teenage blues
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I ve got a 14 yr old son who study is weekening every semester hope somebody could help advice him to study but ears are deafened sent for tuition but no improvement in sec 3 express,im worried about his future ,im single father with no help from anybody what should i do ,tru talking never listens keeps watchin tv n computer games .
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Be more strict and stop letting him watch too much tv and play games. Spend more time to supervise him
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Let him suffer, some people need to learn in the hard way.
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Well 14 years old is a bad age to be rebelious, and choosing not to face the reality is not going to help
Try asking him to find a part time job(during holidays) where he will see those people with degrees etc etc
i really got no idea how to tell your son about it, im a teenager myself and sometimes i just cant be bothered too
Sometimes some things must be realised for yourself, like maths, u must realise/experience sin30 = 0.5 urself, instead of people keep telling u sin 30 the answer is 0.5. wad im trying to say is that maybe ur son needs to realise by himself that without o level/diploma/degree, the pay will be stuck at 1k+ for a start
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Tuition is the best way....if there is no improvement, that means you need to talk to the tutor, or even better, change the tuition center into someplace place / someone else.
Watch TV or play computer games is Ok...nothing wrong with it, just that the timing shouldnt be too much. So dont completely limit him, let him do it but just watch the timing.
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good education and child cultivating chararcter starts when he is young. parent/s need to set good example too. your son also prob mixed and influence by his friends and this socialty media content.
start by locking up your TV and computer set. let him use computer only for school work.
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Originally posted by Ssirajjj:
I ve got a 14 yr old son who study is weekening every semester hope somebody could help advice him to study but ears are deafened sent for tuition but no improvement in sec 3 express,im worried about his future ,im single father with no help from anybody what should i do ,tru talking never listens keeps watchin tv n computer games .
The last thing you want to do is lock up the computer and tv. He will resent you and simply head out to the public arcade and stop coming home.
Keep your son close.
What kind of job you do ? Bring him to your work place.
Teenagers live in a world of their own. They need to be shown what real life is about.
You are the father.. it's your job to GUIDE him.. not scold him and nag.
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if you deny him TV and computer games and he rebel by going out leaving home instead of staying home i guess in sec school age now the character of your son's molded and sahped. don;t watch TV showing how people who were so bad when young turn good afterwards. those are just some examples tv setting, a minority. good medicine taste awful, if you don;t take the pinch now and show your son who is the boss then no one can help you. not my problem anyway
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Originally posted by Paisley:
Let him suffer, some people need to learn in the hard way.
I am strongly against your statement. By allowing a child to suffer, he will seek ways to reduce the ''pain" from the suffer as a result, he may in turn find himself in a gang whereby things are easier and people are more 'caring' to him.
Soon you will find the child proceeding to do things against the law and in turn, lost his future.
Mr 'Paisley' you are really cunning for wanting other forumers child to become a bad child maybe or probably just like you as you have a strong desire to allow fellow forumers child to suffer what you may had went through.
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I suggest using the kite, pull and let go then pull.
Nowadays kids got pamper too much, children scolding 3 letter words. At that age, either he behave or he won't and will just do opposite of what you trying to tell them. I am a TA so i roughly know. You tell them after that when you turn your back, they go doing the thing that you don wan them to do.
So for parents wise, try to get along with them but at the same time, teach them (not scolding or reprimending). Nowadays they like it soft, not hard.
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One more thing i will, you pull too much, No good.
You let go too much also not, gauge accorddinly. I know i spell wrong, so sorry.
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thks for all the advice but the in the end i believe my advice will only fell on deaf ears n by the time they realise will be too late but i guess who can help if the boat they r in is sinking if not for themselves when they realise they have to swim against the tide when they could do it the easy way they chose the hard way ,we can only watch n see .
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at the end of the day, show him more love and time. Some kids feed on gifts, some feed on touch, others feed on praise. Which one's ur kid?
Give him a lot of that and u may find him listening more to you.
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very true but to feed on love to a teenager i think he is more closer n open to his friends then me to feed on things he will get more materialistic well i could try on touch n praise if thats whats left .
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Find out where his interests lie and what his strengths and weaknesses are. his intests may be developed with him pursuing a career along those lines....... Have a quiet man-to-man talk with him.
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Originally posted by Ssirajjj:
I ve got a 14 yr old son who study is weekening every semester hope somebody could help advice him to study but ears are deafened sent for tuition but no improvement in sec 3 express,im worried about his future ,im single father with no help from anybody what should i do ,tru talking never listens keeps watchin tv n computer games .
Learn to be your son's friend and father, and not the king of your house and father. You need to be patient and sincere, and lead by good example. Slowly, you should be able to gain his trust and he'll understand and appreciate your good intentions.Too many S'porean parents make the mistake of using material stuff to substitute their love and care, and end up 'losing' their child during their growing years. Once you've lost that crucial period, it's very hard to have a strong parent-child relationship in future, when your child has grown full independence.
http://www.rainbowjigsaw.com/2010/05/your-childrens-lives-are-not-yours.html
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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Originally posted by Ssirajjj:
very true but to feed on love to a teenager i think he is more closer n open to his friends then me to feed on things he will get more materialistic well i could try on touch n praise if thats whats left .
well, the reason why he's closer to friends...it's because that's the place where he feels at home and finds "love". Perhaps because ur a single parent so it's really difficult to juggle work and family.
you must try ur best to give him love, not just putting food on the table and allowances etc. He will wise up, appreciate you and eventually do things for you and the family because he loves you.
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Help him find a motivation to do well in his studies.
Or you can try the reward system (if you can afford), e.g. if he does well for an exam give him sth as a reward. Praises are impt as well!
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Have a word with his form teacher to show your concern about your son future as the O level is drawing near for him. Tell the teacher that you are a single working father who does not have enough time to coach your son properly that result in his falling grades. Maybe you can also have a talk with your son as to who are his friends that he usually hang out with so as to know them better to feedback to the teacher to watch over him.
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is there any good tuition ctrs in the west i could send him to ,i dont know what else i could do he is getting worse n i m at lost ,keep talkin to him dosnt gets in his head ,just ignors me n keep relaxing himself ,the exams r near ,what should i do?
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I do not know if my advice will be helpful to you since i am only 22 at the moment... i will just tell you the efforts my father has done... He exposed to me to different aspects in life and explained to me the differences of the past and the present... he did not do it in words but in action... he brought me around like go drain for fishing and tell me that not every kid at my age (i was 14 at that time) knows the simplicity of life and fun... whenever i get bad results (example i got 19/100 and 2/20), i will be shivering with fear... yet he will always be calm and ask me to do better next time... what is important is not to set expectations too high but set them as a point you can reach... that is what he told me countless times... and never show the expression that you r disappointed... Remember whatever you r doing, your son will be watching as you are his role model...
i have to agree with one of the posters that other being a father, u have to be a friend... i do not know if i have such capabillity of my father...
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thks for the advice ,i think i must change ,ive been too authorative in the past n its causing him to despise me more i guess hopefully it will work but he seems to be avoiding me , going out with me whenever i call him out .r 14 yr olds feel shy to go out with parents?
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Get a good religion. Pray that he goes through a human revolution.
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let nature takes its course... certain things just cannot be forced like asking him to go out with you... Puberty is a rebellious stage... Teenagers want to have their voice and opinion to be heard... i should not say shy to go out but I will say he will think that it might not be enjoyable as compared with his friends... in my case, i waited till my parents are old and i started to become more caring... kind of late... whatever it is, do not give up... being a parent is the toughest "job" ever seen in my opinion...
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Originally posted by Ssirajjj:
thks for the advice ,i think i must change ,ive been too authorative in the past n its causing him to despise me more i guess hopefully it will work but he seems to be avoiding me , going out with me whenever i call him out .r 14 yr olds feel shy to go out with parents?
You need to have a good chat with your son.Get him to sit down and have a serious chat with you.
Even if he walks off halfway, at least you've tried and might even get an idea of what his issues are.
lol
If you keep at the "serious chats", he might even start studying just to get you off his back.
