No Intimate Marriage
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Hi Aunt,
Hoping to find some answers here.
I am just go tmarried since Jan this year with my steady gf of 3 years. Never did we have any intimate relationship when we were bf n gf relationship due to her religion and of course respecting her as well.
Well after we got married we did tried to be intimate a few times but everytime we failed to proceed to penetrative intimacy. Seems like she complained pain and push me away and we both lost the mood of doing it after a few failed attempts.
It has been like 8-9mths now without any form of penetrative intimacy. At first i thought i was unskillful, unromantic or not enough foreplay to set the right mood but I had 3 ex-gfs before her and I had sex with them before so do speak I do have some little experience.
Nevertheless I scout around for tips and advices from friends and Bros in the forum. So I brought her to a resort beach hotel in bintan for 3D2N stay. Had a romantic dinner , spa , champange and whatever to make the mood right.
Proceeded to do about 30mins of oil massage for her and about 30mins of foreplay (not sure it is long for some) and then she pushed me away when I wanted to penetrate. After that she apologises and I lost all my mood. I tried talking to her about this and she keep saying scare of pain. I encourage her to see a doctor but she makes a big fuss that she is perfectly alright and we quarrel over this a few times.
Though I acted strong and said nevermind but deep down inside I do not know how long more can I take it.
Any ideas what can I do next ?
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Foreplay is very important ....
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Start slow 1st la
Ask her to BJ you 1st.
Then finger her, get her ready.
Then insert and let ur dickhead say hello.
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TS,
Intuitively it feels so that it is her emotional state (fear of ????) and of course, no one is privy to what is transpiring each moment in that puny skull of hers lah. Also, though u did not mention the religion that she is practising or .... do understand that most of ORGANISED religion is suppression. The latter destroys and inhibits cos it is chipping away at the essence of one's BEING.
Nothing heals like love - not that of body but of acceptance and dollops of patience lah - presupposing u have it within U.
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It's her hymen lah.
If she is one of them having a hymen imperforatus or rigid hymen, then only a doctor can help with Hymenotomy.
Dude, take a visual visit down there the next time OK ?
And for goodness sake, don't take this "un-penetration" so personally.
She loves you enough to marry you. So don't slight her feelings for you just yet.
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sadddddddddddddddddd case
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use lubricants!
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maybe 石女 (structural issues of the hymen)....if she refuses to see doctor...u can seek family counselling .... in serious cases as it affects marital harmony (and possible divorce)...a court order may be required to seek doctor examination....such reasons could be acceptable....
but first, keep trying to talk to her...seek her family members and yours as witnesses...
this is the only way to save a marriage
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Originally posted by gunner77:
Start slow 1st la
Ask her to BJ you 1st.
Then finger her, get her ready.
Then insert and let ur dickhead say hello.
gunnie is expert, hahahha. -
have u tried using lubricants? i guess her * is too dry tts why. . .
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Originally posted by LonelyApple:
have u tried using lubricants? i guess her * is too dry tts why. . .
use sand paper better
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?
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I guess its mentally. Perhaps you can fish for some info. Try what gunner said see how. Try putting your fingers in first see she got reject or not. This sort of thing must be patient. Theres one similar thread also one or two months ago
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Please be patient......
Like the way you are confused, sad, frustrated, this is also similarly a vexing problem for her....
It is due to her psychological and physiological factors......
So please be more patient.....
Dont mention about doctor for the time being.....
Because when you say "doctor / therapist"..........this is something not good......because it makes the other party becomes defensive...
So try to make some improvements without making more emotional problems or relationship problems...
How to do it...
I am not sure....
Maybe you can try searching the net.
Be more patient....
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get a Hello Kitty......
Special Function - It Vibrates !!
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Guys in this forums are sickos.
If she is expriencing pain from attempted penetration, she will not be in any MOOD to have penetrative sex, with or without lubricants or vibrator.
The act of forced penetration becomes mechanical, she will hate you for being so fucking selfish!!
Does it matter who breaks the hymen if a doctor surgically assisting it ? Get a female doctor if you are so blardy possesive about being the first man to breaking the hymen.
It's just a piece of skin you bunch of morons.
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Originally posted by JLimV:
Hi Aunt,
Hoping to find some answers here.
I am just go tmarried since Jan this year with my steady gf of 3 years. Never did we have any intimate relationship when we were bf n gf relationship due to her religion and of course respecting her as well.
Well after we got married we did tried to be intimate a few times but everytime we failed to proceed to penetrative intimacy. Seems like she complained pain and push me away and we both lost the mood of doing it after a few failed attempts.
It has been like 8-9mths now without any form of penetrative intimacy. At first i thought i was unskillful, unromantic or not enough foreplay to set the right mood but I had 3 ex-gfs before her and I had sex with them before so do speak I do have some little experience.
Nevertheless I scout around for tips and advices from friends and Bros in the forum. So I brought her to a resort beach hotel in bintan for 3D2N stay. Had a romantic dinner , spa , champange and whatever to make the mood right.
Proceeded to do about 30mins of oil massage for her and about 30mins of foreplay (not sure it is long for some) and then she pushed me away when I wanted to penetrate. After that she apologises and I lost all my mood. I tried talking to her about this and she keep saying scare of pain. I encourage her to see a doctor but she makes a big fuss that she is perfectly alright and we quarrel over this a few times.
Though I acted strong and said nevermind but deep down inside I do not know how long more can I take it.
Any ideas what can I do next ?
Wow even i also can't be that patient. Not to mention you already had 3 gf before her and had sex with them before. You are considered to be very sweet to her already imo. You tried so many times and every time she say pain la all that means she is selfish la. I mean you want have sex with your wife is normal la. People not married also did it with gf already. If 10 times you want sex and 10 times she reject. You tell me who more selfish. Don't care whatever religion or what la. I mean it her duty right. Just like it your duty to provide for her what. Don't tell me what women's right or women are equal all that and women can support themselves. Deep down this is the norm lor, which husband don't have sex with their wife. You really sound like a genuinely sincere guy if you can start the post with Hi Aunt. Don't be so silly la. For girls sex is like a rollercoaster. They haven't sit yet they like damn scared, but once they on it they scream all the way then they go... again, again like teletubbies.. Don't be so soft. You can call me sick or what la but some time you gotta act like a man and just take charge. Give in to a girl's bullshit all the time for what. Call me ego, call me MCP, whatever. It just sex, what the big deal? Is it so frickin hard to have sex? Pardon the lousy pun..
Girls will always side with girls de la. They will say why you guys so insensitive, why you all cannot understand it painful la blah blah.. scared la blah blah blah.. I mean fuck it la. If i need love i buy a dog, if i need someone do housework i get a maid, if i need to have sex.. well you get the idea? So just fuck her and get over it. Get her drunk or what la then do it then the next time she won't so painful anymore. You will probably tell me her religion don't allow her to drink. And i will tell you there are a few million other girls out there and you just got screwed into this non intimate marriage as you called it. This is the reason why guys stray. When people don't get something they need or want from their relationship, they find it elsewhere. Don't say Geylang cuz it disgusting. Sorry dude, i kinda pity you that why i bothered to say so much. You both are not sexually compatible and that part of your relationship will drag down the rest of your love and sour. She not sexually compatible with anyone. You think about it la, if you knew she will be like this after you marry her. Will you still be as enthusiastic to marry her? Would you still say yes? You ask yourself honestly and think have you made a wrong decision. You did so much le. What else can you do? Be patient? Use lubricant? See doctor? Kindly try them all first. Last tactic, if just nice you want a baby now, then you say you want a baby to her la, if she still say pain la all that crap then you say like that how to have baby? Then she lan lan have to lor. If all else fail don't fight a losing battle. Just dump her la and when people ask you why. Say she can't have sex and won't have a baby. All things covered. Now i'm the bad guy. Nvm la used to it. lol -
.....how she goin to give birth to kids????think she would die or something.best doctor tell u what a rigid thing is.sounds likesomething very abnormal.....from another planet....does she come with batteries ???go check if theres anything else alien from her like a zip or unnatural cut marks or some skin thats sort of grey in colour.
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we can nvr get enough of sex even after many yrs of marriage
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Hi TS,
Maybe try go for a overseas holiday, let the mind relax and you both must be in happy happy before you have any intimacy.
Or, both go for consultant. That might help both of you.
Cheers and good luck.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Guys in this forums are sickos.
If she is expriencing pain from attempted penetration, she will not be in any MOOD to have penetrative sex, with or without lubricants or vibrator.
The act of forced penetration becomes mechanical, she will hate you for being so fucking selfish!!
Does it matter who breaks the hymen if a doctor surgically assisting it ? Get a female doctor if you are so blardy possesive about being the first man to breaking the hymen.
It's just a piece of skin you bunch of morons.
He did ask her to visit a doctor, but she wasn't willing to.
"I encourage her to see a doctor but she makes a big fuss that she is perfectly alright and we quarrel over this a few times."
This is more of a communication breakdown than anything else. If they're unable to discuss and resolve this issue among themselves, they need to engage a counsellor.
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Originally posted by LatecomerX:
He did ask her to visit a doctor, but she wasn't willing to.
"I encourage her to see a doctor but she makes a big fuss that she is perfectly alright and we quarrel over this a few times."
This is more of a communication breakdown than anything else. If they're unable to discuss and resolve this issue among themselves, they need to engage a counsellor.
It depends on how this topic was broached by him lah. Did he ask her to go see a doctor during a heated quarrel ?
It's a very sensitive issue for a woman you see. Especially when this issue is brought up by her own husband ok.
She is a virgin, in her own heart, she must feel so shitty thinking her body is "defective". That will destroy every single ounces of self esteem in her and make her feel ultra "unattractive".
A woman who feels unattractive will not want to get intimate with her man.
The fear of being defective and her ignorance about her own anatomy makes it difficult lah...
If she can talk to another experienced woman who knows whats going on, and confide in her, the problem may be easier to solve.
Perhaps her gynae or another female doctor.
Hymenotomy is a minor surgical procedure that can easily correct this minor issue.
So there's no need to ask this couple to split over a piece of excess skin.
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There are lots of KK short talk about pregancies and babies etc....Maybe you can encourage her to attend with you and talk to the doctors and nurses about your problems.
Check it with in the web about those talks.
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Jojobeach is right see a .... doctor.
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Seeing a doctor is not really going to help and if it foisted on her - it won't get better but worse. It is so very apparent that it is psychological in nature and that cannot be treated excepting understanding, acknowledging and transcending it.
Till she is willing to deal and reconcile to that emotional aspect nothing doing excepting a physiological quick fix!