Wife is manipulated
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Friends,
My wife has been brainwashed to have an affair. This unmarried guy, aged 33, convinced her that I no longer love her.
She does not have parents, so I always feel sorry for her misbehaviour in those 3 years instead of doubting her character. She leaves for her office after I go to work and I use to return home quite late every day. Everything took place in the office, so I am blinded.
She realised her mistake earlier, but she did not get out because the guy worked in the same company (had fear in him after she got hooked) and she knew that he will return to his home country when his work permit expires.
Today, my wife says: "I do not think of him any more because it is bad, you and kids are important for me. That idiot manipulated me." Though we spend more time these days, the hurt is still there. Sometimes I get very angry and beat her and later feel sorry. Me and my wife are going through stress though it has been many months since I found it. Imagine it took me a year to come here and seek for advice. The guy returned to his home country last year.
Can I take legal action against this guy who manipulated my wife during pregnancy (some say women go thru depression) or I can't since since my wife is an adult and she is solely responsible for all her actions.
Who could I approach to recover from stress and hurt I am going through from time to time? My wife is not willing to meet a counsellor since she feels ashamed.
Appreciate your advice.
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No. But i would advice your wife to take legal action against you because you have beaten her
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you have your wife...
you want to drag her through the whole thing again by taking legal action against him???
and he's not even here?
and everything happened a year ago?
go mend the bridges with your wife and make sure she'll never even think about being unfaithful again
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so the guy had sex with the pregnant wife ?
that lucky son-of-a-bitch !
that's every man's fantasy !
no point legal action lah, if it's not gonna hurt you financially too badly............just dump your slut of a wife lah......
oh yeah, make sure you test your kids' DNA see whether they're yours or not !
it's no fun raising someone else's kid.............just ask Joseph who raised Jesus...............according to the fairytale.............
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You neglected your wife, beat your wife, and blamed everything on that guy, now you want him to pay for your misgivings ?
That guy is gone.. but your wife had to live through hell with you ever since.
The person who truly needs to see a counsellor is YOU. Since your wife don't want to go.. you should go yourself.
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another solution will be to have your wife let you have an affair too !
that will tie the score at 1-1...............no extra-time allowed !
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TTFU, can't I beat my wife when I find she is unfaithful. Anyway, I have stopped that because I realise it is not going the solve the problem.
The Bear, yes, I agree I am focusing on building the relationship now. But, this guy manipulated and escaped from Singapore. I could not do anything. I was totally confused last year. The good thing is my mind never thought of divorce because deep in my heart I loved her so much (she tells me that I never expressed it to her)
When we can bring the Romanian ambassador under our law, why not in this case? I see it is well planned by him.
Asromanista, my wife said everything started after her delivery though he has been approaching her while she was pregnant. My blood group is unique in the family and my son follows, and also my wife said she is not so stupid to carry another man's baby.
Jojobeach, you write like that because you did not know much about me. When my wife delivered, I got busy with Tsunami helping people for 1-2 years. My wife says that I got so much passion into it that I forgot about her. She says always I talk only about those families who got affected. People are passionate to helping other people, you consider them as "neglecting their own family".
The guy has been watching her closely. When he realised I am not closer to her during those years, he used the opportunity to manipulate her. My wife is not going thru' hell. She says she feels much relieved and peaceful these days. Probably, you would not have come across good people in life.
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because your wife is an adult and no crime was committed...
simple as that...
let it go...
both of you take it as lessons learnt...
your sins do not exonerate her of her sins and her sins do not exonerate you of yours...
if both of you are willing and able to give it another go, let it go...
it is hard but tell yourself to let it go each time you think about it.. focus on your family instead... communicate with her more.. make efforts to spend time with her... do things together..
you have a second chance.. something which few couples have after something this bad happens...
don't mess it up this time..
and you have to gently bring this up to your wife too.. tell her you will not mess this second chance and make sure you do not...and tell her she must also take the effort not to mess up this second chance up too because a relationship is never a one-way street...
you know what you have to do... now the hard part starts...
go do it...
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Originally posted by Doss:
TTFU, can't I beat my wife when I find she is unfaithful. Anyway, I have stopped that because I realise it is not going the solve the problem.
The Bear, yes, I agree I am focusing on building the relationship now. But, this guy manipulated and escaped from Singapore. I could not do anything. I was totally confused last year. The good thing is my mind never thought of divorce because deep in my heart I loved her so much (she tells me that I never expressed it to her)
When we can bring the Romanian ambassador under our law, why not in this case? I see it is well planned by him.
Asromanista, my wife said everything started after her delivery though he has been approaching her while she was pregnant. My blood group is unique in the family and my son follows, and also my wife said she is not so stupid to carry another man's baby.
Jojobeach, you write like that because you did not know much about me. When my wife delivered, I got busy with Tsunami helping people for 1-2 years. My wife says that I got so much passion into it that I forgot about her. She says always I talk only about those families who got affected. People are passionate to helping other people, you consider them as "neglecting their own family".
The guy has been watching her closely. When he realised I am not closer to her during those years, he used the opportunity to manipulate her. My wife is not going thru' hell. She says she feels much relieved and peaceful these days. Probably, you would not have come across good people in life.
Get over it, its been one year now and get on with your life. Admit that you neglected your wife during her period of pregnancy. Helping others is good, but not at the expense of neglecting your wife. In a marriage, you have to sacrifice your time to take care of your family.
While she is at wrong for having a affair, you are at wrong also for neglecting your farmily and beating her. Do you want to continue the dramas after your kid is born ? I hope not. Take good care of your family first before everything else.
And as for the legal actions. No again. How much assets do you want to squander just to punish him. Save the money for your family or on some meaninful areas.
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How do you decribe him as having manipulated your wife? You are at fault and you allow another man to manipujaculate onto your wife (now how is that for a description?).Go beat yourself to death next time
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please go and get counselling as a couple. unresolved hurts will continue to fester and rot the r/s over time. still want to save face? please. it's not worth the end result.
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Men do not Beat up "Woman"
go work with your Anger and work on the relationship.
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Originally posted by Doss:
TTFU, can't I beat my wife when I find she is unfaithful. Anyway, I have stopped that because I realise it is not going the solve the problem.
The Bear, yes, I agree I am focusing on building the relationship now. But, this guy manipulated and escaped from Singapore. I could not do anything. I was totally confused last year. The good thing is my mind never thought of divorce because deep in my heart I loved her so much (she tells me that I never expressed it to her)
When we can bring the Romanian ambassador under our law, why not in this case? I see it is well planned by him.
Asromanista, my wife said everything started after her delivery though he has been approaching her while she was pregnant. My blood group is unique in the family and my son follows, and also my wife said she is not so stupid to carry another man's baby.
Jojobeach, you write like that because you did not know much about me. When my wife delivered, I got busy with Tsunami helping people for 1-2 years. My wife says that I got so much passion into it that I forgot about her. She says always I talk only about those families who got affected. People are passionate to helping other people, you consider them as "neglecting their own family".
The guy has been watching her closely. When he realised I am not closer to her during those years, he used the opportunity to manipulate her. My wife is not going thru' hell. She says she feels much relieved and peaceful these days. Probably, you would not have come across good people in life.
A woman needs her man the most during and post delivery of her baby. But you were not there for her.
You were there helping Tsunami people ? Your passion for "helping" is really your passion to feel good about yourself. You are not the only one who can help them.
If those Tsunami people know what you had to sacrifice to help them.. they'd tell you.." Abang , go back to your family, they need you more than us."
You didn;t leave your wife .. not because you love her .. but because you had GUILT. That's why you had a hard time "expressing" your remorse.
That man didn't manipulated your wife... He saw how you neglected her.. and offered his shoulders so that she may depend on it.
If anything.. you should be THANKFUL to him for being there for your wife when you were not.
You don't love your wife do you ? I seriously doubt you do. Everything is about you and your anger towards another man because he "tresspassed" your property , yes ?
When a man is only focusing on hate.. he cannot LOVE.
Love blinds us to faults, but hatred blinds us to virtue- Iba Ezra.
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Originally posted by Doss:
Friends,
My wife has been brainwashed to have an affair. This unmarried guy, aged 33, convinced her that I no longer love her.
She does not have parents, so I always feel sorry for her misbehaviour in those 3 years instead of doubting her character. She leaves for her office after I go to work and I use to return home quite late every day. Everything took place in the office, so I am blinded.
She realised her mistake earlier, but she did not get out because the guy worked in the same company (had fear in him after she got hooked) and she knew that he will return to his home country when his work permit expires.
Today, my wife says: "I do not think of him any more because it is bad, you and kids are important for me. That idiot manipulated me." Though we spend more time these days, the hurt is still there. Sometimes I get very angry and beat her and later feel sorry. Me and my wife are going through stress though it has been many months since I found it. Imagine it took me a year to come here and seek for advice. The guy returned to his home country last year.
Can I take legal action against this guy who manipulated my wife during pregnancy (some say women go thru depression) or I can't since since my wife is an adult and she is solely responsible for all her actions.
Who could I approach to recover from stress and hurt I am going through from time to time? My wife is not willing to meet a counsellor since she feels ashamed.
Appreciate your advice.
Let go. You MUST let go and start all over again if you really love her.
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Your wife is NOT YOUR PROPERTY.
What the hell makes you think you can beat her?!
Is she your dog?!
Men like you are bloody losers. If you've got the guts, why don't you fly over to wherever that other guy is and beat him up instead of taking out your anger on your wfie?
I recommend that you grow some balls instead.
Since the affair is over, then it's over. If you want you can go out and have some too.
But seriously, I pity your kids. They have to live with an abusive father and an immature mother. One can only imagine what kinda fucked up shit your family has to go through everyday.
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Originally posted by Doss:
Friends,
My wife has been brainwashed to have an affair. This unmarried guy, aged 33, convinced her that I no longer love her.
She does not have parents, so I always feel sorry for her misbehaviour in those 3 years instead of doubting her character. She leaves for her office after I go to work and I use to return home quite late every day. Everything took place in the office, so I am blinded.
She realised her mistake earlier, but she did not get out because the guy worked in the same company (had fear in him after she got hooked) and she knew that he will return to his home country when his work permit expires.
Today, my wife says: "I do not think of him any more because it is bad, you and kids are important for me. That idiot manipulated me." Though we spend more time these days, the hurt is still there. Sometimes I get very angry and beat her and later feel sorry. Me and my wife are going through stress though it has been many months since I found it. Imagine it took me a year to come here and seek for advice. The guy returned to his home country last year.
Can I take legal action against this guy who manipulated my wife during pregnancy (some say women go thru depression) or I can't since since my wife is an adult and she is solely responsible for all her actions.
Who could I approach to recover from stress and hurt I am going through from time to time? My wife is not willing to meet a counsellor since she feels ashamed.
Appreciate your advice.
First and foremost, its your fault for neglecting your wife. But your wife cheated on you and committed adultery. Even though you did neglect her, it does not mean that she is given a license to fool around with other men. That man did not brainwash your wife, your wife just do not love you anymore. Any wife that loves her husband will never cheat on him. Your wife is smart to push the blame onto that guy. Your wife is manipulating you by making you think that she is the victim when in actual fact she is the culprit. If your wife has integrity, she would not have responded to that man's advances. You should not have beaten her, you should have just filed for divorce on grounds of adultery. Of course your wife does not want to go for counselling, because she knows she doesn't need it and the real reason she cheated was because she didn't care about you or love you anymore. Can a counseller make your wife love you again? If they could, then there will be no need for divorce lawyers and accountants!
If your wife can cheat on you once, do you think she can cheat on you again? Well she can just say she is being manipulated by the next guy. Don't be naive, its time to open your eyes and see the reality before you. If you did the same thing to your wife, she would not beat you, she will put the knife into your gut or divorced you and make you pay for your mistake financially for the rest of your life. Why are you letting her get away with it?
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1) Never beat a woman, it's unmanly. There should be mutual respect.
2) The bulk of affairs happened on guys. Why is it that while most wives can forgive their husbands, that men doesn't have the same forgiveness for the wives? I think we're no longer in the old era. People make mistakes, let's forgive and try to build on the future.
3) I think it may not be your fault, but you shouldn't keep holding on to the hurt. You're the guy in the family, you're supposed to lead the family, no? In that case, you need to be strong and lead the family into happiness... but to do that, you need to leave some things behind... my suggestion is that for your own sake, and for your family sake, your kids, please leave the whole thing behind and move on. if i was you, i am pissed, but it wouldn't have help much. sure i can spend my time and money to revenge, but seriously, will it benefit anyone? nope, the guy suffers, your wife will keep feeling guilty and unable to move on, maybe you will be happy for a while to get back some revenge, but think of the big picture, nobody really wins. Winning is when you get back happiness instead of carrying that bag of sadness everywhere you go.
4) i don't think we know you well enough to say that you're a bad husband. but if you beat your wife, then you are quite a bad husband. for now, let's assume you have done your part. look, beating someone doesn't solves any problem... just think back when you were a kid, when your parents hit you, don't you become angry and more rebellous? so if it's not effective, then don't repeat the same method.
5) i sincerely wish you the best of luck. i am sorry that you have to gone through such agony, but i really hope you can move on in your life. everyone gets some shit moments once a while, but life is like that, if everything is constant, there's no drama in life, then it gets very boring.
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Originally posted by SgLoveCop@blogspot:
First and foremost, its your fault for neglecting your wife. But your wife cheated on you and committed adultery. Even though you did neglect her, it does not mean that she is given a license to fool around with other men. That man did not brainwash your wife, your wife just do not love you anymore. Any wife that loves her husband will never cheat on him. Your wife is smart to push the blame onto that guy. Your wife is manipulating you by making you think that she is the victim when in actual fact she is the culprit. If your wife has integrity, she would not have responded to that man's advances. You should not have beaten her, you should have just filed for divorce on grounds of adultery. Of course your wife does not want to go for counselling, because she knows she doesn't need it and the real reason she cheated was because she didn't care about you or love you anymore. Can a counseller make your wife love you again? If they could, then there will be no need for divorce lawyers and accountants!
If your wife can cheat on you once, do you think she can cheat on you again? Well she can just say she is being manipulated by the next guy. Don't be naive, its time to open your eyes and see the reality before you. If you did the same thing to your wife, she would not beat you, she will put the knife into your gut or divorced you and make you pay for your mistake financially for the rest of your life. Why are you letting her get away with it?
WAH LAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
SI BEH HO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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from the way i see it , u are not helping yr wife,
u wan revenge for yrself because that man have made a cuckhat out of u .
u wan revenge.
pursuing this matter will only continue to hurt yrself and yr wife even more
you will keep thing that this man touch yr wife and before long you will lose yr temper again and take it out on yr wife again. end of the day you will despise yr wife.
so forget the whole thing and start loving yr wife.
snap out of it and be good to yr wife starting from now on.
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TTFU, The Bear, Arapahoe, Allulu69, MobTwo, Hwaimeng, thanks to all you for your thoughts.
There is no doubt that I must move on and stop hurting my wife especially since my kids can watch and ask me who is at fault. They know dad teach them good values but why then he beat my mom. I explained to them “when mom was in some danger, she did not share it with me and I could not help her from getting cheated. So, dad feels hurt! I teach them to identify and stay away from bad and negative people.”
- I can understand why some of you say that I am a bad guy. I am leader in a certain field. I use to tell others “A man who beats his wife is a devil”. But, today I behave differently when my situation changed.
- Somehow helping people took my attention during those days. I got carried away by awards I received for doing that. I do not know why I started to believe strongly “If I help other people, my family will automatically be taken care by God.” In fact, lot of people appreciated me for taking a lead position to serve them. They were telling me I should be lucky to have a supportive wife.
- No one suggested me to take revenge on this guy. That was my original question to all of you, so I got the answer now. I felt sad when I allow a bad guy to escape and allow him to live peacefully.
- I will focus on my family happiness now. As most of you said it clearly, forget it and move on. I knew it but I needed confidence which you have given me by sharing your thoughts. Thanks again.
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Try forgiveness - it is the oil for broken spirits.
Forgive your wife just as she forgives you for your violence. Start all over again for the sake of the kids and the family.
Legal action doesn't change anything that have already happened, does it?
look forward and move on. Learn the lessons of the past and leave it behind you.
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Originally posted by littlemissbonkers:
Your wife is NOT YOUR PROPERTY.
What the hell makes you think you can beat her?!
Is she your dog?!
Men like you are bloody losers. If you've got the guts, why don't you fly over to wherever that other guy is and beat him up instead of taking out your anger on your wfie?
I recommend that you grow some balls instead.
Since the affair is over, then it's over. If you want you can go out and have some too.
But seriously, I pity your kids. They have to live with an abusive father and an immature mother. One can only imagine what kinda fucked up shit your family has to go through everyday.
lil' missy sure has gone bonkers liao....... hey relax lah...........
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Originally posted by Fenixx:
Try forgiveness - it is the oil for broken spirits.
Forgive your wife just as she forgives you for your violence. Start all over again for the sake of the kids and the family.
Legal action doesn't change anything that have already happened, does it?
look forward and move on. Learn the lessons of the past and leave it behind you.
Lol me ish bonkers!
No la...I just can't stand it when men think it's alright to hit their wives...
Get's my blood boiling everytime.
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Originally posted by Doss:
TTFU, The Bear, Arapahoe, Allulu69, MobTwo, Hwaimeng, thanks to all you for your thoughts.
There is no doubt that I must move on and stop hurting my wife especially since my kids can watch and ask me who is at fault. They know dad teach them good values but why then he beat my mom. I explained to them “when mom was in some danger, she did not share it with me and I could not help her from getting cheated. So, dad feels hurt! I teach them to identify and stay away from bad and negative people.”
- I can understand why some of you say that I am a bad guy. I am leader in a certain field. I use to tell others “A man who beats his wife is a devil”. But, today I behave differently when my situation changed.
- Somehow helping people took my attention during those days. I got carried away by awards I received for doing that. I do not know why I started to believe strongly “If I help other people, my family will automatically be taken care by God.” In fact, lot of people appreciated me for taking a lead position to serve them. They were telling me I should be lucky to have a supportive wife.
- No one suggested me to take revenge on this guy. That was my original question to all of you, so I got the answer now. I felt sad when I allow a bad guy to escape and allow him to live peacefully.
- I will focus on my family happiness now. As most of you said it clearly, forget it and move on. I knew it but I needed confidence which you have given me by sharing your thoughts. Thanks again.
Yes. A real man takes care of his family, not abuse them.
1) Its normal to make mistakes, just dont repeat your mistakes. Since you understood, its time to move on.
2) Wrong conception. You dont aim for rewards/ awards or prizes if you truely want to help others, helping others without a aim. Thats truely the happiness of helping others.Not to gain recognition to boost your popularity.
3) Nothing sad actually. You are living in peace now, and whats over is over. If you want to seek revenge and destroy this peace that you have now, its then really sad.
4)Your family, your kids, your wife will give you the necessary to move on.
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I knew of a woman who had to under take the same choices. Guess what she chose?
She chose to stay on. Her 2 kids were provided for and grew up normally without having an financial difficulties, something she would face had she chose to leave.
The marriage was never the same thou. The adults slept in different room and as much as they pretended nothing was wrong, it could never really be the same.
While her kids grew up "normally" she herself suffered in silence mentally over her husbands betrayal. She may have forgivened her husband, but she NEVER forgot the incident. Her marrige was cold devoided of love.
Her husbands betrayal had also strengthened her resolve in teaching her children the "right way" in life often leading to obession. She didn't want her children to go astray, so she would be strict with her children, often beating them when mistakes were made. She made it clear to them where they had gone wrong often citing their fathers betrayal as an example.
Her husband too did try to make up for the mistakes, he did try to become the "super" dad as potrayed in TV shows. He worked even harder and vowed to make up for his mistakes by financially providing for his family. Again, whether it was out of love or guilt nobody knows. Whatever he did, he felt he could never really make up to his wife or children after what he had done.
The children did grew up "normally" at least in the financial aspect. However the children did pick up clues as to what was going on, often from the heated arguments between the parents. While young, they though nothing more of it, often confused with the emotions shown. When they grew older, the cloud of confusion became alot clearer and they finally understood what was going on. As men and no longer little boys, they came to a conclusion of their own, that no men could be trusted, not even family and so developed trust issues. How could 2 people, who took their vows in the house of god, with god as witness betray each other??
I'm not saying YOUR family will definately turn up like the one mentioned above. I'm no fortune teller.
However any decision/course of action you are going to take in the future, please understand that the life of your children, yourself and yourself will be affected regardless.
You have to make a sacrafice somewhere, either your happiness, your childrens or your wives. This is by no mean an easy task and regardless of whatever choice you make, someone is bound to suffer.
Make the choice and hope you can live with it. You will ever truly know the results in your dying moments when you ask yourself if the amount good out weight the bad, if your decision was justified.
Mistakes were made DON'T dwell over them. Instead look towards the future and try to make things right.
I'm sorry you have to make such a choice. I truly am.