Wife is manipulated
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Originally posted by Doss:
TTFU, can't I beat my wife when I find she is unfaithful. Anyway, I have stopped that because I realise it is not going the solve the problem.
The Bear, yes, I agree I am focusing on building the relationship now. But, this guy manipulated and escaped from Singapore. I could not do anything. I was totally confused last year. The good thing is my mind never thought of divorce because deep in my heart I loved her so much (she tells me that I never expressed it to her)
When we can bring the Romanian ambassador under our law, why not in this case? I see it is well planned by him.
Asromanista, my wife said everything started after her delivery though he has been approaching her while she was pregnant. My blood group is unique in the family and my son follows, and also my wife said she is not so stupid to carry another man's baby.
Jojobeach, you write like that because you did not know much about me. When my wife delivered, I got busy with Tsunami helping people for 1-2 years. My wife says that I got so much passion into it that I forgot about her. She says always I talk only about those families who got affected. People are passionate to helping other people, you consider them as "neglecting their own family".
The guy has been watching her closely. When he realised I am not closer to her during those years, he used the opportunity to manipulate her. My wife is not going thru' hell. She says she feels much relieved and peaceful these days. Probably, you would not have come across good people in life.
Dear Doss,
I can understand the hurt you must have felt being cheated upon. To be fair, your wife needs to reflect deeply on her commitment to the marriage. BUT that does not give you the right to beat her. Do you know she can bring you to court for that in Singapore?
You talk about helping others in a faraway disaster place yet abuse your wife at home. There are definitely deep inner aspects within you that need balancing and healing, before you can get the life and future you truly want. If you truly love your wife, you need to be able to find forgiveness within you to forgive her, and work towards a happier future. Then be open with each other, and communicate genuinely about what both of you truly want in both your futures.
Then let Nature take its course from there, as I somehow feel that the connection between you and your wife probably requires serious life lessons to be learnt for both parties from your marriage in this life.
http://www.rainbowjigsaw.com/2010/06/sea-of-love.html
http://www.rainbowjigsaw.com/2010/06/quick-checklist-are-you-positive-person.html
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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Originally posted by Doss:
Friends,
My wife has been brainwashed to have an affair. This unmarried guy, aged 33, convinced her that I no longer love her.
She does not have parents, so I always feel sorry for her misbehaviour in those 3 years instead of doubting her character. She leaves for her office after I go to work and I use to return home quite late every day. Everything took place in the office, so I am blinded.
She realised her mistake earlier, but she did not get out because the guy worked in the same company (had fear in him after she got hooked) and she knew that he will return to his home country when his work permit expires.
Today, my wife says: "I do not think of him any more because it is bad, you and kids are important for me. That idiot manipulated me." Though we spend more time these days, the hurt is still there. Sometimes I get very angry and beat her and later feel sorry. Me and my wife are going through stress though it has been many months since I found it. Imagine it took me a year to come here and seek for advice. The guy returned to his home country last year.
Can I take legal action against this guy who manipulated my wife during pregnancy (some say women go thru depression) or I can't since since my wife is an adult and she is solely responsible for all her actions.
Who could I approach to recover from stress and hurt I am going through from time to time? My wife is not willing to meet a counsellor since she feels ashamed.
Appreciate your advice.
I would like to advise your wife to take Legal Action against you for abusive behaviour against women.She would need to make a police report for each incidents before she could apply for a domestic protection order against you.
Normally in cases such as this, you will lose all custody to your children but you are still liable to pay your wife monthly maintenance fees to upkeep your children.
Since that man has already gone home to his country, I would advise your wife to forget about the entire incident, so that you will not be able to have any case of infidelity against her with regarding to the fight for custody of your children.
The guy was right, you really do no longer love your wife if you can afford to hit her.
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What happened to your wife could also happen to you.
So Forgive.
There are people, men and women, who do not care that the object of their desire is married. What happened is not unusual or strange. It is only not permissible by the norm.
There was no crime or wrong done. So forget about sueing the rascal. Your wife went into the affair as an adult, yes she is responsible for her actions.
She realise her mistake. She regretted it. It is over. That is a plus point.
Your pride is hurt. That is the biggest problem now. Other than that what is the problem. Think carefully, what is the problem other than your hurt pride.
You say you are a leader of people, what advice would you give regarding pride?
Forgive your wife, not for her sake but for your peace of mind.
I am sure she would be smart and forgive you too for beating her.
Look at her in the eyes, smile, and hug her. Don't have to say "I love you" like the ang mohs, just be sincere that is enough. There after talk to her and your kids as a happy family, like nothing happened.
Remember you came here asking for advice.
And others have also advised you to forgive.
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Did you find out when she was still pregnant ? If you did you should have push her down the stairs when she is having labour .
save you some bills and stuff :)
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I am sorry to say if you find it out only after she pop the Kid out though. What you can do is get her to confess her unfaithfulness and record it down and go to court citing irreconilable differences and unfaithfulness and divorce her.
You might need to pay alimony , but there are always loopholes in the law to get around it.
If I were you , I will definitely divorce her and I won't even want the Kid to be honest , best to cut off all ties.
Women always complain man being unfaithful, but I can assure you in Singapore the number of unfaithful females are equal to that of their male counterparts.
So just get rid of her and start a new life afresh with someone else. While you are preparing to do that make sure you work hard and become god damn successful in whatever you do.
Its always nice to see bitches who doesn't have any backbone coming back to you begging for scrubs and you slap the door on them.
That look of statisfaction will be priceless
rawr.
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never ending to these replies..
Actually family affairs are difficult to solve because outsiders don't really know the whole situation.
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Originally posted by Hamsterbaby:
Did you find out when she was still pregnant ? If you did you should have push her down the stairs when she is having labour .
save you some bills and stuff :)
.
I am sorry to say if you find it out only after she pop the Kid out though. What you can do is get her to confess her unfaithfulness and record it down and go to court citing irreconilable differences and unfaithfulness and divorce her.
You might need to pay alimony , but there are always loopholes in the law to get around it.
If I were you , I will definitely divorce her and I won't even want the Kid to be honest , best to cut off all ties.
Women always complain man being unfaithful, but I can assure you in Singapore the number of unfaithful females are equal to that of their male counterparts.
So just get rid of her and start a new life afresh with someone else. While you are preparing to do that make sure you work hard and become god damn successful in whatever you do.
Its always nice to see bitches who doesn't have any backbone coming back to you begging for scrubs and you slap the door on them.
That look of statisfaction will be priceless
rawr.
Women are never wrong, she can always find and easily find a man who is willing to make her feel right.Men are always wrong, he doesn't realise that can never find a woman to make him feel right, he will always need to force his woman to make him feel right.
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Originally posted by Doss:
TTFU, The Bear, Arapahoe, Allulu69, MobTwo, Hwaimeng, thanks to all you for your thoughts.
There is no doubt that I must move on and stop hurting my wife especially since my kids can watch and ask me who is at fault. They know dad teach them good values but why then he beat my mom. I explained to them “when mom was in some danger, she did not share it with me and I could not help her from getting cheated. So, dad feels hurt! I teach them to identify and stay away from bad and negative people.”
- I can understand why some of you say that I am a bad guy. I am leader in a certain field. I use to tell others “A man who beats his wife is a devil”. But, today I behave differently when my situation changed.
- Somehow helping people took my attention during those days. I got carried away by awards I received for doing that. I do not know why I started to believe strongly “If I help other people, my family will automatically be taken care by God.” In fact, lot of people appreciated me for taking a lead position to serve them. They were telling me I should be lucky to have a supportive wife.
- No one suggested me to take revenge on this guy. That was my original question to all of you, so I got the answer now. I felt sad when I allow a bad guy to escape and allow him to live peacefully.
- I will focus on my family happiness now. As most of you said it clearly, forget it and move on. I knew it but I needed confidence which you have given me by sharing your thoughts. Thanks again.
1. you are a bad guy for hitting your wife but your wife is even worse, she committed adultery. since you had no where to release your hurt and resentment, you laid your hands on her. wrong move.
2. you are unlucky because you have a UN-supportive wife. actually its nothing to do with luck, you just chose the wrong woman to marry. i bet your wife was never keen on doing volunteer work. nothing wrong with that, but you should have known better to choose such a woman for a wife if you are a Good Samaritan yourself.
3. the one you should be taking revenge on is your wife for cheating on you not the man she was sleeping with. a woman who has integrity will never do that. the best part is, she even had the guts to push the blame onto the guy when she was the one at fault, how clever of her. looks like you got a smart one there.
4. your family happiness is gone forever because you can never love your wife like you used to because she slept with another man. and she can never love you like she used to because she decided to sleep with another man. every night when you sleep beside your wife, you can't help but think of what she did to you. can you love such a person for the rest of your life? you know the answer in your heart. as the days pass, you will only build up more resentment against your wife because any man in his right mind will never be able to tolerate his wife cheating on him. just like how any woman in her right mind would never be able to tolerate her husband for cheating on her. in fact, he will have hell to pay if he did.
you might be a leader in a certain field but you know nothing about women. you are a very naive man living in denial. <--- i'm already being very polite with my choice of words here. i hope God will take good care of you just like how you have given your time and efforts to take care of his children.
i ain't see no happily ever after in this one. if you are serious about not wasting the rest of your life being unhappy with a woman who cheated on you, you have to divorce her and move on. its not an easy decision but too bad, you got yourself into this mess and now its time to pay.
God bless you.
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"because women are never wrong" ...thats why men has to get away from an inhuman...
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Originally posted by SgLoveCop@blogspot:
1. you are a bad guy for hitting your wife but your wife is even worse, she committed adultery. since you had no where to release your hurt and resentment, you laid your hands on her. wrong move.
2. you are unlucky because you have a UN-supportive wife. actually its nothing to do with luck, you just chose the wrong woman to marry. i bet your wife was never keen on doing volunteer work. nothing wrong with that, but you should have known better to choose such a woman for a wife if you are a Good Samaritan yourself.
3. the one you should be taking revenge on is your wife for cheating on you not the man she was sleeping with. a woman who has integrity will never do that. the best part is, she even had the guts to push the blame onto the guy when she was the one at fault, how clever of her. looks like you got a smart one there.
4. your family happiness is gone forever because you can never love your wife like you used to because she slept with another man. and she can never love you like she used to because she decided to sleep with another man. every night when you sleep beside your wife, you can't help but think of what she did to you. can you love such a person for the rest of your life? you know the answer in your heart. as the days pass, you will only build up more resentment against your wife because any man in his right mind will never be able to tolerate his wife cheating on him. just like how any woman in her right mind would never be able to tolerate her husband for cheating on her. in fact, he will have hell to pay if he did.
you might be a leader in a certain field but you know nothing about women. you are a very naive man living in denial. <--- i'm already being very polite with my choice of words here. i hope God will take good care of you just like how you have given your time and efforts to take care of his children.
i ain't see no happily ever after in this one. if you are serious about not wasting the rest of your life being unhappy with a woman who cheated on you, you have to divorce her and move on. its not an easy decision but too bad, you got yourself into this mess and now its time to pay.
God bless you.
Tsk tsk tsk.. don't take your resentments/contempt out on TS dude.
There are many wifes out there who tolerated their husband's infidelity and stayed on in the marriage for the sake of their children ? Why can't a man do the same ?
Are you trying to destroy TS's family because of your own/personal angst against women ?
Do you know why men has a low propensity to keep the family together in times of spousal betrayal as compared to women ?
When a husband cheats on a woman. The woman blames herself first. She lays part of the guilt onto herself. That's where her tolerance comes from.
When a woman cheats on a man. The man blames EVERYTHING on the woman. And will not hesitate to rip the family apart.
And are you BLIND to TS Doss's confessions ?
He BEAT his wife, INFRONT of his kids !!!!
While infidelity is not criminal, physical abuse IS.
His wife can easily report the abuse to the police and use it as grounds for divorce and take away the kids !!
But she didn't.. she's trying to make this broken marriage work again.
You talk like you know women.. but you know NOTHING. So please, get your head outa your ass.
My advise for you is to quietly observe and learn. How old are you 15 ?
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All your fault la. Dun ever beat her or raise your farking voice at her anymore.
1st step: Let all your relative to know and let them advise her. You cannot advise. The more you talk the worse it get.
2nd step: Your most precious chip is your kids. A lady is always a female creature. She will be more bond to the kids. So stick to the kids and let her feel that the kids needs her everyday. Let her have no time.3rd step: You can't take legal action againts him BUT you blow up the matter and force your wife to quit. Go to the office and make noise. You must bring her out of the situation and the enviroment VERY IMPORTANT bro. Den Throw away her hp and make it seem like lost and change her HP number. The guy shouldn't chase her.
4rd step: Try to think. I think cos the guy is someone that can aids her career so she dun dare to go against him. The guy is just a life saving cause when your wife feel sad. He consoles her and let your wife put him into her minds.
5th step: DUn ever called up the guy and scold him. You will only push your wife to him more. Dun ever get into a fight, you are always at the losing end cos you will only push your wife to him.
6th Step: Spend more time with her but not fetch her everyday but occasionally. Reminds her of the time you have been with her. Give her family happiness and not pressure her. She will come to you. REMENBER you are Always at the Upper Hand cos you got CHIPS on your hand.
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Originally posted by Hamsterbaby:
Did you find out when she was still pregnant ? If you did you should have push her down the stairs when she is having labour .
save you some bills and stuff :)
.
I am sorry to say if you find it out only after she pop the Kid out though. What you can do is get her to confess her unfaithfulness and record it down and go to court citing irreconilable differences and unfaithfulness and divorce her.
You might need to pay alimony , but there are always loopholes in the law to get around it.
If I were you , I will definitely divorce her and I won't even want the Kid to be honest , best to cut off all ties.
Women always complain man being unfaithful, but I can assure you in Singapore the number of unfaithful females are equal to that of their male counterparts.
So just get rid of her and start a new life afresh with someone else. While you are preparing to do that make sure you work hard and become god damn successful in whatever you do.
Its always nice to see bitches who doesn't have any backbone coming back to you begging for scrubs and you slap the door on them.
That look of statisfaction will be priceless
rawr.
Your comments are very irresponsible. He wrote here cos he love his wife. He is remourseful. Alimony haha. will not. Adultery is very serious offense. The kids will only follow the other parents. IF they are been taped to hold hands, hug or go hotel. I tell you finish. The judge will only give to the father and not the mother.
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Originally posted by Doss:
TTFU, can't I beat my wife when I find she is unfaithful. Anyway, I have stopped that because I realise it is not going the solve the problem.
The Bear, yes, I agree I am focusing on building the relationship now. But, this guy manipulated and escaped from Singapore. I could not do anything. I was totally confused last year. The good thing is my mind never thought of divorce because deep in my heart I loved her so much (she tells me that I never expressed it to her)
When we can bring the Romanian ambassador under our law, why not in this case? I see it is well planned by him.
Asromanista, my wife said everything started after her delivery though he has been approaching her while she was pregnant. My blood group is unique in the family and my son follows, and also my wife said she is not so stupid to carry another man's baby.
Jojobeach, you write like that because you did not know much about me. When my wife delivered, I got busy with Tsunami helping people for 1-2 years. My wife says that I got so much passion into it that I forgot about her. She says always I talk only about those families who got affected. People are passionate to helping other people, you consider them as "neglecting their own family".
The guy has been watching her closely. When he realised I am not closer to her during those years, he used the opportunity to manipulate her. My wife is not going thru' hell. She says she feels much relieved and peaceful these days. Probably, you would not have come across good people in life.
wah laoz. Whatever happen you shouldn't beat her la. WRONG ALREADY. You better get her sister or relative to cousel her. You better shut up and be a good hubby from now. DUN even mention about the affair. Ai swee zhuo ge swee swee. make her resign and dun mention the affair again. WHY I KNOW cos I BEEN THROUGH
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Tsk tsk tsk.. don't take your resentments/contempt out on TS dude.
There are many wifes out there who tolerated their husband's infidelity and stayed on in the marriage for the sake of their children ? Why can't a man do the same ?
Are you trying to destroy TS's family because of your own/personal angst against women ?
Do you know why men has a low propensity to keep the family together in times of spousal betrayal as compared to women ?
When a husband cheats on a woman. The woman blames herself first. She lays part of the guilt onto herself. That's where her tolerance comes from.
When a woman cheats on a man. The man blames EVERYTHING on the woman. And will not hesitate to rip the family apart.
And are you BLIND to TS Doss's confessions ?
He BEAT his wife, INFRONT of his kids !!!!
While infidelity is not criminal, physical abuse IS.
His wife can easily report the abuse to the police and use it as grounds for divorce and take away the kids !!
But she didn't.. she's trying to make this broken marriage work again.
You talk like you know women.. but you know NOTHING. So please, get your head outa your ass.
My advise for you is to quietly observe and learn. How old are you 15 ?
it might be true that many wives out there tolerated their husband's infidelity for their children's sake but i'm sure they don't sleep on the same bed anymore. A man can do the same, but i seriously doubt he will be happy.
i'm trying to tell him that he doesn't want a liar with no honesty and integrity to raise his kids because the kids will not be brought up with the right values.
any man who has been betrayed by his wife will have low propensity to keep the family together.
when a woman cheats on a man. she blames EVERYTHING on the man, although she might never admit it to others. in this case, she blamed the other man.
his confessions tell me that he has been very well brainwashed by his LOVELY wife. i'm not blind to them.
He is wrong for beating his wife regardless of in front or behind or beside his kids.
His wife should be so shameful of herself and her betrayal that she should divorce him anyway so as not to bring more pain into his life.
She is staying married for the benefit of herself and her kids, not for her husband. She loves herself and her kids, she doesn't love her husband. She is making use of her husband purely for financial reasons. If she got divorced now with her kids, i'm not sure which man would want her.
You talk like you know men and women, but you know NOTHING. So please get your head outa your ass.
my advice for you is to quietly observe and learn. Even if you are 100 years old, it doesn't mean you know anything. Seniority does not equal wisdom.
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Originally posted by SgLoveCop@blogspot:
it might be true that many wives out there tolerated their husband's infidelity for their children's sake but i'm sure they don't sleep on the same bed anymore. A man can do the same, but i seriously doubt he will be happy.
i'm trying to tell him that he doesn't want a liar with no honesty and integrity to raise his kids because the kids will not be brought up with the right values.
any man who has been betrayed by his wife will have low propensity to keep the family together.
when a woman cheats on a man. she blames EVERYTHING on the man, although she might never admit it to others. in this case, she blamed the other man.
his confessions tell me that he has been very well brainwashed by his LOVELY wife. i'm not blind to them.
He is wrong for beating his wife regardless of in front or behind or beside his kids.
His wife should be so shameful of herself and her betrayal that she should divorce him anyway so as not to bring more pain into his life.
She is staying married for the benefit of herself and her kids, not for her husband. She loves herself and her kids, she doesn't love her husband. She is making use of her husband purely for financial reasons. If she got divorced now with her kids, i'm not sure which man would want her.
You talk like you know men and women, but you know NOTHING. So please get your head outa your ass.
my advice for you is to quietly observe and learn. Even if you are 100 years old, it doesn't mean you know anything. Seniority does not equal wisdom.
Mind explaning the bolded ?
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Originally posted by TTFU:
Mind explaning the bolded ?
majority of people (men and women) will never blame themselves for any fault. the easiest way is to push the blame onto others. why? because they don't want to make themselves feel miserable and admit to themselves the fact that they are not as good or holy as they think they are.
its very obvious that she has no integrity because she agreed to sleep with another man. if she wanted to sleep with another man, she should have divorced her husband first then she can sleep with any man she wants. it is her fault for agreeing to sleep with the other man but she told her husband that it is the other man who manipulated her. what a lie. it was not as though the other man pointed a gun at her head and forced her to sleep with him. of course the other man was also in the wrong for getting involved with her but she should not have agreed to sleep with him no matter what. by pushing the blame onto the other man, she make herself like an innocent party and victim but she is also at fault.
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Originally posted by SgLoveCop@blogspot:
majority of people (men and women) will never blame themselves for any fault. the easiest way is to push the blame onto others. why? because they don't want to make themselves feel miserable and admit to themselves the fact that they are not as good or holy as they think they are.
its very obvious that she has no integrity because she agreed to sleep with another man. if she wanted to sleep with another man, she should have divorced her husband first then she can sleep with any man she wants. it is her fault for agreeing to sleep with the other man but she told her husband that it is the other man who manipulated her. what a lie. it was not as though the other man pointed a gun at her head and forced her to sleep with him. of course the other man was also in the wrong for getting involved with her but she should not have agreed to sleep with him no matter what. by pushing the blame onto the other man, she make herself like an innocent party and victim but she is also at fault.
so it's so ok for a husband to ABANDON his wife and newborn child , while he goes become a hero in a foreign land ?
Does two wrongs make a right ? No it doesn't.
The reason why this marriage is on the rocks is because BOTH of them are at fault.
BOTH of them needs to repent and make good this life they had messed up.
If Doss didn't pull the ninja stunt on the wife.. I would agree totally he should not tolerate her infidelity.
If Doss did his part being there when she needed him most.. yet she still goes sleeping with another man.. then yes.. by all means.. she deserved to be thrown away like a piece of trash.
Sadly.. they are BOTH at fault.. you understand or not ? Obviously you don't.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
so it's so ok for a husband to ABANDON his wife and newborn child , while he goes become a hero in a foreign land ?
Does two wrongs make a right ? No it doesn't.
The reason why this marriage is on the rocks is because BOTH of them are at fault.
BOTH of them needs to repent and make good this life they had messed up.
If Doss didn't pull the ninja stunt on the wife.. I would agree totally he should not tolerate her infidelity.
If Doss did his part being there when she needed him most.. yet she still goes sleeping with another man.. then yes.. by all means.. she deserved to be thrown away like a piece of trash.
Sadly.. they are BOTH at fault.. you understand or not ? Obviously you don't.
i said in my first reply first and foremost its his fault for neglecting her. but it doesn't warrant adultery.
both of them need to learn from their mistakes and move on. they can decide to stay in the same marriage but only for the sake of the kids. But there will be no love in this marriage anymore. There will be full of hatred and resentment towards each other. And it will not be washed away with time. It will be forever. Verbally, they might say they can forgive each other. But in their heart, no way!
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Originally posted by SgLoveCop@blogspot:
i said in my first reply first and foremost its his fault for neglecting her. but it doesn't warrant adultery.
both of them need to learn from their mistakes and move on. they can decide to stay in the same marriage but only for the sake of the kids. But there will be no love in this marriage anymore. There will be full of hatred and resentment towards each other. And it will not be washed away with time. It will be forever. Verbally, they might say they can forgive each other. But in their heart, no way!
how you so sure they can never mend the broken hearts ? have you been down this road before ?
sorry to disapoint you , there are many marriage that survived the rocks.
A marriage goes through different phases.. it never reallly stay the same anyway. And I am talking about just another NORMAL marriage.
Why must all marriage be the same from beginning to end ? It won't.
Yes I agree. this marriage will not be the same as before. but it can still survive with a different feel. And being different is NOT broken.
They can earn back trust. Rebuild respect for each other. Re-establish the love for one another.
They will never look at each other the same again.. but why should they ?
As long as they are both willing to work hard at it.. the family will have a chance to survive.
Who are you to tell them to get a divorce ?
If you want to divorce your wife.. go ahead.. nobody will stop you. But it is wrong to tell others to break up the family when they wants to make amends. Shame on you boy.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
how you so sure they can never mend the broken hearts ? have you been down this road before ?
sorry to disapoint you , there are many marriage that survived the rocks.
A marriage goes through different phases.. it never reallly stay the same anyway. And I am talking about just another NORMAL marriage.
Why must all marriage be the same from beginning to end ? It won't.
Yes I agree. this marriage will not be the same as before. but it can still survive with a different feel. And being different is NOT broken.
They can earn back trust. Rebuild respect for each other. Re-establish the love for one another.
They will never look at each other the same again.. but why should they ?
As long as they are both willing to work hard at it.. the family will have a chance to survive.
Who are you to tell them to get a divorce ?
If you want to divorce your wife.. go ahead.. nobody will stop you. But it is wrong to tell others to break up the family when they wants to make amends. Shame on you boy.
they will never sleep on the same bed anymore for the rest of their marriage. they can be good father and good mother but not good lover to each other. they will be like siblings or room mates or friends. if that is what they want, go ahead.
i bet that Hilary Clinton doesn't sleep on the same bed as Bill Clinton. the reason they are still not divorced is not love.
i'm giving my analysis of the situation and opening the TS's eyes. Ultimately, its their choice if they want to continue suffering in a marriage that has already gone wrong. if a woman is no good for a man i tell him to get rid of her. if a man is not good for a woman, she should get rid of him too. he will be much happier without this wife. even if he has to be alone with his kids. or he can remarry a better one and hopefully this time, he does not neglect her.
he wants to make amends but he does not know what's the road ahead. he doesn't know what he is getting into. he thinks that by doing certain things he can salvage the marriage. whatever he or she does, it can only be easier for the kids. but on a romantic level, it cannot be turned around, it will only continue to go downhill and the children will grow up in a sub-optimal environment because they will be a lot of hatred between both of them and the children will have to suffer through all the quarrels and disagreements until they are old enough to move out. the children will also have a bad impression of marriage and their future love life might be adversely affected.
you can never earn back that trust. there will always be a negative seed in the other party's mind. how can you even love the person that betrayed you? unless you are mother teresa. there is nothing to rebuild or re-establish. just because they are willing to do it doesn't mean it can be done. they can try but they will soon find out its impossible.
go ahead and waste their time trying and lead their rest of their life unhappily ever after. go ahead.
the family will have a chance to survive? of course they can survive, as long as there is food on the table anyone can survive. but is that what we are striving for? just mere survival? i want people to be happily married to their loving partners and bring up awesome kids. i don't want people to strive for mere survival!
shame on you girl.
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Originally posted by SgLoveCop@blogspot:
they will never sleep on the same bed anymore for the rest of their marriage. they can be good father and good mother but not good lover to each other. they will be like siblings or room mates or friends. if that is what they want, go ahead.
i bet that Hilary Clinton doesn't sleep on the same bed as Bill Clinton. the reason they are still not divorced is not love.
i'm giving my analysis of the situation and opening the TS's eyes. Ultimately, its their choice if they want to continue suffering in a marriage that has already gone wrong. if a woman is no good for a man i tell him to get rid of her. if a man is not good for a woman, she should get rid of him too. he will be much happier without this wife. even if he has to be alone with his kids. or he can remarry a better one and hopefully this time, he does not neglect her.
he wants to make amends but he does not know what's the road ahead. he doesn't know what he is getting into. he thinks that by doing certain things he can salvage the marriage. whatever he or she does, it can only be easier for the kids. but on a romantic level, it cannot be turned around, it will only continue to go downhill and the children will grow up in a sub-optimal environment because they will be a lot of hatred between both of them and the children will have to suffer through all the quarrels and disagreements until they are old enough to move out. the children will also have a bad impression of marriage and their future love life might be adversely affected.
you can never earn back that trust. there will always be a negative seed in the other party's mind. how can you even love the person that betrayed you? unless you are mother teresa. there is nothing to rebuild or re-establish. just because they are willing to do it doesn't mean it can be done. they can try but they will soon find out its impossible.
go ahead and waste their time trying and lead their rest of their life unhappily ever after. go ahead.
the family will have a chance to survive? of course they can survive, as long as there is food on the table anyone can survive. but is that what we are striving for? just mere survival? i want people to be happily married to their loving partners and bring up awesome kids. i don't want people to strive for mere survival!
shame on you girl.
yah right.. and the sky is falling too.
You talk like doomsday is coming.
Obviously you never seen marriage that made it through adversities. Those that do don't sleep in separate bed. They revert to doing what they used to do on a routine basis. They let go of old grudges and start a new leaf.
Only a negative person like you thinks nothing must be forgiven.. every wrong must be punished and crucified forever.
You think every divorced person is happier ? WRONG.
The only ones who are happier after a divorce, are the ones who suffered from abusive spouse.
Awesome kids ? Define awesome kids.
You mean if the spouse repent from sins.. the kids will still be messed up ?WRONG again. Kids are more forgiving than adults.
FYI : A loving , problem free couple don't necessarily raise awesome kids.
You are very idealistic. (not realistic). your notion of a marriage is one that is something out of a fairy tale. Maybe when you grow up and have a family one day.. you will understand what I mean.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
yah right.. and the sky is falling too.
You talk like doomsday is coming.
Obviously you never seen marriage that made it through adversities. Those that do don't sleep in separate bed. They revert to doing what they used to do on a routine basis. They let go of old grudges and start a new leaf.
Only a negative person like you thinks nothing must be forgiven.. every wrong must be punished and crucified forever.
You think every divorced person is happier ? WRONG.
The only ones who are happier after a divorce, are the ones who suffered from abusive spouse.
Awesome kids ? Define awesome kids.
You mean if the spouse repent from sins.. the kids will still be messed up ?WRONG again. Kids are more forgiving than adults.
FYI : A loving , problem free couple don't necessarily raise awesome kids.
You are very idealistic. (not realistic). your notion of a marriage is one that is something out of a fairy tale. Maybe when you grow up and have a family one day.. you will understand what I mean.
Precisely i'm realistic that's why i know the chances of them making it is close to zero.
Out of one thousand couples who had adultery problems, how many can make it?
One? Two? You are being idealistic.
Even if they sleep on the same bed, doesn't mean they are lovey dovey like they used to. Its not so much about sleeping on the same bed. Its the meaning behind it.
Of course they can still raise their kids properly, but then again what are the chances that their kids will be negatively affected by their constant quarrels. You are using the exceptional cases as the general rule. Not everything that's broken can be fixed.
Its not about the wrong being punished, its about the future which doesn't look bright at all. If i really wanted him to punish the wrong, i wouldn't ask him to divorce her. I would ask him to get a mistress and bring her home and make out in front of her. Since mistakes have already been made, it doesn't mean they have to live with it. They have alternative choices which can lead to a better future. A future of family happiness with a good woman and a good husband.
Kids might be more forgiving but they will never forget what happened to their mum and dad.
Let go of old grudges? you make it sound so simple. If it were so easily done, the number of divorces would not be on the rise. Divorces lawyers would be jobless. There wouldn't even be a need for Aunt Agony forum!
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Originally posted by SgLoveCop@blogspot:
well.. if you want to insist Doss's marriage is done for.. it's your prerogative. I wonder why you hate them so much.. that you curse for him to break up his family.
You see the cup as half empty.. I see it as half full.
Since they are both willing to try.. why not let them try ?
Before the battle starts.. you want them to surrender already.. with that kind of mentality.. ofcors the marriage will fail.
Couples in a happy marriage don't agree on every thing all the time. A happy marriage is one where couples are able to amicably resolve issues and add values to each other's life. The lovey dovey part is merely the result of this shared ability.
Divorce lawyers makes money from people who refused to forgive. there's a lot of prideful people out there. But the lawyers don't guarantee happiness after they get you through the divorce procedures. lawyers are not your family counselors.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
well.. if you want to insist Doss's marriage is done for.. it's your prerogative. I wonder why you hate them so much.. that you curse for him to break up his family.
You see the cup as half empty.. I see it as half full.
Since they are both willing to try.. why not let them try ?
Before the battle starts.. you want them to surrender already.. with that kind of mentality.. ofcors the marriage will fail.
Couples in a happy marriage don't agree on every thing all the time. A happy marriage is one where couples are able to amicably resolve issues and add values to each other's life. The lovey dovey part is merely the result of this shared ability.
Divorce lawyers makes money from people who refused to forgive. there's a lot of prideful people out there. But the lawyers don't guarantee happiness after they get you through the divorce procedures. lawyers are not your family counselors.
No two person can agree on everything, that includes married couples. Amicably resolve issues by committing adultery? They obviously don't have that ability you are talking about.
Divorce lawyers make it offical for you to be able to date other people without being sued for adultery and alimony.
Family counselors can't make couples who hate each other fall in love with each other again. They are total waste of resources.
Go ahead and try. go.
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Originally posted by SgLoveCop@blogspot:
No two person can agree on everythingarried couples. Amicably resolve issues by committing adultery? They obviously don't have that ability you are talking about.
Divorce lawyers make it offical for you to be able to date other people without being sued for adultery and alimony.
Family counselors can't make couples who hate each other fall in love with each other again. They are total waste of resources.
Go ahead and try. go.
aiyoyo.. boy.. you are sooooo negative leh.. why ah ?
so much resentments.. so hateful..... so full of pessimism . Like that.. who dares to marry you ?
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you people sure TS is not making the whole thing up ?
if it's real, what's there to talk about for so long ?
just flip a coin...........heads, i keep the slut............tails, i dump the slut...........
no more headaches liao !