positively influence my life? Reason being, I'm quite depressed and want to cry but I have gone through so many bad situations that my emotions have gone dry.
I'm almost 30 years old now. I tried my best to live my life the righteous path, I don't believe in taking advantage of others nor to bully others through fear etc... yet I find my life so much less than those I find deserves worse. Say, this guy has almost everything, yet he is the person who lie and brag and have no qualms taking advantage of others and have no conscience seeing others suffer while he stand by and watch, enjoying the show. Don't get me wrong, I don't envy, more like a curiousity. I don't envy because I believe in God, and besides, envy leads to jealousy and jealousy leads to hate and then it leads to anger, none of which is good. The reason that keeps me happy is because I have faith with God that everything bad eventually must pass and the good will come. But for now, the bad is here and I need help getting through it.
TS
Call this number. 63820688 Free counselling hotline.
Maybe talking to someone would help you to understand more about your own motive. Grant insight as to handle caretaker relationship and Childhood frustration.
Good luck.
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Most of the posters have already given their take on this, and I agree with most of their points.
To summarise:
1) I'm assuming your parents told you to move out when you're legally an adult. And THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO DO IT. You're an adult you should learn to live independently.
2) Why should your parents fulfill your dream for you? Have you even thought about fufilling their dreams for them? No? Then don't complain about them not fulfilling yours. Your dream=> fulfill it yourself, no one owes you a living.
3) You said you love to study, then I can tell you. You can study anywhere and everywhere. That's what libraries and online databases are for. What makes you think you need to enroll in a school or insititute to study? Think out of the box please. You can even enrich yourself through journals and newspapers. Don't use the lack of funding/schooling as an excuse.
4) If for some reason you still want to pursue a PHD, then I can only advice you to enroll in an overseas course/university which is hopefully recognised. Then from there you can proceed to pursue your Masters and then your PHD. But of course, all these needs money, so you better be prepared to work for it.
5) You said you're a private person and cannot seem to be able to confide in people face to face. But the fact that you've posted all these here shows that you are able to share your problems online. Then all you have to do is to find an online self help/counselling group. I'm sure there are such things available.
6) You said you're feeling upset and miserable. But have you ever thought that you may the one making yourself miserable? From your post I can already tell that you have a negative mindset and seem to like making excuses and blaming others. Change the way you think and your life may just take a turn for the better.
That's all
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TS is guy or girl?
If girl just go find a rich guy to get marry
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Hi TS,
I think your parents is quite sucky to ask you to move out so that they can rent out the room and earn money. My father also did not ask me to do it just so that he can earn some rental.
Also, do you give them money every month, you did not seem to talk about this, which will provide important information to analyse your problems.
Thirdly, getting a PHD is stupid because you have no money now, at least not alot i guess. You should continue working and save money. PHD is a risky venture, you sure you know your maths?
TS, i suggests you continue working and be prudent in savings for a couple of years, even if you have to stay outside, just stay outside and be independent, if your parents are really the sucky type. Then, during this period, do lots of learning and reflections to know your weak points and your igonrance. After a few years of training, you should be a smarter ass liao which your solve all the problems in mentioned in this post.
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Don't blame the parents.
Mob two is just a selfish brat.
You all think raising a child is cheap ah. Why do you think his parents are fighting about money all the time ? Obviously his family is not wealthy and are struggling to make ends meet.
They put him through advance school and now he wants more. When he doesn't get more, he pouts and get angry and blame them for dashing his dream. How much longer does he wants his parents to feed his mouth ?
Then instead of helping out the family with his income.. he rather give it away to outsiders to prove a point. An ungrateful child who fears God.. what hypocrisy.
His parents no need save for their old age ah.. every penny have to spend on him ? Is he going to feed his parents when they are old and feeble ? Can he ?
Or is he going to run away again and leave them to rot just like what he is doing now ?
Old age is more expensive than a Phd !!
There are many who attempts Phd and failed. Can he do it ? Taking that path is not a stroll in the woods you know.
We all know academia doesn't pay as well as other commercial industries, will he complain about money no enough again ? Obviously he is unable to make do with less now.. what makes you think he can later ?
Will he start complaining that his job doesn't pay as much as the others ? Is he going to blame academia for not paying him enough to fulfill his other dreams ?
Quit being such a selfish brat.. learn to stand on your own two feet.
Stop focusing on what you don't have or what your parents couldn't give you, start working on what you can get.
If you want rewards, you gotta go earn it yourself !!
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Thanks for the feedback, some are kind while some are appalling, but feedback nonetheless. To share more information and also the response to some of the feedback...
TTFU - Indeed, maybe my conclusion is flawed. I no longer see my parents anymore, it's been a long time so I think I just have to move on somehow. I have difficulties sharing about my private life even to close friends so getting professional help from a total stranger is difficult. Also, never thought that jealousy might have been a positive thing, thanks for sharing and expanding my knowledge.
russiabear - Yep, I'm almost 30. I just use Maths to round up, you know, 25 round up becomes 30. I am not even 29. I agree with you in the sense that my dream might be somewhat unrealistic. That's possibly my problem, having extremely high expectations and goals and if I can't get them, I feel so disappointed in myself, like feeling so stupid and useless. My thinking is, if my friends can do it (they already did and graduated even and they are in their mid twenties!), so can I.
MaNyZeR - I agree with you totally. Actually I think studying life is one of the best things to do in life, I absolutely love it. MBA and Ph.D salaries doesn't differ much, if it's for the money, logically it's better for me to take another MBA to benefit more financially. My life is simple in the sense that I don't buy branded stuff, I don't even buy a car (back then I could afford it) and my monthly expense is just $400 for food and transport.
jojobeach - Yes, I am currently working. Yes, I am on good terms with my family until I moved out and over time, you know... To answer the rest of the questions, here's what happened. Some years back, I was doing my MBA and in a stroke of pure luck, my business was doing well. During that year, I made $100k. I used the money to pay off my school fees, my relatives borrowed money from me and I gave them (never ask for it back knowing their situation), helped out some of my friends, pay part of my brother's loanshark repayments, gave some to my parents including their CNY red packets, pay off the office rental and staff, invested in another business and lost money, buying myself a queen size bed and replace some old furniture in my room, bought alot of books and a couple bookshelves. This is when the good fortune came.
And then you guys know about the most recent recession some time back? I lost everything in my business and owe the bank lots of money, more than $20k. I'm flat broke. On normal months, my bank account is either 1 digit or if lucky, 3 digits, seldom do I have more than $1000. I was in most simple words, down and out, even poorer than a beggar. No choice, I had to find a job to pay back the banks every month. I was so broke, I had to cancel the Starhub Cable TV and some other things in the house that I was paying for. I also had to stop giving my parents monthly allowances. For the initial few months, my parents never say anything, I was glad so. At least I have some air to breath. Then came a day when my mum said something hurtful to me and I really don't have money to give to her. I packed my things and moved out the very next day, vacant my room and spend the last dollars I have to pay for the maxi cab to move out.
In the sense that I am lucky because everytime I am in deep shit, I have friends who are willing to help me out and spare me a place in their house for free. But I can only stay so long because I am both embarrassed and shameful to trouble others. But grateful I am, because in your darkest of times, you can see who are your true friends.
Now to answer your questions. During that time, no I don't have money to pay rental. Without my friends, I will be sleeping in the streets. After paying off the bank loans, I have at max maybe $200 for food and transport. And that's after cutting off all the unnecessary bills that I am paying before, such as the Starhub Cable TV. And I don't watch TV, it's for my parents.
I was never angry over my education matters because it's my choice to study, it's my sole responsibility to pay for it. I have been working and sustaining my studying habits after coming out from secondary school. I would have been happy if my parents paid for even just my polytechnic school fees, but it never happen. I'm disappointed but what can I do.
Studying is a passion for me. Some people love cars, some people love shopping, some people love women, I love studying (and women lol). I don't know what I am going to use the paper cert for, maybe when I am in the toilet and there's no paper around, I could at least clean myself? Ok, actually, I love to learn, that's what education is for. Some people when they have little money left, they put in bank or they buy themselves a good meal, I tend to buy books. Unfortunately books from bookstores don't come with certs.
Hugh Hefner - I think I might just be suffering from mid life crisis. What is happening, I'm so lack of motivation in life. Last time, I have this goal to strive to do well and become successful so that I can give my family and friends a good life. Then I lost everything and had to struggle back and when you're down and out and you thought family members are the ones who will be there for you and ends up they are not there for you (but my friends were), I guess I'm a normal person and I will feel down.
Bhw33 - Yep yep, I agree with you on the purpose of getting a phd. Financially, it doesn't make sense, but if you want to do research and enter academia, it does. I will watch the YouTube clip after this. And since I am not going to study at this current situation, I also never think so much about what subject thesis I wanna do. So much stress now, think less think less.
Arapahoe - Thanks. I am unlikely to call but if I do feel damn depressive or something, I will.
littlemissbonkers - Yep, parents have every right to ask their children to get out of the house. I agree. However, everything has the its right place and right time. It's very bad timing when I don't even have money to sleep at hotel 81 for 1 day!
I also agree that we can study anywhere and everywhere. However, you cannot deny that society places such huge importance on certifications. If you want to work in a hospital and you go to an interview and you say, I read everything on medical and I understand everything, assuming you indeed do, what is the realistic chance that the hospital will employ you to do surgery for their patients? Similarly, if you want to be an English teacher, assuming you can speak perfect excellent English during the interview but you only passed Primary 6 PSLE (yeah you absolutely love reading/writing), you think the school will employ you despite your perfect excellent English? I am just being realistic.
Regarding my mindset, I can't answer you. I have my happy moments and I have my down moments. I am at times optimistic and then at times pessimistic.
Chester_Lim - Abit unfortunate. I am not just a guy, but very ugly also. Unless the girl has some weird fetish for ugly guys, I think abit hard to go down that route.
january - My family quite poor, they don't make much money, so if they want to do something, they have their reasons. Whether I give them money depends on my financial situation, if I have money, I will give every month, if I am out of a job and totally no income, then I have to stop giving. During that time, I am not only without income, but I have banks chasing me for loan repayments every month, how to give? Don't eat ah? Somemore during that time recession, job very hard to find. Imagine that time I already so stressed, banks calling almost daily, damn frustrated. Don't know how to explain, if you guys want to experience it, don't pay your bank for 6 months and you'll understand exactly that thing I experience, haha. I even filed the lawyer letters to remember my lessons. Maybe one day I will frame them up.
jojobeach - Hmmm. If your reason for a person being a selfish brat is because the parents put him through to university and want more, then I am definitely NOT one. They did paid for up till my Secondary school education, but I mean, ain't parents supposed to do that for their kids, the most basic?
Back at that time, I have really no money for rental. So giving my parents the rental is out of the question. NOW, of course I can afford to pay rental and pay my parents the rental BUT I won't do it. Firstly, the room is already rented out. I even asked my brother to help look for someone to fill the place fast and I even post online for tenants to move in so that it's not wasted. Secondly, the issue is not really the money, is it?
Did I ever think about taking care of my parents? Truth is, I did. Back then, I even set my death will to give the majority of my assets and CPF money to my mum. That's was when I was still making good money. Now the closest to me is no longer my parents. I realize there are others who care about me alot more. I have quite a few very close friends, and they are very close to me after going through all the down points in my life and they pick me up from the shit hole I put myself in. Similarly, I helped them out before as well, so I guess over time, we're very close.
Of the things you said, I think we only share the same sentiments that if we want rewards, we need to earn it ourselves.
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"Chester_Lim - Abit unfortunate. I am not just a guy, but very ugly also. Unless the girl has some weird fetish for ugly guys, I think abit hard to go down that route."
Sometimes its not about ugly or not. If you attract girls just from your looks, it speaks volume about you and also the girl. Dont want to go down deep on explanatory opinions but you should know what I mean.
"Of the things you said, I think we only share the same sentiments that if we want rewards, we need to earn it ourselves."
You said it.. =D Now u just gotta walk ur talk. Life is all about trials and tribulations. No pain.. no gain. Only through adversity does one come out from the ashes renewed and having more faith and confidence in oneself and his own abilities to overcome.
All the best aye
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Since this forum is anonymous, do not have any qualms posting all your feelings here.
It's hard to pinpoint your reasons for studying. On the one hand, u say it for your love of knowledge. On the other hand the certs u get are important in order to secure any career. Then u compare yourself with 'successful' friends. And finally u were also a businessman. Perhaps your train of thought is that u do not want to get into business anymore after your experience n would prefer another cert to be a well paid employee.
From the above, I sense u are really undergoing a lot of frustration. U need to consider taking meds. I myself take anti-depressants like Seroxat and tranquilizers valium and xanax daily.
We seem to have several things in common. I don't spend on clothes or watches or furniture, only mostly books.
I feel that sometimes when I want something big, and that big thing is so overwhelming, I naturally take a few steps back. Hence, do things slowly, one at a time.
Like u, i also love to study for the sake of studying. I know i've a good memory. Studying is not difficult. It's mostly a matter of having a good memory and how to apply it to the question. But now, at 37, studying seems to be such a chore. I took up a masters in one of the local uni last year and I gave it up. I could not even bring myself to attend lectures twice a week.
Also, like u I was very motivated in my 20s. And like u, I have no motivation to do anything now. A major part of this is clinical depression. That's why I suggest taking meds. Emotion wise, some days i'm so tired, i lose motivation to want to do anything. I'm not afraid of death. I often feel that whether I live or die, I don't lose anything. Nothing in life excites me anymore. It's like I've seen what I want to see, and travelled where I want to go, and when you seen one place, you've seen it all. Everything is jaded. Nothing is exciting. But as a believer in Christ, I pray and read the scriptures. And i know the glory that awaits me in the afterlife. And that keeps me going. I recently saw that I have been self-centred my whole life. I want to change that and do things to promote the extension of God's kingdom.
In my 20s, I struggled with my facial appearance because i was always poked fun of. Until I COULD NOT take it anymore (REALLY) and vowed to change my appearance completely. From age 28 to 34, I set myself specific goals to undergo 7 surgeries. My upper and lower jaw was completely moved (osteotomy), my chin and mandible have implants. My nose was made larger. Lips were made thinner. Cheeks were were made less protrusive. My face was so altered no one could recognise me. Every aspect of my face is artificial, would u believe it? I now look like a typical 'quite good looking' chinese male. Nobody gives me a second glance now, which is what I always wanted. To look 'normal' and not be poked fun or stared at.
At what cost? Now at 37 my career progression is that of a 28 year old. I used up lots of savings. And I still have depression stemming from days of old.
D moral of the story - each n every one of us have problems which can seem insurmountable. -
Over a hurtful comment from your mom. You threw a fit and turned your backs to them.
You are a smart person , unfortunately your pride is your weakest link.
How much longer do you want to punish your mom for saying hurtful things to you ?
Do you think she is a happy person knowing she chased her own son away ?
Put your pride down for once, there's is nothing to gain for punishing them.
Sure you've been up there.. now you have fallen to the pits.
It's not about how hard or deep you fall.. life is about how strong and fast you regain victory.
For every failure, you learned a valuable lesson. Something no one can ever take away from you. This kind of lesson cannot be learned in a text book.
You are still young.. there's enough time for you to regain your foot hold. Don't waste all away on self pity.
So while you were successful.. you thought you were invincible didn't ya ? Never saved up for rainy day , yes ?
Well.. next time.. when you start earning millions again.. put some in my accounts.. I'll help you save some... when you fall again... it can become your safety net. I get to keep the interests ofcors !!
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A totally misguided notion of counselling typical of Singaporean.
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The desire to learn and study is good and definitely the desire to continually improve
However, beyond academic knowledge, other skills like resilience and patience are also important.Resilience to be overcome obstacles and not be thwarted by hurtful words, have a thicker skin, don't have the fear that others might judge you.
And patience to work towards your goals over time. It doesn't have to all happen immediately and even if it seems like there is no window of opportunity now, it doesn't mean it won't happen in a few years time.
You have to know that for most of us, life works in ways that twist and turn - and the best plans of mice and men often goes awry. At best, we have a tenuous hold over our own destiny as we grapple with that slippery thing called fate.
Rather than fight it constantly - doesn't it make more sense to conserve your energy and observe your surroundings more to see what are the opportunities around you in the present? I see people, who like horses that wear blinds, can only move in one direction driven by their own goals that they completely ignore the possibilities held by the rest of the world around them.
Another thing which I don't really understand is how you kept saying that your friends are all you have now and how great your friends are - and yet, you can't bring yourself to confide in them. Why? If I am a close friend and you are in difficulties, I will feel really very sad if you did not reach out to me to talk to me.
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If you wish to be happy, lead your own life, ie. do what you feel is right for you, not what others tell you is right for you. Even if you were to make mistakes along the way, just learn from them, grow, improve your inner self. Outer appearances are just temporary and are often deceiving. You're not meant to live your life to please others and fit in with everyone else. Only when you're comfortable in your own skin and path, can you find true and lasting happiness.
Cheers!
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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Originally posted by Arapahoe:
A totally misguided notion of counselling typical of Singaporean.
Counselling ? This no counseling bro.
This is a group of kpo trying to cheer up a depressed man !!