Originally posted by jojobeach:Counselling ? This no counseling bro.
This is a group of kpo trying to cheer up a depressed man !!
i know that is why i provided the numbers....he said that until he is in a state of "depressed"
I doubt he understood the "anger" that is dictating his life.
Originally posted by MobTwo:Thanks for the feedback, some are kind while some are appalling, but feedback nonetheless. To share more information and also the response to some of the feedback...
TTFU - Indeed, maybe my conclusion is flawed. I no longer see my parents anymore, it's been a long time so I think I just have to move on somehow. I have difficulties sharing about my private life even to close friends so getting professional help from a total stranger is difficult. Also, never thought that jealousy might have been a positive thing, thanks for sharing and expanding my knowledge.
russiabear - Yep, I'm almost 30. I just use Maths to round up, you know, 25 round up becomes 30. I am not even 29. I agree with you in the sense that my dream might be somewhat unrealistic. That's possibly my problem, having extremely high expectations and goals and if I can't get them, I feel so disappointed in myself, like feeling so stupid and useless. My thinking is, if my friends can do it (they already did and graduated even and they are in their mid twenties!), so can I.
MaNyZeR - I agree with you totally. Actually I think studying life is one of the best things to do in life, I absolutely love it. MBA and Ph.D salaries doesn't differ much, if it's for the money, logically it's better for me to take another MBA to benefit more financially. My life is simple in the sense that I don't buy branded stuff, I don't even buy a car (back then I could afford it) and my monthly expense is just $400 for food and transport.
jojobeach - Yes, I am currently working. Yes, I am on good terms with my family until I moved out and over time, you know... To answer the rest of the questions, here's what happened. Some years back, I was doing my MBA and in a stroke of pure luck, my business was doing well. During that year, I made $100k. I used the money to pay off my school fees, my relatives borrowed money from me and I gave them (never ask for it back knowing their situation), helped out some of my friends, pay part of my brother's loanshark repayments, gave some to my parents including their CNY red packets, pay off the office rental and staff, invested in another business and lost money, buying myself a queen size bed and replace some old furniture in my room, bought alot of books and a couple bookshelves. This is when the good fortune came.
And then you guys know about the most recent recession some time back? I lost everything in my business and owe the bank lots of money, more than $20k. I'm flat broke. On normal months, my bank account is either 1 digit or if lucky, 3 digits, seldom do I have more than $1000. I was in most simple words, down and out, even poorer than a beggar. No choice, I had to find a job to pay back the banks every month. I was so broke, I had to cancel the Starhub Cable TV and some other things in the house that I was paying for. I also had to stop giving my parents monthly allowances. For the initial few months, my parents never say anything, I was glad so. At least I have some air to breath. Then came a day when my mum said something hurtful to me and I really don't have money to give to her. I packed my things and moved out the very next day, vacant my room and spend the last dollars I have to pay for the maxi cab to move out.
In the sense that I am lucky because everytime I am in deep shit, I have friends who are willing to help me out and spare me a place in their house for free. But I can only stay so long because I am both embarrassed and shameful to trouble others. But grateful I am, because in your darkest of times, you can see who are your true friends.
Now to answer your questions. During that time, no I don't have money to pay rental. Without my friends, I will be sleeping in the streets. After paying off the bank loans, I have at max maybe $200 for food and transport. And that's after cutting off all the unnecessary bills that I am paying before, such as the Starhub Cable TV. And I don't watch TV, it's for my parents.
I was never angry over my education matters because it's my choice to study, it's my sole responsibility to pay for it. I have been working and sustaining my studying habits after coming out from secondary school. I would have been happy if my parents paid for even just my polytechnic school fees, but it never happen. I'm disappointed but what can I do.
Studying is a passion for me. Some people love cars, some people love shopping, some people love women, I love studying (and women lol). I don't know what I am going to use the paper cert for, maybe when I am in the toilet and there's no paper around, I could at least clean myself? Ok, actually, I love to learn, that's what education is for. Some people when they have little money left, they put in bank or they buy themselves a good meal, I tend to buy books. Unfortunately books from bookstores don't come with certs.
Hugh Hefner - I think I might just be suffering from mid life crisis. What is happening, I'm so lack of motivation in life. Last time, I have this goal to strive to do well and become successful so that I can give my family and friends a good life. Then I lost everything and had to struggle back and when you're down and out and you thought family members are the ones who will be there for you and ends up they are not there for you (but my friends were), I guess I'm a normal person and I will feel down.
Bhw33 - Yep yep, I agree with you on the purpose of getting a phd. Financially, it doesn't make sense, but if you want to do research and enter academia, it does. I will watch the YouTube clip after this. And since I am not going to study at this current situation, I also never think so much about what subject thesis I wanna do. So much stress now, think less think less.
Arapahoe - Thanks. I am unlikely to call but if I do feel damn depressive or something, I will.
littlemissbonkers - Yep, parents have every right to ask their children to get out of the house. I agree. However, everything has the its right place and right time. It's very bad timing when I don't even have money to sleep at hotel 81 for 1 day!
I also agree that we can study anywhere and everywhere. However, you cannot deny that society places such huge importance on certifications. If you want to work in a hospital and you go to an interview and you say, I read everything on medical and I understand everything, assuming you indeed do, what is the realistic chance that the hospital will employ you to do surgery for their patients? Similarly, if you want to be an English teacher, assuming you can speak perfect excellent English during the interview but you only passed Primary 6 PSLE (yeah you absolutely love reading/writing), you think the school will employ you despite your perfect excellent English? I am just being realistic.
Regarding my mindset, I can't answer you. I have my happy moments and I have my down moments. I am at times optimistic and then at times pessimistic.
Chester_Lim - Abit unfortunate. I am not just a guy, but very ugly also. Unless the girl has some weird fetish for ugly guys, I think abit hard to go down that route.
january - My family quite poor, they don't make much money, so if they want to do something, they have their reasons. Whether I give them money depends on my financial situation, if I have money, I will give every month, if I am out of a job and totally no income, then I have to stop giving. During that time, I am not only without income, but I have banks chasing me for loan repayments every month, how to give? Don't eat ah? Somemore during that time recession, job very hard to find. Imagine that time I already so stressed, banks calling almost daily, damn frustrated. Don't know how to explain, if you guys want to experience it, don't pay your bank for 6 months and you'll understand exactly that thing I experience, haha. I even filed the lawyer letters to remember my lessons. Maybe one day I will frame them up.
jojobeach - Hmmm. If your reason for a person being a selfish brat is because the parents put him through to university and want more, then I am definitely NOT one. They did paid for up till my Secondary school education, but I mean, ain't parents supposed to do that for their kids, the most basic?
Back at that time, I have really no money for rental. So giving my parents the rental is out of the question. NOW, of course I can afford to pay rental and pay my parents the rental BUT I won't do it. Firstly, the room is already rented out. I even asked my brother to help look for someone to fill the place fast and I even post online for tenants to move in so that it's not wasted. Secondly, the issue is not really the money, is it?
Did I ever think about taking care of my parents? Truth is, I did. Back then, I even set my death will to give the majority of my assets and CPF money to my mum. That's was when I was still making good money. Now the closest to me is no longer my parents. I realize there are others who care about me alot more. I have quite a few very close friends, and they are very close to me after going through all the down points in my life and they pick me up from the shit hole I put myself in. Similarly, I helped them out before as well, so I guess over time, we're very close.
Of the things you said, I think we only share the same sentiments that if we want rewards, we need to earn it ourselves.
Haiz. I don't know your parents. But I know that you carry a lot of emotional baggage. No matter what kind of parents ur parents are, if you live without forgiveness, you will be very miserable. Nobody is perfect. Some parents are nice, some parents are nasty and some parents are even worse. But as long as your parents never physically or sexually abuse you, they are still functional parents. You have to take in their defects and make peace with them. First thing, if you want to be happy is make peace with your parents. Don't expect your friends to be there for you. Friends can get frustrated if you rely too much on them. But having friends is good too. I have been sent overseas to work for quite some time now so I don't have many friends where I am. But I still keep in touch occassionally via msn messenger and FB and occassional phone call to family. Lucky for me I met someone here. So its not so lonely.
Since you like to study, you don't need a PHD. You can study so many thing. Justnow i saw one P6 poster say he want to go study french. So need to be PHD? Got so many choice, so many diploma, so many degree. You choose. If cannot afford then take one affordable.
Man to Man, i really think you are drowning in your pity party. You need to grow up and not be loser mode. So what if you are 31? Lots of people worse than you. You think you are ugly? Then you are. Because if you believe then it will come true. You think all girl like handsome and rich man? You want tat kind of girl? Then very unfortunate. Sure got wan.
I think he lacks of hearing music.. Maybe Ts needs to learn a musical instrument
Originally posted by MobTwo:Thanks for the feedback, some are kind while some are appalling, but feedback nonetheless. To share more information and also the response to some of the feedback...
TTFU - Indeed, maybe my conclusion is flawed. I no longer see my parents anymore, it's been a long time so I think I just have to move on somehow. I have difficulties sharing about my private life even to close friends so getting professional help from a total stranger is difficult. Also, never thought that jealousy might have been a positive thing, thanks for sharing and expanding my knowledge.
russiabear - Yep, I'm almost 30. I just use Maths to round up, you know, 25 round up becomes 30. I am not even 29. I agree with you in the sense that my dream might be somewhat unrealistic. That's possibly my problem, having extremely high expectations and goals and if I can't get them, I feel so disappointed in myself, like feeling so stupid and useless. My thinking is, if my friends can do it (they already did and graduated even and they are in their mid twenties!), so can I.
MaNyZeR - I agree with you totally. Actually I think studying life is one of the best things to do in life, I absolutely love it. MBA and Ph.D salaries doesn't differ much, if it's for the money, logically it's better for me to take another MBA to benefit more financially. My life is simple in the sense that I don't buy branded stuff, I don't even buy a car (back then I could afford it) and my monthly expense is just $400 for food and transport.
jojobeach - Yes, I am currently working. Yes, I am on good terms with my family until I moved out and over time, you know... To answer the rest of the questions, here's what happened. Some years back, I was doing my MBA and in a stroke of pure luck, my business was doing well. During that year, I made $100k. I used the money to pay off my school fees, my relatives borrowed money from me and I gave them (never ask for it back knowing their situation), helped out some of my friends, pay part of my brother's loanshark repayments, gave some to my parents including their CNY red packets, pay off the office rental and staff, invested in another business and lost money, buying myself a queen size bed and replace some old furniture in my room, bought alot of books and a couple bookshelves. This is when the good fortune came.
And then you guys know about the most recent recession some time back? I lost everything in my business and owe the bank lots of money, more than $20k. I'm flat broke. On normal months, my bank account is either 1 digit or if lucky, 3 digits, seldom do I have more than $1000. I was in most simple words, down and out, even poorer than a beggar. No choice, I had to find a job to pay back the banks every month. I was so broke, I had to cancel the Starhub Cable TV and some other things in the house that I was paying for. I also had to stop giving my parents monthly allowances. For the initial few months, my parents never say anything, I was glad so. At least I have some air to breath. Then came a day when my mum said something hurtful to me and I really don't have money to give to her. I packed my things and moved out the very next day, vacant my room and spend the last dollars I have to pay for the maxi cab to move out.
In the sense that I am lucky because everytime I am in deep shit, I have friends who are willing to help me out and spare me a place in their house for free. But I can only stay so long because I am both embarrassed and shameful to trouble others. But grateful I am, because in your darkest of times, you can see who are your true friends.
Now to answer your questions. During that time, no I don't have money to pay rental. Without my friends, I will be sleeping in the streets. After paying off the bank loans, I have at max maybe $200 for food and transport. And that's after cutting off all the unnecessary bills that I am paying before, such as the Starhub Cable TV. And I don't watch TV, it's for my parents.
I was never angry over my education matters because it's my choice to study, it's my sole responsibility to pay for it. I have been working and sustaining my studying habits after coming out from secondary school. I would have been happy if my parents paid for even just my polytechnic school fees, but it never happen. I'm disappointed but what can I do.
Studying is a passion for me. Some people love cars, some people love shopping, some people love women, I love studying (and women lol). I don't know what I am going to use the paper cert for, maybe when I am in the toilet and there's no paper around, I could at least clean myself? Ok, actually, I love to learn, that's what education is for. Some people when they have little money left, they put in bank or they buy themselves a good meal, I tend to buy books. Unfortunately books from bookstores don't come with certs.
Hugh Hefner - I think I might just be suffering from mid life crisis. What is happening, I'm so lack of motivation in life. Last time, I have this goal to strive to do well and become successful so that I can give my family and friends a good life. Then I lost everything and had to struggle back and when you're down and out and you thought family members are the ones who will be there for you and ends up they are not there for you (but my friends were), I guess I'm a normal person and I will feel down.
Bhw33 - Yep yep, I agree with you on the purpose of getting a phd. Financially, it doesn't make sense, but if you want to do research and enter academia, it does. I will watch the YouTube clip after this. And since I am not going to study at this current situation, I also never think so much about what subject thesis I wanna do. So much stress now, think less think less.
Arapahoe - Thanks. I am unlikely to call but if I do feel damn depressive or something, I will.
littlemissbonkers - Yep, parents have every right to ask their children to get out of the house. I agree. However, everything has the its right place and right time. It's very bad timing when I don't even have money to sleep at hotel 81 for 1 day!
I also agree that we can study anywhere and everywhere. However, you cannot deny that society places such huge importance on certifications. If you want to work in a hospital and you go to an interview and you say, I read everything on medical and I understand everything, assuming you indeed do, what is the realistic chance that the hospital will employ you to do surgery for their patients? Similarly, if you want to be an English teacher, assuming you can speak perfect excellent English during the interview but you only passed Primary 6 PSLE (yeah you absolutely love reading/writing), you think the school will employ you despite your perfect excellent English? I am just being realistic.
Regarding my mindset, I can't answer you. I have my happy moments and I have my down moments. I am at times optimistic and then at times pessimistic.
Chester_Lim - Abit unfortunate. I am not just a guy, but very ugly also. Unless the girl has some weird fetish for ugly guys, I think abit hard to go down that route.
january - My family quite poor, they don't make much money, so if they want to do something, they have their reasons. Whether I give them money depends on my financial situation, if I have money, I will give every month, if I am out of a job and totally no income, then I have to stop giving. During that time, I am not only without income, but I have banks chasing me for loan repayments every month, how to give? Don't eat ah? Somemore during that time recession, job very hard to find. Imagine that time I already so stressed, banks calling almost daily, damn frustrated. Don't know how to explain, if you guys want to experience it, don't pay your bank for 6 months and you'll understand exactly that thing I experience, haha. I even filed the lawyer letters to remember my lessons. Maybe one day I will frame them up.
jojobeach - Hmmm. If your reason for a person being a selfish brat is because the parents put him through to university and want more, then I am definitely NOT one. They did paid for up till my Secondary school education, but I mean, ain't parents supposed to do that for their kids, the most basic?
Back at that time, I have really no money for rental. So giving my parents the rental is out of the question. NOW, of course I can afford to pay rental and pay my parents the rental BUT I won't do it. Firstly, the room is already rented out. I even asked my brother to help look for someone to fill the place fast and I even post online for tenants to move in so that it's not wasted. Secondly, the issue is not really the money, is it?
Did I ever think about taking care of my parents? Truth is, I did. Back then, I even set my death will to give the majority of my assets and CPF money to my mum. That's was when I was still making good money. Now the closest to me is no longer my parents. I realize there are others who care about me alot more. I have quite a few very close friends, and they are very close to me after going through all the down points in my life and they pick me up from the shit hole I put myself in. Similarly, I helped them out before as well, so I guess over time, we're very close.
Of the things you said, I think we only share the same sentiments that if we want rewards, we need to earn it ourselves.
Hmm.. About parents i will say, find a fine day and have a talk with them. explain to them the reason for not giving money, if they accept good. No, then well too bad. Do your part that most important.Remember taking care of yourself is like taking care of other people, if you cant even ensure you have meals everyday, then why give a F about other things ?
For life, i suggest finding your own goals again. If your dreams seem too far from you, then put it aside and start to earn some money first.
Your parents are being what they only know how to be. Understanding your emotions, feeling and accepting your frailities/vagaries you would find yourself not carrying images of what is good what is bad or what is rite what is wrong. If u are, know this - u are splitting yourself within and no amount of knowledge is going to suffice. Standing in a garage does not make me a car nor does mystanding in a church/temply make me holy.
U say my life - is it not being disconnected to what is? U are split on the inside lah, of course, it happens ot many but it would be wise to understand. Only understanding frees and it presupposes not honesty but SELF-honesty. Eschew comparison, wishful thinking and the ''anwers' may come out of you. Existence precedes essence not the other way round!
Your parents are an excuse, I am an excuse and so are many others who always cross your life - at the end of it all it is you having that expereince of what is - which is 100% self-created. It is the conceptualized model that u unwittingly carry in your head that is causing u untold misery and the depression is self-created cos now it gives u meaning to exist. However and whatever the case may be - others'' doing or being is always revealing of what u are.
If u are unable to relate to what you are and transcend the polarising, dichotimizing ''demons'' - it is only a matter of c ircumstance, situation - it will erupt , surface and manifest in what yuo are or do!
PhD is not studying. PhD is research work, as Dr Neil Degrasse Tyson once said, "it is the first major research work that you are doing, there will be more coming from you", it is more on coming up new things with things you have study than just studying, you are better off with ending with a MSc.
To know if you are cut-out for research or research lifestyle, join a research based company/institute like I2R/NTU/NUS/etc, etc. Then you get an idea what is it, it is difficult for me to explain because research covers a large area from fundamentals to applied-based, etc.
Once you joined any of this research based work, your chances are higher than those applying as a fresh graduate/average grades, heck even your immediate boss might offer you a scholarship if you are good after your research job/project comes to an end. A PhD scholarship program pays you to study covering your fees and in addition providing you a monthly allowance for the next 3-4 years. Caveat: Depends on your performance, if you suck, bye bye PhD.
Next, dun be discourage if you are entering research field in the 30s age range, it is perfectly normal in the local context (assuming you are a guy, ladies just minus off 2 years) as compared to foreign students who are usually significantly younger due to their country education system and they dun need to serve NS.
Lastly, you have to serious ask yourself, do you want a research life, and no, I am not talking about life you perceive academia when you are a student. Because most PhD in local context end up in research position in tertiary institution or research institute (I2R) with small percentage in the local private sector (who hired PhD), others head overseas. Very few actually make the cut into professorship (AKA academia).
And most PhD ends up in research based work for the rest of their lives or switch back to work in private sector because they found out they like money more than research.
To reiterate, PhD = Research. If you have a vague idea of what research is, go to most university website and look at their job opening for research staff and get an idea of what they are doing, go to library and look into research journals, etc to get an idea what kind of work is being published.
I am not pouring cold water on you, it is just that most ppl I come across have only a vague idea of what goes on in research, it is better to get an idea of what you are getting into first before pursing a PhD.
"I also agree that we can study anywhere and everywhere. However, you cannot deny that society places such huge importance on certifications."
I've never denied the importance of certs.
You're the one who said this==>So given the unfortunate circumstances, I love to study and I love reading and yet my grades are merely average, so grants and scholarships are out.
SO I told you that people can study anywhere.
Besides I've already added in some comments about how you can get a PHD (which you apparantly ignored)==>"I can only advice you to enroll in an overseas course/university which is hopefully recognised. Then from there you can proceed to pursue your Masters and then your PHD. "
It's all fine and dandy to have dreams, but how hard are you willing to work for them? If you're really that driven you would be out there looking for opportunities and etc instead of making excuses here.
Who here doesn't have problems? It's just that people don't COMPLAIN, they go out there to SOLVE it. I hope you understand that there are people out there who have worse problems than what you're facing now. BTW, I'm not saying your problems are insignificant, I'm saying that they are not insurmountable
Also, you said you're having problems with your finances...but you still want a PHD now? Your priorities are seriously screwed up.
Bhw33 - I think you're very perceptive and also very courageous. Even through reading my post, you can sense most things accurately, even to the point on taking anti-depressants. As I've said, I have difficulties revealing my private troubles so I can only self medicate. Obviously I don't do harm to my body, I don't smoke also. So I took vitamins, especially the Bs as they help relieve the stress. In fact, I took them everyday to counter my stress.
Yep, we are quite similar. I also have a good memory however my attention span is very weak. I have to move around to think. And yes, I used to be very motivated previously, that probably explains all the unrealistic things that I aimed for. Now, I am quite lost. I lack motivation. That possibly explain why I started the thread in the first place.
I have huge respect for you because you seem so down to earth and so straight forward in your post. I say, keep it up!
jojobeach - I can stand hurtful comments from people that I don't care about, but something coming from a loved one, I can't take it. I agree my pride may be my weakness. However, I can't understand how living outside equates to punishing my mom.
Yep, back then I thought I was invincible. I never saved for rainy days because most of the money went to pay off my school fees $30k, staff expenses $20k, office rental $10k, partial loan shark repayment for my bro $3k, my parents $8k, uncle $1k, friends $6k, new computer $2k with the rest on my living expenses over that 1 year. I also went on an overseas trip and spent about $2k. Do I feel bad that I never saved up? Yep. Is it something that I could have done better? Yep. Any regrets? Absolutely not. I have no business mentor to look up to, my parents are not business people and I am not business savvy. As I mentioned also, the business happens from a stroke of pure luck and I never meant to really go into it. It's like you have a teletubbie toy to sell and you post in the forum and then you realize everybody message you wanting to buy from you, suddenly you have a business! It's some lessons that I am happy to have gone through.
ShrodingersCat - Unfortunately, my patience depends on the situation. If some clients scold me, I can put my ego down because my role is to serve them. But if someone you deeply care about come up with personal insults directed you, won't you feel hurt? Like for example if you love this girl so much and she said something like, you're a useless good for nothing, born ugly i think even my shit looks better than you and I will never love someone like you ever... Problem is, when it comes from family members, the hurt is tripled.
Actually, I also don't know why I have problems confiding in anyone. Reasons I could think of. I don't want to add my troubles to their troubles, knowing if I did tell them, they will most likely help me but they already have their own troubles. Also, maybe I hate to reveal my weakness, you know how guys like to be macho and all. Other reasons I can think of is that if I did tell them, they won't be able to help much also. And if money is concern, even worse, I hate to borrow or take money from others. Once a friend saw me so moody, then for that time, I actually slip my tongue and reveal my debts situation. He offered to pass me $10k to settle everything. I never took a cent because I can settle it myself monthly within this year. But you know, I'm quite touched about the nice gestures.
Rainbow Jigsaw - Agree completely.
Arapahoe - I also think there is alot of hidden anger within me. I am someone very quiet and hide everything inside and I don't know how to release them. I play sports and try to release my tensions there.
Hugh Hefner - I guess you're spot on about the emotional baggage. Don't know if it's a bad thing because sometimes I think about it, I get fired up and want to work damn hard to prove that I can get my dreams come true. But there are times when I think about it and I feel so useless and feel so wasted.
TTFU - Your advise will possibly solve the problem. I agree communication is one of the better solutions in this situation. The problem isn't your advice, the problem is a guy who have difficulties sharing his deep private feelings to anyone. I recognize my character flaws but I have problems fixing it.
Fugazzi - Wah, I read your post twice and I find it too chim.
octega - Thanks for the advise. Yes, I have been aiming for research work even before I do my degree actually. I already plan out my route some years back and seems like some changes going to happen. I think research fits me fine, I enjoy doing observations and experiments. I also void alot of warranties because ends up I open up the electronics and hardware to explore abit. My friends ask me to tweak their stuff but usually I have to say no because sometimes I do it and I have to buy a new one (because i broke it).
As for studying after 30s, I know alot of capable people can do that. I don't think I am one of them and right now, I am saving up for a house instead of education. By the time I am done, I think it is difficult. I find my memory deteriorating over time. Things that never happen to me before, like going to work and forgot to bring working laptop, going out and forgot to bring wallet, etc.
littlemissbonkers - When I feel really down, I wanted to write out and release some of my feelings. I am not those people who are in the news recently, one fine day cannot handle it anymore, just take guns and go around killing people or take knife and go schools kill people. So basically, here is my way to get some relieve and directions. I don't know it sounds like pure complaining to you.
Originally posted by MobTwo:Bhw33 - I think you're very perceptive and also very courageous. Even through reading my post, you can sense most things accurately, even to the point on taking anti-depressants. As I've said, I have difficulties revealing my private troubles so I can only self medicate. Obviously I don't do harm to my body, I don't smoke also. So I took vitamins, especially the Bs as they help relieve the stress. In fact, I took them everyday to counter my stress.
Yep, we are quite similar. I also have a good memory however my attention span is very weak. I have to move around to think. And yes, I used to be very motivated previously, that probably explains all the unrealistic things that I aimed for. Now, I am quite lost. I lack motivation. That possibly explain why I started the thread in the first place.
I have huge respect for you because you seem so down to earth and so straight forward in your post. I say, keep it up!
jojobeach - I can stand hurtful comments from people that I don't care about, but something coming from a loved one, I can't take it. I agree my pride may be my weakness. However, I can't understand how living outside equates to punishing my mom.
Yep, back then I thought I was invincible. I never saved for rainy days because most of the money went to pay off my school fees $30k, staff expenses $20k, office rental $10k, partial loan shark repayment for my bro $3k, my parents $8k, uncle $1k, friends $6k, new computer $2k with the rest on my living expenses over that 1 year. I also went on an overseas trip and spent about $2k. Do I feel bad that I never saved up? Yep. Is it something that I could have done better? Yep. Any regrets? Absolutely not. I have no business mentor to look up to, my parents are not business people and I am not business savvy. As I mentioned also, the business happens from a stroke of pure luck and I never meant to really go into it. It's like you have a teletubbie toy to sell and you post in the forum and then you realize everybody message you wanting to buy from you, suddenly you have a business! It's some lessons that I am happy to have gone through.
ShrodingersCat - Unfortunately, my patience depends on the situation. If some clients scold me, I can put my ego down because my role is to serve them. But if someone you deeply care about come up with personal insults directed you, won't you feel hurt? Like for example if you love this girl so much and she said something like, you're a useless good for nothing, born ugly i think even my shit looks better than you and I will never love someone like you ever... Problem is, when it comes from family members, the hurt is tripled.
Actually, I also don't know why I have problems confiding in anyone. Reasons I could think of. I don't want to add my troubles to their troubles, knowing if I did tell them, they will most likely help me but they already have their own troubles. Also, maybe I hate to reveal my weakness, you know how guys like to be macho and all. Other reasons I can think of is that if I did tell them, they won't be able to help much also. And if money is concern, even worse, I hate to borrow or take money from others. Once a friend saw me so moody, then for that time, I actually slip my tongue and reveal my debts situation. He offered to pass me $10k to settle everything. I never took a cent because I can settle it myself monthly within this year. But you know, I'm quite touched about the nice gestures.
Rainbow Jigsaw - Agree completely.
Arapahoe - I also think there is alot of hidden anger within me. I am someone very quiet and hide everything inside and I don't know how to release them. I play sports and try to release my tensions there.
Hugh Hefner - I guess you're spot on about the emotional baggage. Don't know if it's a bad thing because sometimes I think about it, I get fired up and want to work damn hard to prove that I can get my dreams come true. But there are times when I think about it and I feel so useless and feel so wasted.
TTFU - Your advise will possibly solve the problem. I agree communication is one of the better solutions in this situation. The problem isn't your advice, the problem is a guy who have difficulties sharing his deep private feelings to anyone. I recognize my character flaws but I have problems fixing it.
Fugazzi - Wah, I read your post twice and I find it too chim.
octega - Thanks for the advise. Yes, I have been aiming for research work even before I do my degree actually. I already plan out my route some years back and seems like some changes going to happen. I think research fits me fine, I enjoy doing observations and experiments. I also void alot of warranties because ends up I open up the electronics and hardware to explore abit. My friends ask me to tweak their stuff but usually I have to say no because sometimes I do it and I have to buy a new one (because i broke it).
As for studying after 30s, I know alot of capable people can do that. I don't think I am one of them and right now, I am saving up for a house instead of education. By the time I am done, I think it is difficult. I find my memory deteriorating over time. Things that never happen to me before, like going to work and forgot to bring working laptop, going out and forgot to bring wallet, etc.
littlemissbonkers - When I feel really down, I wanted to write out and release some of my feelings. I am not those people who are in the news recently, one fine day cannot handle it anymore, just take guns and go around killing people or take knife and go schools kill people. So basically, here is my way to get some relieve and directions. I don't know it sounds like pure complaining to you.
"However, I can't understand how living outside equates to punishing my mom."
Leaving the family nest is a natural progression of growing up.
However, you didn't leave amicably did ya? You left out of anger.
And you had to do it immediately after the hurtful words come out her mouth. Your mom will have to carry that guilt until she dies if you are unable to reconcile the relationship.
Do you want her to come and apologise to you before you'd let it go ?
Life is short dude. Happiness doesn't fall from the sky or is bestowed by the divine... it's your personal choice.
Have the strength to carry on and the courage to let it go.
Originally posted by MobTwo:Bhw33 - I think you're very perceptive and also very courageous. Even through reading my post, you can sense most things accurately, even to the point on taking anti-depressants. As I've said, I have difficulties revealing my private troubles so I can only self medicate. Obviously I don't do harm to my body, I don't smoke also. So I took vitamins, especially the Bs as they help relieve the stress. In fact, I took them everyday to counter my stress.
Yep, we are quite similar. I also have a good memory however my attention span is very weak. I have to move around to think. And yes, I used to be very motivated previously, that probably explains all the unrealistic things that I aimed for. Now, I am quite lost. I lack motivation. That possibly explain why I started the thread in the first place.
I have huge respect for you because you seem so down to earth and so straight forward in your post. I say, keep it up!
jojobeach - I can stand hurtful comments from people that I don't care about, but something coming from a loved one, I can't take it. I agree my pride may be my weakness. However, I can't understand how living outside equates to punishing my mom.
Yep, back then I thought I was invincible. I never saved for rainy days because most of the money went to pay off my school fees $30k, staff expenses $20k, office rental $10k, partial loan shark repayment for my bro $3k, my parents $8k, uncle $1k, friends $6k, new computer $2k with the rest on my living expenses over that 1 year. I also went on an overseas trip and spent about $2k. Do I feel bad that I never saved up? Yep. Is it something that I could have done better? Yep. Any regrets? Absolutely not. I have no business mentor to look up to, my parents are not business people and I am not business savvy. As I mentioned also, the business happens from a stroke of pure luck and I never meant to really go into it. It's like you have a teletubbie toy to sell and you post in the forum and then you realize everybody message you wanting to buy from you, suddenly you have a business! It's some lessons that I am happy to have gone through.
ShrodingersCat - Unfortunately, my patience depends on the situation. If some clients scold me, I can put my ego down because my role is to serve them. But if someone you deeply care about come up with personal insults directed you, won't you feel hurt? Like for example if you love this girl so much and she said something like, you're a useless good for nothing, born ugly i think even my shit looks better than you and I will never love someone like you ever... Problem is, when it comes from family members, the hurt is tripled.
Actually, I also don't know why I have problems confiding in anyone. Reasons I could think of. I don't want to add my troubles to their troubles, knowing if I did tell them, they will most likely help me but they already have their own troubles. Also, maybe I hate to reveal my weakness, you know how guys like to be macho and all. Other reasons I can think of is that if I did tell them, they won't be able to help much also. And if money is concern, even worse, I hate to borrow or take money from others. Once a friend saw me so moody, then for that time, I actually slip my tongue and reveal my debts situation. He offered to pass me $10k to settle everything. I never took a cent because I can settle it myself monthly within this year. But you know, I'm quite touched about the nice gestures.
Rainbow Jigsaw - Agree completely.
Arapahoe - I also think there is alot of hidden anger within me. I am someone very quiet and hide everything inside and I don't know how to release them. I play sports and try to release my tensions there.
Hugh Hefner - I guess you're spot on about the emotional baggage. Don't know if it's a bad thing because sometimes I think about it, I get fired up and want to work damn hard to prove that I can get my dreams come true. But there are times when I think about it and I feel so useless and feel so wasted.
TTFU - Your advise will possibly solve the problem. I agree communication is one of the better solutions in this situation. The problem isn't your advice, the problem is a guy who have difficulties sharing his deep private feelings to anyone. I recognize my character flaws but I have problems fixing it.
Fugazzi - Wah, I read your post twice and I find it too chim.
octega - Thanks for the advise. Yes, I have been aiming for research work even before I do my degree actually. I already plan out my route some years back and seems like some changes going to happen. I think research fits me fine, I enjoy doing observations and experiments. I also void alot of warranties because ends up I open up the electronics and hardware to explore abit. My friends ask me to tweak their stuff but usually I have to say no because sometimes I do it and I have to buy a new one (because i broke it).
As for studying after 30s, I know alot of capable people can do that. I don't think I am one of them and right now, I am saving up for a house instead of education. By the time I am done, I think it is difficult. I find my memory deteriorating over time. Things that never happen to me before, like going to work and forgot to bring working laptop, going out and forgot to bring wallet, etc.
littlemissbonkers - When I feel really down, I wanted to write out and release some of my feelings. I am not those people who are in the news recently, one fine day cannot handle it anymore, just take guns and go around killing people or take knife and go schools kill people. So basically, here is my way to get some relieve and directions. I don't know it sounds like pure complaining to you.
Friend. I assure you more trouble with come. Life is not going to get any easier. If life is plain sailing then it is not life. Write to release your tension by all means. Because if you don't write, we don't have anything to talk about and we won't be here anyway. People put you down? Sure got wan. Why bother? It is normal routine of life.
Feel down then got to get up and keep running. Every now and then somebody will throw banana to try to make you slip. But that is life. You take it or it will take you down.
First thing, reconcile with your parents. No matter how "nasty" your parents were to you, if you are not in talking terms with them and you refuse to speak out your reservations to them, you will suffer. Assure you, you will feel miserable if you don't confront them and try to solve your problems with them. Of course, the people that hurt you most are normally the people close to you. Who else? If you avoid them, you are avoiding your problems. Your parents are not your gf, if you break up, it is over. Family ties never end. The ball is in your court.
Debt problems? Yes they are big problem. But its either down the pit or you try to solve it.
Guy face not so important when woman look for marriage. They look for confidence and capability. You must have confidence in yourself.
Originally posted by MobTwo:
ShrodingersCat - Unfortunately, my patience depends on the situation. If some clients scold me, I can put my ego down because my role is to serve them. But if someone you deeply care about come up with personal insults directed you, won't you feel hurt? Like for example if you love this girl so much and she said something like, you're a useless good for nothing, born ugly i think even my shit looks better than you and I will never love someone like you ever... Problem is, when it comes from family members, the hurt is tripled.
Actually, I also don't know why I have problems confiding in anyone. Reasons I could think of. I don't want to add my troubles to their troubles, knowing if I did tell them, they will most likely help me but they already have their own troubles. Also, maybe I hate to reveal my weakness, you know how guys like to be macho and all. Other reasons I can think of is that if I did tell them, they won't be able to help much also. And if money is concern, even worse, I hate to borrow or take money from others. Once a friend saw me so moody, then for that time, I actually slip my tongue and reveal my debts situation. He offered to pass me $10k to settle everything. I never took a cent because I can settle it myself monthly within this year. But you know, I'm quite touched about the nice gestures.
Actually I wasn't referring to patience towards people, but patience towards how events in life unfold. You seem very anxious to get your phd and this anxiety to make things happen now now now is making you frustrated with your current life. So I meant was that life is a journey not just a bunch of destinations. You get easily upset when thwarted in your journey because you are focused on a destination - but what you may not realise is that sometimes detours happen for a reason and occasionally they bring you to places that exceeds your original expectations.
Originally posted by MobTwo:Bhw33 - I think you're very perceptive and also very courageous. Even through reading my post, you can sense most things accurately, even to the point on taking anti-depressants. As I've said, I have difficulties revealing my private troubles so I can only self medicate. Obviously I don't do harm to my body, I don't smoke also. So I took vitamins, especially the Bs as they help relieve the stress. In fact, I took them everyday to counter my stress.
Yep, we are quite similar. I also have a good memory however my attention span is very weak. I have to move around to think. And yes, I used to be very motivated previously, that probably explains all the unrealistic things that I aimed for. Now, I am quite lost. I lack motivation. That possibly explain why I started the thread in the first place.
I have huge respect for you because you seem so down to earth and so straight forward in your post. I say, keep it up!
jojobeach - I can stand hurtful comments from people that I don't care about, but something coming from a loved one, I can't take it. I agree my pride may be my weakness. However, I can't understand how living outside equates to punishing my mom.
Yep, back then I thought I was invincible. I never saved for rainy days because most of the money went to pay off my school fees $30k, staff expenses $20k, office rental $10k, partial loan shark repayment for my bro $3k, my parents $8k, uncle $1k, friends $6k, new computer $2k with the rest on my living expenses over that 1 year. I also went on an overseas trip and spent about $2k. Do I feel bad that I never saved up? Yep. Is it something that I could have done better? Yep. Any regrets? Absolutely not. I have no business mentor to look up to, my parents are not business people and I am not business savvy. As I mentioned also, the business happens from a stroke of pure luck and I never meant to really go into it. It's like you have a teletubbie toy to sell and you post in the forum and then you realize everybody message you wanting to buy from you, suddenly you have a business! It's some lessons that I am happy to have gone through.
ShrodingersCat - Unfortunately, my patience depends on the situation. If some clients scold me, I can put my ego down because my role is to serve them. But if someone you deeply care about come up with personal insults directed you, won't you feel hurt? Like for example if you love this girl so much and she said something like, you're a useless good for nothing, born ugly i think even my shit looks better than you and I will never love someone like you ever... Problem is, when it comes from family members, the hurt is tripled.
Actually, I also don't know why I have problems confiding in anyone. Reasons I could think of. I don't want to add my troubles to their troubles, knowing if I did tell them, they will most likely help me but they already have their own troubles. Also, maybe I hate to reveal my weakness, you know how guys like to be macho and all. Other reasons I can think of is that if I did tell them, they won't be able to help much also. And if money is concern, even worse, I hate to borrow or take money from others. Once a friend saw me so moody, then for that time, I actually slip my tongue and reveal my debts situation. He offered to pass me $10k to settle everything. I never took a cent because I can settle it myself monthly within this year. But you know, I'm quite touched about the nice gestures.
Rainbow Jigsaw - Agree completely.
Arapahoe - I also think there is alot of hidden anger within me. I am someone very quiet and hide everything inside and I don't know how to release them. I play sports and try to release my tensions there.
Hugh Hefner - I guess you're spot on about the emotional baggage. Don't know if it's a bad thing because sometimes I think about it, I get fired up and want to work damn hard to prove that I can get my dreams come true. But there are times when I think about it and I feel so useless and feel so wasted.
TTFU - Your advise will possibly solve the problem. I agree communication is one of the better solutions in this situation. The problem isn't your advice, the problem is a guy who have difficulties sharing his deep private feelings to anyone. I recognize my character flaws but I have problems fixing it.
Fugazzi - Wah, I read your post twice and I find it too chim.
octega - Thanks for the advise. Yes, I have been aiming for research work even before I do my degree actually. I already plan out my route some years back and seems like some changes going to happen. I think research fits me fine, I enjoy doing observations and experiments. I also void alot of warranties because ends up I open up the electronics and hardware to explore abit. My friends ask me to tweak their stuff but usually I have to say no because sometimes I do it and I have to buy a new one (because i broke it).
As for studying after 30s, I know alot of capable people can do that. I don't think I am one of them and right now, I am saving up for a house instead of education. By the time I am done, I think it is difficult. I find my memory deteriorating over time. Things that never happen to me before, like going to work and forgot to bring working laptop, going out and forgot to bring wallet, etc.
littlemissbonkers - When I feel really down, I wanted to write out and release some of my feelings. I am not those people who are in the news recently, one fine day cannot handle it anymore, just take guns and go around killing people or take knife and go schools kill people. So basically, here is my way to get some relieve and directions. I don't know it sounds like pure complaining to you.
personally feel you shld refrain from taking anti-depressants. many doctors prescribe it, because they have no solution, and also selling legal drugs brings good cashflow of money. Such drugs affects the sharpness and clearness of one's mind, if taken for prolonged periods, though the short term effect feels relaxing, and one may be mistaken that it's good. You wish to think of solutions for your life's problems, not add to it.
jojobeach - I absolutely agree with this that you said... "Life is short dude. Happiness doesn't fall from the sky or is bestowed by the divine... it's your personal choice."
No, I didn't leave amicably, well I guess it's natural for a person to be angry if someone said something hurtful to you and in a time where you are already so troubled. Yes, I am human and I get angry.
Hugh Hefner - There are those where believe the adage that parents will always do the best for their children. But when you read sometimes in the newspaper about parents sexually abusing their child or treating them like animals, then maybe it is not always true. I will keep moving forward with my life, but I am unable to reconcile with people who are blinded by money.
As I said, my brother owe loansharks money because of his gambling problem. Guess what? My parents are both heavy gamblers. I think parents do have some influence on their kids to some degree. A child born in africa vs a child born in US, the child from the US is more likely to be higher educated and successful in life. It's true we all have choices, a child from Africa may make all the right choices, but generally speaking, the foundation from which we are based in, will have a huge impact on us. A person born in Singapore is less likely to be an NBA or EPL star because our culture influence us to study more, spend less time on sports.
ShrodingersCat - I understand what you mean now. That makes complete sense.
Rainbow Jigsaw - True, anyway I don't take anti-depressants. I think vitamin B+C works better, at least for me. I can sense an increase in happiness after taking the tablets.
If you know what you want in life, you sometimes have to be more open to situation in life. You find yourself all alone, unable to cope, when God sends "help" through other people, please accept the help."As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
My suggestion for you will be take up scholarship.
I believe you want to have some sort of emotional outlet? I will recommend you arts; drawing and painting works for me like a charm.
Every man falls in life, with the gift of grace, everything will be alright, be patient and seized the "help".
I hope you find your light in the tunnel, again, God bless, amen.
mobtwo,
I can totally identify with you becos i was chased out of the house by my brother and my mum didn't stand by me. Although we have reconciled since then, i know she doesn't care about me, only using me to buy her dinner and keep her company when she has no other company. People like us who have gone through such experience will understand there are selfish parents, not every parent will do the best for you. People who are lucky with better parents will not understand. Money is still the most important thing in any relationship, including parent child. When life is smooth sailing, everybody is nice. When there are problems, the true colours show.
Hi...
Dont worry Ok.
30 years of age is still young.....
Do you know Colonel Sanders started KFC when he was already an elderly.....
I have an uncle who started his own company when he was in his late 30s.....
There is no such thing as "too late" , or "too old"
Trust me on this one.
So just work and save money gradually.....then slowly, you can save up and use the money to get the PhD.
But actually, maybe you can also attend some industrial certification....Why I say that.....because there may be smaller niche for some PhD fields.....it depends.....and you may get more benefit from getting an industrial certification.....it may boost your marketability and earning power......you can still aim for the PhD for later if you want.....
Ok good luck.