Originally posted by Xiaopenut:LOL gal or aunty... ^^ file a case on him and ask for half of the flat and push hmi to madness!! if hes a jerk than make yourself become a bitch to him.. no offense !!
haha.. maybe divorce with him is better if you have no kids ..dont flame me cause guys..think'' In order to keep our flat for himself, he wants me to wait for 4 years till he turns 35 then only he can transfer the flat to himself.'' thats too over??
i myself used to beat my gf if im angry but as time gets longer shes by my side and i learnt that shes there for me whenever i needed her although shes not pretty but i love her.. lols abit off topic :P
Conclusion.. ask for half of the flat if you really cant stand it..and you have the reason to sell or rent the half of the flat.. and its YOURS not HES!!^^(1/2) ^^
I will not ask for a half share of the flat as I did not pay a single cent for the flat. I am not able to work due to a heart problem so I couldn't help to pay for the flat.......So it's actually right that he should get back the flat for himself.....
Thank you everyone for the kind advice you've posted.
As for hiring a lawyer, I might need a bit of time to earn the money as I'm having some financial difficulty and it's not cheap to hire one........sigh......
At least I've managed to get a job, though the pay is not that good, but I'll just try to save as much as possible for the fees......
Originally posted by Febby:I will not ask for a half share of the flat as I did not pay a single cent for the flat. I am not able to work due to a heart problem so I couldn't help to pay for the flat.......So it's actually right that he should get back the flat for himself.....
Girl, I can tell you have very low self esteem.
Just because you are not as healthy or strong like other people, doesn't mean you should allow yourself to be short changed.
The flat is a marital asset. It doesn't matter who pays for it.
The fact is both of you lived in it as husband and wife.
You have the right to part of it too.
Think of it this way.. you need the money to survive after he throws you out onto the street. At least until you get back on your two feet again.
Life may not always be fair to you..but you must be fair to yourself and learn to negotiate a fair deal.
Perhaps you can try seeking Legal Aid Bureau's help.
Be strong . Going into self pity mode won't change anything anyway... so chin up and do what you need to do.
Originally posted by jojobeach:Girl, I can tell you have very low self esteem.
Just because you are not as healthy or strong like other people, doesn't mean you should allow yourself to be short changed.
The flat is a marital asset. It doesn't matter who pays for it.
The fact is both of you lived in it as husband and wife.
You have the right to part of it too.
Think of it this way.. you need the money to survive after he throws you out onto the street. At least until you get back on your two feet again.
Life may not always be fair to you..but you must be fair to yourself and learn to negotiate a fair deal.
Perhaps you can try seeking Legal Aid Bureau's help.
Be strong . Going into self pity mode won't change anything anyway... so chin up and do what you need to do.
Hey jojobeach, i do admit I have a low self-esteem.......i've been trying to change but becos i dun have much frens so it's like I'm always alone........
Originally posted by Febby:Hey jojobeach, i do admit I have a low self-esteem.......i've been trying to change but becos i dun have much frens so it's like I'm always alone........
You are not alone.
Please call the aware helpline and talk to a counselor.
There are too many women out there who were used, abused and thrown away like a used piece of tissue.
There are many whom seek help and learned to survive with dignity again.
You can get through this, and be a stronger soul.
Then go and help out other women who are as lost as you before.
Everything in life is a personal choice. Your choice to get help, and your choice to help others.
TS,
Low self-esteem is not cos u are not good enough but cos of comparison, cos of living with self-limiting beliefs and of course, the deep conditioning for eg, what is a good spouse, what is love , what is success one always feels 'small''
These is what makes one feel 'lousy' lah. Eliminate comparison, eliminate the limiting beliefs and understand the conditioning - that would suffice.
Originally posted by Fugazzi:TS,
Low self-esteem is not cos u are not good enough but cos of comparison, cos of living with self-limiting beliefs and of course, the deep conditioning for eg, what is a good spouse, what is love , what is success one always feels 'small''
These is what makes one feel 'lousy' lah. Eliminate comparison, eliminate the limiting beliefs and understand the conditioning - that would suffice.
I agree with you, but it's easier said than done........ in the past I used to think that I'm the most ugliest gal in this world. Now I've gained some improvement as I slowly train myself to have more positive thots......Still it's a long way to go before I can really gain back my self esteem....
Originally posted by Febby:I agree with you, but it's easier said than done........ in the past I used to think that I'm the most ugliest gal in this world. Now I've gained some improvement as I slowly train myself to have more positive thots......Still it's a long way to go before I can really gain back my self esteem....
You have never lost your self esteem.
It is what you think of yourself.
Everytime you want to act your self comes in the way, and you feel you can't do it, and you want the least challenging way out.
Focus on the task, and then do what you must. How you do it do not have to the the greatest, or best way, but just do it your way. Just do it.
Check yourself everytime you hesitate, and tell yourself you must do it. Until it becomes a habit.
This is how you train yourself to be assertive. Start by going back to the shop and getting that exchance, or rejecting that cold coffee.
Originally posted by Febby:I did not see signs of him having emotional problems cause I got married to him only after a yr........guess it's too fast........sigh.....
tell me your story, I want to be kapo.
Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Your husband sounds like my wife, except the break walls part, since she's not strong enough.
no wonder you are frustrated guy.
Originally posted by mancha:You have never lost your self esteem.
It is what you think of yourself.
Everytime you want to act your self comes in the way, and you feel you can't do it, and you want the least challenging way out.
Focus on the task, and then do what you must. How you do it do not have to the the greatest, or best way, but just do it your way. Just do it.
Check yourself everytime you hesitate, and tell yourself you must do it. Until it becomes a habit.
This is how you train yourself to be assertive. Start by going back to the shop and getting that exchance, or rejecting that cold coffee.
Wow, what you are asking me to do is very much different from who I am. Assertive is the opposite of me, rejecting the cold coffee might make me feel like demanding......wouldn't it?
nope
Originally posted by Febby:Wow, what you are asking me to do is very much different from who I am. Assertive is the opposite of me, rejecting the cold coffee might make me feel like demanding......wouldn't it?
OK. So you don't want to be more assertive. And you don't want to stand up for yourself.
I see. You just want to be rescued , yes ?
You just want to rely on the "righteousness" of the people around you, to not take advantage of you.. yes ?
Girl, let me ask you something... how are you going to teach your children to protect themselves and earn their place in this world when you are so... weak, naive and dependent on other people's handout ?
The fact is.. we don't live in a fairy tale... we live in the real world.
The question is.. are you unable to.. or are you simply unwilling to ?
tell me more Febby, don't be shy. Maybe it will relieve the stress.
Originally posted by Arapahoe:U consumed the married yet? That is to say "Have sex already" ?
TS is referring to 'annulment' - that means although married, there is no consumation (sexual relations) yet.
Once a marriage has been consumated, annulment is no longer available under the law. Divorce will then be the only option after which both parties will not revert to 'singlehood' but be known as 'divorcees.
However, annulment allows both parties to revert to single status as if the marriage had not taken place at all.
Originally posted by Vote PAP OUT to Save SG:tell me more Febby, don't be shy. Maybe it will relieve the stress.
Had sent you a pm....
Originally posted by jojobeach:OK. So you don't want to be more assertive. And you don't want to stand up for yourself.
I see. You just want to be rescued , yes ?
You just want to rely on the "righteousness" of the people around you, to not take advantage of you.. yes ?
Girl, let me ask you something... how are you going to teach your children to protect themselves and earn their place in this world when you are so... weak, naive and dependent on other people's handout ?
The fact is.. we don't live in a fairy tale... we live in the real world.
The question is.. are you unable to.. or are you simply unwilling to ?
If u r referring to rejectin that cold coffee, I feel that ppl are like us who come out to work for a living. Why make things difficult for them just for a cup of coffee?
I prefer to think more for others than myself, that is why I am always compromising. Being assertive or not depends on the situation itself too....
Originally posted by Fenixx:TS is referring to 'annulment' - that means although married, there is no consumation (sexual relations) yet.
Once a marriage has been consumated, annulment is no longer available under the law. Divorce will then be the only option after which both parties will not revert to 'singlehood' but be known as 'divorcees.
However, annulment allows both parties to revert to single status as if the marriage had not taken place at all.
So it's true that I have to wait for 4 years in order to be divorced from him.......